Crawling out of the hole. . .

PJ had mentioned that she doesn't read my blog anymore since her notifications got turned off, and well. . . I realized she hasn't missed anything as I haven't written since February.  I would like to sugar coat my whereabouts and why I've been busy, but honestly, my life basically went spiraling out of control and I'm slowly starting to get a grip on life. Seeing my last post, made me sad.  

At the end of March, my Uncle Larry died suddenly of an embolism.  Jamie and I were in St. Louis visiting Sarah at the time.  D$ called me around 7am and apparently my sobbing woke them both up, and they thought I was dreaming.  I miss him a lot.  I saw him and my Aunt Cynthia quite regularly so it's weird to not have him around.  When I moved to Iowa, Aunt Cynthia and Uncle Larry always treated me like one of their own and invited me to Family things with them.

The strangest part was on the way down to St Louis that weekend, I realized I needed to fire one of my employees.  And then when I got back from the funeral, a different employee gave me 2 weeks notice.  So doing what I thought was a good idea, I gave the girl I was going to fire, a month to get her act together and give her a letter of recommendation or just leave now so she would be leaving on her own terms.  Well a week later, it became obvious that as much as she told me she wanted her job, she wasn't doing it.  And the she just up and left one day without a goodbye to anyone in the office while I was at lunch!  So from the April 12th to June 6th, I worked about 107 hours of overtime.  I was stressed to the max and couldn't see the light and definitely thought of running out into traffic, but I didn't have the time. . .  Finally in May, I hired someone, so by June. . . life had seemed to calm down. 

But then, my Grandpa broke his back.  He walked on it for 2 weeks broken before he was no longer able to walk.  And then the Friday of Father's Day weekend, he had spinal surgery to connect his spine back together.  He came out marvelously after a really intense 8 hour surgery to repair it.  He was doing really well and a month after surgery when he was in rehab, they realized they had nicked his spinal column.  He had 2 surgeries in 2 days to add tubes to drain all the fluid and still was a champ.  A week later, he got MRSA.  He came out of that really well and even got to go back to a rehab place.  Then he got double pneumonia, his breathing got way down, and he went into an almost septic shock.  They didn't think he'd make it 12 hours, and he did.  He was doing great but a few weeks later, his body and the antibiotics were working against him and his heart gave out.  I got the chance to say goodbye and hold his hand and kiss him.  He was even able to say "I Love You" to me.  

It was a rough summer.  So many ups and downs and never really ever wanting to let him go.   A lot of people adored him. . .and miss him still.  The saddest part is that the day before my Grandpa's Celebration of Life, my Great Uncle Mike had a stroke.  He was doing well too, but then exactly a month later after Grandpa passed, he did too.  I have a lot of memories with both of them.  

I spent almost every Saturday, going up and having lunch with my Gramps for the past 9 years.  I do not regret missing out on times here to spend those times with him.  I spent the majority of my summer in the hospital spending time with him as well.  I miss him.  Luckily, I had a bunch of weddings this fall.  Plus I had a group of friends who always called me on Saturdays to make sure I wasn't alone.  They'd invite me out to watch football, just to get me out.  I called my Grandpa every Saturday morning at 7:30am even if I wasn't going up to see him.  When life slowed down in December, I really felt the loneliness and the loss.  It was like I lost a best friend as well as my Grandpa.  

In the New Year, I'm really trying to see the big picture and live in the moment.  You really do have to not let the moment pass you by.  I can't even have a catch New Year's Resolution because nothing really rhymes with fourteen. 

Belated Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to one and all!

Before the Moment just. . . passes you by. . .

Yeah. . . I quoted "My Best Friend's Wedding". . . sue me.  :)

It's funny. . . I don't know how often lately I've heard "Man, life just gets in the way sometimes."  And it's true.  Life seems to just fly by now and then.  We move away, we lose touch with people, and we forget what kept us together to begin with.

My sister tells me all the time that I'm the glue that keeps our extended family together.  I live in Iowa where it's easier to do that I guess. . . who knows?!?  When my Grandpa and Grandma R died, after that first year anyway, we sort of quit getting together for Christmas and other holidays.  But we also sort of quit doing that after my Grandma J died.  Gramps doesn't seem to make a big deal out of the holidays although, deep down he loves to be around all of us.  He's just that silent type who doesn't want to make a big deal out of anything or ask for help.  He's 88 and he's been able to do everything up until this point so why stop??  The man had a catheter in a few years ago and thought it was a good idea to MOW HIS LAWN.  Well I didn't want to bother your uncle. . . Sometimes, I wish my other cousins and even his own kids could see how much he enjoys them and appreciates them.  I was telling my Dad how much Grandpa loves when he calls from Texas and tells him how the fishing is.  Dad was surprised because he said Grandpa always made it seem like he was interrupting something.  So now my Dad calls him almost daily and tells him the fishing report.  And then Gramps tells everyone "Well Michael says in Texas. . . .

I was going back to finish a post and came across this one that I never posted. . . which makes me sad. . . I miss him so much.  But I'm posting this anyway. . . I don't remember what I was going to say after this. . . but thought I'd share anyway.

**I just realized this post was started 2 weeks before Uncle Larry passed too.  I got busy on Uncle Larry's birthday and forgot to call him.  A week later he passed.  The moment just goes by so fast!

Secrets, Secrets. . .

First a few awesome updates:  

• My friend and her best guy friend are officially dating now.  I haven't talked to her since it's been official, but seeing as I haven't heard anything bad. . . I'm going with it has worked out.  
• Apparently the bar I was a bartender at for BaconFest served and went through the most liquor.  We were the most successful bar.  I am not surprised by this at all.  ;) 
• The snow storm we weren't supposed to get shifted 100 miles and I ended up with 7-9 inches of snow. . . I use a dash because when I left for work this morning it was still snowing and I had 8 inches of snow already on my deck.  
• I got to see my friend Jared who I haven't seen since 2007!!  He was one of my first friends outside of the girls I lived with in college.  He was definitely my first guy friend.  He lives in Hawaii now and was in town for work.  I wish we would have gotten to catch up more.  

This last weekend I had a Girls Night with my friend Christine, or as AJ pointed out to me "a typical Monday" for me anyway.  I had won tickets to the Symphony and Christine was needing to have a night out.  She's a stay at home Mom, so she was needing to have some drinks.  We ate at the new sushi place downtown and then went to the Civic Center.  This should have been the biggest indicator of how our night was going to go: Our drinks were more than our sushi AND we were pretty much still buzzed when the symphony ended.  

