Life as I know it

One year came and went. For most people, it was eventful. . . others had some hard times, others had the most happy times in their lives.

For me, it was a year of trying how to make it in without one of my closest friends. There were a lot of tears. . .and a lot of fond memories. I will miss her for the rest of my life but she also taught me that you have to live life in order to miss it.

John her husband wanted us all to get together for that day and go to something that she loved. . . the Fairbury Fair. haha! I haven't been home to the Fair since my first year here. . . and it was to go with her. She had just finished her chemo treatments and her hair was just starting to grow back. John's entire family, her family, and some friends of both John's and hers, all went to the fair, went on rides, and then drank at the beer tent. It was a great time. And while I know she's not here physically, her spirit was definitely there. John has been holding up great too and I'm soo thankful for that.

I really just wish I could have drank more in her honor. . . but I'm pretty sure that after the last few weekends my liver hated me.

You see the weekend before I had a wedding on a Saturday night. . .and for some reason I thought I would be classy and start out drinking wine at dinner. Seems reasonable, right?? Then after 3 glasses, I switched to beer because really it's hard to dance like a crazy person with wine. My friend's brother had one of those pocket Breathalyzers and while my friend JV who can out drink most men, blew a .09, I blew a .15. We thought there must have been some mistake. . . yet we all agreed when the wedding got over at 9:30pm it was way to early to go home. So we went to the bar where I took a drink of my beer and declared that I was pretty sure I was drunk now. Blowing the .15 obviously didn't make me realize that. Then for some reason I did a shot.
Then we went to another bar and Mike's parents who had met us out talked me into singing Karaoke.

I'm not sure if I discussed how good of a singer I am in the blog?? No?? Oh that would because I can't sing to save my life. Although my entire life I have been known to burst out in song. I think I sound excellent around my house, in the shower, in my car. . .you know the usual places. I do think there are certain songs I can sing well. . . just not most of them. I picked the classic "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks. I was singing so bad, JV came up to help me out. And then hugged me. The song ended and I apologized to the entire bar of about 35 people. Luckily no one slow clapped. Mike's Mom told me how good I was. I think she was just being nice.

I think the Karaoke experience was soo humiliating that I decided I should puke on Sunday morning very loudly in the bathroom downstairs where JV's Dad was grabbing something. I haven't puked on alcohol since '03 maybe?!? Horrible. Horrible. I felt a lot better after that though.

Then on Friday of this week, my good friends Kaci, Stephanie, Luke, and Darren all get together to go the Fair as well since I was going to be back and Kaci was back. We hadn't all been in the beer tent together since we were able to legally drink. If this is any indication of how the night went it's this: We ended up with 3 six packs of beer and no idea of how we got it or who bought it.

In the morning we were discussing how bad we felt and started talking about the bar and Luke says "Wait, we were at the bar?!?" For 2 hours we were there. Luckily we weren't driving and got a ride home with Landon, who just had heart surgery. I'm thinking that's who's beer we took. The best part was that Steph's dad was super nice and went and got us donuts since we were talking about how good our grocery store's donuts were. And that's when he said "Did you guys know there were 3 six packs of beer outside on the table??" No. We didn't remember that. Which might explain why I dry heaved on Saturday morning. 2 weekends in row. I think that AA is calling my name.

Then on Saturday night Jon came up to talk to me and told me how we had stolen their beer. haha! Whoops! I guess that Luke had told him we'd go road loading with him since they had the sober driver. And Luke apparently forgot to tell us girls. So we just had Landon take us to Steph's. I told Jon where to go pick up the beer at if he still wanted it. Hilarious. It's always bad when none of you can really remember the rest of the night. And thus why I didn't drink that much on Saturday night for Josie. :)

I should also know better that sometimes when Kaci, Steph, and I get together, there is a very large alcohol consumption. Like when they came to visit. . . we drank 4 bottles of wine that night. . . and that's not including the beers we drank at supper. And then the next day we started drinking at 12:30pm for lunch. Then went to the wine bar for a flight. . . then to the Brewery, and then the Farmer's Market. . . then the martini bar by my house. Now that I think about it. . . maybe I should go to AA. Granted, we only had one drink per place. . . so that's not really that bad, right?!?

