Miley Cyrus. . . I hate you. . . .

I got the Miley Cyrus CD because my niece was driving back with me this weekend and I wanted to be the cool aunt. And you know what?? I like Miley. And I hate her for it.

The song "7 Things" I could sing over and over and over again.
Here's some sample lyrics:

I probably shouldn't say this

But at times I get so scared

When I think about the previous

Relationship we shared

It was awesome but we lost it

It's not possible to care

And now we're standing in the rain

But nothing's ever gonna change

Until you hear, my dear

The 7 Things I hate about you

The 7 things I hate about you, oh you

You're vain, your games, you're insecure

You love me, you like her

You make me laugh, you make me cry

I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks,

When you act like them you know it hurts

I wanna be with the one I know

And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do

You make me love you.

And it's all true. I could think of a couple of guys I could sing that to right now.

Granted that's really the only song I really like on the CD. My niece made me go to other songs on the CD that she liked a lot. She was soo excited when I started to play it. Yep. Cool Aunt. Cool Aunt.

I will have a post of the wedding weekend. It was a great time. And very quotable. Which I realized I should have written down some of the quotes so I could actually remember them. Oh well!

Too weird not to share. . .

I came across this and had to share. . .

I just couldn't believe it. I think I am actually speechless on this!

You can always make friends. . .

This weekend is my best guy friend from college's wedding. I had a lot of guy friends in college but Ryan and I were probably the closest. And never had that awkward thing between us that one of us was attracted to the other or anything. We were like brother and sister.

Well my original date for the wedding cancelled. And then my backup cancelled because he found out he had to work. So I'm going to the wedding dateless. Which usually wouldn't be that big of a deal because I have gone to many a weddings without a date.

The kicker is that I will know 3 people there Ryan figures--The Groom, the Best Man-Joel, and another Groomsmen-Tim.

Ryan and a ton of his friends from high school all went to college together, and I actually became really good friends with Ryan and Joel. I met them at the same time. And then subsequently became pretty good friends with their friends from high school. However, the friends that I would know that would be invited from high school?? Not able to come. Tim's wife who I have never met but knew would be sitting by herself because Tim's in the wedding?? Not able to be there.

I was starting to get really worried when Ryan informed me they aren't having assigned seating at the reception because they didn't want the hassle. But then I called Joel to see if his brother was coming. And he is. So Joel said that he would re-introduce me to his parents and his brother so I can have someone to sit with. Whew! I'll let you know how it goes! :)

I jumped in. . . and the water was cold. . .

So. . . I left a pretty cryptic message on doing something on Sunday.

Well. . . here it is. . .

My friend Dan made me sign up for online dating. And if you're asking yourself "MADE you?? Did he have a gun to your head?" Not exactly but he did sit right next to me and wouldn't say a word to me nor leave my place until I signed up. So I did. I mean my cousin met his awesome wife online. So I thought, "Why not?"

There is a reason I don't like online dating. It really creeps me out when someone sends me an email that says "Hey. How are you? You're beautiful!" Which Dan informs me there are worse things that people could write to me. But it creeps me out.

This guy had been super persistent about talking me. And it creeped me out, his persistence. However, I thought that I needed to give him a chance and we had been talking on email. Then he asked me to go out to dinner or lunch sometime. I made time for him on for Sunday Lunch. On Friday when I talked to him for the first time on the phone, he told me that he was telling his friend at the bar that I played Kickball and if I played Trench, he would have to ask for my ring size when we met. Yes, he said that to me. Out Loud. The person he had only been talking to on email for about 2 weeks and the person he hadn't met yet. But still I thought, I do need to meet this guy. Especially because I was getting a TON of pressure from H and my friends Sarah and JB.

And well, no sparks flew. We don't have anything in common. He listens to old school Christian music. I listen to Christian music but like Jeremy Camp and lots of other music. Not stuff like Big Band and Orchestra Christian music. He seems to really like his dog. Like his dog apparently eats popcorn out of the bowl with him. And he's 5'5". The height thing I knew going into it, but Dan being 5'8" said that he gets discriminated a lot because of his height and I needed to give the guy a chance. I would date Dan because besides having an awesome personality he's at eye level. But I think the guy was making up 5'5". I was wearing flats and seemed to look over his head. I'm 5'7". And I need to be with a guy that really enjoys playing sports. I don't think he played sports. He does watch sports though. And he was telling me how his roommate just didn't seem to understand that the bathroom needs to be cleaned like twice a week. I don't even clean my bathroom twice a week. And Dan informed me as a guy it should be like twice a month at MOST.