We, of course, decided to have a drink at Cooney's on our way home.  Well my roommate had a date and after dinner they decided to watch a movie, so Christine and I decided to stay for another one at 11pm.  Well. . . pretty much that lasted until close.  Ooops!  Robb texted me at 2:30 and asked where Christine was and I said "Ooh her phone died. . . she just left my house."  

As Christine was telling me she's going to set me up with her brother once his divorce goes through, we start talking about all the bad dates I have been on and weird guys I've dated.  And about how over protective my friend Tim is of me.  Well then she brings up "Boatman".  I've told the story a long time ago on this blog, but he was a friend of my friend Josie and John's.  I didn't necessarily want him to come here and visit, but he persisted and basically that night told me he was in love with me.  

Anyway, she tells me that my friends were all so concerned after we had hung out that night, that they followed me to my place and sat outside all night in case he murdered me.  I was shocked that they instantly went with him murdering me, but I guess Robb and Tim after having alone time with him at some point in the night, just got this really weird vibe about him.  So Jamie, Tim, Robb, and Christine sat outside my place all night to make sure I wasn't going to be axed to death.  I made the comment "Well, after I told him there was never going to be anything, he got really mad at me, and I'm not even sure what time he left in the morning.  He was going to leave right away, but I reminded him that he had been drinking a lot and shouldn't drive back to Chicago."  Well then Christine says "Oh he left about 4-4:30am."  I was like "WHAT??  You guys seriously sat outside all night???"  And she said "Yes, we were really concerned.  The lights kept going on and off too, so we just kept waiting for a scream or for him to drag out a body.  Don't get me wrong, we did pick up a 24 pack and some cigarettes so we weren't just sitting there doing nothing."  I seriously just started laughing uncontrollably.  

I love that my friends were that concerned about my well being.  It also makes me realize that my fears of worrying that my friends won't like who I am dating are pretty founded.  This happened like 5 years ago too.  I can't believe it took that long for me to find out.  It's also both sort of creepy AND completely sweet.  

My Gramps turns 88 on Saturday.  I have had so many good times with that guy.  Granted, he wishes that 7 years ago he wouldn't have made the pact with me to not die until I get married. . . but I'm happy. :) I am soo excited to give him his gift.  He has a thing for the weather gals on a certain TV station here.  So being that I'm good friends with one of their husbands, Megan so nicely got me signed pics of her and of Jeriann.  I put them in a frame and wrapped it up for Gramps.  He is going to be soo surprised.  

Happy Hump Day everyone!!!

Do as I say. . .not as I do. . . or had done. . .or whatever that saying is. . .

Have you ever given people advice and then think "Oh I hope that it turns out exactly opposite of what happened when someone gave me that same advice and I took it?"

I also don't know why people come to me with love advice.  Ummm. . . we're friends, so you're completely and utterly aware that I have no love life right??  

Anyway, I tend to get myself in these awkward friendships with guys that ultimately turn into this "Will they? Won't they?" scenarios.  The latter usually being "They won't."  I always had friends say to me "you guys should date.  Would you date him??  If so, just tell him how you feel (especially in the case when feeling were there).  However, I seriously gave my friend the advice of not losing something that seems so great due to a friendship because it's far worse than not knowing what could have been. 

I. Completely. Lied.  

The one time I actually came out with "I have feelings for you," I was shot down faster than it took me to get the words out.  Well maybe not that fast. . . but pretty quickly.  I was so heart broken.  It crushed me.  I mean literally crushed me.  I have no idea why I gave her this advice either.  I know that I really think it will turn out differently than my situation. . . although hers is very similar to what mine was like.  It's probably the optimistic romantic in me.  I am the exception to the rule in all cases and I've learned to accept that.  :)

However, I did run into this guy on Saturday, and he was telling me about something sweet he did for her. . . so I'm thinking she will fair better than I did.

And on that note. . .

I feel that everyone should volunteer.  If not for the benefit of knowing you helped someone less fortunate, but for the sheer value of just helping. . . or in my case, I volunteered at Baconfest this past weekend.  And they stuck me and my friends at a bar so I ended up bartending for like 5+ hours.  It was awesome.  The guy in charge of our bar didn't want us to leave, which is why we worked a few hours after our shift.  I am pretty positive I will volunteer next year as well.  We definitely contributed to the intoxication of hundreds if not thousands of people.  Wait. . . I can actually say thousands because it's an over 21 event AND the 8,000 tickets available for purchase sold out in under 4 minutes.  It's insane.  If you don't like bacon, I would probably not go to this event.  If you love bacon. . . you will actually get sick of it by the end.  But it's delicious.  :)  I had the best slice of pizza with the oddest combo on it imaginable.  It was called "the Elvis" from Gusto here, and it had a peanut butter sauce, topped with bananas, bacon, and cheese.  It sounds absolutely horrible, but before we started we gave them some Bloody Marys in exchange for some slices, and let me tell you, that was the first thing I went back for when I was finally able to walk around because I only got a bite the first time.

I also think I missed my calling in being a bartender.  I was a barista in college at a small cafe and then was a barista at Starbucks for almost 3 years.  I do have the innate ability to have people yell 3+ mixed drinks at me and be able to make them without question.  Granted, most of the ones made were Bloody Marys but we had regular, bacon (bacon Bloody Mary mix) , or bacon bacon (Bacon vodka, bacon Bloody Mary mix).  But I mean sometimes people wanted to try the cucumber vodka with the Bloody Mary instead.  I had about 7 Pearl Vodka flavors and often people would ask what is good with them.  My favorite was part blueberry vodka, part orange vodka, and lemonade.  It was really refreshing.  Oh I might have gotten to drink on the job. . . in fact, our manager encouraged it.

I'm looking forward to a calm weekend for sure.

Have a good one everyone!  :)      

Just stating the obvious. . .

I am a hopeless romantic.  HOPELESS.  Those who know me, know that someday, I keep hoping my life will be that rom-com.  I do know that now, well into my 30s, my life will not turn into a rom-com.

However, after having a conversation with a good friend, I realized. . . I might actually get my rom-com.  Or at least my romance/tragedy movie.  You see. . . I made a pact with one of my good guy friends that we would get married when I was 34.  Which I thought seemed so far away. . . until I realized I am frickin 33.  I haven't seen Jake in huge YEARS.  I'm talking like 6 years.

What are the odds that he remembers this?

I mean, in my head, this is how my rom-com would play out:

I am randomly minding my own business and my phone rings from a number I don't know.  I answer it, and he says "Hey, we haven't talked in a while, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to marry you."  Then we start this long distant talking back and forth.  And we pick up where our friendship left off.  Then my 34th birthday comes, and he comes to see me.  He gets down on one knee and proposes. We marry and live happily ever after.