When Steph and Kaci were here I introduced them to the guy I liked. They kept telling me how awesome my friend and old neighbor MK was. Hey, not dating MK. Then on Friday when we were all together they kept telling Luke how cool MK was and that the other guy was so so. Then we sent MK a pic and he texted back to me that I should tell them "Hhhheeeeyyyy" but snap my fingers while I do it in a half circle. I responded that he really needs to quit being funny so my friends would quit liking him so much.

Then on Tues the said guy I liked informed me an hour before we were supposed to be grilling out at my place that he's been seeing someone for the last month. He told me this on the phone while I had called from the grocery store to see what meat he wanted. It's not serious, but he doesn't think that he can be hanging out with me anymore. He felt horrible for not telling me sooner. Which I also find funny since we'd hung out once sometimes twice a week every week for the last month. So when after I check out, I call him back and say "Yes, I am mad at you. You made me feel like an idiot thinking that you might want something else again. I hope you do move away now. I don't care anymore." He kept saying how much he loves being with me and spending time with me. . . blah, blah, blah. . . and he hopes that we can keep doing that. Well that won't be happening.

I cried for about 4 hours on Tues night. I drank my supper except for the cheese and cherry tomatoes I ate and hung out with my friend Sarah. When MK called to see how I was doing he told me he'd go beat him up. But when I told him where he lived he determined that suburb was too far away. So I told him he worked downtown but at a place that has guards and MK determined he couldn't do that either. Then he volunteered to take me to the shelter to pick up some cats. He's super sweet that one. haha!!

I realized yesterday that I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. I liked how he looked at me. And how he made me feel. Besides Tues. He made me feel awful on Tues. And frankly, he did a lot of things that annoyed me. Like wearing a flat billed ball cap. He's not an old farmer, he's not Brody Jenner, he's not in the ghetto, and he's not a skater dude. He was also really indecisive. And when we went to the movies, he'd always turn and ask me if I was enjoying it. I realized the reason I was soo upset with him was that he rejected me. And that sucks. Rejection in any form sucks. And I can't spend my life wishing and hoping some guy who my good friends didn't get a good first impression from and some guy who can't wear his cap like a normal person would fall for me. And now that I think about it, he was just plain awkward around me and maybe that's why I liked him. Who knows?!?

But I slept really well last night. And if my heart was soo broken, I wouldn't have slept well at all. I knew that from when Dean and I ended. Life's too short to be pining for someone you had so many annoyances with anyway.

Life Live. Be Life. Happiness will follow. :)

WAAAAHOOOOOO!!!!

My best friends are coming today. Or BFFs as some people call them.

My excitement cannot be waned. I woke up with no hot water again. Good thing I didn't call the plumber off on Sunday when the thing finally let me reset my tankless water heater at 6pm that night. Had my boss not been here yesterday, the plumber would have probably already fixed it.

But seriously, the cold shower was worth it. I can't wait to see them. It's been a YEAR!! Well I think I've seen Steph. . . but not Kaci. Kaci moved to frickin' Macedonia, 7 hours ahead, and no phone. I am almost too excited to be at work.

I am about to take a stance and am ready for some backlash. . .

Mel Gibson.

I will admit he's sounding almost completely nuts. AND there is absolutely no excuse to talk to anyone the way he did OR hit someone. EVER.

But. . . .

We all have known guys(or girls for that matter) who are completely normal. Nice sweet guys. Who you've seen in relationship after relationship being great guys and their girlfriends sometimes break up with them because they are just too nice of guys.

Then. . .

Your friend starts to date this girl. And then like 3 months later, it's drama, drama, drama. Caused by her. She's jealous of every girl he hangs out with and doesn't trust him. She won't let him hang out with his friends. They start to get in these horrible fights and then this guy friend of yours all of a sudden has this anger problem (towards her) that he's never had before. He's the guy always talking the other guy friends out of fights and now he has all this hostility. They argue every time they go out. It's horrible. And somewhere you're wondering where on earth your friend went to. He's not the same person he was. Finally they break up. And slowly he returns to normal. But he's not the same. He's jilted somehow. And then finally, he meets this nice girl. And somehow she made him happy again. And he's the caring, loving person he was when you knew the 10 years prior.