As I was talking to my Dad yesterday and telling him this, he so ever kindly said "You're not desperate enough for online dating yet!" This coming from the man that keeps asking when am I going to find a guy, get married, and have kids. Then he added "You haven't tapped out your guy friends yet." And maybe he's right. I have a lot of guy friends. An over abundance of guy friends really. But the single ones are starting to dwindle. But maybe in a way my Dad is right. Maybe I'm not quite ready to settle down and get married and go online to find my husband or boyfriend for that matter. The two girls in my office went online and found two great guys. One is now engaged. So I know it works. I'm going to try it for another month. We'll see.

And I realize again, that I am not a looker, but my Mom and Dad say I'm a catch. ;)

How's that again??

I just made up a title. It has nothing to do with my post. :)

Some things that happened to me this week: I met Sonya Kitchell. She had one of those Stripped studio things at one of the local radio stations. I got free lunch and got to listen to her perform an intimate concert. Of course she didn't play my favorite song, but she has some new good ones out.

I realize that sometimes you have to take chances in life and jump in with both feet first. I'm doing that on Sunday. I'm not sure how it will go, but I'll let you know.

I really have nothing else to offer today. . . except some email exerts from my friend and neighbor Mike who I think has been bored at work this week. But has made me laugh out loud. He is single ladies. . .and cute. . . And for some reason at Kickball decided to wear a "I (HEART) Vagina" shirt. And I said "Really Mike?? That shirt??" And he said "Sometimes you have to wear shirts that make you and others feel uncomfortable. And you have to be That Guy. So you're welcome. For being THAT guy."

The first email he sent me was in response to an 80s email he sent regarding all of our favorite 80s things. Our friend Emily responded with this comment: I was in a jean jacket club. No lie. I also had the best bangs in a twenty mile radius…

This was Mike's Response:

Is that cause they could see them for 20 miles? Don't feel bad, sometimes, late at night if I can't sleep, I get up and go to my closet. There sitting in the back corner, on the highest shelf, sits an old dusty box covered in stickers of Garbage Pale kids, Smurfette, Alf, and other ICONS (yes I said Icons) of my childhood. I gently pull it out, barely able to breathe in anticipation of the treasures that lay within. When I open it I'm instantly transported back in time. A time that conjures up feelings of hopes and dreams of one day being an astronaut, police officer or an accountant. A simpler time when all you needed to have in order to be "cool" was a shirt that itself could outshine the sun, jeans washed in gravel and rolled so tight around the ankle that you could barely walk. All the knowledge that you needed to have was which member of NYOTB (I was going to correct it but I thought it just hysterical that he wrote that instead of NKTOB) was dating who, where Blossom got her hats, and how to win at Oregon trail (always buy the extra wheel, no matter the cost!!!) After I get the clothes on I turn to the slap bracelets, yes in all their outstanding vivid color (even though they have faded slightly over the years). I pull out the magic "MASH" game, it was a glorious day that day, May 5th 1988, all the moons were aligned that day I tell you, that was the day the perfect future was laid out for me, I was to marry Holly Ann Turnbuckle (just the mere mention of her name brought goose bumps to any 10 year old boy). After a long day of being an ice cream plant taste tester I was to drive home to her in our huge mansion in Rome via our Lamborghini. Ahh what a day, I still look back and smile slightly, with a sort of dishearten feeling as I know that will never come true (due to Holly Ann now being a man calling herself Cliff). I then slide in the VHS tapes of the Fresh Prince and move on to Saved by the Bell where I always laugh with anticipation of what hi-jinks Screech and Zach will get into next. ( I really hope Zach and Kelli work things out). After a few hours of this I am ready for dreamland and as I lay my head back down on my pillow (wrist all red and sore from slapping the bracelets on) with a smile is say, WOAH.... WOAH... dreams a coming.

Then this morning he sends me this with the subject of "Warning to My Kickball Opponent":

Ahhh, the air is crisp tonight, smells wonderful, clean, fresh, chill… It's a good night, great night, a good night for killing, a great night for… kickball!!! Yeah I see you there pitcher, don't think its gotten past me that you are adding a little bounce to that roll. It's ok though, I still plan on knocking it out of the park. Yeah that’s right, I ate a double bean chili burrito before the game!! Lookout, it's giving me so much power, especially since I washed it down with a redbull and a 5 hour energy mix cocktail. I feel so dang powerful right now, that ball will be lucky if it doesn't explode when I let into it with this power. I've been massaging my kicking leg too. For the past 3 weeks, it's been nothing but a mixture of baby oil, Tabasco, gasoline, and jet fuel on this horse. Soaking for 2 hours a night. Its just ready to unleash the furry on your pitiful little roll.
Don't think I've missed you 3rd basemen, creeping up as if you think I'm going to bunt it. Come on, seriously, do you think something this wonderful is going to let up? That's like buying a Ferrari and living in Alaska, pointless. If you know what's good for you, you'll move back and cover your face. Better yet you better get behind that building 5 miles away cuz that's the only place you'll be safe, maybe. If this thing even comes remotely close to you I feel sorry for you. The impact would be to much for anyone to handle. God himself would need to duck out of the way of this rocket.
As for the rest of you "players" (and I use that term loosely here) I hope you have all your affairs in order, the will signed and you've kissed you husband/wife/kids or dog goodbye, cuz your not coming home tonight. Not after I get up. I almost feel sorry for you, you didn't sign up for this. You thought you'd sign up for a fun night of hanging out with friends having some drinks. Little did you know you signed your own death warrant. Your only hope here is to forfeit now and MAYBE I'll let you leave, with a few of your body parts intact.
I'm not even going to run around the bases, won't have to. Besides the fact the ball won't even be recognizable once I hit it, everyone will be to afraid to come up in fear their future children will fell the wrath of this hit. I'm going to destroy this, we won't lose, we can't lose, I refuse!!!

