I look forward to the massage lady coming into work. I can't help it. I needed it especially this week!! But for some reason, she slightly weirds me out. I can't quite put my finger on it either. I think it's because sometimes she accidently grabs my boob. But then again, she's a massage lady so it's bound to happen when working on one's back and reaching around the side. My sister has accidently boob poked me on numerous occasions and we get a good laugh at it. (And my brother-in-law get slightly turned on, but I think that happens on a daily basis.) But on Friday, she sort of made me a little uncomfortable. What do you think??
Examples:
Massage Lady: Ummm. . . I think you'll have to take your shirt off today. It will be easier to work without your undershirt.
(She leaves, and I take off my shirt and bra and call her back in)
Me: Oh that's fine about the shirt. I usually don't take it off for the simple fact, that I am at work. It just sort of strikes me as odd to take my shirt and bra off and then going back up to the office.
ML: Oh. . . I can see that. I guess you could have just undone your bra. That's what some people do. (NOW she tells me!!)
About 10 minutes later. . . .
ML: So, you don't seem that tight. Are you doing anything different??
Me: It could be the Pilates and Bosu classes I'm teaching. I definitely could be stretched out.
ML: Probably. Bosu is that half ball right??
Me: Yep.
ML: Have you ever had sex on the big ball??
Me: (Silence) Umm. . .No. . .
ML: I really want my boyfriend to try it but he won't.
Me: Oh.
So as you can see. . . things that are slightly uncomfortable for me to talk about while partially undressed and having a stranger talk to me while they massage my body.
A) I was kind of getting the feeling she wanted me partially naked.
B) I don't like hearing about stranger's sex lives, let alone while they are massaging me! haha!
Am I wrong???
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
You're Fired!!
I might have to turn into Donald Trump and fire someone. . . I am not looking forward to this. I've done everything I could to help her out too. And after my mentor/consultant was here this week, she thinks she's on drugs. So do I test for that?? And if so, how do I go about that?
Here's H's suggestions:
1)"Um, [girl I need to fire]...could I maybe borrow a cup of your urine? That would be awesome. Thanks."
2) Or you could take her out to dinner and be like, "I have to go to the bathroom. Wanna come?" And she'll be all like, "What?" And you'll say, "Here, can you pee in this cup for me please and screw the lid on tight?" And she'll be all like, "What?" And you'll say in a hushed voice, "Please don't tell anyone, but I have this fetish where I like to keep people's urine in cups on my dresser. I'm not going to drink it or anything. I just want to look at it. Besides, I was thinking about firing you, but if you do this for me, then I won't." And she'll be hesitant, but she'll pee in the cup, and you'll get to fire her AND she'll think you're a freak for the rest of time.
And then my friend Dan suggested this:
You could also grab a sample of her hair. Bring a brush to work, tell her that her hair looks pretty and ask if you can brush it. When she allows (because who would deny that? it feels way good to get your hair brushed) you can collect multiple samples to be analyzed... and then make a voodoo figure from the leftovers.
If only these things would work!!!
Here's H's suggestions:
1)"Um, [girl I need to fire]...could I maybe borrow a cup of your urine? That would be awesome. Thanks."
2) Or you could take her out to dinner and be like, "I have to go to the bathroom. Wanna come?" And she'll be all like, "What?" And you'll say, "Here, can you pee in this cup for me please and screw the lid on tight?" And she'll be all like, "What?" And you'll say in a hushed voice, "Please don't tell anyone, but I have this fetish where I like to keep people's urine in cups on my dresser. I'm not going to drink it or anything. I just want to look at it. Besides, I was thinking about firing you, but if you do this for me, then I won't." And she'll be hesitant, but she'll pee in the cup, and you'll get to fire her AND she'll think you're a freak for the rest of time.
And then my friend Dan suggested this:
You could also grab a sample of her hair. Bring a brush to work, tell her that her hair looks pretty and ask if you can brush it. When she allows (because who would deny that? it feels way good to get your hair brushed) you can collect multiple samples to be analyzed... and then make a voodoo figure from the leftovers.
If only these things would work!!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Random Thoughts. . .
Something I need to really think about NOT doing:
I realized I have a problem with waiting to go to the bathroom at work. You see, my office is quite far from the bathroom, so I usually wait until I really have to go before I trek down there. The problem with this?!? Well upon entering the bathroom (which has stalls) I start unbuttoning my pants and walk to the stall. The problem today?!? Someone else was walking out of a stall. And not someone in my office--Someone who just started renting an office on my floor. Can you say AWKWARD?!?