I don't agree with what Mel Gibson did. But let's be honest, if she didn't release those tapes. . . who did she give them to to release?? PLUS he was MARRIED when she hooked up with him. She knew he was married. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her because I honestly feel she is a money grubbing whore. I don't feel that she deserved to be berated or hit by any means, but when you listen to the tapes, doesn't she seem somewhat calm for someone getting berated?? I know when people start to get mad at me over the phone, I tend to get a little upset back. Irritated. The tone of my voice becomes angry back. I feel she set him up and quite possibly was the one who made him more crazy. I say crazy because you can't forget his little drunken episode from a few years back.

I've seen this happen with girl friends of mine too. Some people love drama and I think they create this non-sufficient drama for some reason and it turns the other person into this drama filled angry person. It's a horrible cycle really. And I have friends who only date drama filled people and then always wonder why. I would say it's because you're an idiot. . . but then I really can't talk.

I was told this weekend by my sister and cousins that I am quite possibly the most picky person when it comes to dating. I don't think so. My sister said that my biggest problem is that I don't realize that a guy is hitting on me or is interested in me and then I make them my friend. She says I have a lot of guy friends because of this. I do have a lot of guy friends, yes, but I also feel, they probably shouldn't beat around the bush so much.

Or maybe I just keep going for the guys that are really undateable. Maybe I'm the opposite of the drama person. I date the guys who were prior in long term drama filled relationships for the most part or just really long term relationships that they weren't happy in. I date them, fix them, and then they let me go and get into an actual normal relationship.

I know. . . I promised. . .

I realize that I break a lot of promises on my blog. . . and most have them are with regards to me actually writing or finishing a post. I just don't do it. Good thing my follow through in life is better than my follow through on this blog. . . or is it?!?

Anyway, I promised no more sad blogs. But I am struggling today. Just to make it through the day. I am counting the hours until I can get home and cry. Except I will have to do that between the gym and home since my friend Rachel is coming over to hang out and have dinner.

Today, one year ago, was the last time I got to see Josie. The last time we laughed together. The last time she told me it was okay to have a mojito for lunch because this place had the best mojitos. The last time we made fun of each other. The last time I told her how much I loved her and that I knew if anyone could beat this, it was her. The last time she hugged and kissed me on the cheek goodbye. The last time we waved goodbye. The last time.

I knew that day. I knew she was really sick. I knew it would most likely be the last time I saw her. I cried the entire way home from Chicago and the minute I walked into my house, my Dad hugged me and I cried more. I just didn't want to believe it. It's that one time you wanted to be wrong. Like when you think you catch your friends husband/boyfriend kissing someone else. You pray to God it wasn't him. I wish I was wrong that time.

Last night while watching TV I just started crying. I was watching that new show Covert Affairs, so really crying was inappropriate. I was lucky that I got to spend an almost week with my family. I needed it. Even if my nephew was being a stinker. I needed hugs from my Mom and sister when I came home from work. I needed to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins from my Mom's side that never all get together anymore because the grandparents are gone. On Sunday, I needed my Mom, Dad, and sister sitting outside while the meat cooked on the grill, with us talking, laughing, and having a few adult beverages.

But I keep going back to that day. With her calling me in a panic a few hours before I was supposed to meet her because she had told me to go downtown to her office for lunch and she was working from home that day. Luckily, I wasn't too close to downtown yet so I could still head to the Northside. She forgot about the Cubs game, so I did hit some of that traffic, but that was fine. I remember Kaci's wedding and everyone asking me how she was and I kept it real. I hated that. But at least the wedding was beautiful. It just sucked that Kaci was moving across the world right after that. I was going to need her very soon. And she called me at 1am her time, days after Jos died, to talk to me.

I get to see Kaci and Steph next week. I am beyond pumped. One, Steph's never visited me here. And Kaci only saw my house on the way through moving back from Seattle. That was one great road trip. I flew out to Seattle and rode back with Kaci as she moved back to Chicago. And they both get to see my new house. It's going to be. . .Legend. . . wait for it. . . ary.

I also found out today that one of my best guy friends, Brophy, is moving to Madison, WI. I will miss him. We haven't gotten to hang out a lot this summer, but how will Sunday Funday survive without him?!? He's the one that plans it. I told him he sucks and that I will miss him very much. I also had to double pinky swear that I would come visit soon. I suppose I could do that. I've only ever driven through Madison.

Maybe I hate change. Maybe. But that's what life is. Changes. What good would I be if it stayed the same?? I would never have met Brophy if I hadn't moved here. There are a lot of awesome people I wouldn't have met. And for that I'm thankful. It just sucks.

