Bring on the tissues. . .

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time and now what I'm going to write, I cry as I write it.

All start with the good (maybe good) stuff first. . .

I am buying a house. . . I've looked at 80 houses since mid January. Yes. I know. It's ridiculous. A few weeks ago, I finally found a house I love. But it's at the high end of my price range. And it had been on the market for 2 days. Today was it's Open House, and I leave to go out of town for work tomorrow at 6am until 4:30pm on Friday. ALL week. So Friday I made an offer, she countered, I countered, and now no word. I guess I'll have to go with my 2nd choice, which I'm not really looking forward to. I like this house. And I should know--I looked at a lot!

Now on to why I cry.

Saturday my Grandma J passed away 6 years ago. I miss her a lot still. And it's been 6 years. I miss both my Grandmas actually. My Grandmas died 9 days apart 6 years ago. I did get to see my Grandma J 4 days before she died and for that I am thankful. But what makes it sad is that last year I missed being with my Grandpa that weekend, and this year I was going to make sure he wasn't alone. But the sad part is that last year, I was home for the weekend. For Josie's birthday. They say the first year is always hard. But tomorrow is her birthday. She would have been 31. It was hard to not get a birthday call from her on my birthday this year and it's equally hard to not be able to call her and sing 'Happy Birthday!' I do that to all my friends.

I miss not being able to call her and tell her about my house. I miss not being able to email her something funny in the middle of the day. I just miss her. I lost my friend Matt my sophomore year in college, 10 years ago at the end of March. I still miss him now and then. Josie was there for me when I lost him. They were in the same class and grew up together. But there is something different about losing your guy friend. You don't have the same relationship as you do with your girl friend. And I lived with Josie for 3 years. We knew each other well. We had class together in high school, class together in college, late nights studying, late nights drinking, vacations, road trips, etc . . . I miss that I won't have another trip to see her. I miss that when I was visiting Megs in Chicago, I couldn't go see her. I miss her. I miss telling her something stupid I did, and her telling me that she was going to blackmail me later on, so I better watch it. haha! I miss her getting me to come out of my shell. My friend Kattie made a comment a few months ago, that I seemed so carefree when I was 28 and she wished at 28 she was like me at 28. . . I liked to go out and have fun and was always up for a good time. Then something changed when I hit 29.

And that's when I realized I changed at 29 because that's when my friend's cancer turned for the worse. That's when I really started to hate cancer. Just about as much as I hate Paris Hilton. But I hate cancer more. That's when cancer started to take my friend and make her sicker. Cancer never took her spirit though. She lived her life for each day. Happy to wake up and see the daylight. When I saw her in March and we partied it up, never wanting it to end. And then I saw her at her birthday in April and for the first time she looked sick. That's when it hit me. My friend was sick. I would give anything to have that day back. To go back and hug her. And tell her how much I love her. But I guess that's one thing I did right--I'm sure she knew. I never let a day go by where I didn't tell her that. I just wish I could still tell her.

Now on to other things: Never watch the movie "My Sister's Keeper." You will cry. The whole time. My guy friend who I watched it with cried too. I warned him. I bawled non-stop. Maybe a bad movie to watch soo close to Josie's birthday. Especially when I cried watching the preview even before she passed away. It was a great movie. You will just go through a box of Kleenex.

I just saw the commercial for the KFC Double Down Chicken sandwich. It looks delicious. It also looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. Maybe I should eat it hungover. Or split it with someone. I don't know. It looks good. Let me know if you've tried it. And haven't had a heart attack. :)

I'm also pretty sure Paris Hilton broke up with her boyfriend because she hadn't been in the news.

That's really all I have.

Happy week peeps!!

Word to your Mother . . .

I know I usually don't come on here and talk things up and whatnot. . . oh wait, that's exactly what I do. . . anyways,

My friend, Broph, started a Sunday Funday group. . . and right now, it's a non-alcoholic group mainly because he thinks he's allergic to alcohol. I told him he's being ridiculous, but he swears that if he drinks wheat beers and anything that's not tequila or vodka, he will become sick after like 2 drinks. I am not sure if I believe or if he has become a pansy, but. . . I will not test this. He's been saving his alcohol consumption for Friday and Saturdays so he has time to recover. I mean, Kattie and I go and get Mexican and Margaritas afterwards, but for the most part it's just Kattie and I.

Anyway, 2 Sundays ago, we went to the movie Brooklyn's Finest. And I know what you're thinking "The movie that looked like Training Day 2?" Yes. That movie. Starring Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Ethan Hawke, and Wesley Snipes. And it was. . . HORRIBLE. Worst movie I have ever seen coupled with the worst ending a movie could ever have. I would only recommend watching it if it's on TBS and it plays 3 times in a row. Broph liked it, but I think it's because he quit drinking like he used to.

But last Sunday we went and saw "She's Out of My League". HILARIOUS!! I mean, I really had no expectations from this movie besides the previews were funny and I hoped to God that those were not the only funny spots in the movie. I was wrong. I snorted FIVE times. And one time, I took a drink at a bad time and almost spit it out. It was that funny. I highly recommend it. It definitely reminded me of a Judd Apatow movie. Kattie said it was probably the funniest movie she'd seen in a long time.