However, my life has never been this simple.  I don't ever realize when a guy is interested in me, let alone, think I would ever have a chance with a guy I could possibly be interested in.  These last couple of weeks, I keep running into a guy who I had the biggest crush on.  I hadn't thought of him in ages and BAM! I literally run into him everywhere.   It's really starting to creep me out.  Like what if Fate is telling me "Hey, don't forget about him."  haha!  If only it worked like that.

Then on Tuesday, a friend of a friend needed a euchre partner and I said I would play with him.  Ummm. . . he is gorgeous.  And tall.  And Funny.  And he actually knows where my hometown is.  And people from my hometown.  And I know pretty much his entire life story in those 3 hours we played.  I, however, did forget to say get his last name.  Who does that?? I do.  My flirting consisted of me high-five-ing him after every hand we won.  I don't have game anytime, let alone playing euchre.  I do know where he works, where he went to college, and where he lives.  So I'm sure I could easily find him.  But how creepy would that be?
I hadn't watched HIMYM yet this week and they had a whole episode about it.  When does the action go from Dobler to Dahmer?  When are you John Cusak in Say Anything and when are you being Jeffery Dahmer?  With internet these days, there is definitely a fine line.  And there's always this peace of me when I meet someone, I wonder if they are googling me like I am googling them.

And now I'm starting to ramble and my friends who read this are starting to wonder if they should worry about me and get restraining orders for any future men in my life. . . ;)

It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to. . .

I went to go write a blog post and that's the phrase that pops in my head. . . awkward.

I've been busy people.  Busy.  I think I'm going to state something I've been noticing as a trend. . . when I first started reading blogs. . . everyone was blogging and updating their blog like every day. . . sometimes numerous times and I would be soo excited to read them.  Then more and more people I think joined Facebook and less blogging happened. . . then I'm guessing these same awesome writers joined twitter so then they had all these other outlets to pour out their hilariousness so then they don't update their blogs every day.  That or they got married and had kids, and apparently kids are time consuming. . .

I've never been a daily updater. . . so I'm at least safe from ridicule, right??

I turned 33 yesterday.  I feel old.  Man, do I feel old.  I'm getting to the age where I wish I had a crystal ball that would tell me my future. . . because honestly at 22, I thought my life would be different.  It also makes it pretty obvious I am not in control of my life.  If I was, Channing Tatum and I would be happy together with like 3 kids.  

My New Year's Resolution was to "not sweat the small stuff" and to not take things personally.  If you're a long time reader, you will remember that I like to make my resolution rhyme with the year, but you try and rhyme thirteen with something creative.

I realized that I take things way to personally.  This really became apparent while doing online dating and it only made me feel ugly and undateable.  I instantly went with "why am I not pretty enough for this guy" or "what's wrong with my profile that he won't respond" or "what's wrong with me."  And then my guy friend said something to me as we were driving to the bar (and as a visual, he poked me in the head) "Your problem isn't with the guys that don't want you and what's wrong with you.  It's in your head (which is when he poked me) because you don't see what all the rest of us see.  You don't see how funny, pretty, and caring you are, and you can't expect a guy to see that if you don't."   This was the same guy that was mad at me for doing online dating in the first place.  I tried telling him how I grew up with everyone always telling me how beautiful my sister was and I was always this fat, ugly version of her.  I showed him a picture which then caused him to hit me and say "Oh my God. . . you look exactly alike you idiot."   As I type that out, I'm starting to realize he might be an abusive friend.  :)   But he's right.  I was telling Wyatt about it and he said "Umm, thanks for listening to someone you've been friends with for a few years and not listening to me for like the last 10."

So that's basically what I'm working on this year.  I do take things personally and automatically think "what's wrong with me" when it's really "What's wrong with that person??"  I really don't know what happened to the little confidence I did have.  I'm thinking the weight I gained the last few years ate it.  I realized that I never work on myself either.  It's a habit.  I'm always wanting to help other people and not help myself.  So I'm doing that too.

I'm also really beginning to see the reason certain things happen.  And happy they happened that way.  If, 6+ years ago, I would have told the guy I was in love with, I was indeed in love with him when we asked, would  my life be different??  I've seen the way he's changed and not in a good way.  And I couldn't imagine being with the person he's become.  All the guys I've "dated" over the years have each taught me something about what I do and don't want in a guy.

I'm also stuck in a job that I love but without any love back from my company.  Yet, yesterday I got an email that said "You are a miracle worker and a blessing to me. Thanks for all you do for the youth, and for answering all my questions."  I know I'm good at my job and I know the people that really matter know that.  Now if they could give me raises, that would be nice, but. . . baby steps.  They do send me jobs I might be interested in from time to time because even they hate my boss.  I'm sure what I do could definitely be leading me somewhere else. . . we shall see.  

Happy New Year everyone. . . hopefully I can keep my resolution all year!  :) 

Still Here!

I wish I could tell you that I was on some awesome adventure. . . I haven't been.

I'm just finding time now and then to catch up on life.  Kickball started and we're losing.  I am not used to this. But I'm also playing with a team full of people who haven't played kickball since grade school and don't know how to appropriately run the bases to win games.  ;)  But we're having fun and that's the important thing!

I discovered some things from the last time I wrote:

• The Lumineers--Seriously where have I been that I just NOW know who they are.  I love them. 
• My nephew Caden keeps getting cuter.  He keeps "kissing" me on the phone.  
• The one thing that's good about the upcoming election is that I keep getting political emails which I fact check before I form an opinion being an Independent and all.  I also discovered that all of those emails hold no truth, but I learned something like actual facts, so that's good.  I also can't figure out why others don't fact check such things before they hit Forward.  (On a complete side note, most of these non-factual emails are all against the current administration which I also found to be really odd.) 
• Things that make me think the actual President isn't all that bad. . .in Sioux City, IA on a stop, he stopped at a local dive bar to just have a beverage and talk to people.  He held up some friends of friends going to a wedding reception by doing so as they had just stopped in for a drink between the wedding and the reception.  He ended up writing a congratulatory note to the Bride and Groom AND a "I'm sorry your friends are now late to your reception" note as well.  The best part:  He was at a dive bar and not like an upscale bar.  Also, while in Des Moines recently, he was at another stop and incidentally held up a wedding.  Turns out he and Michelle sent a gift to the Bride and Groom and a "I'm sorry note." The Bride was a Republican and said while she was most annoyed, it was very thoughtful they sent her a beautiful gift.  But she still wasn't going to vote for him.  haha!   It doesn't matter what affiliation you are, you have to admit that is pretty cool on 2 levels.  
• One thing my Dad and I do agree on politically at the moment is that everyone in Congress needs to not be re-elected, and we should just start over there.
• I watched this show on Starz called Boss.  Claire from 90210 is in it but if you're expecting innocent, be prepared to see her boobs at least 3 times every episode.   Kelsey Grammer stars in it.  He plays the mayor of Chicago.  I asked a friend is it's somewhat close to accurate to which I was told, some of it for sure!  If you like corruption, mob like stuff, and pure "woah" factor, this is the show for you.   

