Sorry

I'm sorry for the last post. . .

I think having to be the captain of our sand volleyball league and our kickball team for the last 3 years, is finally getting to me. I'm sick of having to organize the team, send out the schedules every week, and having to find people when other's can't show up.

I want to be carefree when I play my sports. :)

Back to my regularly scheduled programming in a bit . . .

An Experiment

I know there are social people who read my blog.

So I'm posing an experiment:

I am not going to call anyone to hang out nor plan anything and see if someone else does it.

I don't know what it is, but I'm getting super sick of always having to be the person that does the calling. And then when I make comments about how I wanted to go out but didn't since no one had called me, the friends get mad because I should have called them. I'm sorry but I am not going to magically know you were sitting at home doing nothing and want to do something unless you tell me.

I mean, the phone works both ways, right??

I'm just sick of always having to be the one to call people and plan to do things.

Granted on Friday, someone else did the planning. And it was great!! Doing the corn maze at night and then going to a dive bar in a super small town was awesome. I did suggest doing a corn maze at some point, but they actually did the plans. And playing quarters. And then having the owner of the bar across the street give us a hard time about not coming to his bar. And then him buying us a pitcher after we promised next time we would go to his bar. And then him playing quarters with us. That was awesome. And we were only going to stay until midnight. We left the bar at 2am. Good times!

Thank you for letting me vent. Maybe I'm getting grouchy in my old age. I don't know. I just realized that I always do such a good job of keeping in contact with people, and I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one making the effort lately. And I've been busy, so it's been hard to do!

Has anyone else tried doing this?? Maybe I'll just end up with no more friends. Which is fine. I'll just invest in some cats. Mike thinks I should do that anyway. It's a good start to being an old cat lady.

I'm taking the plunge. . .

And getting a roommate. What’d you all think??

Also on a side note for the people that do know my family (and our part of it), I do have to share this little hilarious quip from Gramps.

I was telling him on Saturday morning how I was dog sitting and how Max always likes to sleep between my legs and Gramps says (without missing a beat) “well I’m glad to hear at least something is between your legs.”

I. Almost. Died. This was at 8am.

So I said “I know it’s been awhile Gramps, but sheesh!!” First of all, I don’t ever discuss my private life with my Gramps. Unless maybe it’s slightly serious. He knew about Dean. But I never would be like “Oh hey, Gramps, as soon as I leave Dean’s I’ll be over” or “Dean shut the alarm off and didn’t wake me up!” Wine Rep really wanted to come and meet Gramps too, but I never really made an effort to bring him up. He wasn’t worth my Gramps meeting him. Secondly, I’m pretty sure my Gramps may think I am the most clean cut person he knows. Oooh how I have him fooled. If I'm hungover when I see him, I never let on. . . I just tend to nap a little longer than normal at nap time. And yes, I get nap time when I go visit my Gramps because he always naps when he reads the paper.

If my blog wasn’t read by some family members I would totally write what happened to me a few weeks ago. I can’t even make it up. And I actually wish I had a video recorder so I could have physical proof of what happened because me retelling it doesn’t even do it justice. I also feel like I should tell Gramps that story just so he doesn’t worry about me.

Back to my new roommate though.

I’ve known Cookie since I first moved here. We worked at Starbuck’s together. I know that she’s a clean person and a hard worker. She was really one of the few high school girls I worked with at Starbucks that actually was a good worker. And I'll admit it here. . . when she was 18, I'd buy her beer. . . WITH the stipulation that she drank it at my house around me and my roommates, and I never let her drive. She always had stories about going out and driving and I always told her to call me first.

When she graduated high school and went to college, she always complained about her messy college roommates, and how she was always having to clean up after them. This is perfect for me considering I lived with the messiest person alive for about 5 months.

So, she's been living with her parents since she graduated college because she couldn’t find a job. She’s had a constant job now for about 3 months and was applying for a steady job. She is about ready to pull her hair out living with her parents though. She was telling me how expensive it is to live by yourself and everything. And then made the comment about too bad I don’t want a roommate. And then I thought about it and said “Well, why not??” I mean, it’s extra money and well. . .I might get lonely in the winter since I moved away from my friends who were literally right next door. It will be nice to have someone else there.

Also, we both agree, that if for some reason it’s not working out, we let each other know and don’t let it get to the point it affects our friendship. I agree. Plus, we won’t be sharing a bathroom, so that definitely works. She’ll have the downstairs, and I’ll have the upstairs.

But this is why I know we’ll get along great. Besides the fact, we already get along great and have had many zany adventures. She had an interview last week and when I asked what had happened she said “Well the interview was good. However, I made an ass out of myself. I got stuck in the revolving door!”

