Bring on the tissues. . .

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time and now what I'm going to write, I cry as I write it.

All start with the good (maybe good) stuff first. . .

I am buying a house. . . I've looked at 80 houses since mid January. Yes. I know. It's ridiculous. A few weeks ago, I finally found a house I love. But it's at the high end of my price range. And it had been on the market for 2 days. Today was it's Open House, and I leave to go out of town for work tomorrow at 6am until 4:30pm on Friday. ALL week. So Friday I made an offer, she countered, I countered, and now no word. I guess I'll have to go with my 2nd choice, which I'm not really looking forward to. I like this house. And I should know--I looked at a lot!

Now on to why I cry.

Saturday my Grandma J passed away 6 years ago. I miss her a lot still. And it's been 6 years. I miss both my Grandmas actually. My Grandmas died 9 days apart 6 years ago. I did get to see my Grandma J 4 days before she died and for that I am thankful. But what makes it sad is that last year I missed being with my Grandpa that weekend, and this year I was going to make sure he wasn't alone. But the sad part is that last year, I was home for the weekend. For Josie's birthday. They say the first year is always hard. But tomorrow is her birthday. She would have been 31. It was hard to not get a birthday call from her on my birthday this year and it's equally hard to not be able to call her and sing 'Happy Birthday!' I do that to all my friends.

I miss not being able to call her and tell her about my house. I miss not being able to email her something funny in the middle of the day. I just miss her. I lost my friend Matt my sophomore year in college, 10 years ago at the end of March. I still miss him now and then. Josie was there for me when I lost him. They were in the same class and grew up together. But there is something different about losing your guy friend. You don't have the same relationship as you do with your girl friend. And I lived with Josie for 3 years. We knew each other well. We had class together in high school, class together in college, late nights studying, late nights drinking, vacations, road trips, etc . . . I miss that I won't have another trip to see her. I miss that when I was visiting Megs in Chicago, I couldn't go see her. I miss her. I miss telling her something stupid I did, and her telling me that she was going to blackmail me later on, so I better watch it. haha! I miss her getting me to come out of my shell. My friend Kattie made a comment a few months ago, that I seemed so carefree when I was 28 and she wished at 28 she was like me at 28. . . I liked to go out and have fun and was always up for a good time. Then something changed when I hit 29.

And that's when I realized I changed at 29 because that's when my friend's cancer turned for the worse. That's when I really started to hate cancer. Just about as much as I hate Paris Hilton. But I hate cancer more. That's when cancer started to take my friend and make her sicker. Cancer never took her spirit though. She lived her life for each day. Happy to wake up and see the daylight. When I saw her in March and we partied it up, never wanting it to end. And then I saw her at her birthday in April and for the first time she looked sick. That's when it hit me. My friend was sick. I would give anything to have that day back. To go back and hug her. And tell her how much I love her. But I guess that's one thing I did right--I'm sure she knew. I never let a day go by where I didn't tell her that. I just wish I could still tell her.

Now on to other things: Never watch the movie "My Sister's Keeper." You will cry. The whole time. My guy friend who I watched it with cried too. I warned him. I bawled non-stop. Maybe a bad movie to watch soo close to Josie's birthday. Especially when I cried watching the preview even before she passed away. It was a great movie. You will just go through a box of Kleenex.

I just saw the commercial for the KFC Double Down Chicken sandwich. It looks delicious. It also looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. Maybe I should eat it hungover. Or split it with someone. I don't know. It looks good. Let me know if you've tried it. And haven't had a heart attack. :)

I'm also pretty sure Paris Hilton broke up with her boyfriend because she hadn't been in the news.

That's really all I have.

Happy week peeps!!