Idea #527

Valentine's Day Can Suck It

2012-02-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

Gee, can you tell by my title that I am NOT a fan of Valentine's Day?

Even when I had someone (which has been rarely on the day) I didn't like it. I feel you should show someone you love them every day or randomly, not on a commercial holiday. Plus if I have to see one more "happy" couple commercial I might explode.

I remember in college I wasn't really dating this guy although I had a huge crush on him and he bought me the Dawson's Creek Soundtrack, Gerbera Daisies, and a Universal TV Remote. Super sweet. I think I made him dinner in return . . . and did I mention, it wasn't Valentine's Day? It was actually Sweetest Day (What is that even?!?) and I was completely shocked he brought me anything so I made him dinner. However, this was the same guy when we first started dating, at Schnuck's bought me a $.25 ring and gave it to me when we were getting into the car. Now that is super sweet.

The last few days I've been having a lot of love type questions thrown at me. I realize that I am a hopeless Romantic which might explain why I don't like Valentine's Day. I want romance all the time! However, this also might be the reason I don't acknowledge small gestures of love with guys. I am expecting the grand gestures of slaying dragons and killing the mean guy who kidnapped me.

This match thing is not working out for me as I've discussed on here before, but I am really stuck. I am giving it a shot and it's not working at all. Maybe I am the exception to the rule, who knows?!? I was talking this morning to Alexa and we were wondering what happened to guys who would ask for your number and then gasp! Call you?? Is technology making guys lazy?? I can't remember the last time a guy called me and asked how I was doing or what I was doing. It's usually a text message. "Hey, want to go hit some range balls?" "Want to go to the 6pm movie?" Are we that afraid we are now inconveniencing people with a phone call that we would much rather text?

And with Match, I realized that either I am completely hideous, or my worst fears have come true, and no one wants to date me cyberly NOR in real life. I'm starting to think the latter. I have done every Match has asked of me too. My friend Dan said that dating is hard work online or in person. The problem with online is that I'm working for nothing. At least if I was at a bar, the guy would feel the need to buy me a drink. I really have become that lonely, spinster lady I have dreaded. Love has made me jaded.

I have always had a ton of guy friends. Always.

My first realization that I am clueless came to me when I was 19/20-years-old. I was in love with a boy. I mean, mind-numbing in love. I could have cared less about any other guy. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He did not want to spend all his time with me. He wanted to sleep with my friend. He slept with my friend. I told him off when I was drunk for leading me on and didn't talk to him for 2 months. Luckily for me, it was the end of the year and summer came. Then our other friend told him where I was living, and he showed up at my door on a Friday afternoon telling me he couldn't live without me in his life. We remain friends to this day. I never doubted his love for me after that, but I know that I never fit into his cookie cutter mold of what he wanted his wife to be. And he broke my heart in a million, tiny pieces.

Then following that, I had a guy friend who always protected me. He was the one who told above guy where I lived, but he always had my back. He started dating someone and I found myself jealous as I realized that I wanted to date him. His best friend told me that he always wanted to date me and always had me on a pedestal, but I never gave him a 2nd thought because of above mentioned guy. The first moment I realized I was a big idiot. And we're still friends to this day.

After that I fell for a co-worker who would always drunk call me (sometimes 7 days a week, depending on the week), and actually drive and sit outside my house when he was drunk just so I would come outside and talk to him. (I do realize this was never a safe idea.) He actually told me one time at work that he drove around the vicinity of where he thought I was living but wasn't sure. I drew him a map on a napkin and the following weekend, I got a call he was outside. . . . with the napkin in his car. We had a "will they or won't they" summer which was a won't they. I do not, to this day, know if there ever could have been more than friendship as this guy was a HUGE flirt and I never thought there would have been a chance. But having told this story to a few guy friends, apparently if a guy keeps calling you drunk all the time and slightly stalks you, that might be a check in the yes category. We are still friends to this day. Sarah--I am sure you know who this is! :)

Then I met the former love of my life who just last week called me to see how I was because we hadn't talked in a month or so. He's married with kids now, but anyone who knows him, knows how awesome he is. And how stupid I was to never say anything about how I felt when the chance presented itself. I am the epitome of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding.

Then I had the guy friend tell me that I automatically make guys my friends. Not sure why he thought that. . .

I also had the sort of whoreish guy friend who I think that all my friends think I hooked up with. He might have stayed over numerous times, and we might have slept in the same bed, but from what I remember, we only cuddled. I know people might not believe me, but we did.

The above guys are all happily married to really awesome people.

It's funny the guy I was with before I moved to Iowa, we had a pact that we would get married when I was 34. It was supposed to be 30 because at 24, 30 was sooo old. He wanted me to move Iowa, meet someone, date them for awhile, and then realize he was the only one I should be with. He's not married that I know of. But we also don't talk anymore. I got a drunk phone call 4 years ago from a karaoke bar in Canada from him, but that's it.

Iowa has not been any better for me than my college years. I stayed on the hook for 4 years with a guy. However, I know I am better off without him, although 2 years ago, it broke me. Even though in between those 4 years, I dated other guys, but I think deep down, I always thought there would be more.

My rebound from that got married 13 months after he broke up with me.

Then I went on a few dates with a guy I didn't know had a girlfriend and I'm glad it wasn't more!

I know I've shared various dating disasters in this blog, and it almost saddens me I don't have any. I figured Match would be a gold mine of bad dates.

My old roommate could tell you of the great (bad) dates I had. I mean, I could write a 300-page book of my bad dates.

I'm sounding really jaded in love right now, but sadly, I think I still have hope that I'm not going to end up alone. People meet randomly all the time. My own parents grew up 9 miles apart and had a lot of friends in common. My Dad was even engaged to a girl my Mom graduated with. They didn't meet until their early 20s when my Mom went on a date with a friend, who happened to be my Dad's roommate. And the rest is history.

I think it would be easier to know the cards that are going to be dealt, but I guess life wouldn't be exciting that way. Some of the cards make us really happy, some make us super sad. Some we don't understand, and some fit together after awhile. I'm not sure what my future holds, but maybe I'll learn a few things along the way. . .

Long time, no type?

2012-02-01T08:56:00.000-08:00

I've had a few friends inform me that I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I guess my post saying I've been super busy doesn't count. Come on friends! :)

A few things that have been on my mind lately:

I don't care that Kim K did something to her hair. Shocking I know! I also didn't watch the final episode of the show to see where the marriage went wrong, even though E! kept having a promo every single commercial break.

My love for Channing Tatum has only grown deeper. I cannot wait to go see The Vow when it comes out!!

Also, after watching "Crazy, Stupid, Love" my roommate and I decided that we are going to have a Ryan Gosling Sunday Marathon, much like our Law&Order:SVU marathons only with all hotness and less creepy. AND we were happy to see that Drive just came out on video Tuesday and that one movie with Justin Timberlake and Matt Bomer also came out. The movies we watch will be as follows: Ides of March, Drive, and In Time. We also realized we need to start going on dates or something because our expectations for men's abs are really out of control at the moment. :)

Online dating isn't for me. But luckily I paid for the 6-month guarantee, so I get another 6 months free when I still haven't gone on one single date. Yeah! (This is drenched with sarcasm if you can't tell. . . )

My littlest nephew keeps getting more and more adorable.

I still can't believe I haven't seen him since December 26th. :(

My aunt passed away at the ripe old age of 100 years, and 10 months. She was a riot and I will miss her. Apparently at my Grandma's funeral she turned to a cousin and said (in reference to her 2 younger brother-in-laws) "I'm totally going to out live those old goats!" At my Grandpa's funeral as she was leaving, the funeral director said "See you later Marjorie!" and she turned around and said "I know what you mean by that and I DO NOT appreciate it!" I don't think my cousins and I quit laughing for awhile. It still cracks me up. She was 94 at that time.

I'm still dog sitting for the Butch-ster. He is not adjusting well and I think he thinks Mom and Dad have left him. Last year, he could have cared less, but this year. . . he cries every time I come home and change clothes. . . and usually that's for us to go on a walk!

It was brought to my attention last Thursday night, that I hang out with good looking people. And then I thought about it. . . I do. . .and I should quit. I need to go back to my earlier thought that if I hang around ugly people, it will make me look hotter. This phenomenon has been proven in countless movies.

Also things that have been proven in movies: Mean girls (or guys) in high school stay that way and other people (like the "nerds" or "uncool" people) always prosper. It's a proven fact in movies and tv shows every time they show a reunion episode, which leads me to believe there might be some proof to it!

My parents keep asking how Butch is every time I talk to them and then forget to somehow ask how I am until I say something.

My Mom did ask me if she could become an alcoholic later in life since she now likes the taste of beer and apparently on vacation she's been been having a drink every night.

My Grandpa J never ceases to crack me up. I dread the day I will have to say goodbye.

I went to happy hour at 5pm last Friday. . . I left at 11pm. It was just my one guy friend and I. . . so. . . not sure what that says about us. . . but we were having good conversation, so why stop?? Plus, I'm pretty sure the last time we looked at the time it wasn't 8pm yet. And we might have been drinking 40s. It was buy 1, get 1!

I think that's all. I hope you're caught up on my thoughts. . . and you're all doing well. I haven't even read your blogs this week which makes me feel bad.

Nothing to say. . .

2012-01-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

I really have absolutely nothing to say except that I want you all to know that I'm still alive.

I was supposed to have Jury Duty the 3rd-27th of January, so I was busy making sure every little thing possible was done ahead of schedule at work . . .and then I kept never getting called in. So alas, I never got a cool case or anything. I was sorely disappointed.

But I feel I should leave you with something. . .

He's from several movies like Tron and Country Strong. I really fell in love with him in Country Strong. Garrett Hedlund is his name and he's apparently dating Kirsten Dunst. I am trying to figure out how she gets to date all these hotties. . . she's pretty and all. . . but. . .there's just something that annoys me about her.

Hopefully I get back into that whole random writing again. . . we shall see. :)

Facts of Life. . .

2011-12-29T13:53:00.000-08:00

I really have no "facts" about life. . . just some confessions since I feel my blog is the best way to tell my dirty little secrets since the only people that read this are some family members (who love me no matter what), few friends, and complete and utter strangers. Apparently I have a big Ukraine following. :)

And really, when looking back, I feel the Facts of Life only taught me that most things could be resolved in a half hour or sometimes an hour (when an episode was continued) and that George Clooney was going to be a star. And it really made me want to have my own Mrs. Garrett. I digress. . .

I feel that sometimes (okay most times) I will always be the 13-year-old me. Never fails. When it comes to guys, I will never think that they are interested in me. Granted, I have lost my crush on Damon from the MMC, but still love Tony Lucca. I still love my family and extended family and nothing will probably change that. I still cry for no reason and I will, without fail, watch Saved by the Bell. Plus, I still talk to a good portion of the people I was friends with at 13.

However, now the 31-year-old me does creepy things, like think Zac Efron's hot and on Tues night, I flipped between the IL game and this movie called Keith. Which if you read the synopsis, sounds really stupid. . . but it had JESSE MCCARTNEY! I always thought "What a cute kid!" and then he turned 20, and I was like "Woah, he's pretty hot is he legal?". In case you feel compelled to watch the movie, it's basically A Walk to Remember but with Jesse in Mandy Moore's roll. I'm sorry I just ruined the movie for you. I guess you could probably watch both movies side by side just so you can see Shane West. . . I don't feel bad about Shane West as he's my age. . . and I do know I have a penchant for 25-year-olds because they are so trainable when you're the older one in the relationship but I can't help but feel like a creeper when I think someone that's like 9 years younger than I am is cute. Wait. . . Jesse is 25. . . totally normal now. :)

I really do feel things are getting weirder for me at 31. I will instantly stop and watch Zac Efron's movies. . .and apparently watch Jesse McCartney movies. . . and now. . . I'm almost ashamed to admit this, but I am also now having dreams about Rob Kardashian. The only male Kardashian. We're dating in my dreams apparently. Thankfully, he hasn't introduced me to Kim but I have gotten to meet Khloe. I don't even watch Keeping Up with Kardashians or Dancing with the Stars and he's in my dreams?? Maybe I need to quit watching E! News or reading my gossip mags. I don't know.

It's scaring me. . . who knows what 32 will have in store for me!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

2011-12-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

I need to just let this out there as in a week's time I have talked about this 3 times now. THREE. So in my mind, that's quite a bit to be a repeat convo.

So. . . well. . .

Zac Efron is hot.

And not like a little bit hot, but a lot hot. Why can't he find me irresistible on Match?

Anyway, he's in a new movie, coming out today, which is probably why he's been brought up so much. On Saturday my roommate and I were talking and she says "I have to tell you something that might be inappropriate considering all the child molestation stuff coming out, but I really think Zac Efron is hot." I said "Umm. . . yeah. . .but he's totally legal now."

Then we got to talking about when he got his hotness. We are too old for the High School Musical stuff and I can't remember what TV shows he was on off the top of my head.

I told her for me it was 17 Again. She was like "Oh yes! That was it!! Then came Charlie St. Cloud." Oooh Charlie St. Cloud. Then we both got to thinking that he might have actually been 17 while filming 17 Again, and we felt dirty.

People, I probably won't see the movie New Year's Eve because all the reviews say that it's one of the worst movies ever made. If I do watch it, it will be when it's free on tv. And I will probably only rewatch the parts with Zac Efron in them. And Josh Duhamel. I seriously stopped what I was doing and watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton one day. I love Topher Grace too, so it was win/win, but a really horrible movie.

Seriously, why can't those guys be here in Iowa in real life??

I also realized I am going through a beard phase. Like, I won't even look at a guy who doesn't have a beard. I love No Shave November for this purpose. I talked my best guy friend into growing a beard. He still hasn't shaved it. I bet it's because I keep mentioning how hot he looks with one like every time I see him.

I really better find a guy on Match soon or else I'm going to start pretending I'm dating someone famous and just "hang out" with them by watching their movies. . . .

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself . . .

2011-12-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

Life is funny. Especially my life, which I constantly just have to laugh at.

Yesterday, I was having a down day as I have gotten NO response on Match besides rejections if I did get one.

Then I was walking to the restroom in my office building (and I'll admit it, I'm a speed walker) and the heel of my shoe got caught on the hem of my pants which caused me to literally dive onto the ground about 10ft from the bathroom door. Luckily no one saw me, but I'm pretty sure I yelled "FUCK!" I'm also happy I didn't wet my pants as I have a tendency to sit at my desk until the last possible minute.

Now flash forward to 10am this morning. I had just gotten done with my meeting and went to open my car door. And BAM! nothing happened but the force as to which my door did not open, caused me to jam my fingers and subsequently, rip my nail off on my middle finger down to the wick.

Then an hour later, I am walking back into the building for another meeting at my usual fast pace, when my heel gets caught in a crack in the cement and my foot comes flying out of my shoe that is not moving with the rest of my body, scraping my foot. I didn't even realize what happened until my bare foot hit the cold pavement. A guy walking out of the building said "Woah, I thought you had tripped, until I saw you walk back for your shoe!"

I can't wait until this evening! :)

I think I found a sure cure to help with my self-esteem. . .

2011-12-05T07:16:00.000-08:00

Oh wait, just kidding. It actually makes it worse.

Due to much pressure, I finally caved and joined Match.com. The only bad problem is that I really am only on there once or twice a week. The even worse problem is that I am apparently hideous. Which would probably explain why I am single to begin with.

The one and only time I tried Online dating, I didn't really read the guy's profile. He was super persistent on getting together, so I met him for lunch. He joked that he was short and I just thought he was 5'6". He was maybe 5'4" and portly. I can do portly. I need portly and sports active like me and at least 5'6". He also told me that he let his cat eat out of his popcorn bowl. That creeped me out.

In life, I am told that I come off very confident and self-assured and whatnot. And really in every other aspect of my life besides when it comes to the opposite sex, I am confident and self-assured. Then I start to like someone or think someones cute, and I become a complete idiot and self-deprecating.

When I first joined Match, I was told to email guys right off the bat and don't wink by one guy friend but then another guy friend said that I should send out winks to everyone. I initially signed up just to see what was out there but didn't pay for the service, so really all I could do was wink which I think I only winked at a few people. Then after much deliberation, one of my friends and I joined together. We decided on the 6 month plan, and if we don't find someone, then it's 6 months free. He's getting winks, emails, and all these ladies interested in him. The funny part, is that he has ladies interested in him outside the world of online dating too.

I've had 5 winks since I initially signed up in September and NO emails since I signed up to pay a month ago. I've sent 10 emails out in that month and either no responses or immediate rejection. So, if you're wondering, this is absolutely horrible for my self-esteem. HORRIBLE. Had I not been hit on by a very drunk man on Saturday night and by a 23 month-old child on Sunday who yelled "hi" to me at the store but then wouldn't talk to me and only smile, I would be very sad.

Maybe I am supposed to be single. However, I'm pretty sure God didn't make me a great cook to waste it on just me.

Put a Fork in it. . . I'm done!

2011-11-16T07:48:00.001-08:00

Lately, I feel the news seems to revolve around 3 things:

Sanduskey and Penn State

Kim Kardashian

NBA Lockout

I am sick of hearing about all 3 and I feel all of them have one thing in common: Money.

I'll start with Sanduskey. I'm not sure what people know about my job, but I am a children's advocate. So. . . I've read many a case files about children being abused or being the abusers to other children. The things that happened at Penn State make me sick. Do I feel it's Paterno's fault?? No. Do I feel that he probably should have had a red flag pop up the many, many times that Sanduskey was alone with random boys?? Yes. When I notice a friend's behavior is off, I ask another friend or my friend themselves. It's been stated that it was common practice for Sanduskey to take young boys to away games and stay with them in the same hotel room. Games his wife wasn't there. These are not family friends. These are random young boys. That is weird. I also find it funny (but not in a haha type way) that Sanduskey stated he isn't a pedophile and that everyone horses around in the shower and takes showers after workouts. That is true. But everyone usually takes showers in the locker room with people their own age or with people who are at the gym after their workout. . . and everyone is usually in a different stall. I never remember one of my coaches showering in the locker rooms with us after a workout. That would have been weird. I'm pretty sure the reason this was all covered up was because of the money Penn State would have lost. Why else would you repeatedly turn a blind eye and enable someone like that?

Now as for the NBA Lockout: You money hungry cry babies. They are so worried that the middle level prospect will be making $400,000 less a year but don't seem to care about all the games that are being cancelled that the lower income people who are relying on the job at the venues they play at aren't making any money at all. Good for you guys! Why don't the super money makers give up some of their money to the middle levels?? That's an idea. I quit watching the NBA after the last time they were in contract negotiations. I probably will never watch them again. This is why I stick to college sports. They still have a love of the game. Granted their love of the game might be to make a big pay check later on, but. . .

The Kardashians. . . specifically Kim. I'm not going to lie here, I get sucked into Keeping up with the Kardashians and their spin-offs from time to time. One of the days that my roommie and I got sucked into watching a marathon and they were in Bora Bora it was definitely portraying Kim as a spoiled brat who also was really annoying. Yet Kris Humphries STILL proposed to her after he just said how ridiculous she was acting. Good plan. If you're annoyed now. . . wait 20 years down the line. . . and then see how annoyed you are. If I have to see one more thing on Kim and Kris and how horrible Kim feels about. . . I might explode.

I already talked about how ridiculously expensive the wedding was and they should have donated money instead. Well instead of returning the wedding gifts after 72 days of marriage, she said she would just donate all this money to charity. Really?? If I had went to that wedding, I would want my gift back. And hmmm. . .let me see. . .maybe you should have just donated that money to begin with. . . especially if this wedding turns out to be a sham. Or maybe they are just trying to drum up publicity for Kim and Kourtney take New York. I just want to know when Reality Stars got to be actual celebrities?? Anyway, if I had to pick a Kardashian, it's Khloe. She keeps it real. She admits how ridiculous her marriage happened so quickly to Lamar yet her marriage is already over a year or so old.

I am done venting. Maybe I should just quit reading the gossip pages. . . but who am I going to live vicariously through??

To the Left, to the Left

2011-10-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Yet another one of my friends is moving from this great place.

She, too, was one of my first friends here. I will so miss her. I went to her wedding on Friday and it was absolutely amazing. The hotel we were staying at had a bar in the basement. Not just any bar though. A dance club. . . AND a bowling alley all in one. Best bar ever. :) I think I told you about Suz as she met the love of her life almost 8 years ago in Scotland when she was studying abroad. He came to visit last year to see if there was still anything. . . and there was. It's an amazing love story for sure.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about all the people who have moved away and obviously I moved away 7+ years ago. Whose job is it in a friendship to stay in touch? The mover? Or the people who have stayed?

I realized that I'm ALWAYS the one who has tried to stay in touch. I try and stay in touch with the people who have moved and I try and stay in touch with the people who I moved away from. Who is trying to stay in touch with me?? I've realized, not a lot of people. That may sound harsh, but after talking to my cousin today, I told her I think I'm starting to turn into a grumpy old woman, and I am tired of making an effort with everyone. She told me that she's glad I do because I'm the glue that keeps everyone together.

With all this technology have we just gotten lazy?? I have called one of my friends who recently moved 3 times. I have never gotten a call back. I got an IM that said she was in traffic once and couldn't answer. . . the next day, but have yet to get an actual phone call. I will admit, I do a lot of my calling when I'm in my car. I put people on speaker phone and drive and talk away. That's the only time I have I guess.

Back when people moved, it was a joy to write letters and send cards. But now with email, people send emails and e-cards. But I'm wondering if the introduction of Facebook and Twitter has just made us all lazy because we can just look on there and see what are friends are up to. I had a friend make a comment once she was worried about me because I hadn't posted on Facebook in awhile.

I know I've heard from people lately how they were going through their Friends and deleting people. I almost feel bad about that. I mean, I know everyone I'm friends with. And there are people from high school who I don't talk to regularly, but I like to be able to look up and see what their up to, so we have a different topic of conversation at reunions besides the standard "What's going on in your life?" I already know! It's on Facebook! Then there are those friends of friends who I occasionally hang out with, and it's nice to know what they're up to since it's hard to carry on a conversation in a bar. Plus some people have really great drama that tend to broadcast it on Facebook, and I like to read it. I know you all do too! And it's a great way to stay in touch with all my relatives from near and far. But I know it's true for me that I don't call my cousins and talk like I used to even if they aren't on Facebook a lot.

I also realized that I try and make an effort to visit friends. My friend Amanda and I (she lives in FL) just met this weekend when she was in the QC visiting her family, and I was there for a wedding. I thought the wedding was elsewhere but we were still going to meet there. She and I also talk about every week, but we BOTH make that effort to stay in touch. Amanda's been here to visit me a few times, but more often we meet halfway. She was saying the next time she's back, she's going to just leave her son with her parents and come see me here again. She hasn't seen my house.

But the sad thing is that while I make an effort to see some friends when I'm home, I can only count on my hand the few friends who have actually made a trip to see me. Some it took awhile, but they finally made it. Then I have some friends/family who always come and see me more than I see them. And I feel bad. (D$ and H--that's you!) I also feel like it's a problem with friends who live here. I moved to a different neighborhood and don't hang out with my friends in the old neighborhood near as much. Mike actually warned me we wouldn't hang out as much since I was moving 15 minutes away. I seriously thought he was joking, but he wasn't. But Mike is good about stopping by when he's in my neighborhood. Granted, 3 out of 4 times I haven't been home. But it's true with me too. I'm less likely to call someone 15 minutes away to grab a drink in my hood as opposed to calling someone already there.

I love how I completely went off subject, but really, if you know me, it's nothing new. First time readers might be surprised. . . :)

I guess my point is that I think Facebook has made most people more lazy than they already are in staying in touch. Not me obviously, since I am apparently glue-like. But we all need to remember that while we have the technology to stay in touch, we need to use it. Write on someone's wall, send them a text, or an email just so that person knows you still care. Facebook isn't developed enough yet, to where you can tell who's viewing your profile yet. And thank God for that one, because we might all look like stalkers! Wait. . .maybe just me. . .

You put your right foot in. . .

2011-09-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

I have made a huge leap.

I'm putting in my toes to test the waters.

I'm starting a new chapter maybe.

I signed up for On-line dating.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's exactly what I'm thinking. The Match.com commercials kept popping up during football, so my roommate and I decided that I should just sign up and see what's out there. So I did. And now over 2 weeks later, I was just able to get on there again. Worst Match user ever. I told people I was too busy for online dating and I was right. I'm hoping next week will be slower so I can actually like email people and whatnot. I need sleep and refuse to get on there after 10pm instead of heading to bed. Gee. . . wonder why I'm single now?? Hmmm. . .

And I haven't written anything in my blog for like a month, so really, you all know how busy I am that I can't even write during the day when I should be working.

I also find it funny the people Match thinks I would be a good match with. You like Dogs, he likes dogs. You'd be a good match. I'm a little worried. Also, it seems the only guys that show interest in me are people that I don't find interesting. There were a couple of profiles that cracked me up and those are the ones that I'm most likely going to want to get to know, but those are not the guys who send stuff that they are interested in me. I tried to be funny in my profile, and my roommate helped me write it, and we both thought I was funny. Who knows?!? It's a guessing game I suppose.

Random thoughts:

Things you guys should be worried about though. Hobby Lobby had CHRISTMAS decorations up already. It's not even Halloween. I am refusing to participate. I really can only handle one holiday thrown at me at one time. I like to savor things like Halloween candy so Christmas, you shall wait until after Thanksgiving.

I'm in trouble. I have 2 ridiculously cute nephews who are going to be able to just win me over by smiles. Look at this guy:

My Dad told me that my nephew said "Papa, I have to tell you a secret. It's a big one and you can't tell anyone. I love you the most out of anybody." My Dad said a tear rolled down his cheek. I told Dad that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone that. I also asked my Dad if it happened before or after he took Caleb to McDonald's and bought him some cars. He sure knows how to work us!

Being a favorite of my aunts and uncles, I am hoping I don't show favoritism. I try not to. But Caden actually falls asleep on me and my sister calls me the "Baby Whisperer." My biggest fear is that he'll forget about me seeing as I don't get home as much as I did when Caleb was a baby. I try and love on him as much as I can though.

Well I should probably be getting back to work. . . I actually have a lot to do still!

But before I go. . . one last story:

I have a huge crush on a bartender at the bar by my house. We actually hang out and talk from time to time outside the bar. Anyway, on Saturday, we went up there with my friends Jamie and Tim for Jamie's birthday for a few drinks.

I introduce my crush to Tim and Jamie to which Tim replies "Oh nice to finally meet you, she talks about you all the time" and then later Tim tells him that he thought his hair would be less spiky. Really Tim? Worst. Wingman. Ever. But he still gave them free drinks. ;)

Wanna be a baller. . .

2011-09-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

Wanna be a baller, shot caller, 20 inch blade on the Impala
A caller gettin laid tonight

and that's all I know of those lyrics. . . I hit the highway. . . making money the fly way. . .

Actually I don't think that's what the lyrics are but I was going old school this weekend.