I'm also really sad my college team lost this weekend. I might still be crying. However, I can't remember the game all that well. Things I should also not do: Drink Vodka and OJ on an empty stomach at 9am. It's just a thought, but it contributed to my fuzziness during the game. And apparently I was swearing like a sailor. Oops!! Matt didn't even know I cussed! haha!! Sorry kids near me!! My Dad said Illinois had a flawless game against Wisconsin. Then they became ranked and got beat by Iowa at Iowa City. The only IL game I can go to all year and they play crappy! NOT FAIR!! On the bright side, Dean Cain met me out at my tailgate and in the process was hanging out with me and NOT hanging out with his sister who kept calling him. He kept telling her I'll be there in a little bit. I feel bad since I can see him whenever, but still!! I kind of wanted to meet his sister as well. I should have volunteered to go over there with him! And I would have, if I could have guaranteed to get back to the game!!
I realized I have a problem with waiting to go to the bathroom at work. You see, my office is quite far from the bathroom, so I usually wait until I really have to go before I trek down there. The problem with this?!? Well upon entering the bathroom (which has stalls) I start unbuttoning my pants and walk to the stall. The problem today?!? Someone else was walking out of a stall. And not someone in my office--Someone who just started renting an office on my floor. Can you say AWKWARD?!?
I'm also really sad my college team lost this weekend. I might still be crying. However, I can't remember the game all that well. Things I should also not do: Drink Vodka and OJ on an empty stomach at 9am. It's just a thought, but it contributed to my fuzziness during the game. And apparently I was swearing like a sailor. Oops!! Matt didn't even know I cussed! haha!! Sorry kids near me!! My Dad said Illinois had a flawless game against Wisconsin. Then they became ranked and got beat by Iowa at Iowa City. The only IL game I can go to all year and they play crappy! NOT FAIR!! On the bright side, Dean Cain met me out at my tailgate and in the process was hanging out with me and NOT hanging out with his sister who kept calling him. He kept telling her I'll be there in a little bit. I feel bad since I can see him whenever, but still!! I kind of wanted to meet his sister as well. I should have volunteered to go over there with him! And I would have, if I could have guaranteed to get back to the game!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I'm officially in a 7th Grade relationship. . .perhaps. . .
This past weekend was my friend Jamie and Tim's Dual Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. We started out at the hotel together and then the guys and girls separated and then met back up again at the end of the night. I really think this idea worked out better. It originally was supposed to be all the guys and girls on a party bus together going around to all of our favorite establishments. Well then Friday at 11am Jamie emails me and says, the bus broke down and she was in a panic. Well my other friend and I called around to find another bus (which were ridiculously expensive) and then came up with an entirely different plan. The hotel we were staying at was pretty close to downtown, so we could just walk and do a bar crawl. No harm, no foul. And then also this way we didn't have to hang out with the guys!!
This plan would have worked out perfectly except that Jamie really has a hard time not hanging out with Tim. Especially the more she drinks. So basically by the end of the night I was having to call Dean Cain to find out where they were at because Jamie ran away from us at the bar to find Tim at her own. To which he told me where they were at but if anyone asked, it was a lucky guess! haha!! So after the 2nd time of Jamie running away from us, I called Dean again and asked where they were and see if I could talk to Tim. So then the guys and girls met up earlier than they would have liked but oh well. It was all good. Anyway, while at the bar, Dean decides to hold my hand. Which of course, in my drunken state, I didn't even flinch. And then we held hands the entire 10 blocks to the hotel, in the elevator, and then back to the hotel room. I would like to say, at this point in time, he kissed me or something, but no. He passed out and then I passed out. And apparently we passed out holding hands. haha!! Jamie said the amount of adorableness that we were was just too much.
On Sunday he came over and I made him his birthday dinner a week earlier than the actual day. I had other cute birthday ideas since he had mentioned his birthday to me like 8 times but they all bordered on girlfriendly. So since we're just weird, I kept it at making dinner. Then yesterday, he called me to see if I could pick him up from his eye doctor appointment because they had said something about him having to be dilated. Well, when I get there, he's looking at glasses and I notice his eyes aren't dilated at all. And when I ask him if he got his eyes dilated, he said that he didn't know that when he got there they now have this thing that takes a picture of the eye and can check for all that stuff now. But he didn't call me when he got out because he wanted me to help him pick out his glasses. And then after he picked out the ones I liked, he asked if I wanted to go to lunch. And seeing as it was 2pm, I had already eaten but asked if he wanted me to sit there while he did. To which he replied yes. So I sat with him and had an iced tea while he ate.