Until we meet again! 

I'm about to piss some people off. . .

I have to vent. . . and stand up on a soap box.  We are all entitled to an opinion, but lately. . . things have gotten out of control. . . especially with this upcoming presidential election and honestly, I haven't seen anything but the other side bashing the other side.  When did we stop becoming a Government for the People by the People?  WHEN???

And what really bugs me are issues that each side takes up and honestly, while it's an important issue, it really shouldn't be the issue that it is for one reason:  Our Fore Fathers established a Separation of Church and State for a reason and it's written in the First Amendment which states:  Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

Marriage quit being a religious issue when you could be legally married by a Justice of the Peace.  Or when state governments started recognizing common law marriages.  Or even better yet, when you could become an ordained minister online for $19.95 just to officiate a ceremony.  Did you know you could be an Atheist and be an ordained minister online?

Back when my Mom was in college. . . and this was the late 60s. . . It was almost unheard of that people of different religions got married.  My own Grandma had a problem with my Mom dating a Catholic. . . because we were Lutheran.  She didn't approve and couldn't support it if they were to have gotten married.  Now my Lutheran cousin is married to someone who is Jewish.  GASP!  :)

I think this all got me thinking a lot this last week because I have gay friends who are in committed relationships (and I just saw the play Rent on Friday), but you shouldn't dislike/hate someone because of who they love.  I, of all people, know you can't help who you love.  How many times have we really pondered why someone we know is with a certain someone???  I usually am just attracted to douche bags.  :)  But that's why you should dislike/hate someone. . . because they did something horrible to you and treated you like crap and killed your puppy.  That's a good reason to not like someone.  They are a jerk.  It makes sense.

I just don't understand how these so-called "Christians" speak of all this hate when they talk about how marriage is only between a man and woman because it's in the Bible.  The Bible also says you should love everyone and says to forgive.  Maybe people should start putting THAT on the signs back to those people.

I just think that same sex marriages should be legal. . . and leave it up the church to decide if it should be religious.  Because in America (and I'm guessing all over the world) not all marriages are religious ceremonies anymore.  So if we are supposed to have this separation of church and state, and kids get in trouble for praying in school before tests because of religion, then we need to take the church out of marriage because it's not there anymore anyway, and let the Church decide what they want to do with it.  And let our government get back to being for the people and for equality for all.

And end rant.  

Oooh Kobe. . .

Did anyone see that Kobe Bryant made the comment that the '12 USA Team could beat the '92 USA "Dream" Team?

I'm sorry Kobe Bryant. . . You guys are admittedly good.  But there's one thing that you're forgetting:  This '12 Team is a bunch of pre-Madonna, cry babies.   You will never play as good as they did since most of you have huge egos.

The Dream Team had talent and they worked well as a team.  They played with heart. . .they cared about the game and the love of the game.

I loved how Michael Jordan laughed about what Kobe said.  I would too.  Kobe Bryant will never be as good as Michael Jordan.  Michael Jordan was larger than life before the internet, before social media, heck, before the media tuned in on every single thing.

They were legends, not because they were holding press conferences of their next move, but because of their talent.  They were talented plain and simple.  The guys on the '12 Team, learned things from watching the guys on the Dream Team.

His statement his team would beat them, proves how arrogant Kobe is.

I hope that Deron Williams takes Kobe aside at some point and says "Dude, you're an idiot."  Deron Williams, while he might not get the hype that Kobe does, I feel is a better player inside and out.  And you know why??  Because he actually realizes there is no "I" in Team.  Because if you ever watched him play college ball, he passed almost as much as he shot.  And when someone else wasn't hitting shots, he took over making them.

I'm sorry Kobe Bryant but you will never be as good as Jordan. . . can you make an MLB baseball team too???

I'm Weird. . and I know it. . . .

To people who are normal readers of this blog and/or know me in person, you know that I am not quite right. . . but in a good way.

I act like I'm a 12-year-old girl around the guys I like.  I get nervous and either get diarrhea of the mouth or just say really awkward things.  It's a sickness all much.  Maybe I should call it "12-year-old girl Syndrome" or something.

I know random Pop Culture facts and can surely kick your ass in "Six Degrees of Separation of Kevin Bacon."

These are facts.

But lately, I've been a believer of some weird things. . . especially my dreams.  The other day, I'm pretty sure that I half-way controlled my dream.  I was in my house getting ready in my bathroom and at some point I said to myself "This is a dream!"  And the next thing I knew, I had a pool in my backyard.

I'm also had this weird six sense which I've talked about a few times on here.  But on Wednesday night, I dreamt of my Grandparents who have passed away.  We were in their old house.  My Grandma, sister, and my Mom were all laying in my Grandparents bed which is something we all used to do when Grandma was putting something away or looking for something.  We'd sit or lay on their bed and talk to her.  Anyway, my Grandpa comes into the room and I get up to give him a hug.  As he's hugging me, he asks me how the dating thing is going and I said "Ugh!  Disappointing!  No attraction to any of the guys I've gone on a date with."  And then he tells me that it will be okay and that I just need to have patience.  "It will happen.  I promise," he said.

Cut to yesterday when this guy I had been talking to on Match, all of a sudden emailed me out of the blue saying he was officially moved back and wanted to meet if I was still fishing.  It was just weird.

Sometimes dreams have meanings in them like when you dream of being pregnant (when you aren't).  Which was also my dream on Sunday night.  Apparently when you dream of being pregnant (and you aren't) it symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing.  It could also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project, or goal.  I do hope it means something and it's something about my personal life.  :) It's just a lot of weird coincidences that I find it hard to believe it's not something. . . .

 

Same old, Same old

I was going to title my post "Call Me Maybe?" but perhaps having my title be the same as the #1 Song on Billboard right now would not be the greatest idea.  Then people I didn't want to read my blog would just by Google-ing the song.  I do appear smarter than I look sometimes.  ;)

I had to download Google Chrome to even be able to write this here post today.  Not sure how I feel about this.

My work computer died over a week ago, and honestly nothing has gone right since.  :) I've been soo busy at work up until that time too, that I haven't gotten to read anyone's blogs.  People are having babies and getting married. . . or just having fun in general and I'm missing out living vicariously through everyone.