And by "old school" I mean I pretended I was back in college and drank for 11 hours. It was my friend's birthday and we were supposed to tubing down a river and camping, but the weather had other plans for us. So instead of being on a river in the downpour and sporatic lightening, we opted to watch college football and do a bar tour of sorts. We also played 2 rounds of circle of death. I don't know what's wrong with us either. I think it was because we were at a well known college bar in town. But there were no college kids to be seen. haha!

At the end of the night, we ended up at my place making s'mores. But wasn't it pouring down rain, you say?? Why, yes. Yes it was. My roommate had the most brilliant idea to make them in the oven. We got out the metal sticks we use for our fire pit, turned the oven on broil, and roasted the marshmallows. And they even catch fire if you put them too close. Just like the campfire folks!

Anyway, I also want to discuss something of importance. Well "of importance" I basically mean phrase I've decided to coin. :)

"Juke" is a term, often used in sports, when you fake someone out.

My friends and I use this term often when trying to get someone to change the subject or with other random things. Like when they're giving you a hard time about something and you then say something completely off subject like bring up a natural disaster. You're conversation juking.

I heard the term "Jesus Juke" one time and I thought it was hilarious. And sooo true. It's when you're talking with someone in a clearly joke filled conversation and they completely reverse the conversation into something serious and holy. You know people who do this. They all of a sudden become holier than though. It's annoying!

Anyway, last week my friend and I were talking, and we came up with the term "Boyfriend Juke" or "Girlfriend Juke". I guess really it could be called "Significant Other Juke" but I don't think it has quite the same ring to it.

It's when you're talking to someone. . . . say it's a stranger or a friend of a friend and all of a sudden he/she says "Well my girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. . . blah, blah, blah . . . ."

This happened to me Thursday night. I was talking to a guy who is a friend of several of my friends and an acquaintance of mine. I've probably known him for 6 years now. We run into each other every week at softball during the summer, and we even go to the same church. On Sunday at church, I saw him, and we had a seat behind us open, so I motioned for him to sit by us. Well he mentioned last night that we should exchange phone numbers and maybe we could always save each other seats if we know the other is going. Great idea, really. Anyway, right after we exchanged numbers and had been talking for about 10 minutes, out of nowhere he says "Well I couldn't get my girlfriend to come to church on Sunday or most Sundays so I usually go by myself."

He "Girlfriend Juked" me. I was not hitting on him. I was talking to him about our church. And probably softball prior to that. And his job interview went that he was supposed to have.

Later that night, the same thing happened to my friend. It had to do with the shirt she had, so this guy had tried it on and said "Too small??" And she started laughing and then he said "well maybe my girlfriend could wear it." They were in a group of 5 people when they did this and played softball together all summer and never brought up that he had a girlfriend. And then BAM! it's like he thought she was hitting on him when she wasn't.

I've seen this happen many times. It's annoying. And hilarious when it's at the most awkward moment possible.

And now that I've brought it to your attention, I'm sure you'll be on the look out for it!

I want to go back.. .

2011-08-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio
I heard a song that reminded me of long ago
Back then I thought things were never going to change
It used to be that I never had to feel the pain
I know that things will never be the same now

I wanna go back

And do it all over
But I can't go back I know

I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know

Thank you Eddie Money. Thank you! I always think of that song when I hear things that make me wish I could go back in time.

One of my best friends is moving. She was the third friend I made here when I moved to this great state. I literally cried the minute she told me. I had to run to the bathroom and grab some toilet paper. It will be weird not having her around. I've known her for almost 7 years now. She's been to my parents house. She's hung out with my IL peeps. I dog sit their dog, Max. My life slightly revolves around hers. I mean, we work in the same building (which is how we met) so we go to lunch weekly and sometimes every day. We do happy hours. We've played volleyball for 6 years together and kickball for the last 4. Now a lot of my routine will change.

I also realize I have a lot of friends moving coming up. Booo. We have a month or so. . . so I will make the best of it. I'll miss her. I finally understand what it was like for my friends. And at least she's doing it with her husband, so she's not entirely alone like I was.

I miss back home all the time. I miss my family and my close friends. I miss my parents or my sister just dropping by. And every day I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't gone and where I would be. I've made some great friends here that I know have helped me grow and maybe that wouldn't have happened where I was at.

I know I can only live in the moment. Maybe my Prince Charming is here. . .I guess I'll wait and see. . .

**Original post written on 7/7/2011. I didn't post it because not everyone knew she was moving yet and then just noticed I hadn't ever posted it.

MTV--I think I'm over you too. . .

2011-08-29T07:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently Adam Levine made the comment how he's over the VMAs because MTV really doesn't care about music anymore.

And, well, he's right. I just looked up the schedule for MTV and there's no music on there until like 3am. Then at 7am, non-music programming starts again. 4 hours of music--and that's it!

I remember when they had TRL at least. . . and played music videos in the mornings until like 11am. . . what happened???

Doesn't the "M" in MTV stand for Music?

They were innovative when they aired "Video Killed the Radio Star" but really it should be called "Bad Reality TV killed the music videos" or something like that. They had funny shows about music and comedians who had their own 30 minute shows. Then The Real World and Road Rules. Then. . . somewhere. . . it went horribly wrong.

Do they really make that much money off of the shows that it's cost effective to no longer play music videos?? You can find music videos on their website though. . . or you know. . . just go to You Tube.

I guess I can go online and watch music videos. . . and maybe that's what they want you to do. Or have we as a society become too dependent on our computers and they just expect us to do that?? I don't know. I do go to my On Demand and watch music videos and sing and dance around my house. That's totally normal by the way. . .

Even VH1 only has music from 6am-11am. I guess that's 5 hours at least. But still. . .

I miss the old days. When music television played music videos. I miss when sitcoms were well written and quirky. I miss when people were famous for doing something great in movies or television or for having been musically talented, and not for a sex tape. Does that make me sound old???

My latest Gripe.

2011-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

I hate to really say anything controversial on my blog, but my friend and I last night go into quite the talk about it last night. We were on the same side, but I looked at the numbers today and well. . . yikes.

College Athletes

I'm not sure if you're an avid readers of sports news, but do you notice how often college athletes get in trouble?? I'm also not sure if the news media only mentions the college level football and basketball players who get in trouble and never seems to mention the lesser money making scholarship athletes.

What made us the most sad, are the college athletes who feel entitled to everything when they are there playing. They think girls should just fall all over them and that people should bow down to them. (Not all college athletes are this way, but I've met quite a few as had Liz.)

Anyway, with the recent news where 9-11 Hurricane football players are being suspended because they took money from a donor. Reggie Bush lost his Heisman for taking money from a donor. See also Ohio State Athletics. And recently even Tim Tebow made a comment about how college athletes SHOULD be paid because of all the work they do.

Hey Tim Tebow. . . you're on an athletic scholarship correct?? You're getting your school for FREE. How is that not getting paid??

I took out financial aid and had academic scholarships to help pay for my college education.

I looked at current amounts for the University of IL and the University of Iowa. I am going with the highest amounts on the ranges they provided.

The University of Iowa is one of the least expensive colleges to attend in the Big 10 and the University of IL, is in the middle range according to things I saw.

Also, keep in mind that some college athletes with full rides get Room and Board paid for as well as books and supplies. The University of IL used to let students ride the bus for free. . . well when I was there anyway.

At the UofIL
Tuition and fees: $19,238 for in state and $33,380 for out of state
Books and supplies will set you back: $1,200
Room and board with 10 meals/week in the cafeteria: $10,080
Other expenses you might incur: $2,510
Total Estimated Costs: $28,204 for in state and $47,170 for out of state

At the Uof Iowa:
Tuition and fees: $7,765 for in state and $25,099 for out of state
Room and board: $8,750
Books and supplies: $1,090
Personal expenses: $2,625
Transportation: $890
Estimated total costs: $21,120 for in state and $38,454 for out of state

Let's go with the University of IL's estimated tuition since they are in the median. I know several college athletes on full scholarships who also received free clothing and apparel and shoes that were university initiated. They get free warm up clothes and work out clothes. I had to buy mine with the University logo and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a Nike logo on them. I also know people who worked in college to help pay for their schooling and sometimes it was 2 jobs. I know people who were on full ride academic scholarships who had to keep a certain GPA or they would lose their scholarship and they had a job.

What are college athletes asked to do? They are asked to go to practices, do schoolwork, perform on game days, and lead by example. They did this in high school and didn't get paid? What is different now? Now, they have the opportunity to perform well in hopes that it might turn into a professional career and subsequently, make millions of dollars.

Not all college athletes these days are doing that. They think because they are a good athlete that at the college level they are entitled to anything and everything. Who cares if someone offers them money to sign merchandise? They need the extra money.

So I ask Tim Tebow why he decided to play at the collegiac level? Was it to get paid later on for your talents as an athlete? Because technically you did. Your JOB in college was to be a football player. You were paid with a top notch education and the $28,000 you received to live and attend Florida.

Oh, the places you'll go!!

2011-08-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

I love Dr. Seuss. I always have. . . even when I was little.

It's weird though how things that he wrote can have such an impact as an adult as opposed to when you are 5 and learning to read.

I miss Josie soo much sometimes. It's been 2 years and there isn't a day that goes by sometimes that I just want to call her or text her and say something. I know that goes away. . . but it hasn't yet.

One of Josie's favorite quotes was "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind."

It always amazed me how in life everything always seemed to work out for Josie. I mean, minus the whole getting breast cancer at 25 and subsequently dying at 30 from it. Monday it was 2 years, and I thought about that. I wonder if things always seemed to work out because somewhere else, someone else already knows our story. And hers wasn't supposed to be that long, so that's why she loved life even before she got sick.

Of course, then you see those people like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan and you keep thinking "Why is life working out well for them??" I digress. . .

I was going to talk about how disappointed I am in all the coverage of Kim Kardashian's wedding and it almost sickens me that she spent somewhere between $10-$20 million on it (and that's with apparently much of it donated) and was going to be making around $18 million from it and also had a wedding registry for her guests to get her a gift. Think about how many people you could have helped forgoing a gift and just asked people to donate the money for a gift to a charity??? That's what 2 of my friends did. And they don't make the big money that she does.

I always thought marriage was about being happy with the person you're supposed to marry and spend the rest of your life with and being surrounded by the people who love you the most. Yet you're forced to cut people from your wedding, so you cut your step-father's family. Like 50 of them. Nice.

Sorry, I digress again. It just irritates me how some celebrities go on and on about how charitable they are, and how you the average person should donate money, yet, look at what you just did??

Anyway, I wish that I really took to heart the things that I learned from Dr. Seuss when I was 5.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." --I really need to remember this one. A lot. Especially with my friends moving. It makes me sad but life goes on.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."--I'm waiting on this one. . . :) Actually, I know that I've had great days with someone that I adore and I don't want to go to sleep because then the day was over.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."I'm 31 and I love to fly kites. . . this is nonsense really. . . but it's fun. I also like to pretend I have my own theme music now and then. . . sue me.

"I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win because you'll play against you." --It's sad, but I play against myself all the time. It's hard to not get down on one's self from time to time. . . it's the rising up out of it, that's the key.

"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and before you know it, the times we had together were gone."

I think that's my favorite one. It makes me think of Josie the most. And really it makes me think of other friends I've lost and of friends who moved away, or of the friends I moved away from. I'm a firm believer that people don't happen into your life by chance. There's a reason, a season, a purpose. Maybe you help someone grow and maybe they helped you. Maybe you got into some trouble and learned a lesson. Maybe you got someone into trouble and taught them a lesson.

I often think how different my life would have been how I not went to college at Illinois. What my life would be like had I not moved here? I miss my family and I hate they can't just come down for lunch or supper or a Saturday shopping trip. I miss happy hour with my old friends.

There's a reason I'm here. . . I just have to find it. . .

Awkward Moments. . .

2011-08-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

I just have to share this because. . . I am 100% positive I am not the only one who has done this. . . and well my life is really just a long standing awkward moment.

Anyway, we're under a heat advisory because, well, it's effing hot here and with 100% humidity, you might as well just take it for what it is. . . and sweat along with everyone else.

I'm sitting here at work and all of a sudden, I smell this "onion" smell that is well very familiar to what one's armpit would smell like when your deodorant isn't quite working like it should be or you have that odor smell that is attached to the armpit of your favorite shirt. . .

So I do what any normal person does and smell my one armpit (and really I don't even have to be nonchalant about this as I work in a cubical) but the one smelled good, so I check the other, still smelling good, but there's that "onion" smell.

I decide to blurt out if anyone else smells it and sure enough my coworker decided at 10am to warm up 2 Salisbury steaks. And for some odd reason, I take that moment to share with the other 4 people in the office that I am happy it was his food and not my arm pits.

You're welcome!

I should just share this as well while I'm embarrassing myself. . . I have a HUGE crush on this ridiculously hot bartender. He's not a bartender for a full time job, just on Saturdays at this hole in the wall place by my house. Anyway, last week for the SECOND time, I mistakenly text him when I meant to text my friend Heath. BOTH times I scrolled down to an old text and texted from there. And BOTH were meant for Heath as he was staining my deck.

I was just happy I wasn't sexting anyone. Then I really would have felt awkward. . .

Damn you Beyonce!

2011-07-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

I always find it funny, not "haha" funny how the lyrics to a song hit you and then BAM!

Dean Cain and I haven't been friends in a long time. Basically I lost him as a friend when Josie died. The last few months she was alive, I started to notice little things. . . his lies, his dependence on me, and the fact that our friendship was one sided, with me being the one that was always giving.

I couldn't kick him off my Volleyball team this year even though I hadn't talked to him since Kickball got over with because some of the team members didn't want that. He was only a sub anyway. . . and by "sub" I mean he's only subbed once. . . the game I wasn't there. He played money to sub. My sister and I were talking about it this weekend and she said "Sometimes you have to let friends go. . .and sometimes they let you go. . . but in your case, I know it's something he's going to regret the rest of his life."

Recently, I was telling a guy friend my annoyance on how as our sub he can't get back to me when I ask him to actually sub and only gets back to me after I get a hold of another person on our team to ask him when she works with him. Then miraculously that day he gets back to me. It's not mature really. You're an adult. . . you made a commitment. . . how hard is it to respond in 24 hours?!?

Anyway. . . Beyonce's new song "Best Thing I Never Had" is starting to come on the radio now more frequently. . . and I've finally listened to the lyrics.

There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Which is soo true. My friend plays on a softball team with his ex, who he dated for 5+ years. She slept with one of his sport's teammates. . . numerous times. My friend had planned on proposing to her. Anyway, he said you just have to get over it and pretend he's not there. Which is easier said than done since Moon is really wanting him to be on our kickball team and went so far as to text him and ask him. I don't want someone there who can't respond to emails or texts about if he can play or not.

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good looking out

I know there was a time when I was madly in love with him. I know there was this time when I thought his flaws were perfect. But it's true, when you start to see someone's annoyances, sometimes it's all you see and you can't get over them. Which is what happened to me.

I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm going to always be the best thing you never had

He's engaged now and getting married and as my Dad said "You fixed him." And he's right.

Sometimes I need to be fixed. . . :)

Happy Birthday America!

2011-06-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know why that every time I think about the 4th of July, Bill Pullman's words in Independence Day come to mind and I always say in my head, in his voice "We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence!"

By the way, I totally had to make sure that was Bill Pullman and not Bill Paxton. I think there's a game called Pullman or Paxton because they are in soo many movies and kind of look alike. Bill PULLMAN was in While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock and Bill PAXTON was in Twister with Helen Hunt. Oh and Bill Paxton is in the HBO Show Big Love. I don't know what Bill Pullman is doing now. :)

It's weird as this is the first 4th of July in a long time that I'm not going to my parents. Five years ago I went up to H's, and we had a great time. Granted, the reason I am not going is because my friends Erin and Matt are getting married here! I'm super pumped. Please pray for no rain on Saturday. The best part about it, is that Erin's new last name and first name will officially rhyme. She'll be like Julia Goolia. . . but cooler.

I have 2 major groups of friends that I have here. The 1st one is my Friday Sand Volleyball group and are the people I first became friends with when I moved here. They are all pretty much married and were coupled up when I met them except for like a few single ones. The 2nd group is my Kickball/Softball group who I met after I had lived here a year. They were mostly all single guys and gals. That's where Matt falls in, and like a year or so later, Erin came into our friend picture. They are the first group of the singles to get married here. And coincidentally are marrying each other. It will be nice to see everyone dressed up too as we are usually playing sports or meeting out at night in dressed down attire. I guess sometimes we might be dressed up from work and meeting for happy hour, but usually we're in jeans or something.

Speaking of marrying. . . my friend Christine last weekend brought up the fact that I need to get back into dating so I can get married and have kids. She even went so far as saying that I should do online dating, and if I did, she would actually do all the leg work for me. As in, she would screen all the guys that were interested in me and then talk to them and find out more and then narrow it down to potentials. I think this sounds like an excellent idea. That's what happened the ONE time I did it. I didn't really screen the super persistent guy that was wanting to go on a date. I mean, I should have known going into the date the guy was 5'4 and not into athletics. And this would cut into the awkward "Hey you're meeting my friends" thing because she has already approved him. I think it's a Win/Win situation here.

Who knows?? I mean, I do know I have very entertaining dating stories. :)

I hope everyone has a safe and fun 4th of July!!

If only I. . .

2011-06-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

I am always trying ways to improve myself. Improve my well-being, my mind, etc.

I'm always working on my weight which I think every girl (and some guys) do.

However, there is one thing that I can never seem to gain:

Confidence when it comes to guys.

I can't.

And I try and try and try. If you were to meet me in person, you would never know that deep down inside, I'm a little shy. You would never know how I absolutely hate going places by myself. I hate it. It makes me absolutely nervous. But after travelling alone on an airplane for the first time, you get over that a little. I travel all the time for work alone. But I hate meeting people at bars or restaurants by myself. It gives me great anxiety. I'm always afraid they will never show up.

I've never had that happen to me either. It's just always a fear. I mean, yes, I did date a guy who would make plans with me weeks in advance, and then bail, but never at a restaurant. He was always set to pick me up. . . and then didn't. I guess it only happened twice and after that, I quit taking his advanced plans seriously. I was never abandoned as a child. Although, my Mom on 2 separate occasions did forget me at piano lessons.

Today I was at lunch with 2 of my guy friends. And they were talking about this girl who one of them referred to as a "Butter Face." Meaning she has a rocking body, but her face. . . Then we started talking about another girl they had talked about the last time we were all together and they said "well I guess she has a cute face, but she's fat."

Now, you might be thinking these guys are jerks and well, I think in a way they are. But I said "Ummm. . . I would hate to think what you guys say about me when I'm not here!" And they both said "We like you though!"

I emailed my bgf and told him the story and he said "They say those things about you because they don't think that about you. . . and neither do any guys in IL."

I cannot explain why I have zero self-confidence in the guy department. I have no idea why I feel this way about myself. I may very well be prettier in the face than I think I am. I'm chubby, no where near skinny that is or at my optimum weight. I am not someone you would look twice at if you saw me on the street. I would say I am average looking in the face. I have been told I am pretty. And yes, I see other girls and I think to myself "Well I am prettier than that girl, so why does that guy like her more than me?" And thus, probably why I feel the way I do.

Maybe part of it is that I have really pretty friends and relatives. I've always had pretty people in my life and have always felt like the ugly, fat one. And if you knew my sister, you know why I feel this way. Up until about her junior year of college, she was a size 2 and I was a size 12 my junior year of high school. My 2nd cousins were blessed with these tall, skinny blond hair jeans. I mean, really, how can one compete with that? My friends from high school, all are gorgeous and still are. It really isn't fair. I mean, Steph--you're reading this now--and you look smoking hot for having a baby a month ago. If you saw my old roommate Sarah, you'd understand too. Seriously, why don't I hang around ugly people?? I really am starting to think this is a fantastic idea.

Almost every time one of my guy friends meets a friend of mine from high school or college or sees a picture, they all say "Woah, your friend is hot! Is she single?" Every time. Luckily at this point in my life, I can honestly say "No, she's married. Just like almost every other friend of mine." ;)

Maybe my lack of self-confidence is the reason I don't notice when a guy is hitting on me. I only ever notice the weird guys. And maybe the reason I automatically make guys I meet my friends is due to my self-confidence. Or maybe it's because when I was feeling great about my body, the guy I was in love with, still didn't want me. How do I break that feeling or pattern?? Rachel yelled at me the other day when I said something about being fat and then stuck out my belly to really drive my point home in my fatness. :) And yes, I do know that eating right and working out play into the whole losing weight thing. I just apparently don't like eating right and working out at the moment.

Sorry to be all self-reflective and whatnot, but today's lunch conversation really bothered me. I am not meaning to be a Debbie Downer as I know we all have things that bother us about ourselves. We don't always look in the mirror and see what others see. And yes, I do know I have a very bubbly personality and a nice smile and guys should really fall in love with that part of me.

I know my friends didn't mean anything bad towards me when they said what they said, but when you feel that way about yourself and then your guy friends are talking about girls like that, it makes it hard.

Plus, I'm 31 and no one has swept me off of my feet, Darn it! So I can't help but wonder that maybe this is why. My Dad says it's because I'm perhaps too picky and the fact that I always have to be right. I told him to tell me a time I was wrong, and I would gladly accept that I am not always right. He couldn't tell me a time, but I had a few for him. My Mom laughed hysterically. :)

Don't you want to stay??

2011-06-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I am really happy I listen to music at work because it has made it easy finding titles to my posts.

I would like to state for the record that "You're Welcome." Mainly because I spared you guys some posts. I was going through my posts and apparently I went on a tangent of Paris Hilton after her Piers Morgan interview. And then followed that with my disgust of the View interview she apparently had. So you're welcome I never uploaded that one. :)

The other one was apparently written in December when I was feeling lovey dovey. And the opening line was "Why is it when you finally find someone that makes you laugh until it hurts, smile for no reason, brightens your day with a "hi" that you can't for the life see yourself with that person and am not even sure you're attracted to them?"

Again. . . you're welcome.

Also, I found that whole "Stats" button on my blog like 6 months ago. Yeah, I know, I really delved into the blogger functions when I started my blog. :) Anyway, it really worries me that the main thing that sends people to my blog is "I want to kill my neighbor" or "neighbour" because a) I'm pretty sure that post will not give you great directions for that and b) they are probably severely disappointed once they read the content. In a close second though is "I think I just vomited in my mouth. . ." Oh the things people apparently google!

I finally saw "Bridesmaids" and I thought it was pretty funny. I snorted like 5 times, which is usually a good sign. The funny part was that I could totally sympathize with Kristen Wiig's character. I've been in weddings like that where one person is trying to trump the other girls in the wedding as being the closest. I never tried to top the other girl, but it always cracked me up. And also felt her pain as everyone else around her is married.

I really want to see the movie "Bad Teacher." It looks awesome. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

And on a side note, I have a huge crush, and I pray that it turns into something. The more I talk to him and hang out with him, the more and more I find out how adorable he is. Then my roommate brings me back from Cloud 9 by reminding me that he said the phrase on Saturday "I'll be rolling up with my friends" and then I came back down. Randomly, he throws out gangsta phrases, and where as I often throw out "A to the izzo" on a sign off, he's doing it straight up in conversation. I usually do it to be funny because I am as far from hip hop as one might get. If that's his only flaw though, I'll take it. Because right at the moment, I see none.
I do appreciate her bringing me back to reality. It keeps me grounded.

This weekend I'm heading home for Father's Day. . . and my friend's wedding. . . and my nephew's Baptism in which I am the Godmother again. I also am picking up my friend's dog from her in laws so it saves them a 4 hour trip. I don't think I could pack anymore into a weekend.

Enjoy the beautiful weather!!!

Somewhere Else

2011-06-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I couldn't think of a title and that's the song in my head. It's Toby Keith. It's a great song. :)

Anyway, it's pretty official in my life that I am now "Good Luck Chuck." I found out Friday at Happy Hour, that the guy I dated last year, the guy that was dating me and another girl at the same time and broke up with me, is engaged. To that girl. Granted, I didn't necessarily want to marry him, but still. It's a little dagger. I do want to get married. Just wondering where my Prince Charming is I guess.

All weekend my roommate referred to me as Chuck. We're very nice to each other. I told her yesterday I was thinking that I was going to quit hanging out with her and start hanging out with "ugly" people with no personality so I looked prettier and would stand out. She's pretty and has big boobs, so I think I need to increase my chances of meeting a guy, you know??

But honestly, I don't want to dwell on it. Yes, I'm old, but I want to be happy, too, and not settle. H and I talked about how I could have been married to Boatman if I really wanted to be. And pushed aside my feelings of being happy, really enjoying the other person's company, and not having good conversation. Basically she told me I made a good decision and not pursuing that one. I also brought this up with Robb and Christine on Monday night and Robb said "Oh man, the only thing good about that guy was that he bought us a round of drinks."

Anyway, on to bigger and better things in no particular order! I do use the term "better" very loosely here. . .

I feel that Reese Witherspoon and I would be best friends. I'm totally basing this off of her comment at the MTV Movie Awards which I didn't watch but heard about later. She said exactly what I think about some of the "famous" people nowadays. Plus, we also both apparently find Jake Gyllenhaal attractive.

A few weeks ago, I asked the roommie to mow the lawn when I was back in IL. She did and then one of the neighbors asked me later if I let a kid mow the lawn. I had noticed it was patchy, but sometimes the shade does some weird things. Later that day she made the comment, "Woah, that is a super bad mow job." I guess if I can't get to the lawn, I will pay the neighbor boy $20 to do it. Plus he picks up all the sticks and mulches. What a great kid! I guess he'd be a better kid if he just did it without getting paid, huh?

I hate how at the beginning of May, I thought "Man, my summer is going to be nice and relaxing and I only have one wedding." Yeah, I am trying to find a free weekend now. Booo! I will enjoy every last minute of it though.

I am dying to visit my friend Steph and baby Vinnie, but we kept going back and forth with dates and either I was busy or they were. :( But it made me think. Steph and I have been friends since the age of 3. And Vinnie and Caden are a week apart in age. It's just too funny! That should be my kid not my sister's!

I think it's funny how friendships change over time though. Or how at one time, you were almost inseparable from a person, and now, you don't even know if they still work for the same place or are dating someone but you did a year ago. But I do like how you become expectantly closer to other people, and the highlight of your day is when you hear from them. Like last night when I got a text that said "I hope your popcorn tonight was better than my popcorn at volleyball. It was terrible. . ." An out of the blue and random text yes, but earlier in the day I had told him that I hope he has fun sweating his arse off at volleyball, while I am sitting in the nice luxury of air conditioning and eating popcorn at the bar.

Or how you can be good friends with someone and not talk all that often, but it's like nothing has changed. That's what I love the most about friends. Being good friends and not needing to talk all the time and still knowing you're good. And it's those friends that you always know are there for you and you're never far from their mind. Like when they text you and tell you that they saw someone trip on the street and fall, and it made them think of you.

Happy Hump Day!