Need to Vent

I'm really hoping my friend doesn't read my blog. . . I'm pretty sure she doesn't but. . . I need to say something to her.

My open opinion to my friend who was recently dumped*:

I know that many times I keep telling you over and over to not talk to him. And I know I am right. And no matter how many times you keep telling me how he's your best friend and you're always friends with your exes so you can't quit talking to him, here's why you should not talk to him for awhile:

1) He told you that he's thinking of maybe asking some girl(s) out from his office because they seemed interested in him. He broke up with you 2 weeks before that.

2) He keeps telling you that somethings missing and there's no spark but maybe it will work out later on with you guys.

• Ummm. . . he's basically telling you that he doesn't want to be with you, but if he can't find someone else then maybe it will work out. And here you keep talking to him like old times with the hope that maybe he'll come around.

3) He's not your friend. He's a jerk. For these reasons:

• If he was your friend, he would have openly shouted from the mountain tops that you were his girlfriend. After you two went on vacation to a tropical place, he still didn't tell anyone you two were dating.
• Also, when I had said something to his co-workers about you two dating, and they were in shock, and I told you and you and him talked about it, he said "well after you move here, we can officially say we're together, why do it now??" If he was your friend, he would care about your feelings, and tell his old co-workers that he liked you a lot, but since you two live far away from each other, you didn't want to make it official.
• When you officially applied for a job to move there and then the day before you found out if you got it, he broke up with you telling you there was something missing, and he didn't want to be with you anymore.
• If he was really your friend, he would tell you to move on and get over him. He wouldn't keep telling you that maybe there's a chance sometime in the future.

4) He sucks. Period.

Okay, that's all I have to say. I'm sorry if it hurts, but it's the truth. A sad truth that I know all too well. Heck, I've been him. I've said things like that even when I didn't want to be with that person because I couldn't be honest with them and the thought of hurting their feelings hurt more. But you know what?? He already hurt your feelings. He's a coward, and he's leading you on. You know after a month or 2 if something is missing in a relationship. Since you've dated off and on for 3 years, he should have known by now.

I love you and I don't want you to get hurt more than you already are. He was selfish when he moved and told you the night that another guy hit on you that he was in love with you and I think it was mainly because this guy had hit on you. You deserve better. You deserve some guy who asks you to go on vacation and then will admit to his friends that you're dating.

Sincerely,

Me. Been there, done that.

*I use the term dumped instead of broken up with since he literally dumped her as they had even looked at houses to move in to if she got the job there.

Reality Check

I know what I'm about to say might offend some people, and for that I am truly sorry. . . but I need to get this off my chest.

I hate Reality TV. *gasp!

I know. I know. I'm all for juicy stories and everything but Reality TV has changed over the years. It's not the same as when I first started watching the Real World New York. I mean, people didn't do it for the fame. . . they did it, just to do it. Well except maybe Eric Nies who subsequently went on to some other things. Maybe Survivor, Big Brother, and Amazing Race have stayed the same . . . but not the others. The Hills is completely fake. I want my Laguna Beach back. Not the ones with Lauren's sister. Those were horrible.

The first Housewives they came out with, was a guilty little pleasure. Now it's out of control. And now I don't watch any of them. I mean there's 2 of them and I'm not sure which show but Bethanny Frankel (sp?) and Danielle Staub that are seriously just fame whores.

I remember growing up where you were actually famous for doing something like sports, being on tv, being in the movies, or for some heroic deed. Now there are all these Reality TV people acting like mega stars. . . but you know?? You're not a star by any means. You're a fame whore. I think that's why I can't watch Jersey Shore. It hurts. I simply just can't watch Reality TV anymore.

Now don't get me wrong. . . I love my food reality shows on the Food Network and the Travel Channel. One of my favorites besides Man vs Food is Three Sheets. . . I'm pretty sure that's not a reality series. . . but it kind of is. . . Just watch it though. It's airing on the Travel Channel at 10 and 10:30pm Central Time on Wednesdays for awhile. If enough people watch it, they are going to start making new episodes. Please do this!

That's my beef with Reality TV. I miss the old original Reality TV. I do. I love the original sitcoms. I'm glad they're making some good ones.

Now let's talk about Lindsay Lohan. She is a spoiled brat who has horrible parents. The End.

