Rants

I realize that I have been less than positive in my blog. . . but I am irritated with the media and I need to vent. . . specifically I am irritated with Chris Brown.

Chris Brown states he is done apologizing for the incident with Rihanna because he's "in a positive place and a grown up man. And at the end of the day, if he walks around apologizing to everybody, he's going to look like a damn fool."

I was always taught that real men admit their mistakes and own up to them. I don't know about you, but whenever he opens his mouth, it makes ME want to punch him. I understand why so many people were upset that he played at the Grammy's twice. I don't watch the Grammy's as I really can't seem to get into awards shows, but if I did. . . I'm not sure I would watch his performance. He didn't just hit Rihanna once. . . he beat the living shit out of her. If he wasn't a celebrity, he would have had to be in jail. I know because I read court orders every day where someone beat the crap out of someone and had to be in jail for a bit. Ordinary people with no priors.

I think Chris Brown comes out with good music now and then. But will I buy his albums anymore?? No. Why?? He shows no remorse for what he did. I can forgive people who show remorse for their actions. I watch enough Lifetime movies to know that usually, the big beat up was not the first time. It starts with little things. Have you seen the movie with Candace Cameron and Fred Savage??

I've had girlfriends in emotionally abusive relationships and one girlfriend that I couldn't actually prove he hit her but often wondered. They both seemed to bring out the worst in each other. I remember sort of dating a guy who was somewhat verbally abusive to me when he drank (overall he was a huge jerk anyway) but my Dad called and overheard him, and he was not too happy on the other end. But I know, that if any guy ever hit me, and my father knew that, that man would never been seen again. I remember our family friend who is my sister's age telling my Dad some guy had hit her, and my Dad said he would go beat him up.

I'm just saying the Chris Brown is acting like such an arrogant prick that I do not feel sorry for him that people still bring up what happened. Own up to it. A YOU TUBE apology does not cut it. When he accepted his Grammy, he should have said "Thank you for letting me be apart of this day and forgiving me for my past discretions. I am internally grateful and have learned from my past mistakes, and I strive to be a better person." I'm pretty sure people would forgive him then.

I praise Miranda Lambert for having the balls to call him out on it.

Insert Title Here. . .

I was going to title this "I Wanna Dance With Somebody. . . Somebody Who Loves me" But then I realized everyone who googled this song by Whitney Houston would get my blog and I don't need that kind of pressure!

Not sure if you heard but Whitney Houston died. You haven't?? She did!! It's weird when celebrities die, especially ones where you related to them. . . or their work. I mostly related to Whitney's songs. Like the aforementioned. I remember that video. Just a few weeks ago that song came on the radio and I was dancing like my 7-year-old chubby self. Is it wrong that I wouldn't mind being serenaded to that song? Nope, I'm going back to the guy showing up at my door with his guitar singing "Let My Love Open the Door". I want that to happen. Yes, it's sad, I'm a hopeless romantic who can't find romance. I realize the irony.

My sister and I used to sing Whitney at the top of our lungs. We were not upset that she married Bobby Brown because we loved the song "Every Little Step I Take." I remember Whitney in her prime and in her glory days before "Crack is whack." I had the Whitney Houston piano book of greatest hits, and I played the crap out of it. Oh how I loved the movie The Bodyguard. Which reminds me I haven't seen any interviews with Kevin Costner. . . I wonder if they will have a Whitney Houston marathon movie day soon, too.

I know they haven't determined how she died, but it makes me sad that especially in the last 5 or so years, all these people keep dying from weird drug combinations. Or from drugs in general. Did they just keep it hidden way back then?? I mean besides the Marilyn Monroe cover-up and all. ;) Are drugs that much more prevalent in today's society and social circles? Is the media that much more intrusive that we now are just learning more than we want/need to as nothing is really private anymore it seems with celebrity?

If you've ever watched the movie Less Than Zero or Requiem for a Dream, you know what I'm talking about. Or Basketball Diaries?? Or the movie Traffic. Man, those movies made me never want to do hard drugs. Plus I hate needles and sniffing stuff up my nose, so I guess it's more of a logistics thing that I can't do them?? Anyway, I guess maybe I should just be glad that most of my peer pressure involves drinking in the middle of the week on a "school" night. . .

Anyway, I wasn't expecting to hear the news about Whitney Houston. . .Lindsey Lohan. . . yes. . . but not Whitney.

Happy Valentine's Day! I made my standard high school Valentine's Day treat: Homemade brownies cut into heart shapes. :)

Valentine's Day Can Suck It

Gee, can you tell by my title that I am NOT a fan of Valentine's Day?