The former love of my life is getting married on Saturday.  It didn't really bother me until last night coming home, Ray LaMontagne came on the radio.  We used to listen to that on our way to sleep or when we woke up in the morning and we'd just lay there and cuddle.  For me, I've realized that it's completely possible to not miss the person, but miss the "being" of not being alone.  Having someone to sing randomly with you or dance at sometimes really inappropriate times for a laugh is what I miss.  I don't miss the actual person, but the constant warm body.  And I'm pretty sure I can say that he's not the person with his wife that he was with me.

I've actually had this conversation with a lot of different friends lately about how certain friends of ours are no longer the person we know when they are around their significant others.  There's just this change in them.  Some of the change is good, but the actual change in the personality isn't good.  The change in habits--yes.  The change of not being as much fun anymore--No.  Usually it's just when the significant other is around.  I applauded 2 of my friends on our road trip and said "Thanks for always being who you have been, even when you're together."  And I gave them full permission that if I start dating anyone and change that they are allowed to hit me.

I've actually sort of given up on dating as of late.  I realized that if you are boring me in email conversation, you are most likely going to bore me in real life.  I feel like I need to ask them "Do your friends think you're boring??  Or are you the life of the party?" before I meet them.  I've never been accused of being boring.  Wait. . . I take that back. . . I have a few times and it's not actually been boring. . . it's "I can't believe you're going to suck and go home early because you're tired" or if I quit drinking for no apparently reason.  That's usually when my friends say I'm being not fun or acting old or that I've suddenly got sand in my vagina.

Last weekend we had a family reunion and I realized that on my Grandma's side, I really have no idea who my 2nd cousins are, except for like 2.  But it was cute to see all the little cousins play together.  And also a few times I had a few awkward moments with "Man, my cousin is really good looking" then found out it was my cousin's husband.  Whew!  I'm happy that Caleb knows his 2nd cousins soo well on both sides though so that won't ever happen to him.  I will say one of my 2nd cousins is really good looking and a very good athlete. . . and my cousin's friend tells me all the time the bad things she wants to do to him.  Which is gross considering he's my cousin and I've never in a million years thought of him in that way!  I guess that's what happens when you have a spread out family.  I'm pretty close with one set of 2nd cousins on my Dad's side.  I have no idea though who the other ones are.  I was talking to a guy with my Mom's maiden name and I had to ask him if he was related to anyone I might know, just so I wasn't dating a 2nd or 3rd cousin.  I know all the great aunt and uncles though, so maybe that's okay??  

I'm trying to think what else might be new. . .My new roommate is moving in at the end of the month.  I just got used to living alone and now am not sure how I will manage living with a roommate again.  I will like the extra money.  And really with my house, it's not like we are all up in each other's grill. . . she'll have the downstairs, and I'll have my space upstairs.  The dive bar by my house is looking forward to me having a roommate again because they said they miss me.  The regulars and the bartenders miss me.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  Rach and I did usually make up a good portion of the entertainment there though.  Like anything new, it will just take getting used to.

Happy Summer everyone!!!

You've Got a Friend in Me

I think as I age, I definitely have started to reflect back on my life more.  And especially as I do this online dating stuff. . . I think. . . what if I meet someone and fall head over heels, will they get along with my friends and will my family like them??  And then I actually think about my friends. . .

I'm lucky to have some awesome friends (and family) in my life that always make me feel better.  It's funny because they really do counteract the people who I thought were friends who turned out to be sort of shitty.  Last year, I had a friend basically tell me what a horrible person and friend I was.  It really upset me because I had always thought of this person as a friend.  And it didn't really matter that other people told me that she was wrong, it mattered to me that she thought that as I never act in malace. 

But then other day when I came into work, it was pouring rain outside.  One of the lawyers was leaving the building and I made the comment about him going out there and I felt bad for him.  He then made the comment, that he too felt bad, and he didn't have an umbrella.  So I gave him my umbrella and told him just to put it on the 2nd floor reception area.  The funny part was that I didn't remember his name and when I went and got my umbrella, he hadn't remembered mine either.  But the Office Manager said "he didn't remember your name, but when he said it was a girl that has worked in the building for a long time, I knew you were the only one who would even do that."   And that's when it hit me that I shouldn't focus on what one person's bad perception (who was my friend) thought. . . but what someone who sees me from afar thinks.  Because that's what really shows your character. . . it's common practice to treat your friends well. . . it's how you treat someone when no one is looking. . . .

It also struck me on Saturday night what a good guy friend I have.  I had been out for a Bachelorette Party all night and when it was time to leave, I decided that I would just walk to the hotel 4 blocks away after my other 3 friends had their guys coming to get them.  Well, Vince said "Are you walking by yourself to your car?"  And I said "Yeah." And he said "Are you sure?"  To which, honestly, I knew I probably shouldn't and no one offered me a ride, so I said "Yeah.  I can just walk with these people that just left the bar in a huge group."  Well he said "No, I'm walking with you."  And luckily (for his wife) he decided to just have me give him a ride home and not wake her up after we got to the car.  This is also the same guy friend who has helped, not only me move, but friends of mine move.  AND he came a few weeks ago to remove brush from my backyard to my friend's timber.  He's just that nice. 

I had yet another date this week. . . which still no butterflies, but at least fantastic conversation. . . like we were old friends. . .and I was telling my cousin, D$, about him and she told me that I deserve the best person and everything I want in a person because I am a good person.  And she might be right! 

It's so easy to focus on the people who take you for granted and the people who don't appreciate your friendship and get down about it.  But now, I'm just going to start focusing on the people who I matter to.

I also want to say Congratulations to Sarah and Jon on their adorable baby girl, Lillian Rose.  I can't wait to meet her!!!!!  Two wonderful friends. . . who I wish lived MUCH closer. 

Happy Birthday dear friend!

Today would have been Josie's 33rd Birthday. It's amazing how much you can miss someone. Or how much you realize you actually talk to someone until they're gone. No matter what age it happens.

I think I've said on here how much spring sucks for me. . . too many sad memories. . . and so many deaths occurred in a month and half's time. For someone with a great photographic memory, it really sucks.

If Josie was here today, I imagine these are some of the things I'd have talked to her about or emailed her. . .

• I went to Jimmy Buffett on Tues night. It was awesome. . . I do wish it was an outside show, but an outside show in Iowa in April?? Not likely. But the day turned out beautiful and it was calling for rain. It was 8 years that day that Grandma Mona passed away, and I think she purposely made the clouds go away. How many times did we listen to Buffett on the boat at Mom and Dad's?? Good times. . . how much tequila have we drank through the years listening to Margaritaville??