After I quit laughing, I asked how it happened and if it was before or after.

Apparently she was walking with the person interviewing her to the interview room.

The interviewer called her name and they started heading back to the interview area. When you walk into the door you have to scan your visitor’s pass to go through the revolving door.

Now in her own words:

C: So I scan it and the door started going. And then it stops and this announcement comes on that says "you have not scanned your pass. The door will now begin to reverse" sooo not only have the doors trapped me in it, but now it begins to reverse. There are people waiting to get through on both sides of the door. The lady interviewing me had already gone through and is watching my dumbass. I attempt two more times before she has to come back out to help me. It was a grrrrrrrrrrreat way to start! Haha!! Yeah I mean I have to laugh about it because seriously like yeah I was already a little nervous and trying to make a good first impression and then that happened! Ahhhh oh well!

Me: Did the interviewer laugh??

C: Yeah. I was like please just lie to me and tell me this happens all of the time!

Then I asked if the interview went well and she tells me that half way through, she noticed the lady interviewing her, had one of her buttons on her blouse come undone and her boob was popping out! And she didn’t tell her, but the rest of the interview, she was thinking that she should probably tell her. But never did. Then she went to her car to leave and spilled an entire cup of coffee on herself.

Then later on in the day I get another IM from her telling me that while at her job, a lady came up to her and said that she apologized but she had an anal task for her and Cookie says “That’s ok, I like anal.” Then realized how that sounded and lucky for her, the lady started laughing hysterically so that she could too.

And this my dear readers, is why she and I will be perfect living together. . . and will probably get into trouble a lot. . . but mostly just have fun.

Oh and she got the job! :)

Boundaries

I think sometimes that I don't have them. Or more often, I just forget social norms and step away from them. I'm not sure.

Like when my boss and I are out drinking when we travel together, I'm always worried that I'm going to overstep that boss boundary. And I know my employees do, but at my office, we're soo small that we have to be that close and intimate on a day to day basis that we are all up in each other's grill so to speak out of shear need to be.

I mean, you have your good friends where you can talk about sex with (no limits) and you don't have to worry about where the boundaries with that are. But there are some friends who you never bring up sex with at all no matter how much alcohol there is. Then you have your friends that you can be as gross about anything with--like how you popped this awesome zit on your face and it squirted on the mirror. But there are friends who would just puke hearing that statement. For those reading this blog that just puked. . . I'm sorry. Truly sorry.

My friend Andy and I don't have boundaries. He's that person, that I know I can be super grotesque with as well as tell him very personal things about me and he doesn't judge. EVER. And he tells me things that sometimes I wish he wouldn't but I don't judge either. Sometimes, his stories make me feel better about whatever it was that was bothering me. My friend Wyatt is the same way.

It's *spoiler* like when a girl passes gas. *Gasp. I know it's shocking that we do. But let's be honest. It happens. Some girls don't in front of people. I am that person. . . Except when it comes to my brother-in-law. My sister would go to the bathroom at the gas station to avoid doing that in front of him until they were engaged. . . 5 years after they started dating. He feels girls just don't do that. So, I actually purposefully make myself in front of him. Which now includes being that person in front of my nephew. He finds this hysterical and will do it in front of my face now. Not cool. Mr. J. Not Cool.

My Dad's Mom told him if he held it in, it was very bad for him, so my Dad does it whenever. In the mall, walking down the street, at the grocery store. . . luckily never at dinner. He used to say "Who stepped on the duck?!?" when I was little. He says it now for my nephew. And my nephew almost wets himself laughing so hard.

My friend Josie met her husband by passing gas while sitting on his leg in a cab. My friend Tim and Jamie see who can out do each other. It's just weird. But again this boils down to boundary issues. And I digress. . .

The reason I mostly bring this up is because when you read someone's blog every day, (or whenever they feel like updating their blog) if you didn't know them on a face to face level, somewhere you feel like you get to know them on a personal level. And you start to notice little things and you become more and more curious about their personal stuff. And obviously, there's a reason they don't put it in their blog, but still you become curious. So today, I think I overstepped my blogger boundary and emailed the person and asked if so and so was their boyfriend who they haven't talked about. And I feel bad. So like 3 hours later I wrote that she didn't have to tell me. . . I was just curious and super sleuthing.

Maybe I overstepped the blogger boundary. . . guess we'll see.

The Non-Date

Well now that I'm officially back on the market. . . and I guess technically I was on the market a month ago, but the a-hole just was dragging me along. Or I was on the "Hook." You'll only get this if you watch HIMYM.


