I know. . . I promised. . .

I realize that I break a lot of promises on my blog. . . and most have them are with regards to me actually writing or finishing a post. I just don't do it. Good thing my follow through in life is better than my follow through on this blog. . . or is it?!?

Anyway, I promised no more sad blogs. But I am struggling today. Just to make it through the day. I am counting the hours until I can get home and cry. Except I will have to do that between the gym and home since my friend Rachel is coming over to hang out and have dinner.

Today, one year ago, was the last time I got to see Josie. The last time we laughed together. The last time she told me it was okay to have a mojito for lunch because this place had the best mojitos. The last time we made fun of each other. The last time I told her how much I loved her and that I knew if anyone could beat this, it was her. The last time she hugged and kissed me on the cheek goodbye. The last time we waved goodbye. The last time.

I knew that day. I knew she was really sick. I knew it would most likely be the last time I saw her. I cried the entire way home from Chicago and the minute I walked into my house, my Dad hugged me and I cried more. I just didn't want to believe it. It's that one time you wanted to be wrong. Like when you think you catch your friends husband/boyfriend kissing someone else. You pray to God it wasn't him. I wish I was wrong that time.

Last night while watching TV I just started crying. I was watching that new show Covert Affairs, so really crying was inappropriate. I was lucky that I got to spend an almost week with my family. I needed it. Even if my nephew was being a stinker. I needed hugs from my Mom and sister when I came home from work. I needed to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins from my Mom's side that never all get together anymore because the grandparents are gone. On Sunday, I needed my Mom, Dad, and sister sitting outside while the meat cooked on the grill, with us talking, laughing, and having a few adult beverages.

But I keep going back to that day. With her calling me in a panic a few hours before I was supposed to meet her because she had told me to go downtown to her office for lunch and she was working from home that day. Luckily, I wasn't too close to downtown yet so I could still head to the Northside. She forgot about the Cubs game, so I did hit some of that traffic, but that was fine. I remember Kaci's wedding and everyone asking me how she was and I kept it real. I hated that. But at least the wedding was beautiful. It just sucked that Kaci was moving across the world right after that. I was going to need her very soon. And she called me at 1am her time, days after Jos died, to talk to me.

I get to see Kaci and Steph next week. I am beyond pumped. One, Steph's never visited me here. And Kaci only saw my house on the way through moving back from Seattle. That was one great road trip. I flew out to Seattle and rode back with Kaci as she moved back to Chicago. And they both get to see my new house. It's going to be. . .Legend. . . wait for it. . . ary.

I also found out today that one of my best guy friends, Brophy, is moving to Madison, WI. I will miss him. We haven't gotten to hang out a lot this summer, but how will Sunday Funday survive without him?!? He's the one that plans it. I told him he sucks and that I will miss him very much. I also had to double pinky swear that I would come visit soon. I suppose I could do that. I've only ever driven through Madison.

Maybe I hate change. Maybe. But that's what life is. Changes. What good would I be if it stayed the same?? I would never have met Brophy if I hadn't moved here. There are a lot of awesome people I wouldn't have met. And for that I'm thankful. It just sucks.