My Thoughts Exactly. . .

So I'm sort of stealing the title from Chelsea Lately. . . but. . .

I read this and I thought. . . wait one second. . . wait. . .

We all know how I slightly despise The Hills. And how I just don't understand how people on this show become famous. But after reading this I almost fainted and vowed right then and there that I will quit reading Gossip columns and whatnot. I know. I know.

You see, Lauren Conrad "wrote" a book. And I was reading somewhere that it's exactly like her show The Hills.

Here is a review of the book L.A. Candy:

Now, though, what Conrad really wants to do is write: L.A. Candy, her first novel, is also the first fruit of a three-book deal. In it, 19-year-old California girl ''Jane Roberts'' becomes famous for living her life on a reality TV show called...L.A. Candy. She works as an intern in L.A. She has boy troubles, a falling-out with a girlfriend, and a sweet, stunned affect. So far, ''Jane'' hasn't gotten a three-book deal. But then, there are still two books to go.

And another from Amazon:

Obvious excerpts of her life and deliciously entertaining. I read through this book within 24 hrs, true Hills fans will adore it. The ending...leaves possibilities for a continuance just like the shows. LC great job for your first book, i loved it and hope to read more of such lives of your characters. Great and entertaining book.

As for whether the book is based on Lauren’s own life, well, a peek at the copyright page reveals it is filed under ’self-perception: fiction’. So basically if I'm reading everything correctly, it's basically a book about her life which was basically played out on The Hills.

So what I am understanding is that they are making a movie based about this book which is based about The Hills. Why are movie people putting money into this?? Don't they know that most TV shows don't do well on the Big Screen?? Guess which movie I won't be going to see??

Also, I am slightly shameful as in that I watched 5 minutes of The Hills last night just to see. I used to watch it every now and then when they had those marathons on the weekend. And well. . . I never can get those 5 minutes back.

I need your help. . .

Okay. . . so some strange things are a happening with me lately.

And I don't know how to explain them.

I think I've talked about my sixth sense before on this blog. . . and I hate it.

Lately, especially lately, I can't sleep. I miss Josie soo much. I hate that I have a date and I can't call/text/email her. I hate that something will happen and it reminds me of her and I can't call her. I hate that she was supposed to come and visit me in September, and she couldn't anymore. I hate that. So last weekend, luckily I had plans to go home for my friend/old roommate Sarah's shower and spend time with my family. I needed that time. I was slowly sinking.

My sister was busy working on her Master's homework, so I went and hung out with her for a couple of hours and we started talking. And I told her how I had these goosebumps all the time lately. And I couldn't explain it. At Stacey's wedding, goosebumps when we were dancing. The wedding Josie was supposed to be at. Goosebumps randomly sitting watching TV. Goosebumps at work. Goosebumps driving. Goosebumps the day she died. MAJOR Goosebumps. And then my sister tells me how 3 days before Josie died she had a dream that we were all out to eat and while Josie was there, we were all talking about her like she had died. She was a ghost in her dream. She never told me because she didn't want to be right.

Flashback 9 years. When our close family friend Matt died, the 2 mornings I was home from college after it, the door bell rang and the fax machine went off at the same time at around 7am each morning. It was 2 days later we discovered that the fax machine wasn't plugged in. Only the phone jack was plugged in. The fax machine shouldn't have turned on. Then for 4 months after Matt died, in the middle of the night, my sister's bedroom door would open. And one night, she saw a dark figure come down the hallway after her door had opened. She thought it was my Dad, so she got up and went into my Mom and Dad's room only to discover my Dad laying in bed snoring. She sprinted back to her bed and covered her head and said "Matt, I'm okay." And her door never opened in the middle of the night again.

So. . . if these goosebumps I'm feeling are Josie, I keep wondering if there's a way that I can talk to her. If there's some way. I don't know a lot about spirits. I know they exist. I'm just wondering how I can talk to it, if it's her.

I hope this doesn't become me. . .

So I read FMYLIFE on like a regular basis. Pretty much when I feel down about life, which apparently is like every day. Well I came across this gem and I cried a little inside.

