I am here. . . sort of. . .

I have a wrap up of my Holidays but decided it was kind of depressing, but then thought that maybe I should just post it anyway because the content was sincere. So I may still post it anyway or figure out a way to make it not so sappy and make you want to cry and hold a box of kleenex.

My parents are in Hawaii right now. I kind of hate them. They are really nice about calling and sending pictures to my phone though. Thanks Mom and Dad!

What I really was getting on to write about was an article I read today that while I may have already known this, it's hard to read things in print. And that I may need an intervention.

Mixed signal #5: He's always complimenting you and taking you on lots of "dates," but he doesn't even try to kiss you on the lips.
Let's get something straight: Most guys aren't interested in being just friends. If he's whispering lots of sweet nothings and treating you to nice dinners or fun outings, then he's into you—but he's scared that you don't feel the same. "Lots of guys are so afraid of rejection that they can't make that first move," says Feinstein. It'll be up to you to get the ball rolling, she says. "You may think that your interest in him is obvious, but you'll need to send some unambiguous clues that you want things to get physical," she says. So try going for a kiss yourself, or, if that's not your style, try some subtle moves: holding his hand, standing or sitting a wee bit closer to him than normal, or (here's the clincher) letting your eyes linger on his lips while he's talking to you. All clear signs that you're saying, kiss me you fool!

For people that don't know me all that well, this may seem like something that most people may know or figure out or maybe even have this happen to them once or twice. This happens to me on a regular basis. I mean, at the current moment, I could have this situation with 3 guys. Maybe all 3 like me and I wouldn't have a clue. I do know one kind of likes me and I kind of like him, so we have a definite one. In college, this was going on with about 10 different guys. All my good guy friends. All treated me to dinner and movies, out at the bars, walks to get coffee, ice cream, etc. I had guy friends who taped different tv shows for me while I had class at night. One that would pick me up at my night class on days it was raining or there was snow on the ground. My sister would always joke that I didn't need a boyfriend with different guy friends around doing things a boyfriend would do like fix my car or help me hang pictures or move furniture. And she was right. Maybe this is why I automatically make guys' my friends. Because I never realized they wanted or more and I, myself, was scared to lose that friendship. Who knows. I do think I need an intervention. Maybe I need to find more assertive guys??

I thought I would give you a Wine Rep update. The Friday before I left for Christmas, some friends and I went out and he happened to get off work early. Well I have apparently become oblivious to his charms as of lately because as he was walking by me to go talk to one of his friends, he nuzzled my neck and kissed me on the cheek and I didn't even stop talking to my two friends while he did it. Which then prompted MJ to say "Wait, did he just kiss you on the cheek??" to which Emily said "I wasn't even going to mention it!" I said "No, I don't think so." And they both were like "Ummm, yeah, totally kissed you on the cheek while you were in conversation!" I'm oblivious to him. Oblivious. I guess that's what happens when you make plans with me and ditch out like 4 months ago and I make you my friend instead. Apparently it's going to take you more than a month to get me to notice you otherwise. Even though deep down I really do want something to come of this. Plus Wine Rep made bonus points for talking to me on Christmas Eve (but while he was driving in bad weather, which wasn't good) and for asking me to do something before I could ask him! And for saying he really wanted to hang out. Which didn't happen because I had plans I was inviting him to. He did want me to try and fit him in for a bit though between our plans. How cute!! Baby steps though. . . baby steps. . .

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I think it was always because that was when we came back to visit my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close family friends. I miss those times.

It's weird when your grandparents die. Families seem to go off and do their own things. I miss that but I understand it. I miss spending Christmas's with my mom's side of the family. Now for the most part, we resort to seeing one another at graduations, weddings, or worse, funerals. I, however, have it pretty good here since I moved. I get to see my mom's side quite often which is nice. I get to see my dad's side too, but since Gramps is still alive, we still have family get togethers and Christmas's together. But Christmas is always hard without my grandmas and my other grandpa around.