With or Without You

2011-06-03T08:08:00.001-07:00

That's the song playing on the radio right now.

And you give yourself away, and you give, and you give, and you give yourself away. . .

I think that almost describes me sometimes. Giving myself away. I was always told I was a giver (not that kind dirty, dirty, minded people) but a giver of things in life.

Giver of Hugs, giver of smiles, giver of my time and energy. . .

My parents taught me very strong values that when I look back, I didn't realize they were inadvertently teaching me that in my adult life and in my personality. My Dad can be slightly selfish (Sorry Dad, you know it's true) but at the same time, he's one of the most giving and caring people I know. If you are a good friend of one of his good friends or a family member, he would do anything for you. He'd drive to Ohio (2 States over) and pick up my Mom's best friend's Son whose car broke down on a road trip and tow it back. Even if you're a good friend of mine and need something and my Dad has never met you, he'd do that. That's just how he is.

Sometimes I wish he hadn't have taught me that, you know?? I really want to be that mean, cranky person who people don't expect stuff from. Just once I'd like to say "Nope, sorry" and be done with it. But alas, that's not who I am, and I'll never be that overly selfish person.

Man, that wasn't even the topic I was going to write about. . . .stupid, stupid song. . .

Shake it like a Polaroid Picture

2011-05-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

My sister is awesome in the fact that since I have yet to be able to go home and meet my new nephew she will text me a picture every day. Sometimes I will get 3. I look forward to the picture of the day of Caden in all his adorableness.

At Christmas and in March when my nephew, Caleb, came to visit, he told me that I could just save all my hugs and kisses for the new baby as he didn't need them anymore once the baby came. Well now, he says that I can still hug and kiss him but to make sure that I still hug and kiss Caden too so he doesn't feel left out. I FINALLY am going home tomorrow after work to meet the little guy. I can't wait. I do feel bad though because my Dad took off Thursday and Friday in hopes of spending time with me, only to find out last night that I am staying with my sister tomorrow night and Thursday! Ooops!

My friend Darren gets married on Saturday. I'm super excited for him but I am not excited to be there without my buffer Steph. Steph can attest to the amount that she and I get picked on average by our guy friends from high school. However, without her there, I will get the brunt of everything. Maybe they will just start picking on their wives?!?

I survived Erin's Bachelorette Party last weekend in Kansas City. She made us these awesome shirts for the Royals/Cardinals game that said Team Erin on the front and the Erin's Final Fling in a baseball on the back. Somehow on the way there, we got separated from Erin's car, so everyone was asking us who Erin was. Then apparently when Erin was walking into the game, with the remaining 3 of the party, people were telling her that we already walked in! haha!

We could not have asked for a better day for a baseball game. It was gorgeous! And the Cardinals won, so that's really what is important. I have no idea why I didn't get up and walk around the stadium either as it was my first time there. I guess I just need to go back there and do that.

I knew half of the party people this weekend, which was nice. It sucks to only know the bride going into these things and maybe one person. Erin's coworker was that person, and she said if we didn't like her, she was just going to drink more and make us like her! haha! Most of Erin's friends I had heard stories about at some point, so I felt like I knew them. It was nice to meet them in person though and put a face with a name.

I did feel bad for Erin as she wasn't near as drunk as I think she should have been. She agreed with that earlier in the night so she started doing shots. . . I'm not sure if she got more drunk or not! The weird thing about Erin is that she is marrying one of my guy friends. And Erin and I have talked about how I just assume they don't do anything sexual as that's what I like to think since it's 2 of my friends. She was really surprised when I bought her 2 nighties and some sexy underwear. It's funny when 2 friends get together because you know separately they did stuff with other people, it just becomes awkward I guess when you think about them together doing stuff. . . Anyone else feel this way??

It's like my Grandpa saying today that the reason for my Dad's Doctor Appointment was to refill his Viagra prescription. Thanks Gramps!

I also couldn't believe how many hot, tall guys are in Kansas City. I don't know if they were just in town for the game or not, but DAMN! There were some hotties for sure! I also met a guy from Humoldt who knew my cousins. He graduated in 2001. I should have written his name down as 1) He was cute and 2) I can't even remember to tell my cousins the guy's name. I did ask if he lived here now in hopes I might run into him again out, but alas, he lives in CR. I am sure with enough Facebook stalking I could find him. . .but I only save that for special people.

Speaking of Facebook Stalking, I was goofing off on there and this girl came up on the side as someone I might know. I clicked on her and was like "I don't know her, but the name sounded familiar." Come to find out she's one of my guy friends exes. That's why her name sounded familiar. I also realize there is no way I could ever date this guy friend as I have met several of the girl's he dates, and they apparently all have the prerequisite of being gorgeous.

My friend Meghan finally had her baby! I have yet to see a picture, but I can only imagine how adorable he is!

I am not sure if you're keeping track, but my rambling almost goes in a circle. Much like the stories I tell in person on a regular basis. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby and the baby carriage!

And then the house. . . A year ago, I closed on my house! I can't believe it's been a year. I finally got my plants planted. I had to buy dirt (seriously, I paid money for DIRT!) and some stuff that supposedly keeps ground squirrels away. It better. I hate those things, and they ate my tomato plants last year! Bastards!

I know have a bunch more landscaping stuff to do, but I need help doing it. I'm glad I live 6 blocks from my friend Jeff. He likes to help a damsel in distress, and I really don't mind him wanting to help. I'm sure somewhere there's a trade off, but last time he snaked my drain, I bought him beer and gave him banana bread, and he ended up forgetting it at my house. Sucks for him! :)

Have a great week!

Dreams, schemes, and other things

2011-05-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but lately, I have had some weird dreams. And most of them have all involved me getting married or in love. Which is something that is far from my real life. I do have a lot of friends getting married in the upcoming months, so maybe that's why.

I know that I want to be married someday and really thought it would be before now, but life takes these unexpected turns. Sometimes you have to follow the road you're headed down and when something else comes down it, I guess that's when you take another turn.

The latest dream had me trying to find my soon to be husband the day of our wedding. And do you know where he was at?? Playing basketball with the NBA team he is on, and they were practicing in my high school gym. He said "Wait isn't it bad luck for me to see you before the wedding?" And I said "Isn't it bad luck to be late for your wedding??" I wasn't in my wedding dress yet, so I guess that's good. We leave the gym and are now in a super big hurry trying to make it to the church. But apparently school is still in session because the bell rings and all of these kids are in the hallway. Apparently the hallways in my high school were like 2 miles long too. I'm throwing elbows shouting "Let me through!" as we're trying to walk the opposite direction they seem to be going. It was tough. Finally we get out of the high school.

That's all I remember now. I remembered a lot more when I woke up but now that's all I can tell you about it. Sorry. I know you're really disappointed.

Now the creepy part about my next dream was that the one guy that was in it is good friends with my friend Jamie. He and I are not friends. In my dream on Thursday, Dustin was trying to hit on me in my dream and Jamie was telling me to stay far away from him. That was the gist of the dream.

Now in REAL life on Saturday I was helping my Aunt at an art show at a huge Garden and Landscape Center. I keep looking at the guy and I'm like that's weird. . . that guy looks just like Dustin. I mean, almost identical. It's bugging me soo much and he keeps looking at me like he should know me too. So after about 2 hours, I finally go up to him and say "Dustin??" It was him. The weirder part is that later Rach (my roommie) comes there with her Mom and she says "My friend Dustin works here. I just talked to him!" And I said "I KNOW Dustin too!" How weird is that though that he was in my dream Thursday night, and I run into him on Saturday?!?

Now the funny part is that Dustin and Rachel knew each other in college and Dustin and Jamie have known each other for maybe 4 years which would coincide with Rachel knowing him. How Jamie and Rachel have never met through him is beyond me. The funny part is that Rachel talks about her friend Dustin, and they played volleyball on Thursdays together this winter. The sad part is that this is the 4th person that Rachel and I both know but never knew we both knew that person until we've either ran into them or like they met one of us out. It's weird really. But Rachel and I have known each other for 6 years so it's bound to happen I guess, even if she IS 6 years younger than myself.

My latest scheme really isn't so much a "scheme" as it is, let's slightly stalk a hot guy. And I'm not really stalking him but he happens to bartend on Saturdays at my and my roommie's favorite bars which is also really close to our house. And it's also not my fault that he told me that he works every Saturday and told me his schedule. It is my fault that my roommie and I make sure to go up on Saturdays during his work hours though to grab a drink. I mean, we would anyway, but sometimes we go earlier or later than we normally would just to see him.

The last 3 Saturdays that I've been up there during his shift, I drink for free. Me and whatever girl is with me. He charged my guy friend that was with us but it was like $5, and Neil had like 3 beers, and I don't know how many shots. Now I'm not talking a drink here or there. I'm talking like 3 hours+ of drinking for free. Last Saturday it was just a Bloody Mary and a beer back. But the other 2 was all night. One Saturday, I couldn't even tell you what I drank but I'm pretty sure it was a ton based on how I felt Sunday morning. I did at least 4 shots. And I know for a fact I drank a Bloody Mary and beer back, 2 Captain and Diets, and not sure how many beers. Wait, now what I type what I drank on that drinking binge, it could have easily been what I drank.

But not the point I'm making. . . I keep drinking for free lately. So. . . thinking this might be a good sign, and the fact I do have his number, I texted him on Sunday to tell him that I was making banana bread and to let me know if he wanted some. He always tells me to stop by his house (he lives close to me and he told me where he lived), and so I thought this would be a good step. I didn't want to just stop by. I want to stop by with a purpose. But alas, he never responded. While I am super disappointed, I am really impressed with myself to do that! Especially to a guy I am not friends with but for someone who I know a lot about since he tells me a lot about himself.

My friend Steph had her baby. He is adorable. I can't believe I might not see him though until July. I don't know if I can wait that long. That's the sucky part about living soo far away.

Meghan still hasn't had Gavin. So we wait. . .

But this guy decided he would come into this world on Friday the 13th. :) Well he didn't decide, but my sister's doctor decided she would need to be induced on Friday if she didn't have him before then. He was 8lbs, 4oz and 19 inches long. And it was torture for me because he didn't have a name for over 24hours! If you knew my sister, you would understand why this is weird. They couldn't decide on names so they waited until he was born. Caden James--your aunt cannot wait to squeeze you!

Again, it sucks because I couldn't be there to see him come into this world. But my Mom sent me a picture which I'm pretty sure was right after my sister gave birth so it was like I was there. Thanks Mom. I'll get to meet him in 8 days. I'm not counting or anything. He definitely looks just like his big brother did when he was a baby. So at least he's predestined for cuteness!

Have a great week everyone!

Back into the Swing of things. . .literally. . .

2011-05-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

Well. . . I was able to pick my arm up enough to bat. . . so that was good. . . whether I batted well or not is a different story. But according to my favorite Umpire Duane. . . it was a PRACTICE game. ;)

I didn't realize how much I love softball until last night. And maybe it's not necessarily softball but the routine that softball has for us.

It was going to Pal Joey's before the game and the owner saying "HEY! It's soo good to see you again! Bud Light??" And then when we left I waved goodbye and he came out and hugged me and said not to be a stranger. I got a hug. A HUG. haha! We've been going there before and sometimes after games for the last 4 years, so he should remember us. My Father reading this is going to ask if I drop some serious cash there during the summer, but he's been with us there, so I guess he should know the answer to that question. And in case you other folks are wondering, I never drink more than 1 or 2 beers before softball because it's softball and I really need as quick of reflexes as possible as to not get jacked in the face!

Then we get to the field and our favorite Ump Duane gave me a high five and side hug. Then we talked about how awesome my friend Erin who works with him is. . . :) And Erin--he told me what a great time it was travelling with you to San Antonio. I didn't tell him how you told me he was all spiffed up for travel and you were travelling basically in your PJs for your 6am flight.

I think it's the comradery that softball brings too. Most of the teams have been playing out there as long as we have. And other friends play out there at the same time, too, so you just see so many friends and acquaintances. It's just nice. It just feels like home.

Also, Happy Mother's Day to all those Mother's out there! My sister is 50% effaced and 3cm dilated at the moment. She wants to hold off until after Mother's Day and would like him on the 10th-my Grandma Mona's birthday.

My friend Steph is having a C-Section today for her little boy too. She was hoping to go natural, but the baby's shoulders are too big. :(

Meghan is also due any day. I picked today for her in the pool. . . let's hope! :)

My funny Mom story is the call I got on Wednesday morning. I left a message on Tues night asking if we should send my sister a big bouquet of flowers for not only Mother's Day but for Teacher Appreciation week as well. She agreed and then said she had a dilemma and didn't know how to bring it up to me. I asked what it was and well. . . she wants me to quit sending her cards. She can't get herself to throw them away since they are usually sweet or if they are funny, I write something sweet in them, and she just has too many now and just doesn't know where to put them.

Ooh Mommy, I LOVE YOU! :)

Happy Friday and have a glorious weekend!

You know you're old when. . .

2011-05-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well. . . it happened.

I think I've officially become old. And so have my friends. I don't know when it happened. It just did. Apparently as you age, you don't spring back like you used to.

Case in point:

Tuesday night when my friend and I were playing in the monthly euchre tournament. He looks at me at one point, points to his watch and says "It's your bedtime." I laughed, and then realized, Holy Cow, I AM always in bed by 10pm! I may not be asleep yet, but I am in bed. We were one game away from being crowned Champions and were ousted at 11pm. The tournament has never really ever lasted past 10:30, let alone still one more game to play at 11pm! I think there were just some super slow players. I tried to make him feel better by texting him afterwards and telling him how I had to stop and get gas on the way home, and his text reply was "Nice try. I'm still way past my bedtime but I had fun with you!" Then I felt even worse as last night a group of us were getting together to play sand volleyball at 6:30pm, and he texted me at 9pm to tell me he just woke up from his cat nap he took after work. Ooops!!!

So then last night happens. I had to teach Pilates at 5, then was playing sand volleyball at 6:30pm, and then a random girl's night at 7:30pm. Harmless right??

Well Kathy decided since it was nice out we should walk instead of me making her do Pilates. I agreed. Then I went early to volleyball and did a pick up game with some people at 6. Then my friends get there, who I was meeting, and all decide that we should play 3s and 4s instead of 6s. I'm not sure if anyone realizes how much more energy it takes to play 4s. And for some reason I decided to try serving overhand to see if I could. And I was doing pretty good. I was impressed since I haven't played volleyball since October. I also did a "burpie" in the sand. A "burpie" or whatever else it may be called is when you jump straight up in the air, squat, then do a push up. In case you missed it. . . I did it in the SAND. Not what you would call a very secure place to fall down and not move on you. I apparently have also become more stupid in my old age. :)

Fast forward to the pub right after volleyball, where after sitting for an hour, I get up to use the loo and BAM. My quads feel like lead. So I do what any other normal person would do and take long steps with pauses to stretch them out. Completely normal and unattention getting. Also, at the current moment, I'm a little unsure if I'll be able to raise my arm to bat or catch anything at my softball game at 9 tonight.

At the pub (I use pub since it's a bar that serves really awesome English fare food), we for some reason were pretty quiet and tame for a Girl's night. We knew things were going downhill when we started talking Politics. GASP! Politics?? At Girl's Night? I mean, there really is something wrong. We were all pretty tired too but just didn't know why. Then it dawned on us: All other Girl's Nights are on Thursdays. We apparently are too tired on Wednesdays to be peppy and fun! I kept trying to dance to whatever music was on while I was in my chair to no avail.

What made it even more funny was that when Jarrod and Britt got there, Jarrod turned to Britt and said "Ummm. . . I'm not sure what happened, but they are usually a lot more entertaining than this!" haha! I think Britt was pretty bummed. I also find it cute that Britt and Jarrod had a bro-date because their ladies were out. However, Britt went to one theater while Jarrod was waiting for him at the other. Now, keep in mind, they discussed in email which one they were going to. . . and Britt went to the wrong one. We were laughing. Then we asked if they sat by each other because a lot of guys when going to a movie never sit by each other. . . and well. . . they didn't. There was totally a seat in between them.

This also reminds me of a hilarious story that my friend Larry tells about a co-worker. Larry is openly gay. Well, he and this co-worker make plans to go to dinner after work and then to see a movie. The co-worker, another male, says that he'll just meet Larry at the movie after they finish dinner. Well, when Larry gets there, he can't find his co-worker. He calls him and he says "Oh, yeah, I just went ahead and got my ticket. I'm in the theater." So Larry goes into the theater, grabs some popcorn, and finds his co-worker. Well half way through the movie, the co-worker says he has to use the restroom. Larry waits and waits and the co-worker never comes back. Then when the movie is over, Larry sees the co-worker like 3 rows ahead! He didn't even talk to him on the way out or apologize or anything. Hilarious. Maybe you have to have Larry retell the story, but trust me, it was funny! And having met the co-worker. . . even more hilarious.

Okay, back to me being old. Well when 10pm hits and I'm massively yawning, we disbanded. On Girl's Night! Usually with girl's night we say things like "We're going to take it easy tonight" or "Let's just have a few drinks" and the next thing you know it's 12am and you've done like 3 shots and really DO need to go home. We determined that we can't do Girl's Night on Wednesdays anymore since apparently "Hump Day" to us means we need to be in bed early and clearly no alcohol induced humping will be going on because of the crazy shenanigans we have gotten ourselves into.

Happy soon to be the Weekend! :)

Sooo. .. yeah. . .

2011-05-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to say it. . . and well. . . I'm not going to apologize. . .

Donald Trump would make a HORRIBLE President.

Okay, glad we got that out of the way. I'm sorry for who I offended.

Let's get back to more important issues such as things that I've been thinking about and my new random dream.

First of all, I got to thinking about this after a few conversations with some friends and family. I also wanted to state for the record how awesome my friends and family are. I really couldn't ask for better people in my life. Well some of them have been sucky lately, but they don't read this blog and really I am not sure if they are even friends.

But this is the funny situation that came up this weekend that got me thinking:

What happens when your friend(s) keep talking up how awesome someone is and then you meet them and all you're thinking about is "well they seem nice, but not near as cool or awesome as you keep saying they are."

One of my friends had a friend in town this weekend, and I told her awesome he was. And she said "Right?? Whew! Glad you liked him!" She was actually worried I might not. And as my friend Emily said "For an engineer you have an awesome personality. I say this because my brother is one and well. . .it's lacking." haha!

But it's funny when you meet your friends' friends or are introduced in group settings and whatnot. I actually have a "friend" who I think is just one of the most awkward people to talk to, and I can't figure out if I'm the only person they are awkward around. But the thing is, no one and I mean NO ONE has ever said anything to me about it. I've introduced the person to other people too, and I'm not sure if no one else has noticed it or just afraid to say anything. I mean, it's to the point where it's just been soo awkward to talk to this person, that I never really ask this person to hang out one on one for this reason. The person is nice and seems cool, just it's hard to carry on a conversation. And I can talk to anyone. ANYONE. I'm curious to the emails now I might get about this!

As for my dream. . . Again "I COPYRIGHT THIS!" I seriously need to figure out how to do that! haha!

Well my dreamed started off in the land of bliss. I was dating this great guy who looked a lot like Josh Radnor (Ted on HIMYM) and in the dream I seemed madly in love. But then somewhere (and where I am not sure) I was all of a sudden betrothed to Topher Grace (Eric from That 70s Show). I don't know if it was a green card thing or a set-up thing but all of a sudden I was planning my wedding to this guy that I did not love. And Josh kept telling me how much he loved me and wished things could be different but there wasn't anything I could do to not marry Topher. The wedding happens which reminded me much like Muriel's Wedding but neither the groom nor I were happy to be getting married. We fake our way through the wedding reception and try very hard to act in love. Then by the time I wake up we end up in love. Not sure the time span that passed or not. . . but WEIRD.

I had some other random stuff, but it has left me now.

Happy Tuesday!

I apologize. . .

2011-05-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I do hate to get political on my blog and all, but I need to get this off my chest:

I highly doubt the killing of Osama bin Laden was a political move by the president because re-elections are coming up soon. I hate that some people are soo against the president that they would even think that.

If that was the case, don't you think that instead of showing his birth certificate, the president would have just killed him and not even worried about getting his birth certificate out of the storage facility? He could have just made people forget all about the birth certificate by killing him right then, don't you think?!? Or upping up when they killed him and not shown his birth certificate at all? This was a strategic move by the military.

They have been trying to find and kill Osama since 1998 or something like that. 1998.

If we are going to talk politics, let's talk about how gas prices all of a sudden dramatically dropped right before the presidential elections. You don't think that was a political move in favor of anyone???

While it was probably politically based to say KILL a terrorist, I guess it was more of a thing that say needed to be done?!?

I'm neither Republican or Democrat (although I do lean more liberal). I vote for people who I feel will do the best job. I have that right because there are awesome people (like my Grandpa, my Dad, my uncles, my cousins, my friends, my friend's brothers) who have fought for that right. There are people who have laid down their lives so that we have the right to that freedom. And these brave soldiers just killed someone who killed Americans on American soil who did nothing wrong but go to work on those days.

Reasons why I just laugh at my life . . .

2011-05-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

Well I've realized that I can only just sit back and laugh at my life now. LAUGH. My roommate and I did that all this weekend although we determined my laugh sounded less happy and more creepy psycho killer, so I guess I need to work on the laugh track.

I also have pinpointed when my life started to just be funny. Not the "haha" funny but the "omg if I don't laugh I might just start crying all the time and then who wants to be around that" funny. It was when my work computer crashed and I lost 2 years worth of everything.

2 weeks ago I went to get an oil change and my tires balanced and rotated. Well that's when I found out that the last people who rotated my tires, stripped my lug nuts and thus they couldn't get them off. They spent 30 minutes trying to get them off. Step in my "knight in shining armour" who is my friend's husband who is also a mechanic. I call him and he says "Don't go to a tire place, I should be able to do that and yes you'll be able to drive back to IL."

Well as I mentioned last week, my check engine light started flashing. Here comes Todd to the rescue to look at my car. Well on Friday I started to notice this burnt rubber smell which I know isn't good, but Todd's coming to look at my car so I don't really worry. After he checks my car, he says "Don't drive this unless it's an emergency until I can fix it. It's misfiring." We switch cars on Saturday, and well what we thought was wrong was just the tip of the iceberg. But luckily, we buy parts and bless his heart, he spends 10.5 hours on Sunday fixing it. So this morning, we were just going to switch cars but alas he said there's another misfiring in a new cylinder. Awesome. I have no idea what this would have cost going to a dealership to fix, but I was buying parts on his discount, so it's saving me some dough. I don't know what he's going to charge me for labor but I do know he always under charges me.

Anyway, on Saturday morning I also found out Dean is engaged. And right after that I started shaking and then went for a 4-mile run. And I should state. . . I almost died on my run. I ran until I thought my legs were going to quit. . . walked. . . and ran some more. I was really down on Saturday. Then was completely fine on Sunday. I shouldn't be surprised either. I mean, he hasn't talked to me since Kickball ended in October. I wrote him a friend break-up email in December that he never responded to. This news shouldn't be a surprise. I never did cry either. I think the main reason I was upset is because well as my Dad said "You fixed him. He had soo many problems, and you fixed him." And he's right. He had a crap ton of issues and I was always there, fixing them. Maybe I'm a fixer. But alas, I'm not near as sad as I thought I would be on Saturday. Dan always stated that he had me on the "hook" and I guess he was right. :) Thanks Dan!

I'm pretty sure the reason he quit talking to me was because of her, but I don't 100% know for sure. I guess (and as I've said numerous times on my blog) not everyone can have as awesome of a wife/girlfriend as my friend Wyatt's wife Kendra. She also reads the blog now and I know I've told her, but I appreciate her awesomeness more than she'll ever know. You want to be happy for people when something awesome like that happens, but I can't be happy because I feel like I've lost a friend. The sad part is this is not the only other guy friend where I can't be happy he's engaged. With the other friend, and it's just not me, he became different. And well, I'm not invited to his wedding either, so maybe that's for the best, since I'm not all that happy for him. But I'm not the only friend who feels this way either, so. . .

On a happy note, my sister is about ready to Pop! I love it. Also in the next few days, Megs and Steph are having their babies. Megs said she was still "baking" as of Friday. Love it! Which also means I lost the bet for when she was going be having Gavin. Oh well!

My nephew also lost his first tooth. Why does he have to grow up?!? I forgot to ask my sister what the going rate was for the Tooth Fairy now. I'll have to call and ask him today. I didn't get to go to his Church Program either yesterday but he did sing me one of the songs. Soo cute!

Happy Monday! It's starting to get warmer! WAHOOOO!!!

Tsk. . . Tsk. . .

2011-04-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty bad Monday. It just didn't start out well. The plumber was supposed to be at my house at 7:30am and didn't get there until after 8:30. Why?? They put it on the main schedule but not on the individual technician's schedule. Luckily, it wasn't anything major and my home warranty should cover it. Ooh yeah!

Then my check engine light came on as I was heading back to work at Lunch. But it didn't just come on and stay. . . it proceeded to blink. That is not a good thing. Luckily, my friend's a mechanic and loves to work on my car. "Loves" might be a strong word, but he does like saving me money when he can. The only down side is that now I can't drive to see my Gramps on Saturday.

So today I'm at lunch with my friend Sarah and we were talking about the whirlwind that has become my life lately.

I actually inadvertently know someone that was killed in the random attack in Afghanistan yesterday. This family is going through so much right now too with cancer and then to have their son die. :(

And then my friend Jenna's husband's brother-in-law died in the tornadoes last night in Alabama. They are on their way now down there.

Horrible!

It's always weird to read the paper and see the bad things on the news and feel soo happy that you're not affected by it. And then to know people personally who are affected by it is a different story. I feel so much for them. Soo much! Please keep them in your thoughts.

Anyway, I digress. . . So Sarah and I are talking and she says "I didn't know you were having a bad day on Monday, you weren't in a bad mood at all!" And I said, "Well, lately my life has just been just one bad day, and I'm really trying to just move on from it."

Cut to 5 minutes later we are walking in the skywalk and I nail my elbow on the window pane. I mean NAIL it. We both just start laughing. . . because really. . . that's all I can do at this point.

Laugh.

You're Welcome

2011-04-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance for anything that may be stuck in your head after you read this.

For some reason yesterday. . . the song montages running through my head, had no rhyme or reason. And then of course I try to think about why all of a sudden the little man in my head, would go to the file cabinet in my brain and pull out the 8-Track to specific songs and play them.

And am I the only one who pictures someone doing that?? Anyway. . .

I was sitting there working on reports when all of a sudden this came into my head:

You take the Good
You take the Bad
You take them both
And there you have the Facts of Life.
The Facts of Life.
When the world never seems
To be living up to your dreams
And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you.
All about you. . . .

Lyrics are missing but that's all that was running through my head. So then I get to thinking that man, that is soo true. Thank you Alan Thicke. Thank you. Side note: Alan Thicke from Growing Pains wrote the theme songs to the Facts of Life AND Diff'rent Strokes in case you didn't know that. . .but really who would???

