Oh no, not again. . .

I think it's time to just quit reading things. I mean ALL things. They depress me.

And now maybe this will depress you. . .

The number 1 and 2 things on there. . . are exactly what I like to eat when I am hungover. Nothing says, "I love you" to a hangover more than a Burger King sausage, egg, and cheese croissanwich and hash browns in the morning.

Now since the weight loss I cannot tell you the last time I even ate that. This might explain the weight gain. . . hmmmm. . .

Now what I have when I am hungover: yogurt and a can of Coca-Cola and maybe an iced vanilla coffee from McDonalds. Or I'll make myself a scrambled egg with cheese, onions, and bacon and some homemade hashbrowns. But if I'm in a hurry, just the yogurt and Coke. It's got to be Coke. And I have no idea why.

Hello, My Name is Samantha. . .

Well. . . my bar name is anyway.

The only times I actually use it are when a complete weirdo/old weird guy/creepy guy comes up to me and asks my name or when a completely and utterly drunk guy comes up and asks. Saturday night the latter happened.

Now the reason I use the fake name for the completely drunk guy is because one of two things could happen:

1) He somehow will remember my name and yell it at me across the bar/street/parking lot, or

2) If around microphone equipment, he will somehow remember my name and say it on the microphone and make me come up and karaoke and then keep saying it until I actually come up. (Sorry, repressed memory. . .)


So on Saturday night at Oktoberfest this super drunk guy comes up to my group of friends and says "Hey come up and dance with us!" Then starts talking to us and asks the ladies in the group their names. Well I'm the last one, and I say "Samantha" at which point, my friend Laura spits out her beer and rolls over laughing uncontrollably. She apparently had never heard me say this before. The guy, who was an attractive looking guy mind you but extremely drunk, looks at her and says, "I know. . . I'm druuunnnk. . . but I just don't want this awesome polka music to go to waste!" He continued to get us to try and dance but to no avail. I wasn't drunk enough yet, and there were 2 people dancing and one guy I was really surprised could even stand. He was doing more of a walking-kick dance. I think to obtain balance. However, after giving the fake name Chops decided that he would call me Samantha the entire rest of the night. And we figured Laura's bar name should be Tess. Well as we were walking around drunk guy actually apologized for trying to get us to dance. His friends were in the band and apparently they had recruited him and some others to get people to dance. It thought that was nice on his part. Now I'm kind of wishing I wouldn't have given him the fake name! ;)

As we are leaving Oktoberfest just Laura and I, this group of 4 guys and 1 girl comes up and 2nd drunk dancing guy comes and puts his arm around me. Again, I think for support. He asks our names and of course I say "Samantha" and Laura says "Tess." He then also asks if one of us would like to make out with him later. To which I say, "Oh darn, I would, but I don't even know your name." So then I ask his name and he says "Peter." I ask him if I can call him Pete because I really like that better and Peter just sounds dirty. He says no. And I say "Didn't you watch the show Pete and Pete?" And he said "Yes but I don't have a dancing tattoo, so I can't just call myself that." He is now approximately a block behind his friends to which the girl in the group yells back "Ted, Hurry up!!" Drunk guy gave me his bar name! haha! What are the odds?!? And I'm guessing he used Peter because he indeed was wanting to be dirty. So I started giving him crap about giving me a fake name. And he tries telling me that his real name is Peter, blah, blah, blah. Well we leave him and go to the bars.

I then proceed to get drunk. I'm not sure how this happened. I was normal, normal, then drunk. Out of nowhere. Well Wine Rep was bartending and wanted me to come see him, which I did want to do but when I texted him and asked if I came there if he would take me home since I didn't have a vehicle, he never texted back. Now if he's wanting to get out of the "Friend" zone he's needing to do these things. So after the third bar we went to, I'm standing at the bar and who should walk by?? Peter/Ted. So I yell "Hey Ted!" and of course he turns to look and I say "Ted, Ted, Ted. . .it's not nice to give people fake names" and then walk away shaking my head.

Then as I was also standing at the bar, this really drunk guy doing this swaying stance asks to buy me a beer and if I could tell him what he was drinking. To which his friend informs me it's his bachelor party. So I smell his drink and he was drinking Red Bull and Vodka. He thanked me and then proceeded to put his hand on my arse. And as I moved his hand off of me, he apologized, and then I told him he needs to be drinking water. His friend agreed but made him finish the drink first. Apparently the guy was a founding member of the band Slipknot. Yeah, can't remember his name. And the other guy was some famous drummer. No idea whatsoever what their names were. But the guy on the other side of me knew who they were.