I do realize this isn't normal "just friends" behavior. And I know I need to get the courage up to say something, I just need to figure out how!
This plan would have worked out perfectly except that Jamie really has a hard time not hanging out with Tim. Especially the more she drinks. So basically by the end of the night I was having to call Dean Cain to find out where they were at because Jamie ran away from us at the bar to find Tim at her own. To which he told me where they were at but if anyone asked, it was a lucky guess! haha!! So after the 2nd time of Jamie running away from us, I called Dean again and asked where they were and see if I could talk to Tim. So then the guys and girls met up earlier than they would have liked but oh well. It was all good. Anyway, while at the bar, Dean decides to hold my hand. Which of course, in my drunken state, I didn't even flinch. And then we held hands the entire 10 blocks to the hotel, in the elevator, and then back to the hotel room. I would like to say, at this point in time, he kissed me or something, but no. He passed out and then I passed out. And apparently we passed out holding hands. haha!! Jamie said the amount of adorableness that we were was just too much.
On Sunday he came over and I made him his birthday dinner a week earlier than the actual day. I had other cute birthday ideas since he had mentioned his birthday to me like 8 times but they all bordered on girlfriendly. So since we're just weird, I kept it at making dinner. Then yesterday, he called me to see if I could pick him up from his eye doctor appointment because they had said something about him having to be dilated. Well, when I get there, he's looking at glasses and I notice his eyes aren't dilated at all. And when I ask him if he got his eyes dilated, he said that he didn't know that when he got there they now have this thing that takes a picture of the eye and can check for all that stuff now. But he didn't call me when he got out because he wanted me to help him pick out his glasses. And then after he picked out the ones I liked, he asked if I wanted to go to lunch. And seeing as it was 2pm, I had already eaten but asked if he wanted me to sit there while he did. To which he replied yes. So I sat with him and had an iced tea while he ate.
I do realize this isn't normal "just friends" behavior. And I know I need to get the courage up to say something, I just need to figure out how!
Do I hear Wedding Bells?!? Yes. . just not mine. . .
Last weekend I had yet another wedding. “Wedding, you say, A?? Isn’t this like your gazillion wedding this year?” To which I would have to reply, “Yes, but you’re exaggerating a little. It’s only my 1,002 wedding this year.” To which you laugh and then I say, “No silly, it’s only my 9th wedding and I only have 2 more left.”
Even though I had to drive home back to back weekends, I had to go. This one was my best guy friend from high school’s wedding. It was so weird to see him getting married too! It’s not like Buck* just married some girl he met a year ago. He married a girl that he first dated in 8th grade (she was in 7th) and then subsequently dated on and off in high school. He’s officially been dating her since the spring of our senior year in high school. And it’s weird because over the years, Buck and I have discussed whether or not they would be getting married. And when he and I got some alone time last St. Patty’s Day when I visited, he said that it was weird to be engaged now. But it finally clicked that she was the one that he couldn’t live without. I remember looking at him and then pushing him and giving him a hug! It’s not like him to be so sappy!
It’s always strange to see people from high school (or from back home for that matter) that you haven’t seen in awhile or haven’t seen since the last major holiday. I hadn’t seen some of my friends from high school since Thanksgiving because I wasn’t around at Christmas. And well, as I’ve mentioned in this blog before, I’m 40 lbs lighter since last November and I’ve lost 30+ inches since then. So, from the last time they all saw me, I look pretty darn good! It’s really a great feeling too! I’m hoping though when they see me again in a couple of months, I will have lost more weight and gone down a couple of sizes. We’ll see. And I think I should figure out how to label these things and then I can keep track of how often I mention my weight loss! haha! (The funny part--it's not like I'm a size 4 or something now either. I'm just back to where I was when I moved to this great state! haha!!)