I then started wondering if Mike was drinking at work now. Not sure. . .

I am alive. . .

I think that's really the most important thing at the moment. . . :)

Weekend Update. . . with your host. . . Me

My mother always said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

And really my mother is like this. I had a crazy neighbor lady and a pretty psycho roommate. H (and every other person who has met them) can attest to this. And what my mom said about my roommate "She has a lot of issues. And really, don't feel like you have to invite her back to visit with you again." And what my mom said about my neighbor "Woah she has some issues. She's odd." That's about as mean as my mom gets. My dad. . .not so much. But my mom, sweet as can be.

Anyway, I wish I would have listened to her. But alas one of the few times I do say something mean about someone, I text it to them.

I couldn't eat all day Saturday and half of Sunday. I just had this knot in my stomach all day. I'm not sure if Dean even believed my lie. And my friend/neighbor Mike said that I'd be pretty lucky if he talked to me again. Thanks Mike. I was just eaten up all day with it. And felt horrible. And my cousin, MJ, said "well think of it this way, in five years, when he talks to you again, you can totally laugh about it. At his wedding." These people were not helping. And it's not like I'm model material. Or even hand model material. But needless to say, I shouldn't be judgemental and I felt horrible. Plus I'm known for over-thinking things, so this little incident did not help. But Saturday night did.

Saturday night just started off random with MJ, Emily, Mike, and I deciding to go out to dinner and then grab drinks somewhere. Then after Mexican and beers, we met our friends Sarah and Lynn at a very random bar that had some board games. The game was called "What the F@ck?" We had fun with this. And it's dictionary that was included. We also had fun people watching although I did not partake in the making fun of the really drunk people since the incident the night before. But there was this drunk girl that ran into the wall and then looked at Lynn as if she had pushed her. It was priceless.

We then decided to go to a bar that we hadn't been to in like a year. Which we also noticed the clientele had changed. It used to be a good mix of 20-30 somethings who enjoyed 70s/80s/90s and pop music and random townie 40+older people who were friends of the owner. Not now. We walked into Pantera playing loudly and a lot of goth looking people. And then random 40+older people. We had to ask them to turn the heavy metal down because we noticed we were yelling across the table. We became those people.

Then the craziness started. Mike had some coworkers that came in. And since Mike was the only guy with 6 ladies they stayed with us. And one guy hit on all 6. Then every time the girls went out to smoke and I went with, some guy kept high-fiving me. I nicknamed him "high-five guy." Later he asked for my name. "Samantha" I said. Then this other good looking guy came up DRUNK and started putting his hand on my arse while I was sitting there. "I'm Brandon. " "Samantha" I said again. Then owner guy came up and bought us shots. Then creepy guy bought us shots. "Samantha" I said again. Three times I used my bar name that night.

The best story of the night though goes to Mike's co-worker Joel. Who we nicknamed "Felcher."
Here's the definition of Felch. Thank you game from previous bar! :) Anyway, Joel had hit on all of us. Well for some reason, he felt compelled to really hit on me. So as I'm watching the Cubs game he decides to start rubbing my back. And I turn and say "Trying to watch the game, thanks." He then starts to massage my back. Which well, the Cubs were losing and subsequently lost and I was tense from the day before, so I let him. We then lost Joel for awhile but don't worry people, he came back. Then Sarah, Lynn, and Emily left to go home because they were all really drunk from the shots. And since I was driving MJ and Mike, I had to stay sober so I only did the shots and maybe had 2 beers over the course of the night.

As I'm sitting there with my elbows on the table, Joel is sitting next to me and starts to kiss my arm right above my elbow. Then he decides to make-out and LICK my elbow. I cannot make this up. He was licking and making out with my elbow/arm. I give Mike this weird look and MJ and I go to the bathroom. Where I tell her what just transpired. To which she doesn't believe me. And I show her the hair on my arm that has been licked. To which she says "HE LICKED your arm!!!!" Really?? I hadn't noticed.