Even when I had someone (which has been rarely on the day) I didn't like it. I feel you should show someone you love them every day or randomly, not on a commercial holiday. Plus if I have to see one more "happy" couple commercial I might explode.

I remember in college I wasn't really dating this guy although I had a huge crush on him and he bought me the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack, Gerbera Daisies, and a Universal TV Remote. Super sweet. I think I made him dinner in return . . . and did I mention, it wasn't Valentine's Day? It was actually Sweetest Day (What is that even?!?) and I was completely shocked he brought me anything so I made him dinner. However, this was the same guy when we first started dating, at Schnuck's bought me a $.25 ring and gave it to me when we were getting into the car. Now that is super sweet.

The last few days I've been having a lot of love type questions thrown at me. I realize that I am a hopeless Romantic which might explain why I don't like Valentine's Day. I want romance all the time! However, this also might be the reason I don't acknowledge small gestures of love with guys. I am expecting the grand gestures of slaying dragons and killing the mean guy who kidnapped me.

This match thing is not working out for me as I've discussed on here before, but I am really stuck. I am giving it a shot and it's not working at all. Maybe I am the exception to the rule, who knows?!? I was talking this morning to Alexa and we were wondering what happened to guys who would ask for your number and then gasp! Call you?? Is technology making guys lazy?? I can't remember the last time a guy called me and asked how I was doing or what I was doing. It's usually a text message. "Hey, want to go hit some range balls?" "Want to go to the 6pm movie?" Are we that afraid we are now inconveniencing people with a phone call that we would much rather text?

And with Match, I realized that either I am completely hideous, or my worst fears have come true, and no one wants to date me cyberly NOR in real life. I'm starting to think the latter. I have done every Match has asked of me too. My friend Dan said that dating is hard work online or in person. The problem with online is that I'm working for nothing. At least if I was at a bar, the guy would feel the need to buy me a drink. I really have become that lonely, spinster lady I have dreaded. Love has made me jaded.

I have always had a ton of guy friends. Always.

My first realization that I am clueless came to me when I was 19/20-years-old. I was in love with a boy. I mean, mind-numbing in love. I could have cared less about any other guy. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He did not want to spend all his time with me. He wanted to sleep with my friend. He slept with my friend. I told him off when I was drunk for leading me on and didn't talk to him for 2 months. Luckily for me, it was the end of the year and summer came. Then our other friend told him where I was living, and he showed up at my door on a Friday afternoon telling me he couldn't live without me in his life. We remain friends to this day. I never doubted his love for me after that, but I know that I never fit into his cookie cutter mold of what he wanted his wife to be. And he broke my heart in a million, tiny pieces.

Then following that, I had a guy friend who always protected me. He was the one who told above guy where I lived, but he always had my back. He started dating someone and I found myself jealous as I realized that I wanted to date him. His best friend told me that he always wanted to date me and always had me on a pedestal, but I never gave him a 2nd thought because of above mentioned guy. The first moment I realized I was a big idiot. And we're still friends to this day.

After that I fell for a co-worker who would always drunk call me (sometimes 7 days a week, depending on the week), and actually drive and sit outside my house when he was drunk just so I would come outside and talk to him. (I do realize this was never a safe idea.) He actually told me one time at work that he drove around the vicinity of where he thought I was living but wasn't sure. I drew him a map on a napkin and the following weekend, I got a call he was outside. . . . with the napkin in his car. We had a "will they or won't they" summer which was a won't they. I do not, to this day, know if there ever could have been more than friendship as this guy was a HUGE flirt and I never thought there would have been a chance. But having told this story to a few guy friends, apparently if a guy keeps calling you drunk all the time and slightly stalks you, that might be a check in the yes category. We are still friends to this day. Sarah--I am sure you know who this is! :)

Then I met the former love of my life who just last week called me to see how I was because we hadn't talked in a month or so. He's married with kids now, but anyone who knows him, knows how awesome he is. And how stupid I was to never say anything about how I felt when the chance presented itself. I am the epitome of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding.

Then I had the guy friend tell me that I automatically make guys my friends. Not sure why he thought that. . .

I also had the sort of whoreish guy friend who I think that all my friends think I hooked up with. He might have stayed over numerous times, and we might have slept in the same bed, but from what I remember, we only cuddled. I know people might not believe me, but we did.

The above guys are all happily married to really awesome people.

It's funny the guy I was with before I moved to Iowa, we had a pact that we would get married when I was 34. It was supposed to be 30 because at 24, 30 was sooo old. He wanted me to move Iowa, meet someone, date them for awhile, and then realize he was the only one I should be with. He's not married that I know of. But we also don't talk anymore. I got a drunk phone call 4 years ago from a karaoke bar in Canada from him, but that's it.