Anyways, whenever I'm around my friends from high school, I always start to miss them. I think it's because we start to reminisce about the old times when we were basically still pure and the world was our oyster. We hadn't a care in the world except for getting through to graduate high school. And I remember how when we were getting ready to go off into the world and we all said that we'd keep in touch. I now maybe keep in touch with like 10-15 people I used to hang out with all the time. I keep in touch with the ones I want to keep in touch with. And I guess there are some people from high school that I wish I hadn't grown apart from, but I guess such is life. There again are numerous funny moments in the night such as Luke telling his mom about our Wild Turkey night the summer after our first year of college. Luke had this wonderful idea to go shot for shot and chase them down with the Malibu Rum and OJ that we were drinking. Then both of us being extremely drunk and him waking up at home not remembering where he was at. Thanks for telling your mom that one Luke! My mom was home that night and I remember puking in the morning and my mom saying how she was glad I learned a valuable lesson. Where was she when Luke suggested the Wild Turkey?!? Huh?!? Or how we were telling one of our other friend's moms how sometimes our senior year we would drink at my parents house and would only try the vodka and rum because we knew we could fill that back up with water and my parents wouldn't know. And then she made the comment how my dad always used to tell her how I didn't drink, never been kissed, and boys were a back burner to my studying. Then we remembered the 4th of July when she played Thumper with us! Oooh memories. . .
And then things got sort of philosophical at the end. One part of the talk made me ponder a number of things the entire 5 hour drive home. One of my guy friends said, "No matter what you do in life, in this town we grew up in you were the golden child. Every parent loved you. Every parent knew that if their kid was hanging out with you, then their kid was safe. Yeah, we may have done some things that were inappropriate, but they were pretty tame. I always got in trouble when I wasn't hanging out with you. But you know what?!? So you didn't become a doctor. Your heart has always been huge. You've always been a caring individual. I know that I miss you a ton. It doesn't matter what you become in life. It's what life becomes in you. Don't let the material things in life define who you are as a person. You're still that great, caring, lovable person you've always been. And you make people want to stand up and become better people themselves." And then I think he kept talking about other things which I cannot remember but it just made me ponder if I'm really the person he thinks I am?? I would like to say that yes I am. But I think he also left out the part that I'm a big wuss when it comes to things involving me. And then I thought about how this was also coming from the same guy who tried to kiss me on the lips and I had to do the head turn thing when I first saw him at the reception. He also yelled at me at the reception for not coming up and saying hi sooner and I had to remind him that he was a little busy being. . . I don't know. . . THE BEST MAN. So. . . it's really anyone's guess if his thought process is 100% accurate.
The other funny thing I noticed is that even after someone moves far away and you only see each other once or twice a year at the most, your over protective guy friends will always be your over protective guy friends. I had completely forgotten to get a hotel room for that weekend. The thought didn't even cross my mind because for Wyatt's all my friends were offering for me to stay with them in town. Well this weekend, no one lived in the town of the wedding, and my two girlfriends and their boyfriends were staying with their parents. So, either I would take this opportunity to not drink at the wedding, or I would call the one person I knew who lived in town and stay with him and his wife. I should state that this one person would also be the former love of my life. After the reception was finished, the party moved to the hotel bar and I called my friend to tell him that I was calling a cab and on my way. Well, I called a cab to no avail and at 12:30 he called me back and said that he would just come get me. So when he gets there, what do the 4 guy friends of mine and my friend Steph's dad do?? Introduce themselves and play a good 20 questions in under 5 minutes with him! I remember saying specifically, I'm staying with my friend and his wife. Yet, there they went being all over protective! It definitely made my former crack up! And in general, it was just nice to be able to hang out with them awhile.
I think that's it for my wedding adventures for now. I have another wedding in two weeks and then am in one the weekend of Thanksgiving. I think then I'm done for the year! I really don't think I have that many friends left who aren't married!!!
Even though I had to drive home back to back weekends, I had to go. This one was my best guy friend from high school’s wedding. It was so weird to see him getting married too! It’s not like Buck* just married some girl he met a year ago. He married a girl that he first dated in 8th grade (she was in 7th) and then subsequently dated on and off in high school. He’s officially been dating her since the spring of our senior year in high school. And it’s weird because over the years, Buck and I have discussed whether or not they would be getting married. And when he and I got some alone time last St. Patty’s Day when I visited, he said that it was weird to be engaged now. But it finally clicked that she was the one that he couldn’t live without. I remember looking at him and then pushing him and giving him a hug! It’s not like him to be so sappy!