My neighbor growing up who was like a Grandma passed away on Friday morning. I was supposed to stop and see her on Friday morning as well. . . about 3 hours after she passed. We got the call at 7am. I was happy to be home with my family when that happened. I was super sad though because I didn't get to say Goodbye. My parents and my sister did and told her that I was thinking about her and appreciated all that she had done for me through the years. We were all going to go on Friday but as her condition worsened, they all went Monday. And all of them were glad they did.

Also found out from my sister and my parents that apparently I don't handle death well. And they really worry about telling me people have died. Could you guys not tell that from when my friend died?? I stopped to see Ruth at Christmas, so I didn't have as much guilt when she died I guess as I could have been so I wasn't as upset as they expected me. And I think I handled both Grandmas and my Grandpa R's passing very well. I mean, yes, I got sad and cry, but I moved on. I do know Josie's has been harder to move on from. And really for the Age of 31, I have experience death a little too much for my age and I don't like it one bit! And I do know for awhile I will be near inconsolable when my Gramps dies. I spend almost every Saturday with him. It will be hard.

The other song:

Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound

Love me Faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning Deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound

It's Love and Memories from OAR. Not sure why that was in my head either. It was only the chorus. Maybe it's because I feel somewhat abandoned lately. A few of the guys that I used to be super close to and who were there for me all the time just sort of disappeared. I am really starting to think one of them was just wanting to get in my pants. I apologize for the bluntness for any relatives that read that. . .

But the other one really makes me sad. Scratch that. . . I guess more shocked. We really haven't talked since December. We used to talk all the time. Whenever I was back home, he always seemed to go out of his way to see me, even when no one else did. We were close. And then I found out Friday, that I didn't get invited to his wedding when I was out with our mutual friends. The mutual friends who are friends with him because of me. He used to drive once a year to Iowa to come visit me. But apparently driving 5.5 hours to see someone on a yearly basis doesn't mean you're good enough friends to invite to your wedding. Now, I was invited to his first wedding that got called off 4 months before. I know this because I was going to a Cardinal's game that next day and had to make sure when the wedding for sure was. His response to me asking when his wedding was and if I was invited so I could make the plans for that were "You're one of my good friends, of course you're invited! It wouldn't be the same without you!" And now, 3 years later. . . not invited to his wedding. I do know that I've only met his future wife a few times. But still. I've gone to a few friends weddings where the weddings were the first time I'd met the husbands because we all live soo far apart.

I think our mutual friends are more upset with it than me though. And I feel like I should be more upset with it. More angry. But I guess for me, it's going to take more energy to be angry so I'm just not going to worry about it. And I do understand weddings are hard because you only have a set amount of money and can only invite a certain amount of people. It's hard to make a guest list and you have to add and subtract people and whatnot. I've had to help a few friends with the guest list when they asked me who they should or shouldn't invite just because they weren't sure. And I guess my answer was "if you're questioning it, maybe you shouldn't invite them?" There were a few friends from high school whose weddings I wasn't invited to and I still hang out with and keep in touch with sporadically. I wasn't upset. I realize I live far away now and maybe it's just easier to not invite the person who has to travel far and who might not come.

The last song I had was:

Gone, let it wash away the best I had
Gone and when I disappear
Don't expect me back
Don't expect me back

Matt Nathanson--Gone.

Apparently in my mind I'm letting someone go. . .just not sure who though. . .

I should also state it was not the WHOLE song running through my head. . . just those tidbits of the song. . . over and over. . .

Also, for those keeping track, I realized that my roommate and I do have an issue. And it's pretty bad. She. . . She. . . it hurts to say it right now really. . . but. . . I'll just say it. . . she hates Reba McEntire. I love Reba. Always have loved her. It's hard. We couldn't watch the CMAs because she was hosting. And Toby Keith is like a close 2nd of Country Artists she doesn't like either. It hurts because I enjoy both of them as artists. So I guess Sarah will always be the #1 Roommie since we both liked Reba. And can belt out "Fancy". . .or some other Reba tune. . . while we danced around the apartment. :)

A Little Light Rambling for your Tuesday. . .

2011-04-19T11:36:00.001-07:00

First off Happy 32nd Birthday to my dear friend Josie Jan. I'm sure she's partying it up in heaven as we speak. I'll be cracking open a bottle of wine (or 2) in her honor tonight.

This weekend my Great Aunt celebrated her 100th birthday. I hope that I can be just like her when I'm that age. When we got there I wished her a "Happy Birthday" and told her how great she looked. She told me "It's because I don't do anything! I should look great!" Then I asked her if she was having a great time getting to see everyone and she told me that she could go without everyone coming up and talking to her. She doesn't need the attention. haha!

Later on she was presented with plaques from both the Senate and the House (my Dad's friend being on the Senate side) and he said he asked her what her secret was to living that long and she said "Minding my own business!!" Seriously. I think I just want to get that old so I can say whatever is on my mind and no one gets mad!

It was also great to have my parents in town and the awesome Butch. On Thursday night we got back from dinner and I started to get ready for bed early. He took this as the cue I was going to bed, and when I went to grab my glasses, he was already curled up on my bed like old times! What a stinker! When I didn't go to bed, he just followed me out to the living room with my parents.

The month of April is almost over and I am looking forward to it! :) Apparently, up North today they have snow. . . it better not come here!

My roommie and I were talking and she asked if I thought she was an awesome roommate. I told her that it would be hard to top my old roommate, Sarah. Although, compatibility wise, we get along almost the same and have about as much fun. I told her though, that if we come up with a song and a dance routine, she might just tie for first place with her. Although, she'd have to get an awesome boyfriend, too, that I could hang out with when she wasn't around. Then I got to thinking that not only did Sarah and I have "a song" and a specific dance routine to that song, we'd often sing and dance around the apartment when we'd clean. And in our friend Wyatt's head, we did this while wearing a our tank tops and panties and in between pillow fights. I actually think once he might have come over in the middle of us cleaning and was sadly disappointed. Oh the memories we had.

Happy Week people! Happy Week!!!

Spring a ding, ding. . .

2011-04-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

It's funny how life can just be sad. Not funny "haha" obviously. You don't mean it to be, but there are just hard months once in a while. Months you just wish you could skip over year after year.

For me, it's the month of April. Well the last week of March through the first week of May. I've had 5 people close to me die in between that time starting in April '98 and in ending in May '03. And now I have Josie's birthday to remember during that time. It's always been just a sad period of time. Today is the last time I saw my Grandma before she died 4 days later. I was soo happy I got to say goodbye.

But it's also the beginning of Spring. When the world awakes around you and the trees begin to bud, and the flowers bloom, and the birds start chirping. Those birds can seriously quit chirping at the crack of dawn. . . but that's for another time. Spring is absolutely my favorite time of year. It starts to get warmer and everything starts to turn green. And now that I can drink legally because obviously I never drank before the age of 21, I really appreciate the outdoor patio at places. :) Even with all these bad things happening to people I love recently (seriously I've had it up to HERE with Cancer), I can't help but still enjoy the season.

A basic flaw I have is that I often care more about other people than myself. I blame my parents. It has to be their fault I'm this way. Probably more my Mom's fault. . . Anyway. . . Recently while my world felt like it was crushing in on me I was randomly reminded of something. My friend Will and Dan on Wednesday night had commented to me that it's probably because I smile at everyone that makes people want to come up and tell me their life stories. Dan said that I bring it on myself since I really don't care to hear about random people's problems.

Then on Thursday night at dinner, Will was giving me a hard time about being able to talk to anyone. And one time he actually witnessed me carry on 8 different conversations with people around me all at once. And never at any time lose what I was talking about with those people. The next thing I know, the person next to us asks me if I can take a picture of their table. I do. Will didn't know what happened to me and then realized what I was doing. He then laughed because of the 4 of us at the table, she chose me to do it. I said it was probably only because I was sitting right next to her. He didn't buy it. He went with my sunny disposition.

And that's when it dawned on me how many times I heard the phrase "sunny disposition" when describing me the last few weeks. Man, if only all those people read my blog. And that's when I realized that the only time I let my sad show is on my blog. I write about it and it feels better. I have very few friends who I call and say that I'm depressed to. I do have a few friends who know how I bottle things up and will purposely call me or email me and say "We're hanging out. I can tell you need to talk." And it's weird when you're the person with the sunny disposition because when you call your sister and are upset about something, she will call you three times a day to check on you for a good 7 days.

This weekend I took a "me" weekend to just relax and have some time to myself. I was laying outside, soaking up the abnormally warm weather and realized just like Spring, I'm ready for a new beginning. I'm not sure what the new beginning is per say, but something new. Suggestions are welcome. Maybe I'll take an archery class or something. Or learn a new sport. Take up running. Who am I kidding?!? I will probably never take up running again. That was sooo college me. Learn to make sushi. I do realize though I am pretty awesome the way I am. It's not my fault if others don't see the awesomeness. ;) Or can't seem to accept that's the way I am. Not necessarily the awesome but my personality.

On my Facebook for some reason the one and only note I posted popped up. It was the one a few years ago where you were supposed to write 25 Things People Didn't Know About You. I reread them, and really it does describe me to a "T". And my cousin's comment on the end made me smile. She said "This could also be titled "25 Reasons to love A." And what was most funny about the note is that during the last week or so people brought up to me at least 15 of those things in describing me. And because of that, I am going to take it as a sign that I am all right.

If there is one thing you can take from my endless rambling today is that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you but what you think of yourself. There's always a place to start over and nothing lasts forever. Life is for living and you should never take it for granted. Sometimes there are risks, but if you never take a risk, how will you know if you could have made it better? I think that's enough cliches. :)

Happy Hump Day!!

Deep Thoughts by A. . .

2011-04-05T08:03:00.001-07:00

I know I can't stress it enough but I really do miss "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy". I don't even really watch SNL anymore or as it was appropriately called back in the day "Saturday Night Live." When did we as a society just start shortening everything?? I blame texting. I do.

Anyway, that's not what is really bugging me. Chances in life are what has been weighing on me. As I was watching the NCAA game last night, it really came to fruition since I didn't pick either of those teams in the Finals. I wasn't as invested in the game as in years past when I had great picks for the Tourney. I did want Butler to win, and again, I face disappointment. :( But with everything going on in my life right now, it's amazing how little choices can affect you. Saying "yes" when you should have said "No." Or saying "No" when you should have said "Yes." I think my life is full of those moments. The "what ifs" if you will. A few years ago my New Year's Resolution was to say "Yes" to new things. I think I did a good job. I at least enhanced my life a little bit. I'm sure losing a good friend in the process has helped me to put my life in perspective in too many ways to count. (Side note: John moved this weekend out of the place he and Josie shared.)

I'm really trying to not dwell on what happened last week but it still just bothers me. I was told by a friend that I have an innate ability to step outside a situation and see all sides. And how when I'm in a situation that I know is bad, I will be the first to say it. (Whether or not I do anything about it is a different story. My job would be a great example of this. . .) I need to realize that other people don't have this ability. I think that's the hardest part. I can't expect people to behave or react like I would in the same situation. Granted, my way isn't always the best, but I'm also known for my level-headedness so maybe it is a good majority of the time! ;) I think we are all like that in some way I guess.

I think a great weekend always helps put you in a good mood anyway. I also met some really awesome people this weekend. Random strangers who made me just smile and happy about life.

On Friday we went to a fish fry which is like my favorite thing about Lent--Catholic Churches have these everywhere it seems. One of my friends grew up in a small town in Iowa and had never heard of this. I absolutely loved that she said "I assume you don't have to be Catholic to go??" Her fiance's response "No, you don't need to show your denomination card at the door." Hilarious. She even went to Catholic School so I am just surprised they never had them. Maybe I just grew up in a big Fish Fry community.

On Saturday, we went to my favorite bar for my friend's Surprise 30th. As we are waiting for Matt to get to the bar, we get all excited when someone walks in and get ready to yell "Surprise!" only to find out it wasn't Matt and then all say "Ahhhh" to the people who walk in. Now this one guy walks in for the party when this happens and he quips "Way to help with the self-esteem people!" This guy I will state for the record is super cute and apparently has an awesome sense of humor. Later on this couple walks in and we do the same thing and he says "See, now you guys just ruined their whole night too! Probably a first date." Finally Matt arrives and he's super surprised. I don't know why I love surprise parties but I do.

Anyway, later on this guy and I are talking and I make a crack to him about his low self-esteem and it's probably because he's so ugly. (not ugly at all guys. SUPER cute.) And then he says"Great, now you called me fat." And I said "noo. . . I never said fat. I said it's hard because you're soo ugly." Then he said "Great, fat and ugly. You're really making me feel better." So I asked if he wanted to hug it out and he said "Sure" so I get up to hug him and then mess up his hair. . . which really wouldn't move. He then says "Great, I'm already dealing with being ugly and you just mess up my hair." I come to find out later that his Dad is like the CEO of a very large international company that most of my friends (including the bday boy) work for. No one really knew it at the time until someone asked him what his last name was. Too bad I probably completely ruined any chance with him if I had a chance to begin with. I apparently make really bad decisions people. Really BAD.

And why do people always put "fat" and "ugly" together. I think as a fat person, I am kind of cute.

Now if you watch HIMYM you are well aware of the phenomenon called "The Crazy Eyes." I didn't get to witness this first hand although I thought something was amiss. But apparently one of the girl's at the party would laugh but her eyes wouldn't laugh with her. I believe the term my friend used was "Her eyes could kill things just by looking at them." She said she noticed it once and then that was all she could pay attention to when we were all talking. She said she would laugh but her eyes were still piercingly angry. I wish she would have let me in on this that night as opposed to the next day. There were a lot of laughs on Saturday. A lot. I think I would have laughed even more.

I also suffer from a phenomenon called "Diarrhea of the Mouth." If you don't know what that is, come hang out with me when I'm attracted to a guy and can't seem to shut up when I talk to him. I'm a talker anyway, but if there is a guy that I like somewhat. . . I will tell a story and then just keep adding minuscule details and the whole time in my head I keep saying "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!" but I don't. I mean, I can't tell a short story to save my life anyway, but the diarrhea of the mouth is the worst. I think it's a nervous trait but nonetheless annoying. When I worked at Starbuck's there was a manager at Target who was like 15 years older than me. I often called him a DILF (he was maybe 40 at the time). Anyway, whenever I talked to him it was like I couldn't shut up. He probably thought I was one flighty 25-year-old. This happened to me on Saturday with the hot bartender. It didn't help that he was there partying for his Dad's birthday as well and that he kept buying shots for him and I to do. I wish I could remember all that I said to him but I know I said at least 5 times "Hey I got a new glove. I'll have to come over and we can play catch so I can break it in." He said I should do that as we are almost neighbors but I still can't tell if he was just humoring me. I think this might be one of the moments I need to say "yes" though. :)

It's also allergy season. I'm not sure if you have allergies or not but I am horribly affected by this. I sneeze approximately 10 times in a row. And. . .the only thing that really ever helps me is Tylenol Allergy/Sinus. Guess what was just recalled??? I do use the generic brands but apparently SuperTarget was out of it on Sunday. So I went to Walgreen's yesterday to get it. And thanks to the ingredients in it, I have to swipe my ID and am limited to how many I can buy in a week. Thank you Meth Addicts for that one! I am doing my neti pot too which helps to sleep. There really is nothing like being woken up from a sound sleep with a huge sneeze (and then several more). I think for the time being I should work at an 800-sex line because my voice is perfect for it with it being all raspy and whatnot.

Random funnies:

Add this to things my Gramps says: We were talking about an older lady friend of his who wanted to date him after my Grandma died. I asked how she was doing and he said she was still with the same guy "Getting her ass spanked I assume". Thank you Gramps for the mental image on that one. And the reason he never dated after Grandma died "[he] listened to a woman tell him what to do for 55 years, why do it for another." Plus, I'm pretty sure my Grandma would be hard to replace considering she did absolutely everything for him. I mean EVERYTHING. And if he did get a lady friend, I'm pretty sure Aunt Ruby would quit bringing him over treats. :)

On Saturdaya before the surprise party, I stopped at Pizza Hut to bring some to the bar so another friend and I could eat. While in line waiting for pick up, the guy behind me (maybe in his early 60s) says "I'm sorry this is going to sound creepy, but you have really nice hair. It's beautiful." I say "thank you" politely. And then he says "It really is just gorgeous." So I say "Thank you. I actually took the time to do it." And he laughed. :)

My Dad's birthday was Saturday and my sister and her family came to visit him and Mom as well as our close family friends. Belen is in the early to mid stages of Alzheimer's so her memory isn't obviously all there. Anyway, she absolutely adores my nephew. Well all day she kept asking him how old he was. Apparently after the 2oth time of saying "6" he says "21" without missing a beat. Everyone lost it and Belen just laughed. He is a character. . . which I think he inherits honestly. . .

Thanks for reading my babble. It means a lot! :)

Happy week people! Happy Week!

This Title is just not working. . .

2011-03-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I wasn't in the best of moods as reflected in my post. I was called out on such as during this Lenten Season my goal was to look on the positives and not focus on the negative. Also that I should have referred to myself as Ms. Nice Girl.

The positive on yesterday was that I didn't put my trust into someone for as long as I could have to have it broken. :) Also, I was reassured that I wasn't the crazy person. That always helps when someone assures you of that.

I also realized that I think my new thing in life is to call out people for just making me smile overall. I do try and do that when it happens with my girlfriends now and then, but I feel like I need to do that for everyone. One of my guy friends today almost had me spit out my coffee this morning. I emailed my roommate right after and said "Why can't I be attracted to him?? Super cute, nice, funny, all around good guy, loves sports. . .makes me laugh by almost spitting out my coffee." I almost responded how he made my day just by his comment, but then refrained. He also inadvertantly uses words that could be taken the complete wrong way. . . I can't think of specific examples that he used recently, but my roommate on Saturday after the seeing the commercial with the little giraffe said how she wanted one just so she could stroke it. "Stroke" is one of those words. I believe someone at the table called her out on it. It's funny because he sometimes catches himself, and he clarifies that he's not always as perverted as he sounds. Adorable--that's what he is.

One of my other guy friends who I haven't seen in over a month, sent me a text on Sunday that said "What did you need to vent about?? I miss you." He's only free tonight and since the girls were okay with it, he might crash girl's wine night. It wouldn't be the first time he was the only guy. He made me and the roommie chocolate covered strawberries on Valentine's Day. . . then went and made his girlfriend dinner. He's also one of those people that makes my day sometimes with things he says. But for some reason I am probably more apt to tell him that he just made my day. He is one of my BFFs. I tell him most things.

There was a person today at Target that thanked me for being polite. That made my day. I should have told her that. Wouldn't the world be happier??

Decisions, Decisions . . .

2011-03-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

Soo. . . after last night, I realized that I am going to quit being a nice, caring person. Because well, when you are, sometimes people take it wrong. Even people who know you are a nice, caring person. And people who should know that I am the farthest from a malicious person as you can get. Somehow, being nice always ends up kicking me in the butt. So from now on, no more Mister Nice girl! Except to family, I'll always be nice to you. . .

Random thoughts. . .

2011-03-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

I seriously have gotten to spend a lot of time with my family which was much needed. And I went almost 3 months without seeing my Sister and her family. Which is also the longest I've gone without, not only seeing my nephew, but also seeing my sister in my entire life! And you could tell it had been awhile since I saw my nephew because he actually let me kiss on him. At Christmas he informed me that he was too old to be kissed anymore. My roommate emailed me yesterday morning telling me how much she missed Caleb already.

It was a glorious 3 days having them here with me. My sister is one of the most adorable pregnant people. She is literally all belly. And she loves being pregnant. I wish I could show you a picture but for some reason I didn't take any! What's wrong with me?!? The other funny thing is that she saw my cousin Matt, and he had no idea she was pregnant. I told Matt at lunch months ago she was pregnant. Not sure how he missed it. I guess I now know how much he listens to me!

Thoughts that have come to me in the last week:

I realized how often I develop little crushes on people. . .and how quickly they fade. One of the guys I had a crush on recently popped up on the side of my facebook and instantly, I was like "he's not as adorable as I thought he was." I guess the attraction faded. Oh well!

The other is that a few weeks ago, one of my friends made the comment I just need to get over Josie dying. And while I thought that I had (as I also know I do dwell now and then), I also think I'm allowed a few moments here and there to think about her and feel a little sad. Not crying sad. . . but just a twinge of sadness. I mean, it was a year ago, we scattered her ashes. I'm allowed to feel a little sad about that. I knew her for 20+ years. . .I think that deserves some sort of right to feel her loss. It was redeemed though this weekend when I was visiting Megs for her baby shower. Megs asked me how I was doing and how I was doing with all the Josie stuff. That meant a lot and sort of validated my feelings I was having the month earlier. I'm still allowed to feel sad now and then Dammit! :)

Megs is also an extremely adorable pregnant person. She just has this ball in front of her. Literally. I should state that Megs is about 5'3" and maybe 100lbs. She could also out eat and almost out drink my co-worker who is like 6'4" and 250lbs. She is "blessed" with a super fast metabolism. And while you want to hate her for it, you can't. She called me crying from the bathroom once at a bar because she heard some girl call her anorexic and she had eaten a full pizza, salad, and drank 2 mugs of beer. She tried and tried to get pregnant and the doctor told her to gain weight. She just couldn't. She quit running and everything to no avail in gaining weight. Also because of her fast metabolism, she can't take medicine because her body processes it too quickly. So that means pain pills are useless. I'm soo happy and can't wait to meet the little guy.

I had one of my friends tell me he was dating someone (this was like over a month ago). . . but he couldn't tell me who it was and he still hasn't told me. WHY even effing tell me you're dating someone. Totally annoying. But I am now passed the point of even bothering to ask him any questions about it because the annoyance was too annoying.

I also realized how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends and family. I couldn't ask for better people in my life.

I got to go to Kenny Chesney last night. My friend Sarah bought tickets for me for my birthday. It was the first time in a super long time she and I had just hung out. Kenny was amazing and puts on a great show. Uncle Kracker opened for him (who was also fantastic) and Billy Currington was after him (who was also awesome). And Billy Currington is really good looking. . . so. . . Good dreams for me last night! ;) It was literally 4 1/2 hours of concert and I loved every bit of it.

Tuesday, there were tornadoes all over and around. . . today. . . we have an inch of snow. Welcome to the predictability of a Midwest Spring!

Happy Weekend everyone!

Well. . . at least they're getting better?!?

2011-03-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have some of the weirdest dreams. I mean. . . in most of them I am a CIA agent circa Sydney Bristow in Alias. And not to toot my own horn, but I was in love with Bradley Cooper before The Hangover. And seriously, whatever happened to Michael Vartan?!? But I digress. . .

This latest dream had me chuckling. And I wish I knew how to copyright my writing. I'm just going to declare it like Creed on the Office "THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL."

My past romance dreams have included such old men as Alec Baldwin, Craig T. Nelson, and well. . . I almost hate to admit it in cyberspace. . . but. . . Morgan Freeman. This makes H laugh to no end. . . every time. . .

Based on those guys, you would think that I might have some severe Daddy issues. . . but while dreams are weird. . . it never started out as those guys. . . it was like someone my age and then the next thing I know, it's these guys. It makes no sense. In real life, the oldest guy I have gone out with was 42. And I thought that was SUPER old. And he was a triathlete.

Anyway, luckily this last dream was more age appropriate. Now, I can't even tell you the last movie I saw this guy in. I can't. My Sister's Keeper, perhaps?? I don't know.

That's Jason Patric. He does look kind of older in this picture. I have no idea if it's recent or not.

Anyway, in the dream we started out as co-workers at a University or in some science thing. He and I were professors or something. He had adopted an older mentally challenged kid who was like 18 or something and was often with his mother who was in a wheelchair. Anyway, at one point in my dream we were at a bar where Karaoke was going on and he said "I would marry you right now if you wanted me to." And I said "Right now??" "Yep," he said, "Right now. I just need to hear you say it."

I don't really remember what happened after that, but then the next thing I know I am standing in line at some college thing because there's all these college age students around me, and I hand a girl a note card of some sort and she says "Oh you worked with Professor Martin?" And I said "Yes. " And she said "He is soo hot. I am jealous. I've been trying to take his class just to stare at him all day."

As I am walking away, he's standing in line and I said "I was just told how hot you were. She's standing over there, maybe you could go make her day." And he said "Oh, is she the only one that thinks I'm hot anymore?" And I said "I think it depends on the day." Then he steps out of line and we're in this classroom talking and he's saying things about how it's great to see me and he misses me. And I tell him how I miss him. Then we kiss for awhile. I go back to whatever and he, I think, gets back in line.

The next thing I remember from the dream is walking by a basketball court and he's playing basketball with his adopted son and his Mom's sitting there watching them. I stop and say hi to his Mom and his son. He asks if he could walk me partially to where I was going and apologizes for what happened earlier. And I said "Hey, we just needed to get it out of our system. We needed closure or something" and he said "Yeah. You're right." Then he says "Except that I'd still marry you right now if you'd let me." Then we kiss again and I wake up.

It was a fantastic dream.

I wish my real love life would be like that. I also think it would make a good movie. Obviously the dream spanned like years. . . but my retelling. . . 5 minutes. I am sure I left some things out. I do remember waking up in this awesome mood.

Happy St Patrick's Day!!

I'm wearing my "Kiss me I'm Iowish" shirt as we speak!

You CAN learn something every day!

2011-03-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

If I could give you one piece of wisdom or advice. . . it's going to be what I'm about to say.

I just read it in an article and if it's true. . . I have just helped you all out.

I was always a firm believer in drinking a Coca-Cola--(I'm talking a real coke, no diet) when I was hungover. For the most part, this always made me feel better. I had other people tell me the same thing. So I thought, hey, maybe it's a real cure. I mean, I could just not drink and then I wouldn't have to worry about that whole thing whatsoever. . . but who wants to do that??? And I'm told how much more fun I am drunk.

Anyway, apparently researchers tested the extract of this vegetable to human liver cells and it produces more of the enzyme that your liver uses to rid your body of the alcohol to begin with!!

So. . . what is that vegetable you ask?? Asparagus. ASPARAGUS.

I don't know about you. . . but I already feel better after I eat asparagus. I mean, my pee smells, but my body naturally feels better.

I mean, asparagus is already considered a major cleansing and healing vegetable because it's high in antioxidants. They say eating asparagus every day can help ward off cancer and help aid in heart disease. It's high in folate (folic acid) and potassium. And folic acid is great for pregnant women. And asparagus is a good source of Vitamin C and a good source of fiber. I mean really, asparagus??

So. . . not only does asparagus help me with protecting my body. . . it can cure my hangover!

I mean granted, I'm hit or miss when it comes to having a hangover, but when I do. . . I'm really going to make sure that I have asparagus in an omelet or something!! :)

The More You Know!!! (Picture me with a wand or something circa mid-90s NBC)

Odds and Ends

2011-03-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

First things first: Charlie Sheen has completely lost it. I have always been a Charlie Sheen fan since his really brief appearance in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And I loved him in Lucas. I really liked him in Spin City. I liked how he never pretended to be someone he wasn't. He was always open with his drug use and his love of hookers. But now, I'm pretty sure he's lost it. I don't watch Two and Half Men a lot, but I did catch a recent episode, and he looked unhealthy. Oh and he's pretty much spouting "crazy".