This year, however, we're missing out on Christmas back here. My Mom and Dad are going to Hawaii the day after Christmas and my cousin and her family are going to see her in-laws in North Carolina the day after, so Christmas just wasn't going to happen. Which to me isn't all that big of a deal because I get to see them quite frequently and I see my Gramps almost every weekend. When I was little, Christmas was one of the five or six times a year I would get to see my extended family and now, I see them often.

Plus, I get a week at home, which I haven't gotten in forever. That's what happens when you move far from home. The guilt of taking vacations and not spending time with your family sinks in. That, and well I have the most adorable nephew ever, so really, it's hard to not want to spend time with him. Everyone keeps saying "You're home for a week??? Good luck!" and partially they are right. It does kind of wear on you all the family time and all but in all honesty, I haven't been back on the weekends for awhile, so I was looking forward to it. Plus my mom loves to wait on me when I get home. She says things like "You go and sit on the couch and I'll clean up the dishes" and then in the next sentence as I drop my plate off at the sink she'll say "Oh hey could you bring those other plates over too??" So much for actually sitting on the couch.

Well my hopes of travelling and seeing friends during the day were subsided by the lovely weather of freezing rain and ice covered roads.

This is what the ice looked like when I first strolled into town. Who would have thunk icicles on icicle lights?!? But on the plus side, this meant that my sister and her family were also stranded with us for a couple of days. This left plenty of time for my family and I to watch movies. Many, many movies including Alvin and the Chipmunks and How to Eat Fried Worms about 5 times each. Because well, my nephew is 3 1/2 and he likes watching movies over and over and over. . . and over. But he's cute, so we let him get away with things. I mean, how can you say no to this face??

The roads were so bad on Christmas Eve due to the freezing rain that even Christmas Eve services were cancelled. So of course, Mom, Dad, and I decide to watch movies after making a batch of homemade egg nog. We thought The Bucket List would be a great movie to watch. I mean it has Morgan Freeman (H don't even say it!!) and Jack Nichalson. I mean we all know it's a heart warming comedy right?? Well, the premise of the movie is simple. It's their list of things to do before they kick the bucket. I mean, you see it in all the previews. However, not a good movie to watch when you find out very recently that your friend's cancer in her liver decided to double in size in two months during her chemo holiday. At the end of the movie, Mom, Dad, and I are all crying. And my Dad?? Not who you would consider a cryer. He wasn't necessarily bawling like Mom and I, but he was definitely teary eyed.

It makes you appreciate everything you have, every moment, every memory. Which I guess you should be thankful for every day . But when someone you're close with is faced with this uncertainty, with this unknown, with this dread that this could be her last everything, it's hard. It makes day to day hard. Those last phone calls. Those last emails. Which when someone passes away unexpectedly it's easier in a way. You regret the last times and how you should have done those things different. I watched my Grandmothers pass away. I had time to say goodbye. I got to say goodbye to my Grandpa right before he died. I told him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. I saw my great aunt right before she died and told her how much she meant to me. And now I find myself telling that to Josie almost every day. And I find myself saving every email. Every voicemail. Every text. You expect your elders to go before you. Not your good friends. Not someone who is supposed to be there with you when you get married and for the birth of your first child. In my heart and mind, I know she's going to make it. I know she is going to beat this thing. But also, somewhere in the corners is the thought of what if she doesn't. And that I know I need to be prepared for. That is why on Saturday night when I went out with her, I stayed 3 hours later than I wanted to.

It was also cute because I was staying with my sister and my nephew wanted me to sleep with him in his bed. And when I told him I was going out with one of my friends he said "Are you leaffing me A??" and I said "Yeah buddy. I'm going out with Josie tonight for a bit." And he said "Josie that I pray for every night??" Me: "Yep" Then he said "That's okay then. Give her a big hug for me then. But not too hard because she's sick." And then he gave me a hug. Later as I was doing my hair, he came up to me and said "Is she going to die??" And I said "I hope not." And he said "People with cancer die right?? She's going to die??" And I said "Hopefully not buddy. That's why we pray for her to get better." And he said "I don't want her to die either. I'll keep praying for her to be better." It was too cute. And of course, it left my sister and I teary eyed.