• Went on a date again. Great chemistry, but turned out to be a slightly creepy. . . which sucks. I know you told me to do Match, but after doing it like 4 years after you told me to do it, I can officially say it's not for me. . .but luckily I'm coming up on the 6-month mark without finding a relationship, so I'm getting 6 months free!! I keep seeing the commercials that say "More matches, more dates, more relationships, more marriages" and to that I say "Bullshit."


• Boot camp at 5am is going well only took me 4 days to start walking and moving my arms without pain. . .


• My friend Jen thinks I should highlight my hair for something new. . . do you remember all those times sitting on the roof at Presby and having Annemarie highlight my hair so we could get a tan too??


• Rach moved out last Thurs. I hear every little noise in my house now. . . and have no idea why. Maybe because there's nothing downstairs now?!? If you even suggest I have a ghost, I will punch you.


• You'd be proud of me. . . I haven't had an awkward friendship in like 3 years now. :)


• Almost fell the other day. I did one of those running things, so as to not actually fall and do a somersault. I am smooth.


• At Easter, Mom gave me all my old scrapbooks. The high school Disney/Universal Trip pictures were awesome. How many times did we go on the Tower of Terror??? Also, I don't remember letting you cheat off of me in Chemistry, but according to my yearbook, you did. :)


• Miss you. Love ya!

Rants

I realize that I have been less than positive in my blog. . . but I am irritated with the media and I need to vent. . . specifically I am irritated with Chris Brown.

Chris Brown states he is done apologizing for the incident with Rihanna because he's "in a positive place and a grown up man. And at the end of the day, if he walks around apologizing to everybody, he's going to look like a damn fool."

I was always taught that real men admit their mistakes and own up to them. I don't know about you, but whenever he opens his mouth, it makes ME want to punch him. I understand why so many people were upset that he played at the Grammy's twice. I don't watch the Grammy's as I really can't seem to get into awards shows, but if I did. . . I'm not sure I would watch his performance. He didn't just hit Rihanna once. . . he beat the living shit out of her. If he wasn't a celebrity, he would have had to be in jail. I know because I read court orders every day where someone beat the crap out of someone and had to be in jail for a bit. Ordinary people with no priors.

I think Chris Brown comes out with good music now and then. But will I buy his albums anymore?? No. Why?? He shows no remorse for what he did. I can forgive people who show remorse for their actions. I watch enough Lifetime movies to know that usually, the big beat up was not the first time. It starts with little things. Have you seen the movie with Candace Cameron and Fred Savage??

I've had girlfriends in emotionally abusive relationships and one girlfriend that I couldn't actually prove he hit her but often wondered. They both seemed to bring out the worst in each other. I remember sort of dating a guy who was somewhat verbally abusive to me when he drank (overall he was a huge jerk anyway) but my Dad called and overheard him, and he was not too happy on the other end. But I know, that if any guy ever hit me, and my father knew that, that man would never been seen again. I remember our family friend who is my sister's age telling my Dad some guy had hit her, and my Dad said he would go beat him up.

I'm just saying the Chris Brown is acting like such an arrogant prick that I do not feel sorry for him that people still bring up what happened. Own up to it. A YOU TUBE apology does not cut it. When he accepted his Grammy, he should have said "Thank you for letting me be apart of this day and forgiving me for my past discretions. I am internally grateful and have learned from my past mistakes, and I strive to be a better person." I'm pretty sure people would forgive him then.

I praise Miranda Lambert for having the balls to call him out on it.

Insert Title Here. . .

I was going to title this "I Wanna Dance With Somebody. . . Somebody Who Loves me" But then I realized everyone who googled this song by Whitney Houston would get my blog and I don't need that kind of pressure!

Not sure if you heard but Whitney Houston died. You haven't?? She did!! It's weird when celebrities die, especially ones where you related to them. . . or their work. I mostly related to Whitney's songs. Like the aforementioned. I remember that video. Just a few weeks ago that song came on the radio and I was dancing like my 7-year-old chubby self. Is it wrong that I wouldn't mind being serenaded to that song? Nope, I'm going back to the guy showing up at my door with his guitar singing "Let My Love Open the Door". I want that to happen. Yes, it's sad, I'm a hopeless romantic who can't find romance. I realize the irony.

My sister and I used to sing Whitney at the top of our lungs. We were not upset that she married Bobby Brown because we loved the song "Every Little Step I Take." I remember Whitney in her prime and in her glory days before "Crack is whack." I had the Whitney Houston piano book of greatest hits, and I played the crap out of it. Oh how I loved the movie The Bodyguard. Which reminds me I haven't seen any interviews with Kevin Costner. . . I wonder if they will have a Whitney Houston marathon movie day soon, too.

I know they haven't determined how she died, but it makes me sad that especially in the last 5 or so years, all these people keep dying from weird drug combinations. Or from drugs in general. Did they just keep it hidden way back then?? I mean besides the Marilyn Monroe cover-up and all. ;) Are drugs that much more prevalent in today's society and social circles? Is the media that much more intrusive that we now are just learning more than we want/need to as nothing is really private anymore it seems with celebrity?

If you've ever watched the movie Less Than Zero or Requiem for a Dream, you know what I'm talking about. Or Basketball Diaries?? Or the movie Traffic. Man, those movies made me never want to do hard drugs. Plus I hate needles and sniffing stuff up my nose, so I guess it's more of a logistics thing that I can't do them?? Anyway, I guess maybe I should just be glad that most of my peer pressure involves drinking in the middle of the week on a "school" night. . .

Anyway, I wasn't expecting to hear the news about Whitney Houston. . .Lindsey Lohan. . . yes. . . but not Whitney.

Happy Valentine's Day! I made my standard high school Valentine's Day treat: Homemade brownies cut into heart shapes. :)

Valentine's Day Can Suck It

Gee, can you tell by my title that I am NOT a fan of Valentine's Day?

Even when I had someone (which has been rarely on the day) I didn't like it. I feel you should show someone you love them every day or randomly, not on a commercial holiday. Plus if I have to see one more "happy" couple commercial I might explode.

I remember in college I wasn't really dating this guy although I had a huge crush on him and he bought me the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack, Gerbera Daisies, and a Universal TV Remote. Super sweet. I think I made him dinner in return . . . and did I mention, it wasn't Valentine's Day? It was actually Sweetest Day (What is that even?!?) and I was completely shocked he brought me anything so I made him dinner. However, this was the same guy when we first started dating, at Schnuck's bought me a $.25 ring and gave it to me when we were getting into the car. Now that is super sweet.