Secondly, my Dove Chocolate saying the other day, I think really helped me.

It said "Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances." Thank you Dove Chocolate for being so profound. Granted, the one I had before that said "You are Delicious" and I contemplated using that as my new pick up line. I do know some pretty delicious people out there.

My parents took Butch back to IL with them yesterday. It was soo sad when I came home yesterday and he wasn't there. And all of his stuff was gone. When I got back from my friend's house, it was even more sad since he wasn't there to cuddle with me. I texted one of my guy friends that and he offered to come over and snuggle with me in his place. I told him he would have to curl up into a tiny ball right next to me, so it might not be the most conducive sleeping situation for him. For some reason, my roommate doesn't jump up and down in excitement when I come home either. She did say that she would do that if I wanted her to, but she drew the line at humping other dogs like Butch did. Ohhh how he loved to hump other dogs. :)

If I could guarantee another dog would have the same chill demeanor that Butch does, I would get a dog in a heart beat. But alas, I don't know another dog (especially a Yorkie) that was soo calm and overall a pretty good dog like he was. Granted, while he loved to play Fetch, he doesn't exactly get the part of Fetch where you bring the toy back. He goes and gets it and then runs behind you and plays with it. haha!

I also have a mystery on my hands. Someone commented on my blog anonymously. . . and they called me by the name my family does. And I can't figure out who it is. Thank you for the advice though!

Other than that. . .all is well. . . :)

How to Lose in Euchre Without Even Trying. . .

2011-02-11T13:15:00.000-08:00

So the other night I was playing in my monthly Euchre Tourney.

And we were down by 1. It was 5-6. Not too bad.

Then. . . it's my deal.

And I swear I shuffled. I SWEAR.

To the person on my Right I dealt the Right/Left Bower, Ace, King, and Queen of Clubs. Then flipped up the 10 of Clubs.

Guess who called it up and went alone and then just laid all her cards down??

UGH. Not the way we wanted to go out. Next month if John will still be my partner, we're going to dominate! :)

Let me Let Go. . .

2011-02-07T11:05:00.001-08:00

I've been trying to figure that out lately. Letting go. It's harder than you think. Like letting go of the fact your team has a whiny-ass QB who fakes an MCL injury and the 3rd string QB actually scores more and plays better. I mean seriously.

Or the fact that your basketball team was ranked #8 at the beginning of the season and has now lost the last 4 games because they can't seem to actually remember how to play basketball.

I just need to let it go.

And right now, I'm trying to let go of a friend. It's hard. I know I've said this before and maybe it's because it was hard around my birthday. I thought I had let go, and then I guess I hadn't because he keeps creeping up in my sub-conscience. And on the side of my stupid Facebook. I should just delete him as a friend, but it's hard since we were the best of friends for almost 4 years.

I've listened to a lot of songs that help you let go. Granted, most songs about letting go of someone are love break up songs. I really think the Foo Fighters "The Best of You" is helping. I don't know why. I think it's about love too, but it's not mushy. . . and friendship is about love. Because you do love your friends. I mean, it's not a song you would slow dance to. . . head bang, yes. . . slow dance. . . no.

I think what makes it's hard is that recently a lot of things have been happening. My friend/coworker was just diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It's the easiest to cure and has one of the most successful treatable rates even at Stage 4. It's just bringing back a lot of memories that I am trying to suppress. He was there with Josie. Hugs at 10pm at night. Calls in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. And now he's not. He knows my coworker. But we don't talk now, so he doesn't know this about her. He doesn't know that my sister's pregnant. And he is pretty close to my sister or at least was at one time. He was buds with my nephew. So that's hard.

One of my guy friends is being super supportive and has told me whenever I need him to call. But the truth is, while he and I have gotten super close over the last few months, it's not the same. I don't like people to see me vulnerable since I'm usually always the rock. And it's hard to let someone in when one of the people you have let in just deserts you all of a sudden. Well not all of a sudden. It will be almost a year since we hung out last besides our sports.

Seriously, didn't I say that I wasn't going to be depressing anymore?? I failed. On one of my first posts into the new year! Ooops!

I have been contemplating on what to do when my new nephews comes into the world. I mean, my nephew, is pretty darn adorable.

But what if the new one isn't as adorable?? Take for instance his conversation with my sister last week:

On Sunday he didn't want to go to school on Monday and told my sister he was pretty sure he was sick and couldn't go to school. She made him go. Then they had snow days on Tues, Wed, and Thurs. Friday morning he says "Mom, I don't want to go to school." And she says "Well, you have to" And he says "This is SHIT, Mommy!"

My sister was pretty stunned and tried really hard not to laugh at him. And then just said something like "Don't cuss and you have to."

And when I talked to him last week he tried telling me his birthday was the 26th. And I said "No, it's March 27th." And he told me that he couldn't believe I didn't know when his birthday was and how I supposedly loved him. But if you look at that face, how on earth could you get mad at him??

As my sister says, God made him cute, so I don't kill him. Which is probably true. But every day he hugs my sister goodbye, he also kisses her belly and tells the baby "bye". What a cutie!!

I'm also dog sitting this guy:

Yeah, he's adorable. One more month. And my Dad keeps telling me that he doesn't miss him at all. But who do you think keeps having me put him on speaker phone so he can say "Hi"??? His name is Butch. My Dad felt he needed a big name. And despite being a little dog, does not hardly bark. Once in awhile he'll bark when a car goes by because the base is too loud. Or when someone will come to the door now and then. Other than that. . .No. My Mom misses him like crazy.

I'll miss him when he's gone, but I feel horrible leaving him at home all day and on the weekends when I have plans.

Happy Week everyone!

I am nothing. . .if not weird. . .

2011-01-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

Why on earth I looked to the side of my blog, I'll have no idea. . . but I noticed in 2007 I wrote 35 blog posts and I started in July of that year!

Then I was a Rockstar in 2008 and wrote 131 blog posts. I mean, that's almost 11 a month!!

Then in 2009. . . a 72. . . not sure why I didn't like blogging. . .

2010--26.

Woah.

Did funny things just quit happening to me once I got older?? Like I hit 30 and the universe was like "Well, we might as well put a fork in her. . .she's done."

I wonder if my goal in 2011 is to write about anything that I find amusing because really nothing funny has apparently happened to me.

This blog isn't even really funny right now, but well. . . I had to write something so I can beat 26.

Please Help!!!

2011-01-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

In August 2009, my dear friend passed away. At this same time, they asked for donations for our local Library so that we could make it handicap accessible and so that they could add on a children's wing in her name.

Well they are now $200,000 short of the goal to start raising money. I grew up in a small town of 4,000 people and we are in 2nd place in this sweepstakes.

Please, if you can in the next 12 days of the contest go to Reader's Digest and vote for my small town. My Hometown is Fairbury, Illinois and we're currently in 2nd place.

Put this on your twitters, your blogs, etc. This will greatly help us.

This is from Josie's family:

So many of you generously donated to Josie’s memorial so that there will be a Young Children’s Reading Room named in honor of Josie at our local Dominy Memorial Library. But we do not yet have the funds needed to start the renovation and addition. Please open the attachment and read about how you can help us earn a $40,000 grant from Readers Digest by voting as often as 10 times a day over the next months. Please go to the Readers Digest Website and log on. Pass this on to all those you know who would be interested in supporting our cause. With your help, you can help us to realize this goal.

Connie, John, John Dunnett, Jessica, Trafton, and families

We're almost out of 2nd place, so any help is appreciated! :)

Thanks!!

-A

Really?? It's Christmas??

2010-12-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am just a Negative Nelly when I type on my blog but in real life am a pretty happy person. I wonder why that happens.

I'll start with the bad. I broke up with a friend this week. It's weird. I've never done that before, but really, I needed to I think for my sanity. From the last post, you know that the person kept coming up on my Facebook. I texted. Never heard anything. Then on Monday I texted and said "Hey old friend who never responds back, I hope life is treating you well." And still nothing.

I know sometimes I might be bad with returning phone calls or texts and everything, but I always try to in a week at least. Especially if it's a friend I'm bad about doing that with. I guess mostly, I am the friend that is good at keeping in touch with everyone, but when you live in the same town as the friend, responding is usually a must in a few days. So basically, I broke up with a good friend who lives in the same town as me because he can't seem to respond to anything. And I didn't do anything. I would like to blame it on his girlfriend, but my other guy friends while we might not hang out, still talk to me even when their girlfriends might not like me or like them hanging out with their girls who are friends.

I also gained a new guy best friend. Well we've been quasi friends for like 4 years, but this week he told me I'm one of his best friends and he'd hate to do anything to ruin that. That made me feel pretty good. Thank you for making me feel awesome. :)

There's a whiskey here called Templeton Rye. You can get it in IL as well, but it's super hard to get it here. This morning I went to get it at a grocery store at 8am when the shipment came in. There were 60 bottles and I was #57 with my ticket. Some people had been there since 5:30-6am. It was like Black Friday for hard to find whiskey. Fun times! :)

I love the holiday season. For my family, it's never been about the presents. It's always been about spending time with family. I guess that's what happens when you live 7 hours away from your extended family. Family has always been important to my family and I'm very thankful for that.

My parents and sister asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I realized that somewhere like in college, Christmas quit being about the latest gadget and cool thing but what I needed as opposed to wanted. So now that I am a homeowner, I asked for things like electric screw drivers, a weed eater, snow blower, etc. Things I needed but too lazy to go and look for when I could just borrow them from a neighbor the few times I needed them. But my Mom said I had to put down something fun at least and then I realized my perfume levels were getting low so I asked for perfume. Man. . . I guess that proves I'm old.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas!

Facebook--it's the devil

2010-11-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure Facebook is possessed.

I mean really.

It's a great tool that can help you to stalk people. . . I mean. . . check up on people that you haven't seen in a long time.

But then you like someone so you keep looking at their page all the time and see what they're up to. Or you go back and look at pictures from 2 years ago.

Or you log on and are minding your own business and the guy that you're no longer seeing pops up with a new pic of the girl he's seeing and who he said he's been seeing for a month but really has been seeing her for 6 months unbeknownst to you. So then you delete him since you find out what a lying bastard he was. (Because really you deleted his phone number the day he broke up with you.) Maybe that's also why Facebook is awesome because you can tell when someone is lying to you. Oh yeah, I'm not going out. . . just staying in. . . and then they pop up in pictures from that night. :)

Anyway, I think my Facebook is possessed. I have this person on my Facebook that I almost deleted but my friends talked me out of it. We both live in the same town. We have a ton of friends in common. We still play sports together. We were friends. We were best friends. We were tight. We could read each other's minds. I'm not joking. It was scary. But then he started dating someone who obviously can't handle him being friends with me. So we don't talk anymore. We are in 2 sports leagues together and barely talk. He doesn't even hang out with the team like he used to. He's moved in with her and apparently isn't allowed to do things like that. I'm not blaming her. I mean I am, but it's more his fault for allowing someone to tell you what you can or cannot do--who you can or cannot be friends with. But he keeps popping up on the side of my Facebook as someone I need to tag in a picture. Or someone who is in my pictures. It's like Facebook knows that we aren't friends anymore and live in the same town.

I have to let things go. I have to let people go sometimes. I have to let him go. It's just hard because I'm a caring person, and it's hard for me to stop caring for someone. But I guess I have to. But I think that means not including him in our sports' teams too. I can find another good athlete hopefully. :)

On a positive note, in May, I am going to be an Aunt 3 times. One for my sister, one for my friend Meghan, and one for my friend Steph! I'm super excited.

Also, my nephew told my sister that I love him more than she does. She asked him why he thought that and he told her "She just does. And she tells me that." haha! I'm sooo looking forward to corrupting another one! :)

yo, Yo, YO!

2010-11-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

I couldn't think of a title so that's what you get.

I'm busy. I can't tell you what I've been up to (not that it's a secret mission or anything) I really just can't tell you why I've been so busy, but I have been!

I was talking to my friend's boyfriend on Friday night and he asked me what I had been up to since the last time I saw him. And I couldn't tell him. I was like "Well, I've been doing stuff. Not sitting on my couch but really I can't tell you what I've been up to!" Is that sad?? I've been too busy being busy! I teach Pilates on Tues/Thurs now at 5pm. I finished all my sports 2 weeks ago. Not sure what has happened.

My roommate moved in a few weeks ago too. We've had some fun for sure. And I'm enjoying having someone there. I was sick yesterday and she made me soup. While I talked to her in the kitchen. haha! She even folded the towels I left in the dryer. Oops! And she felt bad that she took them out. I told her anytime she wanted to fold my laundry, to not feel bad. She has also taken me twice to parties so I wouldn't have to worry about my car in the morning. Can you say awesome?!?

We had my friend Mike's F*Cancer Bar Crawl. He's been cancer free for 4 years. He said something smart ass to me and I said "Really, Mike. Well it's not Fuck Cancer. . . it's Fuck you!" And everyone started laughing at the burn and then he said something along the lines of wishing cancer had taken him. . . then saw the look on my face and retracted. He said "too soon?!?" I will let him go with the comment. I know he was joking. In the picture, I'm wearing my pink ribbon shirt and Josie's earrings. Very appropriate. Sarah made Bandanas that said "Cancer Sucks", "F* Cancer", and "Team Mike." They were cute.

We drank a little too much. Some of us started drinking watching the IA game at 11am. That wasn't me. . . but others did. I went up to Gramps, or I would have probably been drinking along with them. . . let's not lie. Surprisingly, all but my roommate lasted until almost 2am. . .when the clocks fell back. I'm really proud of all of us old people being able to last that long. :)

I also got to see the hot bartender that I have a crush on. So that was nice. Overall great weekend. Sunday, I woke up from my nap sneezing. And now I have a horrible cold. Or influenza of some sort. I am not a sick person, so I am absolutely bad at being sick. I just don't do it. I did sleep a lot yesterday, which was helpful.

I will try and have more insightful and meaningful posts soon! :)

Sorry

2010-10-11T11:39:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry for the last post. . .

I think having to be the captain of our sand volleyball league and our kickball team for the last 3 years, is finally getting to me. I'm sick of having to organize the team, send out the schedules every week, and having to find people when other's can't show up.

I want to be carefree when I play my sports. :)

Back to my regularly scheduled programming in a bit . . .

An Experiment

2010-10-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

I know there are social people who read my blog.

So I'm posing an experiment:

I am not going to call anyone to hang out nor plan anything and see if someone else does it.

I don't know what it is, but I'm getting super sick of always having to be the person that does the calling. And then when I make comments about how I wanted to go out but didn't since no one had called me, the friends get mad because I should have called them. I'm sorry but I am not going to magically know you were sitting at home doing nothing and want to do something unless you tell me.

I mean, the phone works both ways, right??

I'm just sick of always having to be the one to call people and plan to do things.

Granted on Friday, someone else did the planning. And it was great!! Doing the corn maze at night and then going to a dive bar in a super small town was awesome. I did suggest doing a corn maze at some point, but they actually did the plans. And playing quarters. And then having the owner of the bar across the street give us a hard time about not coming to his bar. And then him buying us a pitcher after we promised next time we would go to his bar. And then him playing quarters with us. That was awesome. And we were only going to stay until midnight. We left the bar at 2am. Good times!

Thank you for letting me vent. Maybe I'm getting grouchy in my old age. I don't know. I just realized that I always do such a good job of keeping in contact with people, and I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one making the effort lately. And I've been busy, so it's been hard to do!

Has anyone else tried doing this?? Maybe I'll just end up with no more friends. Which is fine. I'll just invest in some cats. Mike thinks I should do that anyway. It's a good start to being an old cat lady.

I'm taking the plunge. . .

2010-09-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

And getting a roommate. What’d you all think??

Also on a side note for the people that do know my family (and our part of it), I do have to share this little hilarious quip from Gramps.

I was telling him on Saturday morning how I was dog sitting and how Max always likes to sleep between my legs and Gramps says (without missing a beat) “well I’m glad to hear at least something is between your legs.”

I. Almost. Died. This was at 8am.

So I said “I know it’s been awhile Gramps, but sheesh!!” First of all, I don’t ever discuss my private life with my Gramps. Unless maybe it’s slightly serious. He knew about Dean. But I never would be like “Oh hey, Gramps, as soon as I leave Dean’s I’ll be over” or “Dean shut the alarm off and didn’t wake me up!” Wine Rep really wanted to come and meet Gramps too, but I never really made an effort to bring him up. He wasn’t worth my Gramps meeting him. Secondly, I’m pretty sure my Gramps may think I am the most clean cut person he knows. Oooh how I have him fooled. If I'm hungover when I see him, I never let on. . . I just tend to nap a little longer than normal at nap time. And yes, I get nap time when I go visit my Gramps because he always naps when he reads the paper.

If my blog wasn’t read by some family members I would totally write what happened to me a few weeks ago. I can’t even make it up. And I actually wish I had a video recorder so I could have physical proof of what happened because me retelling it doesn’t even do it justice. I also feel like I should tell Gramps that story just so he doesn’t worry about me.

Back to my new roommate though.

I’ve known Cookie since I first moved here. We worked at Starbuck’s together. I know that she’s a clean person and a hard worker. She was really one of the few high school girls I worked with at Starbucks that actually was a good worker. And I'll admit it here. . . when she was 18, I'd buy her beer. . . WITH the stipulation that she drank it at my house around me and my roommates, and I never let her drive. She always had stories about going out and driving and I always told her to call me first.

When she graduated high school and went to college, she always complained about her messy college roommates, and how she was always having to clean up after them. This is perfect for me considering I lived with the messiest person alive for about 5 months.

So, she's been living with her parents since she graduated college because she couldn’t find a job. She’s had a constant job now for about 3 months and was applying for a steady job. She is about ready to pull her hair out living with her parents though. She was telling me how expensive it is to live by yourself and everything. And then made the comment about too bad I don’t want a roommate. And then I thought about it and said “Well, why not??” I mean, it’s extra money and well. . .I might get lonely in the winter since I moved away from my friends who were literally right next door. It will be nice to have someone else there.

Also, we both agree, that if for some reason it’s not working out, we let each other know and don’t let it get to the point it affects our friendship. I agree. Plus, we won’t be sharing a bathroom, so that definitely works. She’ll have the downstairs, and I’ll have the upstairs.

But this is why I know we’ll get along great. Besides the fact, we already get along great and have had many zany adventures. She had an interview last week and when I asked what had happened she said “Well the interview was good. However, I made an ass out of myself. I got stuck in the revolving door!”

After I quit laughing, I asked how it happened and if it was before or after.

Apparently she was walking with the person interviewing her to the interview room.

The interviewer called her name and they started heading back to the interview area. When you walk into the door you have to scan your visitor’s pass to go through the revolving door.

Now in her own words:

C: So I scan it and the door started going. And then it stops and this announcement comes on that says "you have not scanned your pass. The door will now begin to reverse" sooo not only have the doors trapped me in it, but now it begins to reverse. There are people waiting to get through on both sides of the door. The lady interviewing me had already gone through and is watching my dumbass. I attempt two more times before she has to come back out to help me. It was a grrrrrrrrrrreat way to start! Haha!! Yeah I mean I have to laugh about it because seriously like yeah I was already a little nervous and trying to make a good first impression and then that happened! Ahhhh oh well!

Me: Did the interviewer laugh??

C: Yeah. I was like please just lie to me and tell me this happens all of the time!

Then I asked if the interview went well and she tells me that half way through, she noticed the lady interviewing her, had one of her buttons on her blouse come undone and her boob was popping out! And she didn’t tell her, but the rest of the interview, she was thinking that she should probably tell her. But never did. Then she went to her car to leave and spilled an entire cup of coffee on herself.

Then later on in the day I get another IM from her telling me that while at her job, a lady came up to her and said that she apologized but she had an anal task for her and Cookie says “That’s ok, I like anal.” Then realized how that sounded and lucky for her, the lady started laughing hysterically so that she could too.

And this my dear readers, is why she and I will be perfect living together. . . and will probably get into trouble a lot. . . but mostly just have fun.

Oh and she got the job! :)

Boundaries

2010-09-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes that I don't have them. Or more often, I just forget social norms and step away from them. I'm not sure.

Like when my boss and I are out drinking when we travel together, I'm always worried that I'm going to overstep that boss boundary. And I know my employees do, but at my office, we're soo small that we have to be that close and intimate on a day to day basis that we are all up in each other's grill so to speak out of shear need to be.

I mean, you have your good friends where you can talk about sex with (no limits) and you don't have to worry about where the boundaries with that are. But there are some friends who you never bring up sex with at all no matter how much alcohol there is. Then you have your friends that you can be as gross about anything with--like how you popped this awesome zit on your face and it squirted on the mirror. But there are friends who would just puke hearing that statement. For those reading this blog that just puked. . . I'm sorry. Truly sorry.

My friend Andy and I don't have boundaries. He's that person, that I know I can be super grotesque with as well as tell him very personal things about me and he doesn't judge. EVER. And he tells me things that sometimes I wish he wouldn't but I don't judge either. Sometimes, his stories make me feel better about whatever it was that was bothering me. My friend Wyatt is the same way.

It's *spoiler* like when a girl passes gas. *Gasp. I know it's shocking that we do. But let's be honest. It happens. Some girls don't in front of people. I am that person. . . Except when it comes to my brother-in-law. My sister would go to the bathroom at the gas station to avoid doing that in front of him until they were engaged. . . 5 years after they started dating. He feels girls just don't do that. So, I actually purposefully make myself in front of him. Which now includes being that person in front of my nephew. He finds this hysterical and will do it in front of my face now. Not cool. Mr. J. Not Cool.

My Dad's Mom told him if he held it in, it was very bad for him, so my Dad does it whenever. In the mall, walking down the street, at the grocery store. . . luckily never at dinner. He used to say "Who stepped on the duck?!?" when I was little. He says it now for my nephew. And my nephew almost wets himself laughing so hard.

My friend Josie met her husband by passing gas while sitting on his leg in a cab. My friend Tim and Jamie see who can out do each other. It's just weird. But again this boils down to boundary issues. And I digress. . .

The reason I mostly bring this up is because when you read someone's blog every day, (or whenever they feel like updating their blog) if you didn't know them on a face to face level, somewhere you feel like you get to know them on a personal level. And you start to notice little things and you become more and more curious about their personal stuff. And obviously, there's a reason they don't put it in their blog, but still you become curious. So today, I think I overstepped my blogger boundary and emailed the person and asked if so and so was their boyfriend who they haven't talked about. And I feel bad. So like 3 hours later I wrote that she didn't have to tell me. . . I was just curious and super sleuthing.

Maybe I overstepped the blogger boundary. . . guess we'll see.

The Non-Date

2010-09-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well now that I'm officially back on the market. . . and I guess technically I was on the market a month ago, but the a-hole just was dragging me along. Or I was on the "Hook." You'll only get this if you watch HIMYM.

Anyway, the last week, I've been having all these non-dates with my guy friends. I love it. It's like they found out that I wasn't even hanging out with this guy and they are all calling me to hang out now. We've been making dinner, going out to dinner, or just plain having some adult beverages.

Last night I went out with my friend Andy who I rarely get to see anymore. The main reason for this is because Andy was supposed to be getting married Sept 4th. And about 3 weeks ago, she called off the wedding. Andy was initially very upset but now he says, it's like this huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. I guess his family is now just having a family reunion this weekend.

Anyway, the main reason that Andy sort of dropped off the face of the earth is because his girlfriend didn't drink and didn't want her boyfriend to drink. At all. Not even a little bit. Her family doesn't drink either. So Andy gave up drinking for over a year. He gave up hanging out with his friends too. Or they just quit hanging out with him. Not sure which.

Andy and I were talking and now his friends are coming out with reasons why they didn't like her. Which is funny because no one ever told HIM this. He said that while he knows it probably wasn't right, he's taking the good things from the relationship. I agree. And am proud of him.

However, I got to thinking. . .I can't really take anything good from my past relationships. Why?? I realize that I made THEM better people. I know this sounds sort of egotistical but it's true.

I was told by my sister that I give 150% in my relationships. And then I'm always sort of disappointed when people don't do the same. This is in ALL my relationships--with my family, with my friends, with my co-workers. She said that she always feels bad giving me 90%. She's always there for me, so really, that's all I need. Yeah, she probably calls me WAY more with issues than I do her, but when it counts she's there. And that's what I've noticed in the past year with my friends, when I needed them, they were there. The ones that counted anyway. I do notice this about myself too. And maybe I'll tone it down and give 100%. Because really, where has it gotten me?? No where.

Now I'm really looking forward to more Non-Dates with my guy friends. I had one Tues and then Wed with Andy, so who knows?? I lost my best guy friend last year. Maybe I should have try outs now for the open spot. I'm ready for a best guy friend again. Wyatt--you are still my BFF, you just live like 5 hours away, so it's not as convenient.

Maybe I'll make posters that say "BFF needed. Must be male. Needs to fix things for me and make me feel pretty. Also act as wing man when appropriate. In return, I will act as wing woman for you and cook and bake for you. And maybe introduce you to my single girlfriends if you're good. Also must give good hugs."

**I realized I first said "Off the Market" which would imply I was taken. . . but I meant to say I was single now.

All I can say is "Woah."

2010-09-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

I read the headline and then I watched this.

SCARY.

He walked away with scrapes and bruises. WALKED away.

Life as I know it

2010-08-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

One year came and went. For most people, it was eventful. . . others had some hard times, others had the most happy times in their lives.

For me, it was a year of trying how to make it in without one of my closest friends. There were a lot of tears. . .and a lot of fond memories. I will miss her for the rest of my life but she also taught me that you have to live life in order to miss it.

John her husband wanted us all to get together for that day and go to something that she loved. . . the Fairbury Fair. haha! I haven't been home to the Fair since my first year here. . . and it was to go with her. She had just finished her chemo treatments and her hair was just starting to grow back. John's entire family, her family, and some friends of both John's and hers, all went to the fair, went on rides, and then drank at the beer tent. It was a great time. And while I know she's not here physically, her spirit was definitely there. John has been holding up great too and I'm soo thankful for that.

I really just wish I could have drank more in her honor. . . but I'm pretty sure that after the last few weekends my liver hated me.

You see the weekend before I had a wedding on a Saturday night. . .and for some reason I thought I would be classy and start out drinking wine at dinner. Seems reasonable, right?? Then after 3 glasses, I switched to beer because really it's hard to dance like a crazy person with wine. My friend's brother had one of those pocket Breathalyzers and while my friend JV who can out drink most men, blew a .09, I blew a .15. We thought there must have been some mistake. . . yet we all agreed when the wedding got over at 9:30pm it was way to early to go home. So we went to the bar where I took a drink of my beer and declared that I was pretty sure I was drunk now. Blowing the .15 obviously didn't make me realize that. Then for some reason I did a shot.
Then we went to another bar and Mike's parents who had met us out talked me into singing Karaoke.