Anyway, the last week, I've been having all these non-dates with my guy friends. I love it. It's like they found out that I wasn't even hanging out with this guy and they are all calling me to hang out now. We've been making dinner, going out to dinner, or just plain having some adult beverages.


Last night I went out with my friend Andy who I rarely get to see anymore. The main reason for this is because Andy was supposed to be getting married Sept 4th. And about 3 weeks ago, she called off the wedding. Andy was initially very upset but now he says, it's like this huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. I guess his family is now just having a family reunion this weekend.

Anyway, the main reason that Andy sort of dropped off the face of the earth is because his girlfriend didn't drink and didn't want her boyfriend to drink. At all. Not even a little bit. Her family doesn't drink either. So Andy gave up drinking for over a year. He gave up hanging out with his friends too. Or they just quit hanging out with him. Not sure which.

Andy and I were talking and now his friends are coming out with reasons why they didn't like her. Which is funny because no one ever told HIM this. He said that while he knows it probably wasn't right, he's taking the good things from the relationship. I agree. And am proud of him.

However, I got to thinking. . .I can't really take anything good from my past relationships. Why?? I realize that I made THEM better people. I know this sounds sort of egotistical but it's true.

I was told by my sister that I give 150% in my relationships. And then I'm always sort of disappointed when people don't do the same. This is in ALL my relationships--with my family, with my friends, with my co-workers. She said that she always feels bad giving me 90%. She's always there for me, so really, that's all I need. Yeah, she probably calls me WAY more with issues than I do her, but when it counts she's there. And that's what I've noticed in the past year with my friends, when I needed them, they were there. The ones that counted anyway. I do notice this about myself too. And maybe I'll tone it down and give 100%. Because really, where has it gotten me?? No where.

Now I'm really looking forward to more Non-Dates with my guy friends. I had one Tues and then Wed with Andy, so who knows?? I lost my best guy friend last year. Maybe I should have try outs now for the open spot. I'm ready for a best guy friend again. Wyatt--you are still my BFF, you just live like 5 hours away, so it's not as convenient.

Maybe I'll make posters that say "BFF needed. Must be male. Needs to fix things for me and make me feel pretty. Also act as wing man when appropriate. In return, I will act as wing woman for you and cook and bake for you. And maybe introduce you to my single girlfriends if you're good. Also must give good hugs."

**I realized I first said "Off the Market" which would imply I was taken. . . but I meant to say I was single now.

All I can say is "Woah."

I read the headline and then I watched this.

SCARY.

He walked away with scrapes and bruises. WALKED away.

Life as I know it

One year came and went. For most people, it was eventful. . . others had some hard times, others had the most happy times in their lives.

For me, it was a year of trying how to make it in without one of my closest friends. There were a lot of tears. . .and a lot of fond memories. I will miss her for the rest of my life but she also taught me that you have to live life in order to miss it.

John her husband wanted us all to get together for that day and go to something that she loved. . . the Fairbury Fair. haha! I haven't been home to the Fair since my first year here. . . and it was to go with her. She had just finished her chemo treatments and her hair was just starting to grow back. John's entire family, her family, and some friends of both John's and hers, all went to the fair, went on rides, and then drank at the beer tent. It was a great time. And while I know she's not here physically, her spirit was definitely there. John has been holding up great too and I'm soo thankful for that.

I really just wish I could have drank more in her honor. . . but I'm pretty sure that after the last few weekends my liver hated me.

You see the weekend before I had a wedding on a Saturday night. . .and for some reason I thought I would be classy and start out drinking wine at dinner. Seems reasonable, right?? Then after 3 glasses, I switched to beer because really it's hard to dance like a crazy person with wine. My friend's brother had one of those pocket Breathalyzers and while my friend JV who can out drink most men, blew a .09, I blew a .15. We thought there must have been some mistake. . . yet we all agreed when the wedding got over at 9:30pm it was way to early to go home. So we went to the bar where I took a drink of my beer and declared that I was pretty sure I was drunk now. Blowing the .15 obviously didn't make me realize that. Then for some reason I did a shot.
Then we went to another bar and Mike's parents who had met us out talked me into singing Karaoke.

I'm not sure if I discussed how good of a singer I am in the blog?? No?? Oh that would because I can't sing to save my life. Although my entire life I have been known to burst out in song. I think I sound excellent around my house, in the shower, in my car. . .you know the usual places. I do think there are certain songs I can sing well. . . just not most of them. I picked the classic "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks. I was singing so bad, JV came up to help me out. And then hugged me. The song ended and I apologized to the entire bar of about 35 people. Luckily no one slow clapped. Mike's Mom told me how good I was. I think she was just being nice.