I really have nothing else. I'm boring. I missed my first St Patty's Day in Chicago in 8 years. 8 YEARS. I did drink for 12 hours on Friday, so I'm thinking it was sort of a toss up on that. :) I had to watch IL play in the Big 10 Tourney and then I went to Dashboard Confessional which Broph splurged for us to have VIP so we could sit and have table service, so definitely worth it. And they are a great live band.

Happy Tuesday peeps!

I know. . . I know. . .

I've been too busy to update this gosh darn thing. However, let me give you a bit of what I went through in the last three days:

I got up at 3:30am on Monday morning to catch a 6am flight to Columbia, South Carolina which is a hour ahead of me. When I get there at 2pm after catching 2 connections, I have to conduct 4 interviews for potential hires.

At 6pm, I get done and we decide to go to dinner in which for 4 years my boss has been promising a lot of things and last time I saw him, he promised me a huge raise. To which now of course he is saying he just doesn't think it's possible and basically continued to lie to my face as usual. However, I do know that he can't do his job without me. I should use "job" like this because I'm pretty sure he doesn't actually work. Oh and seeing as he makes 3 times as much as I do, I still have to pay for dinner and get reimbursed, so HE can keep his per diem.

Anyway, the next morning we have to leave for our meeting at 8:30am and then meet with our new clients. To which, my boss really contributes nothing to the meeting besides what our company does. Good job!! And he actually told me the night before that he could do this all without me and doesn't need me. He's doing it because he wants me to get a taste for it. Yep. I know better. And it proves it after our meetings.

At 2:30pm, we head to the airport after our meetings to catch our 5:45pm flights. At the time, a lot of flights are cancelled but mine and his are still going. At 4pm we decide to check the status of the planes. Guess whose is now cancelled?? Mine. After the 3rd time back to the ticket counter (with having to go back through security) I cry at the ticket counter when I call my Dad because really all I want to do is go home. I do not want to be stuck in SC and not get home until 5:30pm the next day. So finally I at least get back to Chicago at 11pm at night while flying through Washington Dulles (the last flight out of the small airport at 7:30pm) and will have to have an overnight in Chicago and take the 6am flight back home. I text my friend Meghan to see if she will be home and possibly will let me stay there. Well I decide to check my face seeing as I was crying and all I have with me is my clutch and my phone. My boss was watching my other stuff. I decide to go to the bathroom and put my clutch and phone on the shelf above the toilet. And right before I sit down I hear "Plop!!" Yep. My phone. In the toilet.

So basically, I disinfect my phone and it's carrying case, take the battery out, and put it under the dryer. To which, to no avail, my phone quits. I am stuck in SC with no phone and can't even see if Meghan calls me back. Luckily I had my computer so I could communicate with her that way, but I have no other phone numbers for my friends in Chicago and with her, I know it goes to her blackberry. She's in Milwaukee for work though, so I call my Dad from my Boss's phone. He calls good friends of theirs who offer to pick me up at the airport at 11pm and take me back at 4:30am. And they just got back from Hawaii that day. I owe them dinner. Or something. If the hotel rooms weren't $200 around the airport, and I didn't feel like sleeping in the airport without my phone working, I would have just slept there.

Luckily, when I landed at Dulles I put the battery in a miraculously, 6 hours later, it worked!! I was so happy that I could call Renee when I landed even though I met a nice guy on the plane that went to IL as well who I am sure would have let me use his phone. He too had his flight cancelled and got on the same flights as me.

I just thought I'd share my day.

Things to consider: 50% of people could careless about your problems and the other 50% of people are happy you have them!

Sooo . . .

I was asked if I lost consciousness shortly after I wrote my post seeing as I punched myself in the face. . . but no. . .

I somehow got busy and lost the will to write anything. Which as you know, usually doesn't have much content or wisdom anyway, but nonetheless. I will try and post about my birthday because it was frickin awesome!!

Some highlights in the almost last month:

• "Drunk A is fantastically awesome, Sober A is okay"--my cousin and friend H
• I have gone on dates with my crush from the previous posts. And yes, he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years. However, now we are taking a break. :( It was a great month while it lasted though!!
• I had to reschedule my health screening because she forgot to call and remind me that a) I had it in the morning, and b) that I shouldn't drink alcohol the night before. It was my friend Jamie's bday the night before. And before dinner I met my realtor for 2 beers to discuss houses at 5:30pm and such and then at dinner had 2 glasses of Pinot Noir and then 3 beers at the bar later. I was home at 11pm. I'm pretty sure this would have affected my test results. Not to mention the fact I was pretty sure I was still drunk when I woke up. I did remember that I had the screening in the morning though. :)
• I have fantastic friends and family!
• Fingers crossed I have a big promotion coming in my future.
• I'm going to San Diego on the 19th to scatter Josie's ashes. It's both happy and sad. But it's definitely closure to one of the greatest people that I have ever known and was lucky enough to call my good friend.
• My friend Jeff told me last night that he's always amazed at the confidence I have in life when it comes to my friends, meeting new people, my job, etc. Yet, I have zero confidence when it comes to guys I like and I always think the worst. He can suck it.
• The Fighting Illini beat #5 Michigan State, which is a huge thing for me because I hate Michigan State in basketball for as long as I can remember. Then the Illini last night beat #13 Wisconsin at home too!! I almost cried!!
• On a side note, I hadn't talked to Jeff since my birthday since he's travelling a lot for work and the first thing I get from him says "I hope you're prepared for your tiny Fighting Illini to go down tonight at mighty Wisconsin." So I responded, "I'm glad that we haven't talked for a month, yet the first thing I do hear from you is trash talk." He called me after the game and thanked me for not rubbing it in. :)
• My friends Robb and Christine had their baby on Sunday! The weather was horrible so I haven't seen her yet! But I'm going to tonight!!
• My cousin Brian had his baby last night! Well he didn't have the baby per say, his wife did. . . but you get the idea!

Happy Hump Day!!

Sooo. . . .

It's my birthday day.

I'm 30.

I accidentally punched and scratched myself in the eye this morning when I woke up. Coincidence?!? I think not.

My Crush and other tidbits. . .

• I have a crush. . . I almost hate saying that. I do. I didn't realize I had a full fledged crush until one of my coworkers made the comment that I was flirting on the phone. You see, he works with one of the offices I deal with daily. And he is adorable. Except the last time we all went to happy hour, he had a girlfriend. Who lived 5 hours away. And he said it was a hard relationship to have. But as much as I talk to him through work, which is like a 5-minute work talk and then 20 minutes of us just shooting the breeze. He emailed me his phone number to maybe get together last Friday. And then I logged onto Facebook on Sunday and he had added me as a friend. He literally had to search for me on Facebook. I think that's cute. Or maybe it's stalkerish. Not sure. I'll take cute for now. I also noticed that he had no "in a relationship" marked on there. Maybe he's single now. I don't know. But he does want to take me out for my birthday on Friday since I don't have any plans because my friends are throwing me a party on Saturday. Wait, maybe that's stalkerish to look at his page. Man, we're both stalkers! I like crushes. Especially if they might lead somewhere.
• Also, I never noticed how some guy friends can become a little jealous even though we don't hang out at all or really talk anymore. You, the guy friend, who can't remember my birthday can in the middle of conversation remember the guy's place I was watching the Hawks victory at (and said this guy's name only once quickly) and say "Oh well, is this guy going to be at your birthday??" in a sort of tone. No this guy won't be there because it's my friends cousin who I am not attracted to and just went there to watch the game with her because I didn't feel like going to the bar, and he lives across the street, but I didn't find the need to tell him that. I find it funny that he used a tone with me.
• I think that Hollywood should do a big campaign that says "Do Hugs, not Drugs". In the last month, toxicology reports pending, some really young people have died for no reason.
• Have I mentioned I'm turning the Big 3-0?? YIKES!!!! Age is but a number, Age is but a number. . .
• I really hope that at my birthday no one in my family tells Dean what a dbag he is. But I would also find it funny.
• I'm looking more forward to my party than actually having my birthday.
• We right now have more snow than we usually have all year. That is awesome. And sucky all at the same time. But I do enjoy snow days!
• If people didn't have the weather to complain about, what would they complain about??

Happy Monday!!

Happy New Year!!!

It's weird to think that it's 2010 now. Do you say "twenty-ten" or "two thousand ten"?? I say "twenty-ten" and I don't know why. I didn't say "twenty-nine" that would have just been silly!!

I was reflecting back on the past year and while I know it was filled with one of the most depressing moments of my life, it also had some really good times. And I guess most of the times I look back on that were happy, and I cherish the most are the ones that I spent with Josie. I can never get those back now or recreate them, but I wouldn't change anything. This leads directly into my resolutions.

I always try to come up with catch phrases for my New Year's Resolutions like last year was "Living Fine in '09" or "Make everything great in '08". I can't remember what '07s was but I also can't think of anything that rhymes with seven. Anywho. . .

My new slogan is "Doing the best I can in 2010!" But now I'm thinking that it should be "Doing all I can in 2010!" We'll see. It's up for debate now. I know it sounds vague, but this is how I can going to do the best or all I can in 2010.

• I am going to live each day to it's fullest.
• I will take time to enjoy the finer things in life.
• I will take more chances in life, do things that I wouldn't normally do. Like if my friend calls me at 9pm and asks me to go grab a drink and I'm already in bed, I'm going to meet them for 1. . . in my PJs.
• I will call my college friends more.
• I'm going to start writing more letters.
• I'm going to read at least one book a month.
• I'm going to remember what it's like to love again. Love myself and love others and not stop myself from falling in love.
• I'm not going to look at the past with regret but look to the future with hope and move on.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Oh and on New Year's Day I went and saw the movie Brothers that my little cousin is in and she did a spectacular job! I'm also really jealous that she and her mom got to hang out with Jake Gyllenhaal!!