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML.

FML indeed. And then I fear this will be me. What if this happens to me?? I thought it might happen to me when the love of my life got married (as did my friends who were afraid I would stand up and say "I object!!" is that the right word? Object?? It doesn't seem right, but you all know what I mean, but then I realized that while I loved him, I couldn't see myself standing up there with him. Which is good. And while I do still get giddy when he calls me and when I get to see him, it's a different kind of giddy. Anywho. . . let's hope this doesn't happen to me!!

I think I just vomited in my mouth a little. . .

I realize I read the gossip columns and skim through the gossip magazines, but after I read this I'm pretty sure I vomited in my mouth a little. And gagged.

Long story short, MacKenzie Phillips said she had a consensual incestuous relationship for 10 years with her father.

I feel bad for her. I read cases all the time about children who are molested by a parent, grandparent, uncle, sibling, cousin, etc. . . and they are effed up to put it mildly. It's something that's not really supposed to happen naturally. Do most of those kids turn to drugs to forget about it and block the pain?? Yes.

Heck, once I started kissing boys, I quit kissing my Dad on the lips!

But I digress. . . I don't get it. I realize that she was apparently blacked out when it first happened and then woke up during it. But wouldn't something tell you, "ummm... my dad is having sex with me I need to roll over?!?" I don't know.

I come from a very huggy and loving family, but I don't think I ever found my Dad even REMOTELY attractive. Or ever been remotely attracted to my Dad. My friends' Dads yes, heck some of my Dad's Friends, but my Dad. . .NO. And I know many guys that have Hot Moms that are really repulsed by the fact their friends find their Mom hot.

So was it the drugs that made her feel this was an okay thing for TEN YEARS?? I don't know. I just don't get it. I do know that up until about a year ago my nephew (when he was 3) said that he was going to marry his mom (my sister) and live happily ever after. And he also said that he would marry his Aunt A. Will I take my nephew up on this in 20 years when I'm desperate?? Probably not.

Sorry I brought this up. I just couldn't help it. I needed to write it out because it disturbed me soo much. I am disturbed. Perhaps she should have been seeing a psychiatrist for the last 35 years instead of doing the drugs. . .

And for H. . . I do realize that I have inappropriate dreams with both Morgan Freeman and Craig T Nelson circa Coach in the last 2 years, but they are not my Dad. . . just old enough to be. . . :)

When it Rains. . .It pours. . .Men?!?

For starters, Amanda, I'm sorry you're finding out this way. But I will be sure to tell you first after it's over, before I put anything on my blog about it. :)

I have a date Sunday. A date. It's been a long time since I had a date. And no, I don't count anytime I have with Dean as a date even if he pays for my meal or buys my drinks. We're friends. That's just what some guy friends do. Even if H disagrees. . .

Anyway, I haven't had a date since the bad Internet date debacle. But I was set up by an acquaintance, and I've talked to him on the phone and through email and he sounds really cool.

For starters, he has a cute sounding phone voice. (And I've seen his picture, so I know he's cute too!) This is a pre-requisite for me, mainly because if your voice annoys me on the phone, there's no way that I'll be able to date you because I enjoy talking on the phone on my long drives.

Secondly, he asked if I wanted to go miniature golfing for our date. I'm not sure if you remember, but I told Jeremy he should take his date miniature golfing because it's something fun and what I would want to do on a date.

Thirdly, he asked if we wanted to meet or he would come get me, which ever was more convenient for me. He wasn't sure if it would be weird, since we're practically strangers for him to come meet me at my house. Adorable!!

I don't have a fourth reason of why it's starting out well.

Anyway, Sarah, Em, and I went to a Tyrone Wells concert on Tuesday and they ran into one of their high school friends who they haven't seen in like 10 years. He's cute. I mean REAL cute. And he sang along to Tyrone with us. Oh did I mention he's single?? And they're trying to set me up with him? Oooh and the kicker?? He just moved to town and just so happens to live with one of the guys I play softball with! Yes. And he's trying to set us up too. Kelso asked in his email if the other girls were single and I replied back that I WAS SINGLE and he was just surprised. He didn't realize I was single still. . .I know I am a catch, but no man has actually tried to catch me recently. Or within the last year or so. . . so. . . thanks. . . I think. . .