I'm not sure if I discussed how good of a singer I am in the blog?? No?? Oh that would because I can't sing to save my life. Although my entire life I have been known to burst out in song. I think I sound excellent around my house, in the shower, in my car. . .you know the usual places. I do think there are certain songs I can sing well. . . just not most of them. I picked the classic "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks. I was singing so bad, JV came up to help me out. And then hugged me. The song ended and I apologized to the entire bar of about 35 people. Luckily no one slow clapped. Mike's Mom told me how good I was. I think she was just being nice.

I think the Karaoke experience was soo humiliating that I decided I should puke on Sunday morning very loudly in the bathroom downstairs where JV's Dad was grabbing something. I haven't puked on alcohol since '03 maybe?!? Horrible. Horrible. I felt a lot better after that though.

Then on Friday of this week, my good friends Kaci, Stephanie, Luke, and Darren all get together to go the Fair as well since I was going to be back and Kaci was back. We hadn't all been in the beer tent together since we were able to legally drink. If this is any indication of how the night went it's this: We ended up with 3 six packs of beer and no idea of how we got it or who bought it.

In the morning we were discussing how bad we felt and started talking about the bar and Luke says "Wait, we were at the bar?!?" For 2 hours we were there. Luckily we weren't driving and got a ride home with Landon, who just had heart surgery. I'm thinking that's who's beer we took. The best part was that Steph's dad was super nice and went and got us donuts since we were talking about how good our grocery store's donuts were. And that's when he said "Did you guys know there were 3 six packs of beer outside on the table??" No. We didn't remember that. Which might explain why I dry heaved on Saturday morning. 2 weekends in row. I think that AA is calling my name.

Then on Saturday night Jon came up to talk to me and told me how we had stolen their beer. haha! Whoops! I guess that Luke had told him we'd go road loading with him since they had the sober driver. And Luke apparently forgot to tell us girls. So we just had Landon take us to Steph's. I told Jon where to go pick up the beer at if he still wanted it. Hilarious. It's always bad when none of you can really remember the rest of the night. And thus why I didn't drink that much on Saturday night for Josie. :)

I should also know better that sometimes when Kaci, Steph, and I get together, there is a very large alcohol consumption. Like when they came to visit. . . we drank 4 bottles of wine that night. . . and that's not including the beers we drank at supper. And then the next day we started drinking at 12:30pm for lunch. Then went to the wine bar for a flight. . . then to the Brewery, and then the Farmer's Market. . . then the martini bar by my house. Now that I think about it. . . maybe I should go to AA. Granted, we only had one drink per place. . . so that's not really that bad, right?!?

When Steph and Kaci were here I introduced them to the guy I liked. They kept telling me how awesome my friend and old neighbor MK was. Hey, not dating MK. Then on Friday when we were all together they kept telling Luke how cool MK was and that the other guy was so so. Then we sent MK a pic and he texted back to me that I should tell them "Hhhheeeeyyyy" but snap my fingers while I do it in a half circle. I responded that he really needs to quit being funny so my friends would quit liking him so much.

Then on Tues the said guy I liked informed me an hour before we were supposed to be grilling out at my place that he's been seeing someone for the last month. He told me this on the phone while I had called from the grocery store to see what meat he wanted. It's not serious, but he doesn't think that he can be hanging out with me anymore. He felt horrible for not telling me sooner. Which I also find funny since we'd hung out once sometimes twice a week every week for the last month. So when after I check out, I call him back and say "Yes, I am mad at you. You made me feel like an idiot thinking that you might want something else again. I hope you do move away now. I don't care anymore." He kept saying how much he loves being with me and spending time with me. . . blah, blah, blah. . . and he hopes that we can keep doing that. Well that won't be happening.

I cried for about 4 hours on Tues night. I drank my supper except for the cheese and cherry tomatoes I ate and hung out with my friend Sarah. When MK called to see how I was doing he told me he'd go beat him up. But when I told him where he lived he determined that suburb was too far away. So I told him he worked downtown but at a place that has guards and MK determined he couldn't do that either. Then he volunteered to take me to the shelter to pick up some cats. He's super sweet that one. haha!!

I realized yesterday that I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the idea of him. I liked how he looked at me. And how he made me feel. Besides Tues. He made me feel awful on Tues. And frankly, he did a lot of things that annoyed me. Like wearing a flat billed ball cap. He's not an old farmer, he's not Brody Jenner, he's not in the ghetto, and he's not a skater dude. He was also really indecisive. And when we went to the movies, he'd always turn and ask me if I was enjoying it. I realized the reason I was soo upset with him was that he rejected me. And that sucks. Rejection in any form sucks. And I can't spend my life wishing and hoping some guy who my good friends didn't get a good first impression from and some guy who can't wear his cap like a normal person would fall for me. And now that I think about it, he was just plain awkward around me and maybe that's why I liked him. Who knows?!?

But I slept really well last night. And if my heart was soo broken, I wouldn't have slept well at all. I knew that from when Dean and I ended. Life's too short to be pining for someone you had so many annoyances with anyway.

Life Live. Be Life. Happiness will follow. :)

WAAAAHOOOOOO!!!!

2010-08-04T08:16:00.001-07:00

My best friends are coming today. Or BFFs as some people call them.

My excitement cannot be waned. I woke up with no hot water again. Good thing I didn't call the plumber off on Sunday when the thing finally let me reset my tankless water heater at 6pm that night. Had my boss not been here yesterday, the plumber would have probably already fixed it.

But seriously, the cold shower was worth it. I can't wait to see them. It's been a YEAR!! Well I think I've seen Steph. . . but not Kaci. Kaci moved to frickin' Macedonia, 7 hours ahead, and no phone. I am almost too excited to be at work.

I am about to take a stance and am ready for some backlash. . .

2010-07-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson.

I will admit he's sounding almost completely nuts. AND there is absolutely no excuse to talk to anyone the way he did OR hit someone. EVER.

But. . . .

We all have known guys(or girls for that matter) who are completely normal. Nice sweet guys. Who you've seen in relationship after relationship being great guys and their girlfriends sometimes break up with them because they are just too nice of guys.

Then. . .

Your friend starts to date this girl. And then like 3 months later, it's drama, drama, drama. Caused by her. She's jealous of every girl he hangs out with and doesn't trust him. She won't let him hang out with his friends. They start to get in these horrible fights and then this guy friend of yours all of a sudden has this anger problem (towards her) that he's never had before. He's the guy always talking the other guy friends out of fights and now he has all this hostility. They argue every time they go out. It's horrible. And somewhere you're wondering where on earth your friend went to. He's not the same person he was. Finally they break up. And slowly he returns to normal. But he's not the same. He's jilted somehow. And then finally, he meets this nice girl. And somehow she made him happy again. And he's the caring, loving person he was when you knew the 10 years prior.

I don't agree with what Mel Gibson did. But let's be honest, if she didn't release those tapes. . . who did she give them to to release?? PLUS he was MARRIED when she hooked up with him. She knew he was married. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her because I honestly feel she is a money grubbing whore. I don't feel that she deserved to be berated or hit by any means, but when you listen to the tapes, doesn't she seem somewhat calm for someone getting berated?? I know when people start to get mad at me over the phone, I tend to get a little upset back. Irritated. The tone of my voice becomes angry back. I feel she set him up and quite possibly was the one who made him more crazy. I say crazy because you can't forget his little drunken episode from a few years back.

I've seen this happen with girl friends of mine too. Some people love drama and I think they create this non-sufficient drama for some reason and it turns the other person into this drama filled angry person. It's a horrible cycle really. And I have friends who only date drama filled people and then always wonder why. I would say it's because you're an idiot. . . but then I really can't talk.

I was told this weekend by my sister and cousins that I am quite possibly the most picky person when it comes to dating. I don't think so. My sister said that my biggest problem is that I don't realize that a guy is hitting on me or is interested in me and then I make them my friend. She says I have a lot of guy friends because of this. I do have a lot of guy friends, yes, but I also feel, they probably shouldn't beat around the bush so much.

Or maybe I just keep going for the guys that are really undateable. Maybe I'm the opposite of the drama person. I date the guys who were prior in long term drama filled relationships for the most part or just really long term relationships that they weren't happy in. I date them, fix them, and then they let me go and get into an actual normal relationship.

I know. . . I promised. . .

2010-07-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

I realize that I break a lot of promises on my blog. . . and most have them are with regards to me actually writing or finishing a post. I just don't do it. Good thing my follow through in life is better than my follow through on this blog. . . or is it?!?

Anyway, I promised no more sad blogs. But I am struggling today. Just to make it through the day. I am counting the hours until I can get home and cry. Except I will have to do that between the gym and home since my friend Rachel is coming over to hang out and have dinner.

Today, one year ago, was the last time I got to see Josie. The last time we laughed together. The last time she told me it was okay to have a mojito for lunch because this place had the best mojitos. The last time we made fun of each other. The last time I told her how much I loved her and that I knew if anyone could beat this, it was her. The last time she hugged and kissed me on the cheek goodbye. The last time we waved goodbye. The last time.

I knew that day. I knew she was really sick. I knew it would most likely be the last time I saw her. I cried the entire way home from Chicago and the minute I walked into my house, my Dad hugged me and I cried more. I just didn't want to believe it. It's that one time you wanted to be wrong. Like when you think you catch your friends husband/boyfriend kissing someone else. You pray to God it wasn't him. I wish I was wrong that time.

Last night while watching TV I just started crying. I was watching that new show Covert Affairs, so really crying was inappropriate. I was lucky that I got to spend an almost week with my family. I needed it. Even if my nephew was being a stinker. I needed hugs from my Mom and sister when I came home from work. I needed to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins from my Mom's side that never all get together anymore because the grandparents are gone. On Sunday, I needed my Mom, Dad, and sister sitting outside while the meat cooked on the grill, with us talking, laughing, and having a few adult beverages.

But I keep going back to that day. With her calling me in a panic a few hours before I was supposed to meet her because she had told me to go downtown to her office for lunch and she was working from home that day. Luckily, I wasn't too close to downtown yet so I could still head to the Northside. She forgot about the Cubs game, so I did hit some of that traffic, but that was fine. I remember Kaci's wedding and everyone asking me how she was and I kept it real. I hated that. But at least the wedding was beautiful. It just sucked that Kaci was moving across the world right after that. I was going to need her very soon. And she called me at 1am her time, days after Jos died, to talk to me.

I get to see Kaci and Steph next week. I am beyond pumped. One, Steph's never visited me here. And Kaci only saw my house on the way through moving back from Seattle. That was one great road trip. I flew out to Seattle and rode back with Kaci as she moved back to Chicago. And they both get to see my new house. It's going to be. . .Legend. . . wait for it. . . ary.

I also found out today that one of my best guy friends, Brophy, is moving to Madison, WI. I will miss him. We haven't gotten to hang out a lot this summer, but how will Sunday Funday survive without him?!? He's the one that plans it. I told him he sucks and that I will miss him very much. I also had to double pinky swear that I would come visit soon. I suppose I could do that. I've only ever driven through Madison.

Maybe I hate change. Maybe. But that's what life is. Changes. What good would I be if it stayed the same?? I would never have met Brophy if I hadn't moved here. There are a lot of awesome people I wouldn't have met. And for that I'm thankful. It just sucks.

Need to Vent

2010-07-20T11:04:00.001-07:00

I'm really hoping my friend doesn't read my blog. . . I'm pretty sure she doesn't but. . . I need to say something to her.

My open opinion to my friend who was recently dumped*:

I know that many times I keep telling you over and over to not talk to him. And I know I am right. And no matter how many times you keep telling me how he's your best friend and you're always friends with your exes so you can't quit talking to him, here's why you should not talk to him for awhile:

1) He told you that he's thinking of maybe asking some girl(s) out from his office because they seemed interested in him. He broke up with you 2 weeks before that.

2) He keeps telling you that somethings missing and there's no spark but maybe it will work out later on with you guys.

Ummm. . . he's basically telling you that he doesn't want to be with you, but if he can't find someone else then maybe it will work out. And here you keep talking to him like old times with the hope that maybe he'll come around.

3) He's not your friend. He's a jerk. For these reasons:

If he was your friend, he would have openly shouted from the mountain tops that you were his girlfriend. After you two went on vacation to a tropical place, he still didn't tell anyone you two were dating.
Also, when I had said something to his co-workers about you two dating, and they were in shock, and I told you and you and him talked about it, he said "well after you move here, we can officially say we're together, why do it now??" If he was your friend, he would care about your feelings, and tell his old co-workers that he liked you a lot, but since you two live far away from each other, you didn't want to make it official.
When you officially applied for a job to move there and then the day before you found out if you got it, he broke up with you telling you there was something missing, and he didn't want to be with you anymore.
If he was really your friend, he would tell you to move on and get over him. He wouldn't keep telling you that maybe there's a chance sometime in the future.

4) He sucks. Period.

Okay, that's all I have to say. I'm sorry if it hurts, but it's the truth. A sad truth that I know all too well. Heck, I've been him. I've said things like that even when I didn't want to be with that person because I couldn't be honest with them and the thought of hurting their feelings hurt more. But you know what?? He already hurt your feelings. He's a coward, and he's leading you on. You know after a month or 2 if something is missing in a relationship. Since you've dated off and on for 3 years, he should have known by now.

I love you and I don't want you to get hurt more than you already are. He was selfish when he moved and told you the night that another guy hit on you that he was in love with you and I think it was mainly because this guy had hit on you. You deserve better. You deserve some guy who asks you to go on vacation and then will admit to his friends that you're dating.

Sincerely,

Me. Been there, done that.

*I use the term dumped instead of broken up with since he literally dumped her as they had even looked at houses to move in to if she got the job there.

Reality Check

2010-07-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

I know what I'm about to say might offend some people, and for that I am truly sorry. . . but I need to get this off my chest.

I hate Reality TV. *gasp!

I know. I know. I'm all for juicy stories and everything but Reality TV has changed over the years. It's not the same as when I first started watching the Real World New York. I mean, people didn't do it for the fame. . . they did it, just to do it. Well except maybe Eric Nies who subsequently went on to some other things. Maybe Survivor, Big Brother, and Amazing Race have stayed the same . . . but not the others. The Hills is completely fake. I want my Laguna Beach back. Not the ones with Lauren's sister. Those were horrible.

The first Housewives they came out with, was a guilty little pleasure. Now it's out of control. And now I don't watch any of them. I mean there's 2 of them and I'm not sure which show but Bethanny Frankel (sp?) and Danielle Staub that are seriously just fame whores.

I remember growing up where you were actually famous for doing something like sports, being on tv, being in the movies, or for some heroic deed. Now there are all these Reality TV people acting like mega stars. . . but you know?? You're not a star by any means. You're a fame whore. I think that's why I can't watch Jersey Shore. It hurts. I simply just can't watch Reality TV anymore.

Now don't get me wrong. . . I love my food reality shows on the Food Network and the Travel Channel. One of my favorites besides Man vs Food is Three Sheets. . . I'm pretty sure that's not a reality series. . . but it kind of is. . . Just watch it though. It's airing on the Travel Channel at 10 and 10:30pm Central Time on Wednesdays for awhile. If enough people watch it, they are going to start making new episodes. Please do this!

That's my beef with Reality TV. I miss the old original Reality TV. I do. I love the original sitcoms. I'm glad they're making some good ones.

Now let's talk about Lindsay Lohan. She is a spoiled brat who has horrible parents. The End.

Having bad parents doesn't make you a bad person. I should clarify that. Having really good parents also doesn't necessarily mean you'll turn out good. I've seen it both ways. But what I will say is that if you are saying how horrible it is that your daughter has to go do jail and the judge is just being hard on her because she's a celebrity, you should read this thing we call "the law." It clearly states in the law that if you are put on probation instead of going to jail and you break the probation, you will go to jail. I know people that this has happened to. He was on probation for a DUI charge. He got caught driving 3 times when his license was suspended. The judge was very lenient on him and since he had a great job, said "I will put you on a curfew" so sort of like home confinement and had a curfew. And you know what?? He broke it one weekend, and what do you know?? He was sentenced to 30 days jail. He only served 15 days. . . but still. . .He broke the law and his probation terms and had to go to jail. I did also make fun of him for say thinking he was above the law and such on a repeated basis. But still. . . he learned not to be a douche.

Okay, enough talking about her. . .I'm done! :)

I got to meet Ingrid Michaelson on Thursday. It was pretty awesome and she's an awesome singer.

I think that's all I got! Hope all is well!

That's a Lovely Scent You're Wearing. . .

2010-06-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

First things first as I have been horribly busy and haven't had time to put anything up:

I think that I am the only person in the history of house buying who has never taken a day or 2 off of work to move and then been out of town every weekend since. And let me tell you. . . I still haven't fully unpacked. My goal this weekend is to at least get the spare bedroom unpacked and in order. Then I can breathe a little and work on the stuff downstairs. I did get the kitchen unpacked and most of my bedroom stuff. I still have a ton of boxes though. It will get done. As one of my friends said "I wouldn't worry about it. You'll be here for a few years." True. True.

Anyway, what brings me to the topic at hand has to do with my house. I keep wondering what the smell is in my house. Last night it was the shrimp fajitas I made. But I wonder what people smell when they walk into my house. As a person, I am told that I smell good on a regular basis, so I would hope my house smells good too. But I have no idea. My friends growing up always said they loved the way our house smelled and honestly the only time I noticed its scent was when we'd be gone for vacation and then it would fade.

But then that brings me to other things. Like how your grandparents smelled and such. My one Gramps wore Old Spice and every time I smell it, I think of him. Or Lilacs always remind me of my other Grandma because she loved them. My Dad always used to wear some weird cologne which I can't remember the name and now I think he wears something completely different like Drakkar or something.

Or how you're out and then you get a whiff of cologne and it reminds me you of an ex boyfriend. I hate that one. Especially if it's a recent break up so the smell makes you want to cry almost instantaneously. That's the worst.

This past weekend I was in the Windy City. Soo close to home that I could smell it almost. :) My dear friend Josie loved clothes. She loved shopping especially at thrift stores and she never threw her clothes away. She had style. Anyway, last weekend her husband did a thing called "Josie's Closet" where a bunch of her good friends got together and went through her closet and took things that they wanted. It was one of her wishes that her friends would get a piece of her. As Josie was way smaller than me and even if it was a miracle that I could fit into her pants, they would be crop pants as she was like 4 inches shorter than me. Miraculously I fit into a dress. I think she got it when she was jacked up on testosterone and was bigger for awhile. I took mostly jewelry and some scarves. Out of curiosity, I smelled a scarf, and it smelled like her. I then wondered if her husband John curled up with some of her things.

He said in order to be able to move on, he had to get rid of almost everything. Josie died in the place they shared, and he said everything reminds him of her and soon he'll be moving to a smaller apartment and there's no use in keeping everything they shared. And it's been almost a year, he needs to start. I worry about him. Anyway, as souvenirs of our day, we got wine glasses that said "Josie's Closet" and her mom, sister, and sister-in-law made wine glass charms for the glasses from beads she had.

Man, I got way off target. How are you all smelling today?? :)

Hopefully soon I'll have some wacky house adventures for you all, but for right now. . . that's all I got!

Have a good rest of the week and a great weekend!

Oh and I did have one more thing to add as this has come up like 5 times in less than a week. If you have Starz and like to watch shows that make you feel awkwardly uncomfortable watching the characters, then you need to watch Party Down. John and I were talking about True Blood and he giving me a hard time about missing the premiere since I would be driving back home at the time it was on, and we got to talking about Party Down. Then he said "Man, I feel like you need to be their spokesman." It's true. Watch it. It's funny. And if you liked Dawson Creek, Joey's college professor that she dated is in it, except he's absolutely NOTHING like his character on that show.

Tonight. . . Tonight. . .

2010-06-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I think the title needs to be song ala Smashing Pumpkins. . .

Anyway, tonight is the first night I'll be staying in my new house! Eeeek!!! All my furniture gets moved in today. I can't wait! I'm super excited. And nervous. And excited.

It's a mixture of things really!!!

Happy Hump Day!!

Send me on my way. . . .

2010-05-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but that Rusted Root song is in my head. . . I don't know why. But now, dear readers, it can be in YOUR head! :)

Things that have happened to me since I last wrote. . . (and I'm not counting Mother's Day!)

I am closing on my house May 24th!! EEEEEKKKKK!!! This maybe one of the scariest things I have ever done on my own. I am completely terrified and excited all at the same time. I won't be all moved in until the first weekend in June though, but nonetheless, I need to get packing now. Yeah, I should have most everything packed. I do not. :)

I won tickets and a private concert with the band NeedtoBreathe. Click here if you don't know who they are. But they are awesome and are very talented!! And put on one helluva show! :)

I had an awkward moment at my favorite Mexican place with Kattie. Dean was seated with his girlfriend at the table right next to our booth. His back was right next to me the whole night. I held off pushing or kicking it. You see either he has turned into a complete and utter jerk (Or always has been) or his girlfriend doesn't let him call or hang out with me. And I thought we were friends. It's weird. I've never had a break up with a friend. Well once I did, but it's because she moved away and became a little crazy. . . so. . . not my fault. Then the next week Kattie ran into her ex-boyfriend. We decided we are never going there on Thursdays ever again even if it IS our favorite place.

My nephew is still adorable.

My Grandpa still rocks. I get off the phone with him sometimes, and I just want to squeeze him!

Did I mention I'm closing on my house?!? EEEKK!! I looked at about 80+ houses, I hope this one is good!

Apparently, one of my favorite guys got married over the weekend. I will always love you Jensen Ackles. :)

I also noticed I'm over a few things:

Facebook--I post status updates from my phone now and then and comment on status updates but I don't look at people's profiles anymore. Not sure why either. It's weird. I used to LOVE it!!!

Rachel Uchitel--I wasn't ever really fascinated with her, but now that it's come out that one of my favorite people (David Boreanaz) was in an affair with her, I really just want to punch her in the face. Now I'm not getting on my soap box of how cheating is wrong as I have been pursued by a married man before and heavily contemplated the risks involved, but in the end, if the roles were reversed, I'd kill the other woman. Plus he can't give you what a real relationship should. His time and energy. And I'd been cheated on before and it's not fun. And if he's married, he's automatically cheating on you all the time. Anyway, what gets me about her is that she made the statement that David pursued her. Really?!? I find it funny that married men keep pursuing you. You're not cute. But what's even funnier, is that she wanted to blackmail him to keep quiet. And according to the texts that were "leaked" she got pissed at him for spending time with his WIFE. Yeah, so that tells me that you're an idiot. Unless the guy has an open marriage, his first priority will most likely always be his wife. I wonder if Jensen Ackles has an open marriage. I'd be for that! :) Anyway, you're stupid and I'm upset that you have now extended your prior 15 minutes of fame. If you accept money for sex, you're a prostitute. I'm not sure what it's called when you ask for hush money to keep quiet though for having sex. Either way, here's a heads up famous men, if Rachel Uchitel asks to sleep with you, run away. Far, far away.

Lindsay Lohan--There really isn't anything else to say besides whoever is her keeper is a complete idiot. What manager in their right mind would tell her to go to Cannes when her court date was soo soon?!? I hope she goes to jail and not the jail famous people go to for less than 24 hours because the jail is supposedly overcrowded. I mean, she needs to go there for like a year. That girl apparently thinks she's above the law seeing as she missed depositions and was late for one she actually showed up for. Her Mom should be fired. She already fired her Dad.

I do realize that the post date on this will say Monday. But I started to write it and just now got back to it. So it's Friday, and I'm not even close to being done packing. YUCK. I wanted to be mostly packed and ready to go besides my furniture. I have to dog sit overnight for Max E. Pad* on Tuesday, but then on Wed, I'm hoping to have the majority of my boxes moved. Can I just say I hate moving, and since I've lived at my current place for 3 1/2 years, it's ridiculous?!?

When I was packing I came across these polaroid pictures from when Josie, John, and I went boating when they were trying to set me up with that one guy. They were great pics of Josie and I. I miss her. I'm sure she'd like my house. Maybe I can still get John to visit!!

Happy Weekend Everyone!!

*I call my friend Sarah and Mike's dog Max, Max E Pad because I find it hilarious. Sarah does too. Mike does not. haha!

Happy Mother's Day!!

2010-05-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there!!

Happy Mother's Day to mine too! While I am sad that I couldn't be there with you this weekend, I hugged and kissed you through the phone this morning. Hopefully the flowers I sent meant a lot to you and when you look at them, you know I'm there in spirit!

Love you Mom!! Thank you for all you do.

Love, me

XOXOXOXOXO

Bring on the tissues. . .

2010-04-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time and now what I'm going to write, I cry as I write it.

All start with the good (maybe good) stuff first. . .

I am buying a house. . . I've looked at 80 houses since mid January. Yes. I know. It's ridiculous. A few weeks ago, I finally found a house I love. But it's at the high end of my price range. And it had been on the market for 2 days. Today was it's Open House, and I leave to go out of town for work tomorrow at 6am until 4:30pm on Friday. ALL week. So Friday I made an offer, she countered, I countered, and now no word. I guess I'll have to go with my 2nd choice, which I'm not really looking forward to. I like this house. And I should know--I looked at a lot!

Now on to why I cry.

Saturday my Grandma J passed away 6 years ago. I miss her a lot still. And it's been 6 years. I miss both my Grandmas actually. My Grandmas died 9 days apart 6 years ago. I did get to see my Grandma J 4 days before she died and for that I am thankful. But what makes it sad is that last year I missed being with my Grandpa that weekend, and this year I was going to make sure he wasn't alone. But the sad part is that last year, I was home for the weekend. For Josie's birthday. They say the first year is always hard. But tomorrow is her birthday. She would have been 31. It was hard to not get a birthday call from her on my birthday this year and it's equally hard to not be able to call her and sing 'Happy Birthday!' I do that to all my friends.

I miss not being able to call her and tell her about my house. I miss not being able to email her something funny in the middle of the day. I just miss her. I lost my friend Matt my sophomore year in college, 10 years ago at the end of March. I still miss him now and then. Josie was there for me when I lost him. They were in the same class and grew up together. But there is something different about losing your guy friend. You don't have the same relationship as you do with your girl friend. And I lived with Josie for 3 years. We knew each other well. We had class together in high school, class together in college, late nights studying, late nights drinking, vacations, road trips, etc . . . I miss that I won't have another trip to see her. I miss that when I was visiting Megs in Chicago, I couldn't go see her. I miss her. I miss telling her something stupid I did, and her telling me that she was going to blackmail me later on, so I better watch it. haha! I miss her getting me to come out of my shell. My friend Kattie made a comment a few months ago, that I seemed so carefree when I was 28 and she wished at 28 she was like me at 28. . . I liked to go out and have fun and was always up for a good time. Then something changed when I hit 29.

