Spring a ding, ding. . .

It's funny how life can just be sad. Not funny "haha" obviously. You don't mean it to be, but there are just hard months once in a while. Months you just wish you could skip over year after year.

For me, it's the month of April. Well the last week of March through the first week of May. I've had 5 people close to me die in between that time starting in April '98 and in ending in May '03. And now I have Josie's birthday to remember during that time. It's always been just a sad period of time. Today is the last time I saw my Grandma before she died 4 days later. I was soo happy I got to say goodbye.

But it's also the beginning of Spring. When the world awakes around you and the trees begin to bud, and the flowers bloom, and the birds start chirping. Those birds can seriously quit chirping at the crack of dawn. . . but that's for another time. Spring is absolutely my favorite time of year. It starts to get warmer and everything starts to turn green. And now that I can drink legally because obviously I never drank before the age of 21, I really appreciate the outdoor patio at places. :) Even with all these bad things happening to people I love recently (seriously I've had it up to HERE with Cancer), I can't help but still enjoy the season.

A basic flaw I have is that I often care more about other people than myself. I blame my parents. It has to be their fault I'm this way. Probably more my Mom's fault. . . Anyway. . . Recently while my world felt like it was crushing in on me I was randomly reminded of something. My friend Will and Dan on Wednesday night had commented to me that it's probably because I smile at everyone that makes people want to come up and tell me their life stories. Dan said that I bring it on myself since I really don't care to hear about random people's problems.

Then on Thursday night at dinner, Will was giving me a hard time about being able to talk to anyone. And one time he actually witnessed me carry on 8 different conversations with people around me all at once. And never at any time lose what I was talking about with those people. The next thing I know, the person next to us asks me if I can take a picture of their table. I do. Will didn't know what happened to me and then realized what I was doing. He then laughed because of the 4 of us at the table, she chose me to do it. I said it was probably only because I was sitting right next to her. He didn't buy it. He went with my sunny disposition.

And that's when it dawned on me how many times I heard the phrase "sunny disposition" when describing me the last few weeks. Man, if only all those people read my blog. And that's when I realized that the only time I let my sad show is on my blog. I write about it and it feels better. I have very few friends who I call and say that I'm depressed to. I do have a few friends who know how I bottle things up and will purposely call me or email me and say "We're hanging out. I can tell you need to talk." And it's weird when you're the person with the sunny disposition because when you call your sister and are upset about something, she will call you three times a day to check on you for a good 7 days.

This weekend I took a "me" weekend to just relax and have some time to myself. I was laying outside, soaking up the abnormally warm weather and realized just like Spring, I'm ready for a new beginning. I'm not sure what the new beginning is per say, but something new. Suggestions are welcome. Maybe I'll take an archery class or something. Or learn a new sport. Take up running. Who am I kidding?!? I will probably never take up running again. That was sooo college me. Learn to make sushi. I do realize though I am pretty awesome the way I am. It's not my fault if others don't see the awesomeness. ;) Or can't seem to accept that's the way I am. Not necessarily the awesome but my personality.

On my Facebook for some reason the one and only note I posted popped up. It was the one a few years ago where you were supposed to write 25 Things People Didn't Know About You. I reread them, and really it does describe me to a "T". And my cousin's comment on the end made me smile. She said "This could also be titled "25 Reasons to love A." And what was most funny about the note is that during the last week or so people brought up to me at least 15 of those things in describing me. And because of that, I am going to take it as a sign that I am all right.

If there is one thing you can take from my endless rambling today is that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you but what you think of yourself. There's always a place to start over and nothing lasts forever. Life is for living and you should never take it for granted. Sometimes there are risks, but if you never take a risk, how will you know if you could have made it better? I think that's enough cliches. :)

Happy Hump Day!!