So then last night while at Kickball, Sarah tells me "Soo. . . remember Tues night we were talking about when it rains, it pours??" And I say "Yeah..." And she says "Well remember that one guy I thought you would be good with but he had just gotten out of a relationship and said he'd let me know when he's ready? Well, he's ready. He just told me to try and set it up!!"

See. . . back a few years ago when I was younger and thinner (Okay it was like 2 years ago almost now) I had 3 guys calling me and I was spending a lot of time with 3 different guys. I basically kind of liked one and really liked the other. The other being Dean. Well, there was an instance when out with the other 2 guys that one of my guy friends brought up Dean, and the other 2 said "Wait, you're dating someone????" Which well, I didn't really think that I was dating any of them. But apparently we were doing "date-like" things, so I guess I was inadvertently dating all 3.

So basically, my life could be raining men. . . but right now I'm just concentrating on Sunday. That's the only date set in stone. I just hope my competitive side doesn't come out in miniature golf!!!

Things I know that I wish I didn't. . .

I'm not sure, but I will probably watch at least the 1st episode of the New Melrose Place, just to see what it's like. Because for awhile, I couldn't go a week without watching it. I quit watching it, but once Rob Estes, came back to it, I started to watch it again.

So today, to avoid work, I see that MSN has the whole "Where are they now?" for the original Melrose Place cast. . .and I spotted an error. Yep. I watched the show enough, that I spotted an error. I hope by the time you see it, it's been changed.

They actually have a picture of Vanessa Williams singer and actress from Horrible movies with Arnold and Ugly Betty fame (I do love her in Ugly Betty). Not the Vanessa Williams that was actually on the original Melrose Place.

I, someone, who doesn't get paid to do these little articles found this out. ME. I sent a Feedback comment to the page.

When Will I Learn?!?

So last night after our awesome 12-2 victory in our first Kickball game. . . and yes, we 10-run ruled them in the 5th. . . we went out for some beverages at one of my favorite dive bars. Which by the way, is the same bar where I gave the 45-year-old bartender my number to prove my point that Dean and I weren't dating nor hooking up. But guess who never called?!? Okay, so I wasn't too upset that he never called, but still. . .it's the principle of the matter! Oh and said bartender was working. . . anyway. . .

My friend who I will call Moon and I were talking about his girlfriend and how when they broke up back in January, they never changed their Facebook status and if you don't change your Facebook status it means it's not really "official" you know?!? Sorry this is an inside joke with a bunch of my friends and I, but in reality, it does seem to hold true. . . So then he just lets out this big sigh in the midst of talking about her. And I'm like "what's the big sigh for??" So he starts telling me all these things. All these negative things. And he says how they've been together for 2 1/2 years and how it's like do or die now time.

I then tell him that it's not really do or die time if you can see yourself marrying her and being with her forever. To which he responds that he doesn't know and isn't sure. I then start going on about how when you're in college or high school and you've been dating someone for 2 1/2 years or 6 years and it continues into your adult world, it might take longer than 2 1/2 years into your adult world* to determine if that person is the one or the person you've just grown comfortable with them.

In the adult world, it's different. You should know in 2 years now. It shouldn't take that long to realize this is "the one." So I go into the stories of my friends who dated the same person since high school and got married years after college. Or the ones that started dating their junior year of college and now just got married. And with all of them it took them the year or two into their adult lives to realize that who they were with were "the one." And then I told him of my 2 high school friends who dated all through high school and all through college only to break up their first year out of college. Dustin ended up meeting his wife Kristin later that year and married her with in 3 years of meeting her. Because he realized right away she was the person he couldn't live without. I told Moon that you just know. When you start to be a grown up, I fully believe you just know.

