Weekend Update. . . with your host. . . Me

My mother always said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

And really my mother is like this. I had a crazy neighbor lady and a pretty psycho roommate. H (and every other person who has met them) can attest to this. And what my mom said about my roommate "She has a lot of issues. And really, don't feel like you have to invite her back to visit with you again." And what my mom said about my neighbor "Woah she has some issues. She's odd." That's about as mean as my mom gets. My dad. . .not so much. But my mom, sweet as can be.

Anyway, I wish I would have listened to her. But alas one of the few times I do say something mean about someone, I text it to them.

I couldn't eat all day Saturday and half of Sunday. I just had this knot in my stomach all day. I'm not sure if Dean even believed my lie. And my friend/neighbor Mike said that I'd be pretty lucky if he talked to me again. Thanks Mike. I was just eaten up all day with it. And felt horrible. And my cousin, MJ, said "well think of it this way, in five years, when he talks to you again, you can totally laugh about it. At his wedding." These people were not helping. And it's not like I'm model material. Or even hand model material. But needless to say, I shouldn't be judgemental and I felt horrible. Plus I'm known for over-thinking things, so this little incident did not help. But Saturday night did.

Saturday night just started off random with MJ, Emily, Mike, and I deciding to go out to dinner and then grab drinks somewhere. Then after Mexican and beers, we met our friends Sarah and Lynn at a very random bar that had some board games. The game was called "What the F@ck?" We had fun with this. And it's dictionary that was included. We also had fun people watching although I did not partake in the making fun of the really drunk people since the incident the night before. But there was this drunk girl that ran into the wall and then looked at Lynn as if she had pushed her. It was priceless.

We then decided to go to a bar that we hadn't been to in like a year. Which we also noticed the clientele had changed. It used to be a good mix of 20-30 somethings who enjoyed 70s/80s/90s and pop music and random townie 40+older people who were friends of the owner. Not now. We walked into Pantera playing loudly and a lot of goth looking people. And then random 40+older people. We had to ask them to turn the heavy metal down because we noticed we were yelling across the table. We became those people.

Then the craziness started. Mike had some coworkers that came in. And since Mike was the only guy with 6 ladies they stayed with us. And one guy hit on all 6. Then every time the girls went out to smoke and I went with, some guy kept high-fiving me. I nicknamed him "high-five guy." Later he asked for my name. "Samantha" I said. Then this other good looking guy came up DRUNK and started putting his hand on my arse while I was sitting there. "I'm Brandon. " "Samantha" I said again. Then owner guy came up and bought us shots. Then creepy guy bought us shots. "Samantha" I said again. Three times I used my bar name that night.

The best story of the night though goes to Mike's co-worker Joel. Who we nicknamed "Felcher."
Here's the definition of Felch. Thank you game from previous bar! :) Anyway, Joel had hit on all of us. Well for some reason, he felt compelled to really hit on me. So as I'm watching the Cubs game he decides to start rubbing my back. And I turn and say "Trying to watch the game, thanks." He then starts to massage my back. Which well, the Cubs were losing and subsequently lost and I was tense from the day before, so I let him. We then lost Joel for awhile but don't worry people, he came back. Then Sarah, Lynn, and Emily left to go home because they were all really drunk from the shots. And since I was driving MJ and Mike, I had to stay sober so I only did the shots and maybe had 2 beers over the course of the night.

As I'm sitting there with my elbows on the table, Joel is sitting next to me and starts to kiss my arm right above my elbow. Then he decides to make-out and LICK my elbow. I cannot make this up. He was licking and making out with my elbow/arm. I give Mike this weird look and MJ and I go to the bathroom. Where I tell her what just transpired. To which she doesn't believe me. And I show her the hair on my arm that has been licked. To which she says "HE LICKED your arm!!!!" Really?? I hadn't noticed.

It was priceless. Words cannot describe this. Or why on earth he thought this would turn me on. So we leave and I tell Mike thanks for introducing us to your friend who then licked my elbow. And Mike starts saying "Well he's not really my friend. So if by friend you mean a coworker who I barely talk to at work and who only probably talked to me because I was with 6 laaad. . . wait did you just say he LICKED your elbow???" We then laugh hysterically. Mike then informs me that I probably could have taken Joel home that night and had some really good stories. I'll pass. . .thanks though! Maybe he would have dog-licked** my face too. That would have been awesome.

So for all you men out there. . . a good way to a ladies heart?? Lick her elbow. It's definitely a turn on. . . or maybe not.

What made my weekend somewhat better was the text I received at 1:30pm on Sunday:

I'm drunk at Buffalo Wild Wings right now and would you come pick me up later? And we can watch Entourage??

From Dean.

Whew.

I texted back that I would do that just let me know what time and it's only 1:30pm how is he drunk? I didn't hear from him until 8pm when he called me. He had driven home and passed out. But he wanted to come over and still watch Entourage if I would have him. And of course I said yes. He didn't bring up the text. Maybe he believed me, maybe not. I still feel really bad but I will NEVER bring it up. Unless maybe someday, like 3 days before his wedding day to her. Just to clear my conscience. :)

**I had a boyfriend do that to me one night at the bar on a dare from our guy friends. I was standing up at the bar waiting for our drinks, and he came up, grabbed my face, licked it very noticeably, and walked away leaving me standing there with the most stunned look on my face. He did it for $40 so I couldn't be that mad. I would have done it for $40 too!