Iowa has not been any better for me than my college years. I stayed on the hook for 4 years with a guy. However, I know I am better off without him, although 2 years ago, it broke me. Even though in between those 4 years, I dated other guys, but I think deep down, I always thought there would be more.

My rebound from that got married 13 months after he broke up with me.

Then I went on a few dates with a guy I didn't know had a girlfriend and I'm glad it wasn't more!

I know I've shared various dating disasters in this blog, and it almost saddens me I don't have any. I figured Match would be a gold mine of bad dates.

My old roommate could tell you of the great (bad) dates I had. I mean, I could write a 300-page book of my bad dates.

I'm sounding really jaded in love right now, but sadly, I think I still have hope that I'm not going to end up alone. People meet randomly all the time. My own parents grew up 9 miles apart and had a lot of friends in common. My Dad was even engaged to a girl my Mom graduated with. They didn't meet until their early 20s when my Mom went on a date with a friend, who happened to be my Dad's roommate. And the rest is history.

I think it would be easier to know the cards that are going to be dealt, but I guess life wouldn't be exciting that way. Some of the cards make us really happy, some make us super sad. Some we don't understand, and some fit together after awhile. I'm not sure what my future holds, but maybe I'll learn a few things along the way. . .

Long time, no type?

I've had a few friends inform me that I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I guess my post saying I've been super busy doesn't count. Come on friends! :)

A few things that have been on my mind lately:

• I don't care that Kim K did something to her hair. Shocking I know! I also didn't watch the final episode of the show to see where the marriage went wrong, even though E! kept having a promo every single commercial break.




• My love for Channing Tatum has only grown deeper. I cannot wait to go see The Vow when it comes out!!




• Also, after watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" my roommate and I decided that we are going to have a Ryan Gosling Sunday Marathon, much like our Law&Order:SVU marathons only with all hotness and less creepy. AND we were happy to see that Drive just came out on video Tuesday and that one movie with Justin Timberlake and Matt Bomer also came out. The movies we watch will be as follows: Ides of March, Drive, and In Time. We also realized we need to start going on dates or something because our expectations for men's abs are really out of control at the moment. :)




• Online dating isn't for me. But luckily I paid for the 6-month guarantee, so I get another 6 months free when I still haven't gone on one single date. Yeah! (This is drenched with sarcasm if you can't tell. . . )




• My littlest nephew keeps getting more and more adorable.

I still can't believe I haven't seen him since December 26th. :(





• My aunt passed away at the ripe old age of 100 years, and 10 months. She was a riot and I will miss her. Apparently at my Grandma's funeral she turned to a cousin and said (in reference to her 2 younger brother-in-laws) "I'm totally going to out live those old goats!" At my Grandpa's funeral as she was leaving, the funeral director said "See you later Marjorie!" and she turned around and said "I know what you mean by that and I DO NOT appreciate it!" I don't think my cousins and I quit laughing for awhile. It still cracks me up. She was 94 at that time.


• I'm still dog sitting for the Butch-ster. He is not adjusting well and I think he thinks Mom and Dad have left him. Last year, he could have cared less, but this year. . . he cries every time I come home and change clothes. . . and usually that's for us to go on a walk!


• It was brought to my attention last Thursday night, that I hang out with good looking people. And then I thought about it. . . I do. . .and I should quit. I need to go back to my earlier thought that if I hang around ugly people, it will make me look hotter. This phenomenon has been proven in countless movies.


• Also things that have been proven in movies: Mean girls (or guys) in high school stay that way and other people (like the "nerds" or "uncool" people) always prosper. It's a proven fact in movies and tv shows every time they show a reunion episode, which leads me to believe there might be some proof to it!


• My parents keep asking how Butch is every time I talk to them and then forget to somehow ask how I am until I say something.


• My Mom did ask me if she could become an alcoholic later in life since she now likes the taste of beer and apparently on vacation she's been been having a drink every night.


• My Grandpa J never ceases to crack me up. I dread the day I will have to say goodbye.


• I went to happy hour at 5pm last Friday. . . I left at 11pm. It was just my one guy friend and I. . . so. . . not sure what that says about us. . . but we were having good conversation, so why stop?? Plus, I'm pretty sure the last time we looked at the time it wasn't 8pm yet. And we might have been drinking 40s. It was buy 1, get 1!

I think that's all. I hope you're caught up on my thoughts. . . and you're all doing well. I haven't even read your blogs this week which makes me feel bad.