And that's when I realized I changed at 29 because that's when my friend's cancer turned for the worse. That's when I really started to hate cancer. Just about as much as I hate Paris Hilton. But I hate cancer more. That's when cancer started to take my friend and make her sicker. Cancer never took her spirit though. She lived her life for each day. Happy to wake up and see the daylight. When I saw her in March and we partied it up, never wanting it to end. And then I saw her at her birthday in April and for the first time she looked sick. That's when it hit me. My friend was sick. I would give anything to have that day back. To go back and hug her. And tell her how much I love her. But I guess that's one thing I did right--I'm sure she knew. I never let a day go by where I didn't tell her that. I just wish I could still tell her.

Now on to other things: Never watch the movie "My Sister's Keeper." You will cry. The whole time. My guy friend who I watched it with cried too. I warned him. I bawled non-stop. Maybe a bad movie to watch soo close to Josie's birthday. Especially when I cried watching the preview even before she passed away. It was a great movie. You will just go through a box of Kleenex.

I just saw the commercial for the KFC Double Down Chicken sandwich. It looks delicious. It also looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. Maybe I should eat it hungover. Or split it with someone. I don't know. It looks good. Let me know if you've tried it. And haven't had a heart attack. :)

I'm also pretty sure Paris Hilton broke up with her boyfriend because she hadn't been in the news.

That's really all I have.

Happy week peeps!!

Word to your Mother . . .

2010-03-16T11:46:00.001-07:00

I know I usually don't come on here and talk things up and whatnot. . . oh wait, that's exactly what I do. . . anyways,

My friend, Broph, started a Sunday Funday group. . . and right now, it's a non-alcoholic group mainly because he thinks he's allergic to alcohol. I told him he's being ridiculous, but he swears that if he drinks wheat beers and anything that's not tequila or vodka, he will become sick after like 2 drinks. I am not sure if I believe or if he has become a pansy, but. . . I will not test this. He's been saving his alcohol consumption for Friday and Saturdays so he has time to recover. I mean, Kattie and I go and get Mexican and Margaritas afterwards, but for the most part it's just Kattie and I.

Anyway, 2 Sundays ago, we went to the movie Brooklyn's Finest. And I know what you're thinking "The movie that looked like Training Day 2?" Yes. That movie. Starring Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Ethan Hawke, and Wesley Snipes. And it was. . . HORRIBLE. Worst movie I have ever seen coupled with the worst ending a movie could ever have. I would only recommend watching it if it's on TBS and it plays 3 times in a row. Broph liked it, but I think it's because he quit drinking like he used to.

But last Sunday we went and saw "She's Out of My League". HILARIOUS!! I mean, I really had no expectations from this movie besides the previews were funny and I hoped to God that those were not the only funny spots in the movie. I was wrong. I snorted FIVE times. And one time, I took a drink at a bad time and almost spit it out. It was that funny. I highly recommend it. It definitely reminded me of a Judd Apatow movie. Kattie said it was probably the funniest movie she'd seen in a long time.

I really have nothing else. I'm boring. I missed my first St Patty's Day in Chicago in 8 years. 8 YEARS. I did drink for 12 hours on Friday, so I'm thinking it was sort of a toss up on that. :) I had to watch IL play in the Big 10 Tourney and then I went to Dashboard Confessional which Broph splurged for us to have VIP so we could sit and have table service, so definitely worth it. And they are a great live band.

Happy Tuesday peeps!

I know. . . I know. . .

2010-03-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

I've been too busy to update this gosh darn thing. However, let me give you a bit of what I went through in the last three days:

I got up at 3:30am on Monday morning to catch a 6am flight to Columbia, South Carolina which is a hour ahead of me. When I get there at 2pm after catching 2 connections, I have to conduct 4 interviews for potential hires.

At 6pm, I get done and we decide to go to dinner in which for 4 years my boss has been promising a lot of things and last time I saw him, he promised me a huge raise. To which now of course he is saying he just doesn't think it's possible and basically continued to lie to my face as usual. However, I do know that he can't do his job without me. I should use "job" like this because I'm pretty sure he doesn't actually work. Oh and seeing as he makes 3 times as much as I do, I still have to pay for dinner and get reimbursed, so HE can keep his per diem.

Anyway, the next morning we have to leave for our meeting at 8:30am and then meet with our new clients. To which, my boss really contributes nothing to the meeting besides what our company does. Good job!! And he actually told me the night before that he could do this all without me and doesn't need me. He's doing it because he wants me to get a taste for it. Yep. I know better. And it proves it after our meetings.

At 2:30pm, we head to the airport after our meetings to catch our 5:45pm flights. At the time, a lot of flights are cancelled but mine and his are still going. At 4pm we decide to check the status of the planes. Guess whose is now cancelled?? Mine. After the 3rd time back to the ticket counter (with having to go back through security) I cry at the ticket counter when I call my Dad because really all I want to do is go home. I do not want to be stuck in SC and not get home until 5:30pm the next day. So finally I at least get back to Chicago at 11pm at night while flying through Washington Dulles (the last flight out of the small airport at 7:30pm) and will have to have an overnight in Chicago and take the 6am flight back home. I text my friend Meghan to see if she will be home and possibly will let me stay there. Well I decide to check my face seeing as I was crying and all I have with me is my clutch and my phone. My boss was watching my other stuff. I decide to go to the bathroom and put my clutch and phone on the shelf above the toilet. And right before I sit down I hear "Plop!!" Yep. My phone. In the toilet.

So basically, I disinfect my phone and it's carrying case, take the battery out, and put it under the dryer. To which, to no avail, my phone quits. I am stuck in SC with no phone and can't even see if Meghan calls me back. Luckily I had my computer so I could communicate with her that way, but I have no other phone numbers for my friends in Chicago and with her, I know it goes to her blackberry. She's in Milwaukee for work though, so I call my Dad from my Boss's phone. He calls good friends of theirs who offer to pick me up at the airport at 11pm and take me back at 4:30am. And they just got back from Hawaii that day. I owe them dinner. Or something. If the hotel rooms weren't $200 around the airport, and I didn't feel like sleeping in the airport without my phone working, I would have just slept there.

Luckily, when I landed at Dulles I put the battery in a miraculously, 6 hours later, it worked!! I was so happy that I could call Renee when I landed even though I met a nice guy on the plane that went to IL as well who I am sure would have let me use his phone. He too had his flight cancelled and got on the same flights as me.

I just thought I'd share my day.

Things to consider: 50% of people could careless about your problems and the other 50% of people are happy you have them!

Sooo . . .

2010-02-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

I was asked if I lost consciousness shortly after I wrote my post seeing as I punched myself in the face. . . but no. . .

I somehow got busy and lost the will to write anything. Which as you know, usually doesn't have much content or wisdom anyway, but nonetheless. I will try and post about my birthday because it was frickin awesome!!

Some highlights in the almost last month:

"Drunk A is fantastically awesome, Sober A is okay"--my cousin and friend H
I have gone on dates with my crush from the previous posts. And yes, he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years. However, now we are taking a break. :( It was a great month while it lasted though!!
I had to reschedule my health screening because she forgot to call and remind me that a) I had it in the morning, and b) that I shouldn't drink alcohol the night before. It was my friend Jamie's bday the night before. And before dinner I met my realtor for 2 beers to discuss houses at 5:30pm and such and then at dinner had 2 glasses of Pinot Noir and then 3 beers at the bar later. I was home at 11pm. I'm pretty sure this would have affected my test results. Not to mention the fact I was pretty sure I was still drunk when I woke up. I did remember that I had the screening in the morning though. :)
I have fantastic friends and family!
Fingers crossed I have a big promotion coming in my future.
I'm going to San Diego on the 19th to scatter Josie's ashes. It's both happy and sad. But it's definitely closure to one of the greatest people that I have ever known and was lucky enough to call my good friend.
My friend Jeff told me last night that he's always amazed at the confidence I have in life when it comes to my friends, meeting new people, my job, etc. Yet, I have zero confidence when it comes to guys I like and I always think the worst. He can suck it.
The Fighting Illini beat #5 Michigan State, which is a huge thing for me because I hate Michigan State in basketball for as long as I can remember. Then the Illini last night beat #13 Wisconsin at home too!! I almost cried!!
On a side note, I hadn't talked to Jeff since my birthday since he's travelling a lot for work and the first thing I get from him says "I hope you're prepared for your tiny Fighting Illini to go down tonight at mighty Wisconsin." So I responded, "I'm glad that we haven't talked for a month, yet the first thing I do hear from you is trash talk." He called me after the game and thanked me for not rubbing it in. :)
My friends Robb and Christine had their baby on Sunday! The weather was horrible so I haven't seen her yet! But I'm going to tonight!!
My cousin Brian had his baby last night! Well he didn't have the baby per say, his wife did. . . but you get the idea!

Happy Hump Day!!

Sooo. . . .

2010-01-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday day.

I'm 30.

I accidentally punched and scratched myself in the eye this morning when I woke up. Coincidence?!? I think not.

My Crush and other tidbits. . .

2010-01-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

I have a crush. . . I almost hate saying that. I do. I didn't realize I had a full fledged crush until one of my coworkers made the comment that I was flirting on the phone. You see, he works with one of the offices I deal with daily. And he is adorable. Except the last time we all went to happy hour, he had a girlfriend. Who lived 5 hours away. And he said it was a hard relationship to have. But as much as I talk to him through work, which is like a 5-minute work talk and then 20 minutes of us just shooting the breeze. He emailed me his phone number to maybe get together last Friday. And then I logged onto Facebook on Sunday and he had added me as a friend. He literally had to search for me on Facebook. I think that's cute. Or maybe it's stalkerish. Not sure. I'll take cute for now. I also noticed that he had no "in a relationship" marked on there. Maybe he's single now. I don't know. But he does want to take me out for my birthday on Friday since I don't have any plans because my friends are throwing me a party on Saturday. Wait, maybe that's stalkerish to look at his page. Man, we're both stalkers! I like crushes. Especially if they might lead somewhere.
Also, I never noticed how some guy friends can become a little jealous even though we don't hang out at all or really talk anymore. You, the guy friend, who can't remember my birthday can in the middle of conversation remember the guy's place I was watching the Hawks victory at (and said this guy's name only once quickly) and say "Oh well, is this guy going to be at your birthday??" in a sort of tone. No this guy won't be there because it's my friends cousin who I am not attracted to and just went there to watch the game with her because I didn't feel like going to the bar, and he lives across the street, but I didn't find the need to tell him that. I find it funny that he used a tone with me.
I think that Hollywood should do a big campaign that says "Do Hugs, not Drugs". In the last month, toxicology reports pending, some really young people have died for no reason.
Have I mentioned I'm turning the Big 3-0?? YIKES!!!! Age is but a number, Age is but a number. . .
I really hope that at my birthday no one in my family tells Dean what a dbag he is. But I would also find it funny.
I'm looking more forward to my party than actually having my birthday.
We right now have more snow than we usually have all year. That is awesome. And sucky all at the same time. But I do enjoy snow days!
If people didn't have the weather to complain about, what would they complain about??

Happy Monday!!

Happy New Year!!!

2010-01-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

It's weird to think that it's 2010 now. Do you say "twenty-ten" or "two thousand ten"?? I say "twenty-ten" and I don't know why. I didn't say "twenty-nine" that would have just been silly!!

I was reflecting back on the past year and while I know it was filled with one of the most depressing moments of my life, it also had some really good times. And I guess most of the times I look back on that were happy, and I cherish the most are the ones that I spent with Josie. I can never get those back now or recreate them, but I wouldn't change anything. This leads directly into my resolutions.

I always try to come up with catch phrases for my New Year's Resolutions like last year was "Living Fine in '09" or "Make everything great in '08". I can't remember what '07s was but I also can't think of anything that rhymes with seven. Anywho. . .

My new slogan is "Doing the best I can in 2010!" But now I'm thinking that it should be "Doing all I can in 2010!" We'll see. It's up for debate now. I know it sounds vague, but this is how I can going to do the best or all I can in 2010.

I am going to live each day to it's fullest.
I will take time to enjoy the finer things in life.
I will take more chances in life, do things that I wouldn't normally do. Like if my friend calls me at 9pm and asks me to go grab a drink and I'm already in bed, I'm going to meet them for 1. . . in my PJs.
I will call my college friends more.
I'm going to start writing more letters.
I'm going to read at least one book a month.
I'm going to remember what it's like to love again. Love myself and love others and not stop myself from falling in love.
I'm not going to look at the past with regret but look to the future with hope and move on.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Oh and on New Year's Day I went and saw the movie Brothers that my little cousin is in and she did a spectacular job! I'm also really jealous that she and her mom got to hang out with Jake Gyllenhaal!!

The Big 3-0

2009-12-29T10:29:00.001-08:00

Ugghh. I don't know why I am hating that number so much. And I can't believe in less than a month, I will be 30. *shiver

I will say what I do hate is when people make stupid comments about 30. Like when Dean and I were out to eat the other night and he starts to say something when talking about my birthday and then says "Oh never mind." And I said "What?? Just tell me." Because honestly, who isn't more curious when someone says that??? So he tells me how his girlfriend had said to him "OMG, if I am not married before I'm 30, just shoot me!!"

Reasons why this statement bothers me:
1) She told her boyfriend and guy she's only known for 4 months this.
and
2) She's almost 27.

So what I wanted to say to him was this "Ummm. . . you do realize then by her calculations either you will be her fiance or husband in the next 2 years or she's going to be shooting herself." But what I did say was this "I used to think I was going to be married by the time I was 30 and maybe even have a kid, but God has a different plan for me. Hopefully I haven't met my future husband though and really jacked things up already."

I remember thinking back about what my life was going to be like at 30. I was going to be a sports medicine doctor, more than likely living on Michigan Avenue, married, and possibly even have a kid.

I look back on those things and think that I made some pretty good decisions even though I am no where where I thought I was going to be. I chose to not go to Osteopathic School, but I got to spend time with my family and my Grandpas. I didn't settle for some guy. I'm saving money living in Iowa?!? :)

I will say that I am thankful for many things as I get closer to 30:

I am thankful that I have a wonderful family-both immediate and extended that I am close to. I know some of my cousins who I am close with don't realize the awesome cousins they are missing out on.
I am thankful that no one in my immediate family has passed away. I can't imagine not being able to call my sister or my Mom and Dad at any given moment. My friend Katie lost her Mom when she was 25, my friend Jennie lost her Dad last year when she was 30, and Jessica can never call Josie again just to chat. So while they sometimes annoy me, I'd rather have the annoyance than no annoyance at all.
I am thankful that I have wonderful friends who I know would be there for me if I ever needed them. And I can't imagine that had I never moved here the awesome people I never would have known. (But again, I guess I never would have known what I was missing out on!)
I am thankful that I am single, single and not single because I was divorced or widowed by the time I was 30. I couldn't live with that heartache of ever wondering if I'd get married again. Or thinking that I'd met my soul mate and then he died and I'd always wonder if I'd find true love again. That seems too heart wrenching.
I am happy that I have a job.
I am thankful for my health.
I am thankful for life. My life.

I would of course be more thankful had say a cure for cancer existed because then I wouldn't be as sad sometimes. And maybe a cure for ALS, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's while they are at it!

"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take your breath away." --Author unknown

Happy Holidays!!!

2009-12-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry all! You would have thought that since I was home on vacation all last week that I would have been able to log on and say "Merry Christmas!!!" to everyone, but alas, as I mentioned to my entire family, I never get to actually relax when I was home on vacation. I am always helping my parents do things around the house, dishes, and no time whatsoever to relax.

Every time I was up doing the dishes my Dad so nicely said "Hey guys, A is on vacation, she shouldn't be doing work." And you know what?? I'm going to remember this when he comes to my house in a few weeks. NO waiting on him. :)

I was happy to be home and spend time with my family though because I know too many people this year that got stuck at their homes and couldn't go home to their families. Stupid winter weather!!! And my nephew keeps getting more and more adorable. . .I'm not sure how he does it, but he does!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!

Does anyone hate compliments??

2009-12-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

I mean sure I hate backhanded compliments. . . but I mean, genuinely I love receiving compliments from people. . . but then this happened yesterday from a gal that works in my building:

"A-you are looking great! How much weight have you lost??"

My response "Thanks! It sure doesn't feel like it!!" You see. . . I haven't lost any weight. In fact, I think I've gained weight. So much for my "30 before 30!" But I digress. . .

When someone gives me a compliment like that, I feel inclined to give them a compliment back because in all honesty, it's not a true compliment. And maybe I haven't really lost weight but have just switched up my exercise routine so much that I'm reshaping my body?? I don't know.

Maybe I do in fact look like I lost weight but haven't. I mean, my clothes don't fit tighter, so that's good, but they sure aren't really fitting much looser. And I was wearing my pants that are really loose. Maybe that's the trick. Buy clothes that are too big for you in hopes that people will say you lost weight! :)

And on a completely unrelated side note: I was talking to one of my friends that I talk to rather randomly but always try to see when I'm back over the holidays or in Chicago. Ryan and I have been good friends since the summer of my Freshmen year and worked together for 3 years. And the last few years, we haven't talked like we used to since he started studying for his CPA and all. . . well we're talking about getting together when I'm home and he says "Well if we don't see each other this weekend, when will you be coming to visit Josie??" I had forgotten to tell him about Josie. He was soo sad when I got off the phone. How did I forget to tell him?? I don't know. I know my mind was crazy and all but still. I had forgotten to tell him. I felt horrible and he felt horrible because she passed away and he couldn't be there for me. He's not on Facebook either, so he didn't even know if people had written me something. Now I keep wondering who of my good college friends that used to hang out with her often also don't know??

Sometimes miracles do happen. . .

2009-12-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank my bestest cousin (and good friend) H for being awesome. Words cannot describe her awesomeness.

I'm sure most people have had this happen to them. And I guess by people I mean women. This rarely happens to guys.

You know how you as ladies we find something that we love and then all of a sudden they no longer make it. Like lipstick? Or nail polish? This happened to me and Secret #55 at Victoria Secret. Which is a perfume and not a bra. I wear a few perfumes on a regular basis: Heavenly by Victoria Secret and Burberry Brit, and last year (or 2 years ago) discovered and fell in love with Covet by Sarah Jessica Parker. Well I'm that person, that once I discovered Gordman's realized that I could buy my perfume at discounted prices and it's the same thing as the department store. And I only buy the department store perfume if I am getting a free gift with it, so it's more worth the price.

Anyway, I went to Gordman's because I am almost out of Covet, and they didn't have it. So I checked back about every week for a month, and nothing. So then I went to Younkers and Dillards, and they don't carry it either anymore. I talked to the rep and was told they don't make it anymore. WHAT?!?

So about a month later as I use my Covet now only for nights out, I get the idea to check Ebay. And low and behold, it's on there!! YEAH!!!!! Well I don't Ebay, so I ask H if she can help me. And since I really didn't want to create an account and then create a paypal account, she got it for me. I love her. It's a 7.6 oz bottle. I'm hoping that will last me a long time! I'm wondering if I should just keep buying stuff on Ebay of it. I'm contemplating. . . but who knows. . . by then I could have moved on to some other fragrance. . . :)

Open Letter to Jason Segel

2009-12-07T18:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Jason,

May I call you Jason?? Or Mr. Segel? Or just Jason Segel. Or former lover. Whatever.

First off, I would like to say that I love you. Or at least I love your character Marshall on HIMYM. I mean, I think I used to love you. I, at one time, especially (or not especially because it makes me sound like a perv) after watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall, thought, that maybe we could be together. Maybe, just maybe, I would have an intimate relationship with you.

But then. But THEN. I read this. Again. This is the 2nd time I've read this. TWICE. TWO. Numero Dos. I am appalled. I am shocked. I would like to say I am at a loss of words, but that has never been a problem for me.

Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay "I'm a mess" Lohan?? Really??? If you're that desperate, I will fly out to you. I will take a train. I will drive. Anything to keep you from her. Anything. I'm afraid you probably have a few diseases. And her parents sound and act nuts. You don't want that. Usually crazy is hereditary. Well at least your chances increase if both parents are crazy.
There is a chance that she is completely normal and just acts that way in front of the paparazzi. And that she didn't go off the deep end and is still headed there. But Seriously. I mean seriously.

Why oh why oh why???

I think that is all I have.

Sincerely,

Your maybe future girlfriend depending on your actions with Lindsay Lohan.

Want to win a new laptop???

2009-11-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

I obviously am not an awesome blogger, but luckily one of the people's blogs I read is!!

Check at Alexa's Blog from the 18th-25th of November and comment, and you could win a laptop that she's able to give away!!

Sorry I'm not near as awesome as she is. . . but still. . . :)

Oh and if you win, maybe the nice thing to do would be to give it to me. . . just saying. . . ;)

In between posts. . .and life. . .

2009-11-10T10:49:00.001-08:00

I just realized that I keep getting mad at other bloggers for not posting anything new and am like "Seriously people, I'm trying to avoid doing work and you can't effing post??" Then I saw that I hadn't posted in near a month. . . Touche! (I don't know how to accent the 'e' so. . .)

I do have some freaking hilarious stories to share. . . and cute stories. . .and life stories. . . and I'll get to them. . . maybe this weekend. Or tomorrow. I don't have to work. Thank you Veterans!!

But I did want to share some really depressing news. . .

The love of my life is now engaged. And I found out via text from H. . . who found out on Perez Hilton. I'm really sad that Jensen Ackles is now engaged. I'll give you all a minute. . . I know. . . but we'll get through this. We will. It will be tough for awhile. But hey, maybe there are other guys out there, right?? I mean, it's okay that he didn't call to tell me, even though he visited my dream like a week ago. I'm fine. Really. I just need a minute . . . :)

I have some issues. . .

2009-10-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

So I was going through my Posts and realized I have started and not completed about 10 of them. 10 you say?? Yes. 10. Wait maybe 7. . . there's more than just 5 anyway! Who does that?!?

And now, being months and months later, it seems kind of foolish to finish them you know?? Like I tell you that I'm writing something and then I don't post it or finish the last sentence for some reason. . . and it's not like my readers are mad that I haven't finished them. Unless you are. . . then comment, and I'll finish all my posts that I never actually posted and still show as Drafts.

One was from my friend Kaci's wedding. . . one from May when my friend Meghan visited. . . I mean seriously. Maybe I just don't like finishing things anymore. Or maybe I am trying too hard to be witty?? I don't now. . . in life, witty comes to me. . . in writing. . . I struggle a little.

Anyway, my IL friends come to visit on FRIDAY!! Can you tell I'm excited!?!? I can't wait. It sucks Sarah can't come. . . mainly because she's set to give birth any day now. She jokingly said that maybe she could have the baby like on Wednesday and then be all set to come on Friday! haha!! Oooh if only it worked like that!!

Phrases I wish my Father would not say to me . . .

2009-10-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

I love my Dad. I do. I get him. He's funny. He's moody. He's extremely generous. He can be a pain in everyone's a$$ sometimes. . . you know. . . typical male. :) Oh and did I mention he says extremely inappropriate things to his daughter(s)??? Or will send me dirty jokes??

I think I have mentioned that I have a pretty close knit family. Extended and Immediate.

So my Dad called to see how my 2nd date went with the one guy. I tell him and he says "Well yeah, I mean, it's the 2nd date, he should be trying to get into your pants by now."

I say "DAD!!!"

And then he laughs hysterically and says "What?!? It's the 2nd date. By the 1st date, I'd be already trying to figure out ways to get into your pants!"

"DAD!! Seriously! I'm your daughter!!! Your baby girl!!! Really??? That's what you say to me??"

Laughing. "You're cute. I'm just saying. He should be trying to get into your pants and you into his. I mean if he's not trying, he might just not like women."

"DAD! This conversation is wrong on soo many levels. First of all, I don't consider myself a slut, so I wouldn't be trying to sleep with him on the 2nd date. And I do appreciate the fact when guys don't try to do that to me."

"Are you telling me you like women?" Laughs.

"No. I'm just saying, I'm apparently not as easy as you think I am!!"

"Just checking. You're not getting any younger. And you do have a lot of guy friends. Maybe you're just sleeping with them!!"

"Dad, we are done talking about my sex life."

"What sex life?? The guy didn't even try to get into your pants on the 2nd date!!" Laughing hysterically again.

"Dad, I'm done talking. How are you feeling???"

I mean seriously. He's my Dad. Do I have a sign on me that says "Please Dad and Gramps, say inappropriate things to me."

What to do. . . What to do. . .

2009-10-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

My dear friend asked me today what I was wanting to do for my birthday. . . the dreaded 30th Birthday. And the truth is. . . I don't know.

What I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and crying myself to sleep.

She said that she needs to know so we can start planning something. She doesn't want my birthday to come and go and me wish that I had a party and be disappointed that I didn't.

I can't even figure out what to be for Halloween, let alone figure out what I want to do for my birthday. I don't even know what to do with my life!

I feel bad that in recent months I've been a Debbie Downer on this blog. I can't help it. But as I grow closer to my 30th bday, I realize more and more that my life is no where, where I thought it would be. I am doing nothing that I thought at the age of 21 that I would be doing when I reached 30.

What I thought I would be doing:

I would be a Dr in Sports Medicine.
I would be happily married to my prince charming.
I may or may not have a kid or 2.
I would be happy in life.
I would be happy in my career.
I would be settled.

In case you were keeping track. . . my life isn't anywhere near that. I think the important thing is that on the first one, I realized that I am pretty sure that's not where I want to be. The other 5, I'm pretty sure that's what I want. Maybe not now even. And I know when I was 25, and I saw my former prince charming getting married. . . I realized that's not what I wanted at the time, so maybe that's good. I would just take being happy and settled. But. . . I'm not even feeling that lately.

I do know H said that she feels I am doing surprisingly well for my recent circumstances. And I say thank you. I'm glad to know that it's perfectly normal to cry almost every night albeit a lot more recently.

And as much as I complain about my life I am so thankful for those people that are in my life. I'm thankful for my wonderful family, my wonderful friends (well some of them are more wonderful than others lately *cough, cough), and that I am in good health (knock on wood). I am thankful for the people that I had the chance to know that are no longer with me, and I think that because of them I am a better person.

And maybe it's hard because Josie won't be here to celebrate my birthday like she had for so many years. I don't know. And maybe it's hard for me because I'm not that person that thinks about myself. I think it's sort of a fault of mine. I'm so used to thinking of other people and used to doing things for other people rather than myself, that it's hard for me to think of things for myself.

Would just telling her to surprise me be appropriate???

Eh?!?

2009-10-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

So. . . I'm going on a 3rd date. . .after the not so promising 2nd date. . . maybe 3rd time's a charm??? Or am I just that desperate to find love?? It could be a combo of both. But I also think it's because everyone keeps saying maybe one more time. . . . My friend also said "Well hey, Free Meal, right??" To which I replied. . . "He didn't even buy me frickin ice cream after I made him dinner. . . so not really sure that whole "Free Meal" thing would exist!!"

But back to more important things. . . like this. . .

