My Apologies. . .

I realized apparently yesterday after I calmed down a bit, I might over exaggerate things. And I very often have the feeling that everyone is conspiring against me. Why you may ask?? I don't know why. If I knew why, I don't think the conspiring theory would come on a monthly basis in my life. Recently I think I have the feeling more and more and perhaps it's because my "friend" blatantly attacked my character for no apparent reason, I don't know. The truth be told, I've never had confidence. Even though as my "friend" said that I have this new confidence and whatnot with me losing all the weight and getting my haircut. Umm. . . technically my weight is where I started when I first moved to this great state 3 years ago. :) It could be because I was always the chubby child and my sister never was. My sister was always the pretty, skinny one that all the guys flocked to. I was the chubby, funny kid that was always the friend. I mean, looking back now--as you can tell from the picture at the right--I was pretty sexy and cannot figure out, why no one flocked to me! Which is always ironic looking back too because I never got picked on for being the chubby kid and my sister got picked on all the time. I had a good group of friends in grade school and her friends seemed caddy and mean.

So I don't know why I freak out on certain things and apparently can't let certain other things ago. I think I'm waiting for an apology still from said "friend" and that's why I'm still so bitter about it. So H, I'm sorry I had to go all crazy on you yesterday about my conspiring theories. I love that you listen to them and probably laugh hysterically with Bill about them later! :)

Recent Annoyances

Boatman is driving me crazy. I guess that I feel emails are a very valid form of communication. I mean that was the whole idea of emails--To communicate faster and all, right?!? And I guess I feel if I am having a busy weekend and someone knows that I am having a busy weekend and I don't talk to you, it's probably because I am having a busy weekend, right?!? So why, WHY do you insist on two weekends in a row when you know full well that A) I am going to be busy this weekend and B) Since I will be busy, I probably won't be talking to you, do you call and/or text me??? And then this past weekend send me guilt texts about not calling you and how you want a call from me. This dear people is annoying. For starters, we're NOT dating. And Secondly, I DON'T HAVE SPARKS/CHEMISTRY WITH YOU!! It just really makes me want to drive the 5+ hours and smack him in the head and drive back.

I have a problem . . .

I keep finding myself rocking out in my car to 80s music. But not your normal Rock out 80s music like Prince or Michael Jackson before he got weird, I'm talking Don Henley sappy love songs and Corey Heart's "Never Surrender." It's a problem. I mean the other day it was Richard Marx and now it's turned into other 80s sappy love songs.

If you know of any support groups let me know. Thanks!

-A

Things that make me smile. . .

I played in this kickball tournament a couple of weeks ago. (And yes I said Kickball. I actually even play in a kickball league that will be starting up again in the next couple of weeks.) I played with a couple of people that I didn't know but everyone else had played on the kickball team and league last fall. Well one of the guys on the team the Tuesday after the tourney called me after getting my number off of Facebook and in his message said, he wasn't stalking me but noticed that I had my number on there and thought he'd call me to see if I wanted to do something. He ended up coming over and we went for a walk. Then last week he called to see if I wanted to go out to dinner but I couldn't because I was with my boss already. Then today in an email I was telling him how a story came up about my sister that I was just telling him and it came up again with all my cousins and I was telling everyone that I had just told someone that story. He emailed me back and said "So I'm just a 'somebody'. I can't believe I don't even get a name in the stories you tell your family. I'm just kidding... I would have said the same thing." How cute is that?!?

Happy is as Happy does. . .

My cousin Brian got married this past weekend. I really don't think I've ever seen Brian as emotional as I saw him that day. But it wasn't that sad emotional it was that happy emotional. It was the "this is the happiest I've ever been" happy emotional. I'm so happy for him. And I hope (and pray) that someday I will be that happy. Congrats Brian and Luba!!!

Yep, that's me. I'm pretty much a BIG Dork. . .

So. . . Dean Cain is on vacation this week. Which in a way is good because it really makes me think less about him. Mainly because I know he's on vacation with his family up in the boondocks so I don't have to sit around worrying why isn't he calling me. Which don't worry I'm not actually sitting around waiting for him to call, I'm metaphorically sitting around waiting and wondering why he hasn't called. . . :) And I know we are just friends, but friends with a weird relationship nonetheless. But lately, mainly after church on Sunday, I realized that he's the one I have a spark with. WHICH I HATE. However, there is a guy I have great chemistry with who did call me on Tuesday to see if I wanted to go out to dinner. I couldn't though because I was already out with my one boss. No spark, but some definite chemistry.

