It's weird when your grandparents die. Families seem to go off and do their own things. I miss that but I understand it. I miss spending Christmas's with my mom's side of the family. Now for the most part, we resort to seeing one another at graduations, weddings, or worse, funerals. I, however, have it pretty good here since I moved. I get to see my mom's side quite often which is nice. I get to see my dad's side too, but since Gramps is still alive, we still have family get togethers and Christmas's together. But Christmas is always hard without my grandmas and my other grandpa around.
This year, however, we're missing out on Christmas back here. My Mom and Dad are going to Hawaii the day after Christmas and my cousin and her family are going to see her in-laws in North Carolina the day after, so Christmas just wasn't going to happen. Which to me isn't all that big of a deal because I get to see them quite frequently and I see my Gramps almost every weekend. When I was little, Christmas was one of the five or six times a year I would get to see my extended family and now, I see them often.
This year, however, we're missing out on Christmas back here. My Mom and Dad are going to Hawaii the day after Christmas and my cousin and her family are going to see her in-laws in North Carolina the day after, so Christmas just wasn't going to happen. Which to me isn't all that big of a deal because I get to see them quite frequently and I see my Gramps almost every weekend. When I was little, Christmas was one of the five or six times a year I would get to see my extended family and now, I see them often.
Plus, I get a week at home, which I haven't gotten in forever. That's what happens when you move far from home. The guilt of taking vacations and not spending time with your family sinks in. That, and well I have the most adorable nephew ever, so really, it's hard to not want to spend time with him. Everyone keeps saying "You're home for a week??? Good luck!" and partially they are right. It does kind of wear on you all the family time and all but in all honesty, I haven't been back on the weekends for awhile, so I was looking forward to it. Plus my mom loves to wait on me when I get home. She says things like "You go and sit on the couch and I'll clean up the dishes" and then in the next sentence as I drop my plate off at the sink she'll say "Oh hey could you bring those other plates over too??" So much for actually sitting on the couch.
Well my hopes of travelling and seeing friends during the day were subsided by the lovely weather of freezing rain and ice covered roads.
This is what the ice looked like when I first strolled into town. Who would have thunk icicles on icicle lights?!? But on the plus side, this meant that my sister and her family were also stranded with us for a couple of days. This left plenty of time for my family and I to watch movies. Many, many movies including Alvin and the Chipmunks and How to Eat Fried Worms about 5 times each. Because well, my nephew is 3 1/2 and he likes watching movies over and over and over. . . and over. But he's cute, so we let him get away with things. I mean, how can you say no to this face??
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to whatever you celebrate. I hope you got to be with your loved ones and your close friends and got to spend that extra time with them.
The roads were so bad on Christmas Eve due to the freezing rain that even Christmas Eve services were cancelled. So of course, Mom, Dad, and I decide to watch movies after making a batch of homemade egg nog. We thought The Bucket List would be a great movie to watch. I mean it has Morgan Freeman (H don't even say it!!) and Jack Nichalson. I mean we all know it's a heart warming comedy right?? Well, the premise of the movie is simple. It's their list of things to do before they kick the bucket. I mean, you see it in all the previews. However, not a good movie to watch when you find out very recently that your friend's cancer in her liver decided to double in size in two months during her chemo holiday. At the end of the movie, Mom, Dad, and I are all crying. And my Dad?? Not who you would consider a cryer. He wasn't necessarily bawling like Mom and I, but he was definitely teary eyed.
It makes you appreciate everything you have, every moment, every memory. Which I guess you should be thankful for every day . But when someone you're close with is faced with this uncertainty, with this unknown, with this dread that this could be her last everything, it's hard. It makes day to day hard. Those last phone calls. Those last emails. Which when someone passes away unexpectedly it's easier in a way. You regret the last times and how you should have done those things different. I watched my Grandmothers pass away. I had time to say goodbye. I got to say goodbye to my Grandpa right before he died. I told him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. I saw my great aunt right before she died and told her how much she meant to me. And now I find myself telling that to Josie almost every day. And I find myself saving every email. Every voicemail. Every text. You expect your elders to go before you. Not your good friends. Not someone who is supposed to be there with you when you get married and for the birth of your first child. In my heart and mind, I know she's going to make it. I know she is going to beat this thing. But also, somewhere in the corners is the thought of what if she doesn't. And that I know I need to be prepared for. That is why on Saturday night when I went out with her, I stayed 3 hours later than I wanted to.
It was also cute because I was staying with my sister and my nephew wanted me to sleep with him in his bed. And when I told him I was going out with one of my friends he said "Are you leaffing me A??" and I said "Yeah buddy. I'm going out with Josie tonight for a bit." And he said "Josie that I pray for every night??" Me: "Yep" Then he said "That's okay then. Give her a big hug for me then. But not too hard because she's sick." And then he gave me a hug. Later as I was doing my hair, he came up to me and said "Is she going to die??" And I said "I hope not." And he said "People with cancer die right?? She's going to die??" And I said "Hopefully not buddy. That's why we pray for her to get better." And he said "I don't want her to die either. I'll keep praying for her to be better." It was too cute. And of course, it left my sister and I teary eyed.
My nephew also has a hard problem with my leaving. Such as he will ignore me and stay as far away from me as possible an hour or so before I leave. He will initially hug me when I get there and then since I usually am only there for a weekend, by Sunday, he's already getting mad at me for having to leave. This weekend was not an exception. And on Sunday when I asked him why he wouldn't hug me, he said it's because I always leave him. Well I was there a week, and he was loving all of his auntie time. So the next Sunday, when I was actually supposed to leave, we didn't tell him I was leaving. . .until about 10 minutes before I did. And he threw a little fit of course. But when I said I was leaving and turned, he came running up to me and kissed me. And then had this look on his face:
Okay not really this face. This one he was making on purpose earlier because he enjoys making not normal faces for his aunt. What a stinker! But he was really, really sad.
My drive back home was good. I love driving on good roads that are clear of snow and ice. It's like the best way to drive anywhere.
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to whatever you celebrate. I hope you got to be with your loved ones and your close friends and got to spend that extra time with them.
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