My nephew also has a hard problem with my leaving. Such as he will ignore me and stay as far away from me as possible an hour or so before I leave. He will initially hug me when I get there and then since I usually am only there for a weekend, by Sunday, he's already getting mad at me for having to leave. This weekend was not an exception. And on Sunday when I asked him why he wouldn't hug me, he said it's because I always leave him. Well I was there a week, and he was loving all of his auntie time. So the next Sunday, when I was actually supposed to leave, we didn't tell him I was leaving. . .until about 10 minutes before I did. And he threw a little fit of course. But when I said I was leaving and turned, he came running up to me and kissed me. And then had this look on his face:

Okay not really this face. This one he was making on purpose earlier because he enjoys making not normal faces for his aunt. What a stinker! But he was really, really sad.

My drive back home was good. I love driving on good roads that are clear of snow and ice. It's like the best way to drive anywhere.

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to whatever you celebrate. I hope you got to be with your loved ones and your close friends and got to spend that extra time with them.

It's snowing and -6 degrees. . . and you??

Whenever the weather is crappy and people ask how I am, I always tell them the weather so they can make the judgement as to how I am. I also do this when I'm stuck at work on nice days except I add that I'm also stuck at work.




I LOVE snow. I hate snow when I have to drive in it. BOOOO. But I've said this before, so I hate to be a broken record.





My Mom told me that I need to change my facebook profile pic to something that I look pretty in. She said that I just don't look pretty in my picture. My glasses aren't on my face fully, my hair is a mess. . . and I'm holding a penis cookie. So I changed it to this:

H made the comment that the picture is MUCH better. Now I just look like an alcoholic. I told her, while that is true, it's actually a really cool picture because while I am completely not moving, it looks like everyone else behind me is moving really fast. It's artistic. :)

Wine Rep made the comment on Friday night when I suggested that I just make dinner on Sunday as opposed to going out for dinner that he may need to find out my ring size and go ring shopping instead. Yes, it creeped me out. And on Sunday when we had tentative plans (not even fully fledged plans) he actually let me know that after his wine tasting that if he didn't call me, he was having to help his friend finish moving. This is what I call progress. And no, I'm not falling hook, line, and sinker yet!

Dean made the comment last week that he misses all the people he and I used to hang out with. And on Saturday night I hung out with all those people and told them that. They didn't seem to care too much seeing as Dean was the one that broke my heart. And I didn't have the heart to tell him on Saturday night when he asked what I was up to when he got off work to tell him that. And I know last year he made the comment about how much he liked everyone but they were my friends and I said "No, they're your friends too." Which at the time was accurate because the guys would call him to hang out now and then. No matter how awesome you are, if then you go and break this girl's heart, you can forget that my friends would talk to you again. But I would never tell him that either.

I love Joel McHale from The Soup.

I think I might have a girl crush on Chelsea Handler as well. I keep staying up to watch Chelsea Lately instead of going to sleep. I need help. And why is she so funny?!?

My neighbor ran into my cousin MJ at the bar on Saturday night and told her that I'm super nice and. . .she's not. haha!

I love HIMYM and the Naked episode still is probably the funniest yet.

Did I mention it's colder than all get out here and snowing?? Not as cold as yesterday but cold.

What happens when you're drinking wine and making Christmas Cookies. . .

So last night we had a Girl's night where we got together and made Christmas Cookies. Now, I go all out as in making my Grandma's Christmas Sugar Cookie recipe which basically calls for a cup of sugar and cream. REAL cream. They are delicious. And I make homemade frosting.



Last night we drank wine while we did this and my neighbor Mike stopped by. Well, you can only guess what happened at the end of the evening when we had left over dough and decided each of us would create our own cookie.


This is what we got. . .