So as I proceed to get drunker, I texted Dean to see if he was out and about and would come and pick me* up. And you know what?? He was almost asleep and in bed. But he came the 20 minutes to get me, drove me the 20-25 minutes home, and then drove to his house the 20 minutes. Now that's a friend. And since I was drunk I think I talked non-stop from the very moment of getting into his vehicle. I now probably owe him. But I think since he broke my heart, he owes me these kind of things, right??


*I don't mind taking cabs. . . but as a girl, I really don't like taking them late at night to my house. I have in Chicago numerous times, but it's a little different. This town is a lot smaller and easier to remember where you dropped someone off at 2am.

Do you know what's sexy??

Me blowing my nose this week.

Or sneezing 100+ times on Monday.

Or on Tuesday, losing my voice at 8:30am in the middle of a phone call.

Or just sounding all raspy and nasally when I talk.

Or me blowing my nose. Wait already said that. That HAS to be the sexiest.

Dearest Allergies--I still hate you.

Seriously. . . I can't make this stuff up. . .

I think even PETA has gone too far. See this.

I understand the cruelty of animals. But God made dairy cows for the sole purpose of producing milk. They were not made in a lab somewhere that way. I realize that perhaps with the addition of all the machines they use now to milk the cows. . . maybe not the best. . . but still.

PETA you have gone to far. And obviously haven't tasted breast milk. Either have I, but did dare my brother-in-law to. And not good according to him.

Why is it okay to make a woman a human milk producing machine and not an animal?? Does this make sense? PETA you are basically saying that an animal's rights are more important than a woman's rights. Because not sure if you realize this, men can't produce milk naturally. Or is PETA saying just use baby formula as a substitute for milk. In that case, go for it! However, I have accidentally tasted baby formula and it was really, really, really gross.

Off of my chest. . . and onto yours. . .

Things that I need to say:

WAMP--where'd this go?? It's been a while and I miss it. This guy didn't though.

Clay Aiken--Really?? I think everyone had their own suspicions. And really who cares?? It's your life, live it the way you want to.

Lindsey Lohan--Again? Love Line is where you admit it? And really who cares?? You're happy. And your Dad is insane.

HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother to the non 'in the know' crowd)--I love you. Each and every one of you. And Barney. I really love you. Did Robin lose a lot of weight or is it just me??

I just ate homemade Mac&Cheese for lunch that my neighbor made. It was delicious. And totally not in the diet that I need to be on.

I think I am just going to be destined to forever have weird guy relationships.

Dean on Tuesday night Volleyball to our team said "Sometimes I think you wish I was gay." Just because I always have him do little dances. Which by the way, he does on his own without my help. He also makes up little raps/jingles sometimes. Not my fault on this one people.

Wine Rep told me that I put him in the Friend Zone. I'm sorry, your actions put you in the friend zone. Not me.

Whew. .. much better. Thanks!

Oh and my dad is talking to me. He just forgot to call me and tell me he got back home okay. Which if it was me, he would have called me 8 times in an hour.

Why I Am My Dad's Favorite. . .

Now I wasn't always my Dad's favorite. Any relative and close family friend could tell you that. My sister was always number one even though my parents always swore they had no favorites. But it was obvious.

Anyway, this weekend my Dad came to see my Gramps and on Friday told me that he was going to spend Saturday night with me. It mainly was because he was still really jealous that my Mom came in May and spent the ENTIRE weekend with me for Mother's Day. And she, of course, always brings up how she and I had such a wonderful time that weekend, how I pampered her, and bought her a really cute purse.

So on Saturday, Dad and I went to go buy some beer for him for the thing he had on Sunday. He wanted to buy the Miller product Land Shark. And I said "Dad, that's not brewed by Miller. It's Anheiser-Busch." And he said "No it's not. It's Miller." And I said "Dad-I was at Katie's and they had a coaster on their bar, and I said to Katie that I was surprised and didn't know it was brewed by Anheiser." You see, my friend Katie's husband is a brewmeister for Anheiser-Busch. He was adamant about it so I called Katie to clarify. Then later, Katie called back to tell me, that yes I was right. On the label it says Margaritaville Breweries but it's actually Anheiser. They just package it that way because it's a Jimmy Buffet thing. Of course, my Dad cannot tell me that I'm right and says I'm still wrong.

Later on in the night we were talking about something and he says, "So you think you're right about everything, huh??" and I said, "Well obviously I am. Look at earlier today with Land Shark."

And yes, he still hasn't talked to me. :)

Dear Allergies,

I HATE you.

Sincerely,

Me