I think the Karaoke experience was soo humiliating that I decided I should puke on Sunday morning very loudly in the bathroom downstairs where JV's Dad was grabbing something. I haven't puked on alcohol since '03 maybe?!? Horrible. Horrible. I felt a lot better after that though.

Then on Friday of this week, my good friends Kaci, Stephanie, Luke, and Darren all get together to go the Fair as well since I was going to be back and Kaci was back. We hadn't all been in the beer tent together since we were able to legally drink. If this is any indication of how the night went it's this: We ended up with 3 six packs of beer and no idea of how we got it or who bought it.

In the morning we were discussing how bad we felt and started talking about the bar and Luke says "Wait, we were at the bar?!?" For 2 hours we were there. Luckily we weren't driving and got a ride home with Landon, who just had heart surgery. I'm thinking that's who's beer we took. The best part was that Steph's dad was super nice and went and got us donuts since we were talking about how good our grocery store's donuts were. And that's when he said "Did you guys know there were 3 six packs of beer outside on the table??" No. We didn't remember that. Which might explain why I dry heaved on Saturday morning. 2 weekends in row. I think that AA is calling my name.

Then on Saturday night Jon came up to talk to me and told me how we had stolen their beer. haha! Whoops! I guess that Luke had told him we'd go road loading with him since they had the sober driver. And Luke apparently forgot to tell us girls. So we just had Landon take us to Steph's. I told Jon where to go pick up the beer at if he still wanted it. Hilarious. It's always bad when none of you can really remember the rest of the night. And thus why I didn't drink that much on Saturday night for Josie. :)

I should also know better that sometimes when Kaci, Steph, and I get together, there is a very large alcohol consumption. Like when they came to visit. . . we drank 4 bottles of wine that night. . . and that's not including the beers we drank at supper. And then the next day we started drinking at 12:30pm for lunch. Then went to the wine bar for a flight. . . then to the Brewery, and then the Farmer's Market. . . then the martini bar by my house. Now that I think about it. . . maybe I should go to AA. Granted, we only had one drink per place. . . so that's not really that bad, right?!?

When Steph and Kaci were here I introduced them to the guy I liked. They kept telling me how awesome my friend and old neighbor MK was. Hey, not dating MK. Then on Friday when we were all together they kept telling Luke how cool MK was and that the other guy was so so. Then we sent MK a pic and he texted back to me that I should tell them "Hhhheeeeyyyy" but snap my fingers while I do it in a half circle. I responded that he really needs to quit being funny so my friends would quit liking him so much.

Then on Tues the said guy I liked informed me an hour before we were supposed to be grilling out at my place that he's been seeing someone for the last month. He told me this on the phone while I had called from the grocery store to see what meat he wanted. It's not serious, but he doesn't think that he can be hanging out with me anymore. He felt horrible for not telling me sooner. Which I also find funny since we'd hung out once sometimes twice a week every week for the last month. So when after I check out, I call him back and say "Yes, I am mad at you. You made me feel like an idiot thinking that you might want something else again. I hope you do move away now. I don't care anymore." He kept saying how much he loves being with me and spending time with me. . . blah, blah, blah. . . and he hopes that we can keep doing that. Well that won't be happening.

I cried for about 4 hours on Tues night. I drank my supper except for the cheese and cherry tomatoes I ate and hung out with my friend Sarah. When MK called to see how I was doing he told me he'd go beat him up. But when I told him where he lived he determined that suburb was too far away. So I told him he worked downtown but at a place that has guards and MK determined he couldn't do that either. Then he volunteered to take me to the shelter to pick up some cats. He's super sweet that one. haha!!

I realized yesterday that I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. I liked how he looked at me. And how he made me feel. Besides Tues. He made me feel awful on Tues. And frankly, he did a lot of things that annoyed me. Like wearing a flat billed ball cap. He's not an old farmer, he's not Brody Jenner, he's not in the ghetto, and he's not a skater dude. He was also really indecisive. And when we went to the movies, he'd always turn and ask me if I was enjoying it. I realized the reason I was soo upset with him was that he rejected me. And that sucks. Rejection in any form sucks. And I can't spend my life wishing and hoping some guy who my good friends didn't get a good first impression from and some guy who can't wear his cap like a normal person would fall for me. And now that I think about it, he was just plain awkward around me and maybe that's why I liked him. Who knows?!?

But I slept really well last night. And if my heart was soo broken, I wouldn't have slept well at all. I knew that from when Dean and I ended. Life's too short to be pining for someone you had so many annoyances with anyway.

Life Live. Be Life. Happiness will follow. :)