Lynn thought it would be funny to do a penis. . . and well when it was Mike's turn. . . well you see what happened. . .


In my new glasses, I definitely look like a dirty librarian too.


Oh and I already received a Christmas miracle on Sunday. And by miracle I mean that Wine Rep told me to call him on Sunday and he would come over for lunch. And I called him, he answered, AND he came over. He even quit watching the Packers game to come over and eat some chili. Granted, I had other people over and he only stayed a couple of hours to hang out with me and my two other friends that were over. . . but this is an improvement. Now he said he would try and give me a call this week to do supper but he's really busy this week. So if he calls, I might have to rethink my stance on him. He might just have realized what he needs to do to really woo me! haha! I mean. . . besides all the free wine he gives me.

Finally!!

I think I am buying this for most of my single guy friends for Christmas. . .

It was written by a 9-year-old and the exerpts from it are so darn cute and pretty right on!

It's hilarious. And kind of funny that I kind of share the same girl values that a 9-year-old girl would.

Also. . .thanks to the ONE person that responded with advice. You guys kind of suck! :) Kidding. Well maybe. . . hehe!

Hangman's Woods

Scary isn't it?? Can you see the cloudish like fog? There was no fog anywhere that night. I think those are ghosts?? I wish I would have gotten a picture of the barn but it was just creepy enough to get a picture of the woods. I should probably delete the picture off of my phone incase it brings me bad luck or something. . . hmmm. . .

I need your advice...Please. . .

This has really been kind of nagging on me all day and I really don't know what to do. And I could really use your help and advice in answering this.

I was having a conversation in which someone told me that I have a weird or loose definition of the word "Friend." I was like Huh?? And I was told that when I to go out to supper with a guy alone that constitutes as a date not a friend, especially when they pay. And I, of course, disagree with this. And even if I happen to make out with them, we are still friends.

Then she says that you can't still be friends with someone you once were previously in love with.
Which I disagree with. She then brought up the point that although Dean is a really great person (and someone she just became friends with on Facebook) that I need to quit talking to him as long as he has a girlfriend now.

And it's not a surprise that it's weird that he has a girlfriend and keeps telling me about their problems and asking for advice, but it's weird because looking back I was in love with him for a lot longer than I realized.

She says the main reason for this is because last Monday (the Monday before Thanksgiving) he was on his way home from work and called me to see how I was doing* and asked if he could stop by to give me a hug tomorrow night because he was really tired and just got off his 2nd job and was almost home. I told him that I was headed home tomorrow and not to worry about stopping by because he was almost home. But he turned around and came by at 10:30 to give me a hug. Okay. He ended up giving me two hugs. But still.

It's weird, yes. But he's my friend. We're close. That's what close friends do, right?? Then she said if she was his girlfriend, she probably wouldn't appreciate him doing that for another girl. So last night when he called I never picked up nor returned his call. I feel bad for that. He was just calling to see how my Thanksgiving was. I haven't talked to him in over a week. Granted, I was home for most of last week. And yes we do still talk at least once a week.

But she is right. I don't know what he's told this new girl about me. Or if at one time that I was in love with him. I mean, if I knew my boyfriend was really close friends with a girl that used to be in love with him, I don't know how I'd feel. And really, he's confused enough about whether or not he wants to be dating this girl. Could I be making it worse somehow even though he just thinks of me as a friend?? It's not like he has feelings for me.

There's a lot of stuff going on right now in my life and it would be super tough not to have him to rely on for it. I do realize that for some reason we are super close and I can't help that. But what do I do?!? Do I quit talking to him?

*My friend Josie's cancer doubled in size again in her liver in two months time. They put her on a chemo holiday and it doubled in size. This isn't good obviously. But they didn't think she would live 6 months when they discovered it metastasized in her liver in February. But it had shrunk in half with the chemo and without the hormones. But then rapidly doubled without the 2 months of chemo. Stupid Cancer!! I should post one of her emails on here, so you can see her strength and optimism. Definitely keep her in your thoughts!