It was priceless. Words cannot describe this. Or why on earth he thought this would turn me on. So we leave and I tell Mike thanks for introducing us to your friend who then licked my elbow. And Mike starts saying "Well he's not really my friend. So if by friend you mean a coworker who I barely talk to at work and who only probably talked to me because I was with 6 laaad. . . wait did you just say he LICKED your elbow???" We then laugh hysterically. Mike then informs me that I probably could have taken Joel home that night and had some really good stories. I'll pass. . .thanks though! Maybe he would have dog-licked** my face too. That would have been awesome.

So for all you men out there. . . a good way to a ladies heart?? Lick her elbow. It's definitely a turn on. . . or maybe not.

What made my weekend somewhat better was the text I received at 1:30pm on Sunday:

I'm drunk at Buffalo Wild Wings right now and would you come pick me up later? And we can watch Entourage??

From Dean.

Whew.

I texted back that I would do that just let me know what time and it's only 1:30pm how is he drunk? I didn't hear from him until 8pm when he called me. He had driven home and passed out. But he wanted to come over and still watch Entourage if I would have him. And of course I said yes. He didn't bring up the text. Maybe he believed me, maybe not. I still feel really bad but I will NEVER bring it up. Unless maybe someday, like 3 days before his wedding day to her. Just to clear my conscience. :)

**I had a boyfriend do that to me one night at the bar on a dare from our guy friends. I was standing up at the bar waiting for our drinks, and he came up, grabbed my face, licked it very noticeably, and walked away leaving me standing there with the most stunned look on my face. He did it for $40 so I couldn't be that mad. I would have done it for $40 too!

Things you shouldn't do. . .

Reminder to all you readers out there:



Never text anything to anyone that could be mean about someone and then accidentally send it to the person you are talking about.



So. . . as in the previous post, Relationship 101, I mentioned that someone's girlfriend wasn't cute. She was in fact ugly. This would be the new girl that Dean is seeing.

Last night at happy hour, at the start of my first drink, I told my cousin that I needed to show her a picture of something. And she asked "of what??" and I said "well I don't want to tell you in front of all these people. I'll just text it to you." And text I did. To Dean. About his girlfriend.

Yeah. He called pretty upset last night and I had to lie and say that I wasn't talking about him. Which everyone felt that I needed to do was lie. It was a bad lie. Yes. But a lie that had to be done. I don't think we have to worry about us being friends anymore. I'm pretty sure we aren't friends. However, if I was dating someone that was ugly, and someone told me, I'd still be friends with them just. . . it would be awkward.

Friday weird things. . .

I'll probably be adding more to this during the day since it is only 9am. . . but I came across this article and had to share.

I also for some reason became very excited that this was even possible. And weirded out that I drink this when I am hungover. Which would then explain why it might be a cure all for entirely different reasons.

But then good ole Snopes had to prove it wrong. . . for the most part.

I was just thinking that I found a cure for teenage pregnancy and was going to spread the word on this cheap, affective birth control. But. . . so, so, so wrong.

Also I had a flashback from a really, really horrible story my grandpa told me involving a relative of mine (and PJ's and H's) and a coke bottle. Thanks Gramps. . . still mentally warped from it!!!

Relationship 101

Now in life relationships are confusing. Especially the ones I tend to get myself into. Or "weird and awkward friendships" if you will.

However, just because you are curious as to what the new girl in your friend's life looks like and are concerned as to what she looks like, DOES NOT mean (H-talking to you) that you are still in love with that person and want them back.

The reason you care is because you want one of a few scenarios to occur, since he doesn't want to be with you:
1) You want him to be with someone prettier than you but someone that is bitchy so his life is miserable. (Check that one! haha!)
2) You want him with someone that is equally as attractive as you are but is definitely more bitchy than you.
3) You want him to be with someone that is either prettier or just as pretty but who is also slutty and makes out with random people at the bar.

You DO NOT want them to be with someone who is nice and less attractive than you are.

Because if this is the case, people usually go for looks and then personality. . . so why on earth does he not want to be with you? What's wrong with you if you are definitely prettier than the person he is with? Because well frankly you are known for your awesome personality.

Your personality is great. It's your thing. You are a ray of light in an otherwise dark room. (This is what Wyatt always tells me. He says "I need my light to come and visit!") You light up the room whenever you walk in. You can tell your Grandpa and Dad they are being absolutely crabby people but they never get mad at you. My aunt says this is a gift because I am the only person she has ever known who can do this. But I digress. . .

Now I am just wondering. . . what was wrong with me??