The last few days I've been having a lot of love type questions thrown at me. I realize that I am a hopeless Romantic which might explain why I don't like Valentine's Day. I want romance all the time! However, this also might be the reason I don't acknowledge small gestures of love with guys. I am expecting the grand gestures of slaying dragons and killing the mean guy who kidnapped me.

This match thing is not working out for me as I've discussed on here before, but I am really stuck. I am giving it a shot and it's not working at all. Maybe I am the exception to the rule, who knows?!? I was talking this morning to Alexa and we were wondering what happened to guys who would ask for your number and then gasp! Call you?? Is technology making guys lazy?? I can't remember the last time a guy called me and asked how I was doing or what I was doing. It's usually a text message. "Hey, want to go hit some range balls?" "Want to go to the 6pm movie?" Are we that afraid we are now inconveniencing people with a phone call that we would much rather text?

And with Match, I realized that either I am completely hideous, or my worst fears have come true, and no one wants to date me cyberly NOR in real life. I'm starting to think the latter. I have done every Match has asked of me too. My friend Dan said that dating is hard work online or in person. The problem with online is that I'm working for nothing. At least if I was at a bar, the guy would feel the need to buy me a drink. I really have become that lonely, spinster lady I have dreaded. Love has made me jaded.

I have always had a ton of guy friends. Always.

My first realization that I am clueless came to me when I was 19/20-years-old. I was in love with a boy. I mean, mind-numbing in love. I could have cared less about any other guy. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He did not want to spend all his time with me. He wanted to sleep with my friend. He slept with my friend. I told him off when I was drunk for leading me on and didn't talk to him for 2 months. Luckily for me, it was the end of the year and summer came. Then our other friend told him where I was living, and he showed up at my door on a Friday afternoon telling me he couldn't live without me in his life. We remain friends to this day. I never doubted his love for me after that, but I know that I never fit into his cookie cutter mold of what he wanted his wife to be. And he broke my heart in a million, tiny pieces.

Then following that, I had a guy friend who always protected me. He was the one who told above guy where I lived, but he always had my back. He started dating someone and I found myself jealous as I realized that I wanted to date him. His best friend told me that he always wanted to date me and always had me on a pedestal, but I never gave him a 2nd thought because of above mentioned guy. The first moment I realized I was a big idiot. And we're still friends to this day.

After that I fell for a co-worker who would always drunk call me (sometimes 7 days a week, depending on the week), and actually drive and sit outside my house when he was drunk just so I would come outside and talk to him. (I do realize this was never a safe idea.) He actually told me one time at work that he drove around the vicinity of where he thought I was living but wasn't sure. I drew him a map on a napkin and the following weekend, I got a call he was outside. . . . with the napkin in his car. We had a "will they or won't they" summer which was a won't they. I do not, to this day, know if there ever could have been more than friendship as this guy was a HUGE flirt and I never thought there would have been a chance. But having told this story to a few guy friends, apparently if a guy keeps calling you drunk all the time and slightly stalks you, that might be a check in the yes category. We are still friends to this day. Sarah--I am sure you know who this is! :)

Then I met the former love of my life who just last week called me to see how I was because we hadn't talked in a month or so. He's married with kids now, but anyone who knows him, knows how awesome he is. And how stupid I was to never say anything about how I felt when the chance presented itself. I am the epitome of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding.

Then I had the guy friend tell me that I automatically make guys my friends. Not sure why he thought that. . .

I also had the sort of whoreish guy friend who I think that all my friends think I hooked up with. He might have stayed over numerous times, and we might have slept in the same bed, but from what I remember, we only cuddled. I know people might not believe me, but we did.

The above guys are all happily married to really awesome people.

It's funny the guy I was with before I moved to Iowa, we had a pact that we would get married when I was 34. It was supposed to be 30 because at 24, 30 was sooo old. He wanted me to move Iowa, meet someone, date them for awhile, and then realize he was the only one I should be with. He's not married that I know of. But we also don't talk anymore. I got a drunk phone call 4 years ago from a karaoke bar in Canada from him, but that's it.

Iowa has not been any better for me than my college years. I stayed on the hook for 4 years with a guy. However, I know I am better off without him, although 2 years ago, it broke me. Even though in between those 4 years, I dated other guys, but I think deep down, I always thought there would be more.

My rebound from that got married 13 months after he broke up with me.

Then I went on a few dates with a guy I didn't know had a girlfriend and I'm glad it wasn't more!

I know I've shared various dating disasters in this blog, and it almost saddens me I don't have any. I figured Match would be a gold mine of bad dates.

My old roommate could tell you of the great (bad) dates I had. I mean, I could write a 300-page book of my bad dates.

I'm sounding really jaded in love right now, but sadly, I think I still have hope that I'm not going to end up alone. People meet randomly all the time. My own parents grew up 9 miles apart and had a lot of friends in common. My Dad was even engaged to a girl my Mom graduated with. They didn't meet until their early 20s when my Mom went on a date with a friend, who happened to be my Dad's roommate. And the rest is history.

I think it would be easier to know the cards that are going to be dealt, but I guess life wouldn't be exciting that way. Some of the cards make us really happy, some make us super sad. Some we don't understand, and some fit together after awhile. I'm not sure what my future holds, but maybe I'll learn a few things along the way. . .

Long time, no type?

I've had a few friends inform me that I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I guess my post saying I've been super busy doesn't count. Come on friends! :)

A few things that have been on my mind lately:

• I don't care that Kim K did something to her hair. Shocking I know! I also didn't watch the final episode of the show to see where the marriage went wrong, even though E! kept having a promo every single commercial break.




• My love for Channing Tatum has only grown deeper. I cannot wait to go see The Vow when it comes out!!




• Also, after watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" my roommate and I decided that we are going to have a Ryan Gosling Sunday Marathon, much like our Law&Order:SVU marathons only with all hotness and less creepy. AND we were happy to see that Drive just came out on video Tuesday and that one movie with Justin Timberlake and Matt Bomer also came out. The movies we watch will be as follows: Ides of March, Drive, and In Time. We also realized we need to start going on dates or something because our expectations for men's abs are really out of control at the moment. :)




• Online dating isn't for me. But luckily I paid for the 6-month guarantee, so I get another 6 months free when I still haven't gone on one single date. Yeah! (This is drenched with sarcasm if you can't tell. . . )




• My littlest nephew keeps getting more and more adorable.