It’s always strange to see people from high school (or from back home for that matter) that you haven’t seen in awhile or haven’t seen since the last major holiday. I hadn’t seen some of my friends from high school since Thanksgiving because I wasn’t around at Christmas. And well, as I’ve mentioned in this blog before, I’m 40 lbs lighter since last November and I’ve lost 30+ inches since then. So, from the last time they all saw me, I look pretty darn good! It’s really a great feeling too! I’m hoping though when they see me again in a couple of months, I will have lost more weight and gone down a couple of sizes. We’ll see. And I think I should figure out how to label these things and then I can keep track of how often I mention my weight loss! haha! (The funny part--it's not like I'm a size 4 or something now either. I'm just back to where I was when I moved to this great state! haha!!)
Anyways, whenever I'm around my friends from high school, I always start to miss them. I think it's because we start to reminisce about the old times when we were basically still pure and the world was our oyster. We hadn't a care in the world except for getting through to graduate high school. And I remember how when we were getting ready to go off into the world and we all said that we'd keep in touch. I now maybe keep in touch with like 10-15 people I used to hang out with all the time. I keep in touch with the ones I want to keep in touch with. And I guess there are some people from high school that I wish I hadn't grown apart from, but I guess such is life. There again are numerous funny moments in the night such as Luke telling his mom about our Wild Turkey night the summer after our first year of college. Luke had this wonderful idea to go shot for shot and chase them down with the Malibu Rum and OJ that we were drinking. Then both of us being extremely drunk and him waking up at home not remembering where he was at. Thanks for telling your mom that one Luke! My mom was home that night and I remember puking in the morning and my mom saying how she was glad I learned a valuable lesson. Where was she when Luke suggested the Wild Turkey?!? Huh?!? Or how we were telling one of our other friend's moms how sometimes our senior year we would drink at my parents house and would only try the vodka and rum because we knew we could fill that back up with water and my parents wouldn't know. And then she made the comment how my dad always used to tell her how I didn't drink, never been kissed, and boys were a back burner to my studying. Then we remembered the 4th of July when she played Thumper with us! Oooh memories. . .
And then things got sort of philosophical at the end. One part of the talk made me ponder a number of things the entire 5 hour drive home. One of my guy friends said, "No matter what you do in life, in this town we grew up in you were the golden child. Every parent loved you. Every parent knew that if their kid was hanging out with you, then their kid was safe. Yeah, we may have done some things that were inappropriate, but they were pretty tame. I always got in trouble when I wasn't hanging out with you. But you know what?!? So you didn't become a doctor. Your heart has always been huge. You've always been a caring individual. I know that I miss you a ton. It doesn't matter what you become in life. It's what life becomes in you. Don't let the material things in life define who you are as a person. You're still that great, caring, lovable person you've always been. And you make people want to stand up and become better people themselves." And then I think he kept talking about other things which I cannot remember but it just made me ponder if I'm really the person he thinks I am?? I would like to say that yes I am. But I think he also left out the part that I'm a big wuss when it comes to things involving me. And then I thought about how this was also coming from the same guy who tried to kiss me on the lips and I had to do the head turn thing when I first saw him at the reception. He also yelled at me at the reception for not coming up and saying hi sooner and I had to remind him that he was a little busy being. . . I don't know. . . THE BEST MAN. So. . . it's really anyone's guess if his thought process is 100% accurate.
The other funny thing I noticed is that even after someone moves far away and you only see each other once or twice a year at the most, your over protective guy friends will always be your over protective guy friends. I had completely forgotten to get a hotel room for that weekend. The thought didn't even cross my mind because for Wyatt's all my friends were offering for me to stay with them in town. Well this weekend, no one lived in the town of the wedding, and my two girlfriends and their boyfriends were staying with their parents. So, either I would take this opportunity to not drink at the wedding, or I would call the one person I knew who lived in town and stay with him and his wife. I should state that this one person would also be the former love of my life. After the reception was finished, the party moved to the hotel bar and I called my friend to tell him that I was calling a cab and on my way. Well, I called a cab to no avail and at 12:30 he called me back and said that he would just come get me. So when he gets there, what do the 4 guy friends of mine and my friend Steph's dad do?? Introduce themselves and play a good 20 questions in under 5 minutes with him! I remember saying specifically, I'm staying with my friend and his wife. Yet, there they went being all over protective! It definitely made my former crack up! And in general, it was just nice to be able to hang out with them awhile.
I think that's it for my wedding adventures for now. I have another wedding in two weeks and then am in one the weekend of Thanksgiving. I think then I'm done for the year! I really don't think I have that many friends left who aren't married!!!
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