So he contemplates this and says "Oh so I should break up with her then??" And I say, "Wait. . .NO, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you need to think about all these things before you make any decisions." Which I would like to believe he's been thinking about these things for awhile now. Then Moon says "Yeah, thanks for telling me I should just break up with her. I think that's what I'm going to do." And then Dean says "Way to tell him to break up with his girlfriend!!" I hate myself now.

The problem with this: I like Moon's girlfriend. I really like her. She's really nice and sweet. But with all the things he was telling me with regards to their relationship, maybe it isn't good for them to be together. And as a girl, if I could have a relationship for over 2 years, I would like to think that this was the person I would be thinking about spending my life with. Granted, I don't go into first dates thinking this. . .but after a few dates, the thought crosses my mind if this is someone that's going to annoy me years down the road. Maybe this is why my longest relationship has been 6 months and I have a problem with commitment and lean towards awkward friendships. . .but that my friends is a different post.

*Adult World to me is when you start to make your own money and don't have to rely on your parents anymore or not as much for money to live on. . .

Random Thought for the Day

Why do I keep getting Male Enhancement spam to my email junk folder?

I am a girl. That doesn't have any plans to switch genders. . . .

And why do I keep getting spam about increasing my sexual experience??

Does my computer know something I don't?!?!?!?

My thoughts on celebrities this week. . .

First off, I want to say that I am saddened by DJ AM's death. I didn't know this until Monday morning which shows how I didn't watch nor read anything this past weekend while home for the services. DJ AM has come here a few times and DJ'd. I'm also sad that he died from an apparent drug overdose. I think that's what saddens me the most especially since he had just done a show about kids doing drugs. It's sad. But I know Josie is up there dancing with the beats he's throwing down.

Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to say anything about him anymore, but Wonderwall on MSN keeps sucking Speidi into my eye space, and I can't seem to look away from reading about them. Reasons I know you're a douche in real life and aren't just faking it: You want to change your name to King Spencer Pratt, you said you would divorce Heidi if she got pregnant and didn't give it up for adoption, and you got mad at Al Roker, to just to name a few. Here's your sign and it says that not only are you stupid, but you're a douche.

Chris Brown temporarily forgot what he did to Rihanna?? Well I guess I have heard of people blacking out in complete fits of rage but still. Yikes.

I was also saddened to hear that John Krasinski (Jim Halpert, the Office) is getting married to Emily Blunt. I like Emily Blunt, but first she was with Michael Buble and now John!! This makes me sad. Maybe I need to move to LA or something to meet these guys. . .

Also David Boreanaz had another baby with his wife. I'm happy for this. And can't wait for Bones to start up again. I love that show!!!

Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have apparently made their relationship go public. That's nice. . . Does anyone else find it weird that their relationship was made public before their Lifetime Movie and then now they've "come out" before CSI:Miami starts, which is the show that he is going to be on now?!? Anyone?!?

I think that's all I have.

Smile

There's that song that says:

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
Though there are clouds in the sky, you get by... If you smile through your fears and sorrows. Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through.
If you just light up your face with gladness, Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever, ever so near.
That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find life is worthwhile
If you'll just smile, come on and smile.

That's what I'm trying to do everyday. I did that a lot this weekend. I would laugh and then cry and then smile just thinking about her. It was good to see some old college friends and friends from high school. It was nice that all of us college girls got to hang out again. It just massively sucks that the reason we all got together was because Josie died. And we all talked about how sick she had gotten the last couple of months. And we all knew it wasn't good. But none of us ever thought she wouldn't beat cancer. She had beaten breast cancer once already. We really thought she could do anything. That's why all of us were soo surprised. She woke up on Saturday (I originally thought it was Friday) and she said that she couldn't fight anymore. She was ready. And two hours later she died in the arms of her husband and her Dad.

I guess sometimes you never realize the impact your friends have on you until they're gone. I am just lucky to have known her. Blessed to be able to call her a friend. I do promise that most of my posts following this will be happier. I thought I'd let you see this about her if you'd like. Or read about her here.