Anyways, I think God is trying to speak to me through musical lyrics. The radio station I listen to is known for never really playing the same music two days in a row unless it's the popular stuff, and then I only hear it once MAYBE twice a day. Well anyway, the moment I got back and was contemplating my stuff with Boatman the Colbie Calliet song, Bubbly came on and I realized that's what I want to feel and I just don't feel that with Boatman. So two days ago, my favorite U2 Song came on, With or Without You, and I was just slowly jamming to it at my desk. Then yesterday, it came on again. And then today as I had a moment where something happened and I knew it was something Dean would appreciate, the song came on the radio. And I was like, is this just shear coincidence, or is it God telling me that when Dean gets back from his vacation, perhaps you should just tell him how you feel?

Now this to any other person would probably be it's a coincidence of songs three days in a row. And I, too, would normally think this, but this is my movie montage song. And by movie montage song, I mean if my life were made into a movie this is the song that would be playing in it. Specifically it would play just as I realized that I was in love with my best guy friend and he was moving clear across the country after telling our friends that he was in love with me but that I obviously wasn't in love with him, so he had to move on and move away. And as I'm running after his taxi that just left his apartment (up a hill no less), I finally give up and admit defeat, and walk slowly back down the hill. Then I hear "Hey idiot, Why are you running after an empty taxi??" and it's him. And I start babbling and saying how I thought it was him and how I realized I was in love with him and then we romantically embrace. AND scene. :) I've only told dear friends about my movie montage songs. Mainly because I think it's one of my quirks, but also because they might steal it and actually make a movie about it. I know when writing this in cyberspace I should worry, but only maybe three people read this and I'm related to them all, so no worries here. :)

Anyway, one Saturday I was over at Dean's and he was telling me how he was playing tennis and soccer by himself working on his skills. Then he says, "This may sound weird but do you ever think that sometimes your life should have a narrator or something. That there's that voice saying, 'Look at Dean's skill with the soccer ball. Or look at Dean making toast.' Or something like that." And I believe I must have gave him that strange, 'I think I'm falling in love with you' look because he then says, "That's really weird, huh." I tell him it's not that weird and he asks if I ever think that stuff. And I whip out the movie montage songs. And I directly tell him I have a specific example but it might just weird him out but he wants to hear it anyway. So I tell him. And he still talks to me people He STILL talks to me. :)

So what's weird is that I have never told any guy the movie montage theory besides my bgf. He's the only one mainly because girl's don't seem to think it's as weird as guys would. And what's even weirder is that I've heard that song, every day he's been gone. EVERY DAY. I talked to him on his way Monday night. So everyday I haven't talked to him, I've heard the song that reminds me of him. It's rather creepy honestly. And in my overthinkingness, I have pretty much determined that I'm a big dork!

Great at being quick is NOT my specialty. . .

So last night I took my bosses to the state fair. . . which also happens to be the 2nd most fun place in the United States to go behind Las Vegas. . . thank you. . . thankyouverymuch. . .

I did not have near as much fun at the fair last night as I had in times past however. For one, it was HOT and HUMID. I capitalize so you know it just wasn't the normal hot and humid. You sweated just standing still. And it was after 6pm at night and with complete cloud cover. Ridiculous I say. RIDICULOUS!! The other reason could be because I was with my bosses. One I enjoy hanging out with most of the time. The other says things that make me really question him as a human being, and I wonder if he even has a soul. Why do I continue to work for him?? I only see him once a month and sometimes not at all. And after a couple of comments he made last night, I'm really starting to even question that.

Anyway, as we made our way after we got some beer and listened to live music, we were cutting through to go see the butter cow and all of a sudden this cop and like an entourage of black SUVs come up behind us. Now if I was thinking like a normal person, I would have thought, "perhaps I should get my camera out and take a picture because this is likely someone important." However, I just stood there with my beer in my hand looking at all the SUVs. So as I just stand there staring, I see Hilary Clinton. I was less than 50 feet from her and I think she made eye contact with me as she was getting out of her car. And her bodyguard did wave to me. I had to just look retarded at that instant and I'm pretty sure had I made any sudden movements to go into my purse to grab my camera, the bodyguard would have shot me on the spot. Oh well. Next time I'll be ready BEFORE anyone parks. :)