Having bad parents doesn't make you a bad person. I should clarify that. Having really good parents also doesn't necessarily mean you'll turn out good. I've seen it both ways. But what I will say is that if you are saying how horrible it is that your daughter has to go do jail and the judge is just being hard on her because she's a celebrity, you should read this thing we call "the law." It clearly states in the law that if you are put on probation instead of going to jail and you break the probation, you will go to jail. I know people that this has happened to. He was on probation for a DUI charge. He got caught driving 3 times when his license was suspended. The judge was very lenient on him and since he had a great job, said "I will put you on a curfew" so sort of like home confinement and had a curfew. And you know what?? He broke it one weekend, and what do you know?? He was sentenced to 30 days jail. He only served 15 days. . . but still. . .He broke the law and his probation terms and had to go to jail. I did also make fun of him for say thinking he was above the law and such on a repeated basis. But still. . . he learned not to be a douche.

Okay, enough talking about her. . .I'm done! :)

I got to meet Ingrid Michaelson on Thursday. It was pretty awesome and she's an awesome singer.

I think that's all I got! Hope all is well!

That's a Lovely Scent You're Wearing. . .

First things first as I have been horribly busy and haven't had time to put anything up:



I think that I am the only person in the history of house buying who has never taken a day or 2 off of work to move and then been out of town every weekend since. And let me tell you. . . I still haven't fully unpacked. My goal this weekend is to at least get the spare bedroom unpacked and in order. Then I can breathe a little and work on the stuff downstairs. I did get the kitchen unpacked and most of my bedroom stuff. I still have a ton of boxes though. It will get done. As one of my friends said "I wouldn't worry about it. You'll be here for a few years." True. True.

Anyway, what brings me to the topic at hand has to do with my house. I keep wondering what the smell is in my house. Last night it was the shrimp fajitas I made. But I wonder what people smell when they walk into my house. As a person, I am told that I smell good on a regular basis, so I would hope my house smells good too. But I have no idea. My friends growing up always said they loved the way our house smelled and honestly the only time I noticed its scent was when we'd be gone for vacation and then it would fade.

But then that brings me to other things. Like how your grandparents smelled and such. My one Gramps wore Old Spice and every time I smell it, I think of him. Or Lilacs always remind me of my other Grandma because she loved them. My Dad always used to wear some weird cologne which I can't remember the name and now I think he wears something completely different like Drakkar or something.

Or how you're out and then you get a whiff of cologne and it reminds me you of an ex boyfriend. I hate that one. Especially if it's a recent break up so the smell makes you want to cry almost instantaneously. That's the worst.

This past weekend I was in the Windy City. Soo close to home that I could smell it almost. :) My dear friend Josie loved clothes. She loved shopping especially at thrift stores and she never threw her clothes away. She had style. Anyway, last weekend her husband did a thing called "Josie's Closet" where a bunch of her good friends got together and went through her closet and took things that they wanted. It was one of her wishes that her friends would get a piece of her. As Josie was way smaller than me and even if it was a miracle that I could fit into her pants, they would be crop pants as she was like 4 inches shorter than me. Miraculously I fit into a dress. I think she got it when she was jacked up on testosterone and was bigger for awhile. I took mostly jewelry and some scarves. Out of curiosity, I smelled a scarf, and it smelled like her. I then wondered if her husband John curled up with some of her things.

He said in order to be able to move on, he had to get rid of almost everything. Josie died in the place they shared, and he said everything reminds him of her and soon he'll be moving to a smaller apartment and there's no use in keeping everything they shared. And it's been almost a year, he needs to start. I worry about him. Anyway, as souvenirs of our day, we got wine glasses that said "Josie's Closet" and her mom, sister, and sister-in-law made wine glass charms for the glasses from beads she had.

Man, I got way off target. How are you all smelling today?? :)

Hopefully soon I'll have some wacky house adventures for you all, but for right now. . . that's all I got!

Have a good rest of the week and a great weekend!

Oh and I did have one more thing to add as this has come up like 5 times in less than a week. If you have Starz and like to watch shows that make you feel awkwardly uncomfortable watching the characters, then you need to watch Party Down. John and I were talking about True Blood and he giving me a hard time about missing the premiere since I would be driving back home at the time it was on, and we got to talking about Party Down. Then he said "Man, I feel like you need to be their spokesman." It's true. Watch it. It's funny. And if you liked Dawson Creek, Joey's college professor that she dated is in it, except he's absolutely NOTHING like his character on that show.