Life as I know it

One year came and went. For most people, it was eventful. . . others had some hard times, others had the most happy times in their lives.

For me, it was a year of trying how to make it in without one of my closest friends. There were a lot of tears. . .and a lot of fond memories. I will miss her for the rest of my life but she also taught me that you have to live life in order to miss it.

John her husband wanted us all to get together for that day and go to something that she loved. . . the Fairbury Fair. haha! I haven't been home to the Fair since my first year here. . . and it was to go with her. She had just finished her chemo treatments and her hair was just starting to grow back. John's entire family, her family, and some friends of both John's and hers, all went to the fair, went on rides, and then drank at the beer tent. It was a great time. And while I know she's not here physically, her spirit was definitely there. John has been holding up great too and I'm soo thankful for that.

I really just wish I could have drank more in her honor. . . but I'm pretty sure that after the last few weekends my liver hated me.

You see the weekend before I had a wedding on a Saturday night. . .and for some reason I thought I would be classy and start out drinking wine at dinner. Seems reasonable, right?? Then after 3 glasses, I switched to beer because really it's hard to dance like a crazy person with wine. My friend's brother had one of those pocket Breathalyzers and while my friend JV who can out drink most men, blew a .09, I blew a .15. We thought there must have been some mistake. . . yet we all agreed when the wedding got over at 9:30pm it was way to early to go home. So we went to the bar where I took a drink of my beer and declared that I was pretty sure I was drunk now. Blowing the .15 obviously didn't make me realize that. Then for some reason I did a shot.
Then we went to another bar and Mike's parents who had met us out talked me into singing Karaoke.

I'm not sure if I discussed how good of a singer I am in the blog?? No?? Oh that would because I can't sing to save my life. Although my entire life I have been known to burst out in song. I think I sound excellent around my house, in the shower, in my car. . .you know the usual places. I do think there are certain songs I can sing well. . . just not most of them. I picked the classic "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks. I was singing so bad, JV came up to help me out. And then hugged me. The song ended and I apologized to the entire bar of about 35 people. Luckily no one slow clapped. Mike's Mom told me how good I was. I think she was just being nice.

I think the Karaoke experience was soo humiliating that I decided I should puke on Sunday morning very loudly in the bathroom downstairs where JV's Dad was grabbing something. I haven't puked on alcohol since '03 maybe?!? Horrible. Horrible. I felt a lot better after that though.

Then on Friday of this week, my good friends Kaci, Stephanie, Luke, and Darren all get together to go the Fair as well since I was going to be back and Kaci was back. We hadn't all been in the beer tent together since we were able to legally drink. If this is any indication of how the night went it's this: We ended up with 3 six packs of beer and no idea of how we got it or who bought it.

In the morning we were discussing how bad we felt and started talking about the bar and Luke says "Wait, we were at the bar?!?" For 2 hours we were there. Luckily we weren't driving and got a ride home with Landon, who just had heart surgery. I'm thinking that's who's beer we took. The best part was that Steph's dad was super nice and went and got us donuts since we were talking about how good our grocery store's donuts were. And that's when he said "Did you guys know there were 3 six packs of beer outside on the table??" No. We didn't remember that. Which might explain why I dry heaved on Saturday morning. 2 weekends in row. I think that AA is calling my name.

Then on Saturday night Jon came up to talk to me and told me how we had stolen their beer. haha! Whoops! I guess that Luke had told him we'd go road loading with him since they had the sober driver. And Luke apparently forgot to tell us girls. So we just had Landon take us to Steph's. I told Jon where to go pick up the beer at if he still wanted it. Hilarious. It's always bad when none of you can really remember the rest of the night. And thus why I didn't drink that much on Saturday night for Josie. :)

I should also know better that sometimes when Kaci, Steph, and I get together, there is a very large alcohol consumption. Like when they came to visit. . . we drank 4 bottles of wine that night. . . and that's not including the beers we drank at supper. And then the next day we started drinking at 12:30pm for lunch. Then went to the wine bar for a flight. . . then to the Brewery, and then the Farmer's Market. . . then the martini bar by my house. Now that I think about it. . . maybe I should go to AA. Granted, we only had one drink per place. . . so that's not really that bad, right?!?

When Steph and Kaci were here I introduced them to the guy I liked. They kept telling me how awesome my friend and old neighbor MK was. Hey, not dating MK. Then on Friday when we were all together they kept telling Luke how cool MK was and that the other guy was so so. Then we sent MK a pic and he texted back to me that I should tell them "Hhhheeeeyyyy" but snap my fingers while I do it in a half circle. I responded that he really needs to quit being funny so my friends would quit liking him so much.

Then on Tues the said guy I liked informed me an hour before we were supposed to be grilling out at my place that he's been seeing someone for the last month. He told me this on the phone while I had called from the grocery store to see what meat he wanted. It's not serious, but he doesn't think that he can be hanging out with me anymore. He felt horrible for not telling me sooner. Which I also find funny since we'd hung out once sometimes twice a week every week for the last month. So when after I check out, I call him back and say "Yes, I am mad at you. You made me feel like an idiot thinking that you might want something else again. I hope you do move away now. I don't care anymore." He kept saying how much he loves being with me and spending time with me. . . blah, blah, blah. . . and he hopes that we can keep doing that. Well that won't be happening.

I cried for about 4 hours on Tues night. I drank my supper except for the cheese and cherry tomatoes I ate and hung out with my friend Sarah. When MK called to see how I was doing he told me he'd go beat him up. But when I told him where he lived he determined that suburb was too far away. So I told him he worked downtown but at a place that has guards and MK determined he couldn't do that either. Then he volunteered to take me to the shelter to pick up some cats. He's super sweet that one. haha!!

I realized yesterday that I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. I liked how he looked at me. And how he made me feel. Besides Tues. He made me feel awful on Tues. And frankly, he did a lot of things that annoyed me. Like wearing a flat billed ball cap. He's not an old farmer, he's not Brody Jenner, he's not in the ghetto, and he's not a skater dude. He was also really indecisive. And when we went to the movies, he'd always turn and ask me if I was enjoying it. I realized the reason I was soo upset with him was that he rejected me. And that sucks. Rejection in any form sucks. And I can't spend my life wishing and hoping some guy who my good friends didn't get a good first impression from and some guy who can't wear his cap like a normal person would fall for me. And now that I think about it, he was just plain awkward around me and maybe that's why I liked him. Who knows?!?

But I slept really well last night. And if my heart was soo broken, I wouldn't have slept well at all. I knew that from when Dean and I ended. Life's too short to be pining for someone you had so many annoyances with anyway.

Life Live. Be Life. Happiness will follow. :)