I still can't believe I haven't seen him since December 26th. :(





• My aunt passed away at the ripe old age of 100 years, and 10 months. She was a riot and I will miss her. Apparently at my Grandma's funeral she turned to a cousin and said (in reference to her 2 younger brother-in-laws) "I'm totally going to out live those old goats!" At my Grandpa's funeral as she was leaving, the funeral director said "See you later Marjorie!" and she turned around and said "I know what you mean by that and I DO NOT appreciate it!" I don't think my cousins and I quit laughing for awhile. It still cracks me up. She was 94 at that time.


• I'm still dog sitting for the Butch-ster. He is not adjusting well and I think he thinks Mom and Dad have left him. Last year, he could have cared less, but this year. . . he cries every time I come home and change clothes. . . and usually that's for us to go on a walk!


• It was brought to my attention last Thursday night, that I hang out with good looking people. And then I thought about it. . . I do. . .and I should quit. I need to go back to my earlier thought that if I hang around ugly people, it will make me look hotter. This phenomenon has been proven in countless movies.


• Also things that have been proven in movies: Mean girls (or guys) in high school stay that way and other people (like the "nerds" or "uncool" people) always prosper. It's a proven fact in movies and tv shows every time they show a reunion episode, which leads me to believe there might be some proof to it!


• My parents keep asking how Butch is every time I talk to them and then forget to somehow ask how I am until I say something.


• My Mom did ask me if she could become an alcoholic later in life since she now likes the taste of beer and apparently on vacation she's been been having a drink every night.


• My Grandpa J never ceases to crack me up. I dread the day I will have to say goodbye.


• I went to happy hour at 5pm last Friday. . . I left at 11pm. It was just my one guy friend and I. . . so. . . not sure what that says about us. . . but we were having good conversation, so why stop?? Plus, I'm pretty sure the last time we looked at the time it wasn't 8pm yet. And we might have been drinking 40s. It was buy 1, get 1!

I think that's all. I hope you're caught up on my thoughts. . . and you're all doing well. I haven't even read your blogs this week which makes me feel bad.

Nothing to say. . .

I really have absolutely nothing to say except that I want you all to know that I'm still alive.

I was supposed to have Jury Duty the 3rd-27th of January, so I was busy making sure every little thing possible was done ahead of schedule at work . . .and then I kept never getting called in. So alas, I never got a cool case or anything. I was sorely disappointed.

But I feel I should leave you with something. . .

He's from several movies like Tron and Country Strong. I really fell in love with him in Country Strong. Garrett Hedlund is his name and he's apparently dating Kirsten Dunst. I am trying to figure out how she gets to date all these hotties. . . she's pretty and all. . . but. . .there's just something that annoys me about her.

Hopefully I get back into that whole random writing again. . . we shall see. :)

Facts of Life. . .

I really have no "facts" about life. . . just some confessions since I feel my blog is the best way to tell my dirty little secrets since the only people that read this are some family members (who love me no matter what), few friends, and complete and utter strangers. Apparently I have a big Ukraine following. :)

And really, when looking back, I feel the Facts of Life only taught me that most things could be resolved in a half hour or sometimes an hour (when an episode was continued) and that George Clooney was going to be a star. And it really made me want to have my own Mrs. Garrett. I digress. . .

I feel that sometimes (okay most times) I will always be the 13-year-old me. Never fails. When it comes to guys, I will never think that they are interested in me. Granted, I have lost my crush on Damon from the MMC, but still love Tony Lucca. I still love my family and extended family and nothing will probably change that. I still cry for no reason and I will, without fail, watch Saved by the Bell. Plus, I still talk to a good portion of the people I was friends with at 13.

However, now the 31-year-old me does creepy things, like think Zac Efron's hot and on Tues night, I flipped between the IL game and this movie called Keith. Which if you read the synopsis, sounds really stupid. . . but it had JESSE MCCARTNEY! I always thought "What a cute kid!" and then he turned 20, and I was like "Woah, he's pretty hot is he legal?". In case you feel compelled to watch the movie, it's basically A Walk to Remember but with Jesse in Mandy Moore's roll. I'm sorry I just ruined the movie for you. I guess you could probably watch both movies side by side just so you can see Shane West. . . I don't feel bad about Shane West as he's my age. . . and I do know I have a penchant for 25-year-olds because they are so trainable when you're the older one in the relationship but I can't help but feel like a creeper when I think someone that's like 9 years younger than I am is cute. Wait. . . Jesse is 25. . . totally normal now. :)

I really do feel things are getting weirder for me at 31. I will instantly stop and watch Zac Efron's movies. . .and apparently watch Jesse McCartney movies. . . and now. . . I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I am also now having dreams about Rob Kardashian. The only male Kardashian. We're dating in my dreams apparently. Thankfully, he hasn't introduced me to Kim but I have gotten to meet Khloe. I don't even watch Keeping Up with Kardashians or Dancing with the Stars and he's in my dreams?? Maybe I need to quit watching E! News or reading my gossip mags. I don't know.

It's scaring me. . . who knows what 32 will have in store for me!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

I need to just let this out there as in a week's time I have talked about this 3 times now. THREE. So in my mind, that's quite a bit to be a repeat convo.

So. . . well. . .

Zac Efron is hot.

And not like a little bit hot, but a lot hot. Why can't he find me irresistible on Match?

Anyway, he's in a new movie, coming out today, which is probably why he's been brought up so much. On Saturday my roommate and I were talking and she says "I have to tell you something that might be inappropriate considering all the child molestation stuff coming out, but I really think Zac Efron is hot." I said "Umm. . . yeah. . .but he's totally legal now."

Then we got to talking about when he got his hotness. We are too old for the High School Musical stuff and I can't remember what TV shows he was on off the top of my head.

I told her for me it was 17 Again. She was like "Oh yes! That was it!! Then came Charlie St. Cloud." Oooh Charlie St. Cloud. Then we both got to thinking that he might have actually been 17 while filming 17 Again, and we felt dirty.

People, I probably won't see the movie New Year's Eve because all the reviews say that it's one of the worst movies ever made. If I do watch it, it will be when it's free on tv. And I will probably only rewatch the parts with Zac Efron in them. And Josh Duhamel. I seriously stopped what I was doing and watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton one day. I love Topher Grace too, so it was win/win, but a really horrible movie.

Seriously, why can't those guys be here in Iowa in real life??

I also realized I am going through a beard phase. Like, I won't even look at a guy who doesn't have a beard. I love No Shave November for this purpose. I talked my best guy friend into growing a beard. He still hasn't shaved it. I bet it's because I keep mentioning how hot he looks with one like every time I see him.

I really better find a guy on Match soon or else I'm going to start pretending I'm dating someone famous and just "hang out" with them by watching their movies. . . .