In case you're lazy and don't want to click on the button. . . here is the Cliff's Note version:

This kid started stealing around age 12/13 and now is 18 years-old. In 2007, he was sentenced to a juvenile facility and was doing well so they released him to a half-way house where he escaped. And now, for the last 18 months he's been stealing money, etc and now has started to steal airplanes and take them for joy rides. The cops have been unable to catch him.

But just in case you were wondering. . .here is what his Mom had to say about her child's behaviors:

His mother said she doesn't see anything wrong with what he's suspected of doing. "I hope to hell he stole those airplanes — I would be so proud," Pam Kohler told a reporter, noting her son's lack of training. "But put in there that I want him to wear a parachute next time."

And then this gem:
Kohler hopes her son makes his way to a country that won't extradite him. She said she sometimes talks to him on the phone, but she won't let on if she knows where he is.
"I figure I'll spend my time with him in a positive way," she said, "because who knows if he'll be shot tomorrow?"

Well, maybe it's just me. . . but while it sounds fun what he is doing much like the movie, shouldn't your parental instincts tell you, "Hey, I want to spend my time with him in a positive way and not be shot, so maybe I should just have him turn himself in so it doesn't come to that." Or say so he doesn't DIE in a plane crash?? I do understand jail isn't what you would call "positive" but still. . . I bet his Mom is getting some of this money he's stealing . . .

The 411 on my date. . .

2009-10-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

I feel bad that D$ and I have been playing phone tag and that she said "Well you haven't even updated your blog either and I'm dying to know!!" So. . . here it is. . . (Hopefully you'll read this after work tonight. . .)

To say I was disappointed in my date would be an understatement. And maybe I'm too picky and expect too much for the 2nd date. . . but also, isn't the 2nd date where you're trying to win me over??

Here's what we did:
He was already at my place when I got home from work. I made the cheese bread/tomato thing that I had talked about on Date #1 that he wanted to try. We ate it. We talked. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said "I don't care." And since I didn't want to just sit around my house on the 2nd date, I suggested going to the bar and playing pool, darts, or SilverStrike. So we went to one of my favorite dive bars and played 6 games of darts in which I beat him in every game. :) I'm really not the type to let people beat me. . . unless it's children. I'll usually lose to children. We went and got ice cream then came home and he left around 9ish because he had to be at work at like 7am the next day. So. . .

Here's why I'm not sure there will be a 3rd date:

He said he wasn't hungry for dinner after we had the appetizer which was fine, but I might have still been hungry. (Am I wrong??)
I gave him a Laffy Taffy. . . and he didn't read me the joke. I had eaten mine after he ate his and read him my jokes yet he didn't even make mention that he didn't read me his. They are Laffy Taffy's. . . they have frickin jokes! (Not necessarily a deal breaker though.)
While he did buy the pitcher and 3 out of the 6 games of darts, he did not buy my ice cream when we went to get ice cream. Even though I made him dinner AND gave him the leftovers to take home. He did not spend the $2.94 for my ice cream. I thought this was weird. We were on a date. My guy friends buy me pitchers.
He didn't even try and dress up for the 2nd date. He wore a hooded sweatshirt. Which really isn't a big deal to me what you wear and say if I knew you already and it wasn't our 2nd meeting. I mean TRY a little for the 2nd date. I should have just put on a sweatshirt too!
He didn't hug me goodbye and I had at least been consciously trying to flirt all night!!
I'm still not feeling the physical attraction to him.

Of course, these might seem pretty petty in not really liking someone. But I'm thinking that if I was physically attracted to him that maybe it wouldn't matter. But even my friend Jeremy said that he should have bought the ice cream. I think that's the one that gets me the most. And Jeremy is the one that asked what he wore on the date. Haha! I think he was just seeing if the guy was trying everywhere else. Jeremy also didn't get the not reading of the Laffy Taffy. As did the complete random stranger in the bathroom at the bar on Friday night after Jamie followed me into the bathroom basically yelling at me. But that's for later. . .

What also gets me is how some of my friends feel it's okay that guys don't try on dates. If you're trying on the date, shouldn't the guy try?? I mean, if I was dating someone where I knew he was tight on money, would I expect him to buy the ice cream? No. But he's got a lot of money. He's a pharmacist. And he's been living with his parents the last 3 years saving up to build a house. So yes, he's got money. And I'm the one that made the dinner. He brought the tomato from his Dad's garden and a loaf of french bread. I supplied the cheese, miracle whip, and seasoning as well as made and cooked the meal. So I basically contributed the most to the original "meal." Am I wrong?? Do I not deserve some wining and dining?

Now for my Friday night. . . I was out for Jamie's birthday and while pretty much everyone told me that I should wait and see if he calls me (which by the way he did. . . on Friday night. . . a day later) Jamie basically got mad at me for not even really wanting to try a 3rd date. Her husband agreed with me, especially because I wasn't feeling it. But Jamie felt (very firmly) that I needed to have a 3rd date because she doesn't want me to be alone anymore and wants me to get married and have babies. Then she followed me into the bathroom and brings up Dean. As in Dean is the reason that I'm not attracted to this guy. Which probably didn't help that Dean brought the new girl he's seeing out. And I said "Well I can name on both hands, guys that I am attracted to that I have met in the last 4 months, and I'm not attracted to this guy at the moment." And she said "Whatever" and walked out of the bathroom. So that's when I apologized to the person in the other stall and told her what was up. And she agreed with me. Her actual deal breaker was the Laffy Taffy! hahaha!!!!

So that's it. That's all I have. Any advice?? I'm going to call him back and try a 3rd date. But if I'm still not feeling it, I don't think that I can go out with again. And maybe it's because I'm not in the same frame of mind I was 2 months ago. But I would think that I would still feel love if it was around me you know?? Plus I keep going back to Wine Rep and although he was a full blown douche bag, he really did wine and dine me. Literally. I would get meals, drinks, and cases of wine. Sometimes, I would just get wine. Whenever. By the case. . . so. . . perhaps I'm just wanted to be treated like a princess for awhile. Is that wrong??

Date #2

2009-10-01T13:16:00.001-07:00

Tonight is Date #2!! Or did you not get that from the title??

Well I'm hoping it goes well. . . I also love the things my friends' have given me for advice.

My neighbor and friend Mike just emailed me with this "Hope you have fun tonight, our game got canceled so I'll be sitting on my deck having a PBR and holding my softball bat in my lap when he comes to get you..." That's sooo sweet!

There are a few things that exist though with this guy.

One is that I'm not 100% sure I'm physically attracted to him. But am assured that this might not happen right off the bat. I hope so. The girls told me to wait until after the 3rd date to see. My guy friends said the 5th. Do you notice something different???

Two is that I suggested cooking but really wasn't wanting to cook. He is bringing me tomatoes so I can make the tomato thing I was telling him about. I was told that I should make that as an appetizer and then make him take me out to dinner. I tend to agree. Do I really want to sit around my place all night on the 2nd date??? No.

Third is that I have no idea what to do. It's raining outside and cold. I guess no walks outside tonight. Perhaps we can go to Karaoke somewhere.

Fourth is that Mac brought up that I should not mention Dean whatsoever. I did already pre-mention that I have a lot of guy friends as I have noticed that this can be a problem with some guys. I did not mention Dean. I guess Dean and I have some sort of weird friendship that other guys might find threatening. Whatever.

Fifth is that my friend told me today that I haven't been myself. I'm not my happy, chipper self which she knows why and says that I'm allowed to be that way. Which I know I'll grow out of and H said that she's sure my bubbly self will pull through when I'm on my date. I hope so. I hate to think he's meeting the downer me. Or the fake happy me. Which I know I am not myself right now, but do you really tell the guy on the 2nd date "Oh hey, by the way, my close friend died about 5 weeks ago. I'm not really myself right now. Hope you can deal with it!!" Yeah. . . probably not.

I don't have a sixth. Let's hoping it goes well!!!

My Thoughts Exactly. . .

2009-09-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm sort of stealing the title from Chelsea Lately. . . but. . .

I read this and I thought. . . wait one second. . . wait. . .

We all know how I slightly despise The Hills. And how I just don't understand how people on this show become famous. But after reading this I almost fainted and vowed right then and there that I will quit reading Gossip columns and whatnot. I know. I know.

You see, Lauren Conrad "wrote" a book. And I was reading somewhere that it's exactly like her show The Hills.

Here is a review of the book L.A. Candy:

Now, though, what Conrad really wants to do is write: L.A. Candy, her first novel, is also the first fruit of a three-book deal. In it, 19-year-old California girl ''Jane Roberts'' becomes famous for living her life on a reality TV show called...L.A. Candy. She works as an intern in L.A. She has boy troubles, a falling-out with a girlfriend, and a sweet, stunned affect. So far, ''Jane'' hasn't gotten a three-book deal. But then, there are still two books to go.

And another from Amazon:

Obvious excerpts of her life and deliciously entertaining. I read through this book within 24 hrs, true Hills fans will adore it. The ending...leaves possibilities for a continuance just like the shows. LC great job for your first book, i loved it and hope to read more of such lives of your characters. Great and entertaining book.

As for whether the book is based on Lauren’s own life, well, a peek at the copyright page reveals it is filed under ’self-perception: fiction’. So basically if I'm reading everything correctly, it's basically a book about her life which was basically played out on The Hills.

So what I am understanding is that they are making a movie based about this book which is based about The Hills. Why are movie people putting money into this?? Don't they know that most TV shows don't do well on the Big Screen?? Guess which movie I won't be going to see??

Also, I am slightly shameful as in that I watched 5 minutes of The Hills last night just to see. I used to watch it every now and then when they had those marathons on the weekend. And well. . . I never can get those 5 minutes back.

I need your help. . .

2009-09-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Okay. . . so some strange things are a happening with me lately.

And I don't know how to explain them.

I think I've talked about my sixth sense before on this blog. . . and I hate it.

Lately, especially lately, I can't sleep. I miss Josie soo much. I hate that I have a date and I can't call/text/email her. I hate that something will happen and it reminds me of her and I can't call her. I hate that she was supposed to come and visit me in September, and she couldn't anymore. I hate that. So last weekend, luckily I had plans to go home for my friend/old roommate Sarah's shower and spend time with my family. I needed that time. I was slowly sinking.

My sister was busy working on her Master's homework, so I went and hung out with her for a couple of hours and we started talking. And I told her how I had these goosebumps all the time lately. And I couldn't explain it. At Stacey's wedding, goosebumps when we were dancing. The wedding Josie was supposed to be at. Goosebumps randomly sitting watching TV. Goosebumps at work. Goosebumps driving. Goosebumps the day she died. MAJOR Goosebumps. And then my sister tells me how 3 days before Josie died she had a dream that we were all out to eat and while Josie was there, we were all talking about her like she had died. She was a ghost in her dream. She never told me because she didn't want to be right.

Flashback 9 years. When our close family friend Matt died, the 2 mornings I was home from college after it, the door bell rang and the fax machine went off at the same time at around 7am each morning. It was 2 days later we discovered that the fax machine wasn't plugged in. Only the phone jack was plugged in. The fax machine shouldn't have turned on. Then for 4 months after Matt died, in the middle of the night, my sister's bedroom door would open. And one night, she saw a dark figure come down the hallway after her door had opened. She thought it was my Dad, so she got up and went into my Mom and Dad's room only to discover my Dad laying in bed snoring. She sprinted back to her bed and covered her head and said "Matt, I'm okay." And her door never opened in the middle of the night again.

So. . . if these goosebumps I'm feeling are Josie, I keep wondering if there's a way that I can talk to her. If there's some way. I don't know a lot about spirits. I know they exist. I'm just wondering how I can talk to it, if it's her.

I hope this doesn't become me. . .

2009-09-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I read FMYLIFE on like a regular basis. Pretty much when I feel down about life, which apparently is like every day. Well I came across this gem and I cried a little inside.

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML.

FML indeed. And then I fear this will be me. What if this happens to me?? I thought it might happen to me when the love of my life got married (as did my friends who were afraid I would stand up and say "I object!!" is that the right word? Object?? It doesn't seem right, but you all know what I mean, but then I realized that while I loved him, I couldn't see myself standing up there with him. Which is good. And while I do still get giddy when he calls me and when I get to see him, it's a different kind of giddy. Anywho. . . let's hope this doesn't happen to me!!

I think I just vomited in my mouth a little. . .

2009-09-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

I realize I read the gossip columns and skim through the gossip magazines, but after I read this I'm pretty sure I vomited in my mouth a little. And gagged.

Long story short, MacKenzie Phillips said she had a consensual incestuous relationship for 10 years with her father.

I feel bad for her. I read cases all the time about children who are molested by a parent, grandparent, uncle, sibling, cousin, etc. . . and they are effed up to put it mildly. It's something that's not really supposed to happen naturally. Do most of those kids turn to drugs to forget about it and block the pain?? Yes.

Heck, once I started kissing boys, I quit kissing my Dad on the lips!

But I digress. . . I don't get it. I realize that she was apparently blacked out when it first happened and then woke up during it. But wouldn't something tell you, "ummm... my dad is having sex with me I need to roll over?!?" I don't know.

I come from a very huggy and loving family, but I don't think I ever found my Dad even REMOTELY attractive. Or ever been remotely attracted to my Dad. My friends' Dads yes, heck some of my Dad's Friends, but my Dad. . .NO. And I know many guys that have Hot Moms that are really repulsed by the fact their friends find their Mom hot.

So was it the drugs that made her feel this was an okay thing for TEN YEARS?? I don't know. I just don't get it. I do know that up until about a year ago my nephew (when he was 3) said that he was going to marry his mom (my sister) and live happily ever after. And he also said that he would marry his Aunt A. Will I take my nephew up on this in 20 years when I'm desperate?? Probably not.

Sorry I brought this up. I just couldn't help it. I needed to write it out because it disturbed me soo much. I am disturbed. Perhaps she should have been seeing a psychiatrist for the last 35 years instead of doing the drugs. . .

And for H. . . I do realize that I have inappropriate dreams with both Morgan Freeman and Craig T Nelson circa Coach in the last 2 years, but they are not my Dad. . . just old enough to be. . . :)

When it Rains. . .It pours. . .Men?!?

2009-09-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

For starters, Amanda, I'm sorry you're finding out this way. But I will be sure to tell you first after it's over, before I put anything on my blog about it. :)

I have a date Sunday. A date. It's been a long time since I had a date. And no, I don't count anytime I have with Dean as a date even if he pays for my meal or buys my drinks. We're friends. That's just what some guy friends do. Even if H disagrees. . .

Anyway, I haven't had a date since the bad Internet date debacle. But I was set up by an acquaintance, and I've talked to him on the phone and through email and he sounds really cool.

For starters, he has a cute sounding phone voice. (And I've seen his picture, so I know he's cute too!) This is a pre-requisite for me, mainly because if your voice annoys me on the phone, there's no way that I'll be able to date you because I enjoy talking on the phone on my long drives.

Secondly, he asked if I wanted to go miniature golfing for our date. I'm not sure if you remember, but I told Jeremy he should take his date miniature golfing because it's something fun and what I would want to do on a date.

Thirdly, he asked if we wanted to meet or he would come get me, which ever was more convenient for me. He wasn't sure if it would be weird, since we're practically strangers for him to come meet me at my house. Adorable!!

I don't have a fourth reason of why it's starting out well.

Anyway, Sarah, Em, and I went to a Tyrone Wells concert on Tuesday and they ran into one of their high school friends who they haven't seen in like 10 years. He's cute. I mean REAL cute. And he sang along to Tyrone with us. Oh did I mention he's single?? And they're trying to set me up with him? Oooh and the kicker?? He just moved to town and just so happens to live with one of the guys I play softball with! Yes. And he's trying to set us up too. Kelso asked in his email if the other girls were single and I replied back that I WAS SINGLE and he was just surprised. He didn't realize I was single still. . .I know I am a catch, but no man has actually tried to catch me recently. Or within the last year or so. . . so. . . thanks. . . I think. . .

So then last night while at Kickball, Sarah tells me "Soo. . . remember Tues night we were talking about when it rains, it pours??" And I say "Yeah..." And she says "Well remember that one guy I thought you would be good with but he had just gotten out of a relationship and said he'd let me know when he's ready? Well, he's ready. He just told me to try and set it up!!"

See. . . back a few years ago when I was younger and thinner (Okay it was like 2 years ago almost now) I had 3 guys calling me and I was spending a lot of time with 3 different guys. I basically kind of liked one and really liked the other. The other being Dean. Well, there was an instance when out with the other 2 guys that one of my guy friends brought up Dean, and the other 2 said "Wait, you're dating someone????" Which well, I didn't really think that I was dating any of them. But apparently we were doing "date-like" things, so I guess I was inadvertently dating all 3.

So basically, my life could be raining men. . . but right now I'm just concentrating on Sunday. That's the only date set in stone. I just hope my competitive side doesn't come out in miniature golf!!!

Things I know that I wish I didn't. . .

2009-09-08T12:24:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure, but I will probably watch at least the 1st episode of the New Melrose Place, just to see what it's like. Because for awhile, I couldn't go a week without watching it. I quit watching it, but once Rob Estes, came back to it, I started to watch it again.

So today, to avoid work, I see that MSN has the whole "Where are they now?" for the original Melrose Place cast. . .and I spotted an error. Yep. I watched the show enough, that I spotted an error. I hope by the time you see it, it's been changed.

They actually have a picture of Vanessa Williams singer and actress from Horrible movies with Arnold and Ugly Betty fame (I do love her in Ugly Betty). Not the Vanessa Williams that was actually on the original Melrose Place.

I, someone, who doesn't get paid to do these little articles found this out. ME. I sent a Feedback comment to the page.

When Will I Learn?!?

2009-09-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

So last night after our awesome 12-2 victory in our first Kickball game. . . and yes, we 10-run ruled them in the 5th. . . we went out for some beverages at one of my favorite dive bars. Which by the way, is the same bar where I gave the 45-year-old bartender my number to prove my point that Dean and I weren't dating nor hooking up. But guess who never called?!? Okay, so I wasn't too upset that he never called, but still. . .it's the principle of the matter! Oh and said bartender was working. . . anyway. . .

My friend who I will call Moon and I were talking about his girlfriend and how when they broke up back in January, they never changed their Facebook status and if you don't change your Facebook status it means it's not really "official" you know?!? Sorry this is an inside joke with a bunch of my friends and I, but in reality, it does seem to hold true. . . So then he just lets out this big sigh in the midst of talking about her. And I'm like "what's the big sigh for??" So he starts telling me all these things. All these negative things. And he says how they've been together for 2 1/2 years and how it's like do or die now time.

I then tell him that it's not really do or die time if you can see yourself marrying her and being with her forever. To which he responds that he doesn't know and isn't sure. I then start going on about how when you're in college or high school and you've been dating someone for 2 1/2 years or 6 years and it continues into your adult world, it might take longer than 2 1/2 years into your adult world* to determine if that person is the one or the person you've just grown comfortable with them.

In the adult world, it's different. You should know in 2 years now. It shouldn't take that long to realize this is "the one." So I go into the stories of my friends who dated the same person since high school and got married years after college. Or the ones that started dating their junior year of college and now just got married. And with all of them it took them the year or two into their adult lives to realize that who they were with were "the one." And then I told him of my 2 high school friends who dated all through high school and all through college only to break up their first year out of college. Dustin ended up meeting his wife Kristin later that year and married her with in 3 years of meeting her. Because he realized right away she was the person he couldn't live without. I told Moon that you just know. When you start to be a grown up, I fully believe you just know.

So he contemplates this and says "Oh so I should break up with her then??" And I say, "Wait. . .NO, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you need to think about all these things before you make any decisions." Which I would like to believe he's been thinking about these things for awhile now. Then Moon says "Yeah, thanks for telling me I should just break up with her. I think that's what I'm going to do." And then Dean says "Way to tell him to break up with his girlfriend!!" I hate myself now.

The problem with this: I like Moon's girlfriend. I really like her. She's really nice and sweet. But with all the things he was telling me with regards to their relationship, maybe it isn't good for them to be together. And as a girl, if I could have a relationship for over 2 years, I would like to think that this was the person I would be thinking about spending my life with. Granted, I don't go into first dates thinking this. . .but after a few dates, the thought crosses my mind if this is someone that's going to annoy me years down the road. Maybe this is why my longest relationship has been 6 months and I have a problem with commitment and lean towards awkward friendships. . .but that my friends is a different post.

*Adult World to me is when you start to make your own money and don't have to rely on your parents anymore or not as much for money to live on. . .

Random Thought for the Day

2009-09-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

Why do I keep getting Male Enhancement spam to my email junk folder?

I am a girl. That doesn't have any plans to switch genders. . . .

And why do I keep getting spam about increasing my sexual experience??

Does my computer know something I don't?!?!?!?

My thoughts on celebrities this week. . .

2009-09-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to say that I am saddened by DJ AM's death. I didn't know this until Monday morning which shows how I didn't watch nor read anything this past weekend while home for the services. DJ AM has come here a few times and DJ'd. I'm also sad that he died from an apparent drug overdose. I think that's what saddens me the most especially since he had just done a show about kids doing drugs. It's sad. But I know Josie is up there dancing with the beats he's throwing down.

Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to say anything about him anymore, but Wonderwall on MSN keeps sucking Speidi into my eye space, and I can't seem to look away from reading about them. Reasons I know you're a douche in real life and aren't just faking it: You want to change your name to King Spencer Pratt, you said you would divorce Heidi if she got pregnant and didn't give it up for adoption, and you got mad at Al Roker, to just to name a few. Here's your sign and it says that not only are you stupid, but you're a douche.

Chris Brown temporarily forgot what he did to Rihanna?? Well I guess I have heard of people blacking out in complete fits of rage but still. Yikes.

I was also saddened to hear that John Krasinski (Jim Halpert, the Office) is getting married to Emily Blunt. I like Emily Blunt, but first she was with Michael Buble and now John!! This makes me sad. Maybe I need to move to LA or something to meet these guys. . .

Also David Boreanaz had another baby with his wife. I'm happy for this. And can't wait for Bones to start up again. I love that show!!!

Leann Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have apparently made their relationship go public. That's nice. . . Does anyone else find it weird that their relationship was made public before their Lifetime Movie and then now they've "come out" before CSI:Miami starts, which is the show that he is going to be on now?!? Anyone?!?

I think that's all I have.

Smile

2009-09-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

There's that song that says:

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
Though there are clouds in the sky, you get by... If you smile through your fears and sorrows. Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through.
If you just light up your face with gladness, Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever, ever so near.
That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find life is worthwhile
If you'll just smile, come on and smile.

That's what I'm trying to do everyday. I did that a lot this weekend. I would laugh and then cry and then smile just thinking about her. It was good to see some old college friends and friends from high school. It was nice that all of us college girls got to hang out again. It just massively sucks that the reason we all got together was because Josie died. And we all talked about how sick she had gotten the last couple of months. And we all knew it wasn't good. But none of us ever thought she wouldn't beat cancer. She had beaten breast cancer once already. We really thought she could do anything. That's why all of us were soo surprised. She woke up on Saturday (I originally thought it was Friday) and she said that she couldn't fight anymore. She was ready. And two hours later she died in the arms of her husband and her Dad.

I guess sometimes you never realize the impact your friends have on you until they're gone. I am just lucky to have known her. Blessed to be able to call her a friend. I do promise that most of my posts following this will be happier. I thought I'd let you see this about her if you'd like. Or read about her here.

I Want to go Back. . .

2009-08-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

That's the title of one of my favorite Eddie Money songs. Josie loved 80s music as do I, and often in college we would rock out to Eddie Money's greatest hits. It's strange when something you know is probably going to happen but you somehow have this hope that it won't turn out the way you think it will.

My friend Josie passed away on Saturday. Words cannot express the heartache that I feel. I can't seem to quit crying. I don't do it as much when people are around me, but when I'm alone I just bawl. I'm not a big cryer in front of people. But I guess that's what happens when you lose someone you loved so much. My friends have been absolutely the best though about making sure I'm not alone too much. Which is nice that they put up with me getting silent and grabbing a Kleenex. I know I'll get through this. It's just going to take sometime.

I'm so happy that I got to see her a month ago. And hug her. And tell her that I love her. I will miss her trying to always get me to do things that made me really uncomfortable. She always made me step out of my box of comfortableness. I will miss her raw energy. Her strength.

I bought a card last Wednesday that I never sent. It said:

"I believe in mind over matter. I believe in miracles and blessings both great and small. I believe in the human spirit to prevail. I believe in possibilities. I believe that hurdles in life are meant to be jumped over, not as something to stop us." And in the inside it said "I believe in you."

I thought it was a great card for her while she started her radiation treatments for the tumor that was now in her brain as well as the pesky one that was growing in her liver. My heart hurts especially for her husband. They were only married for 2 years. It's not fair. Finding your soul mate and then losing her so soon. I have so many memories of her and the both of them. Her Mom wrote on Facebook that she was happy that she didn't wake up sobbing today. I can't imagine the hurt they are going through when I hurt so bad.

Josie sent updates every month or so in mass email so she wouldn't have to write different emails. Sometimes when there was no news really, she'd just text me with the results. So John that night she died, sent out something that I'm sure broke his heart. Here's John's words and Josie's last email:

Hey all, it’s John. I hate to tell everyone this way, but my wife was always prompt and organized so she would want me to get this out asap. Josie died today after 5 years of battling this shitty disease. She woke up and told us she couldn’t fight anymore and spent the rest of the day comfortable and surrounded by loved ones. Josie was in the middle of one of her famous “updates” to let everyone know what she has been going through the last few weeks and I attached it below. In true Josie form she didn’t get to finish it because she didn’t have all the information needed to give a complete (4 page) update. My wife is the most amazing person I’ve ever met and it was the honor of my life to be married to her and hold her hand through this long journey. The void she left is immeasurable and luckily we’ve had the chance to talk about her legacy the past few nights. You all were her strength and she loved having you in her life. She wanted to be cremated and some of her ashes spread in San Diego (Sunset Cliffs in OB) but the rest we’ll decide this week. Love JD

From Josie:

Goodness, goodness where to start… First of all, we don’t even know how to thank you all enough for your support, prayers and everything good you have all been sending our way – even when many of you have had very limited information over the last couple of weeks as I’m sure many of you have heard just bits and pieces of random info. As many of you know, John and my Mom admitted/took me into the hospital on Friday, August 7th, after many days of being incoherent and nodding off while working, texting, driving :)Physically, we received pretty immediate bad news. Many of my symptoms seemed to be pointing towards issues of confusion so they got me in right away for a scan of my noggin/brain and unfortunately learned that there has been metastasized disease spread to the brain – which they truly haven’t scanned for until this point. They immediately got me in for 3 radiation treatments to my brain on Wed, Thurs & Friday, and now will start the final 7 of the 10-total radiation treatments that they think may have some chance of stopping their growth and buying me some lucid quality time. I go in this morning for first of the combined brain/liver chemo.This is by far the hardest and most honest email I’m going to have to send everyone, as they have been very honest with us this time that my body can’t handle what it could even just a month ago, and it could only be weeks that I have left… Wow… what a strange thing to have to put in writing. I just want everyone to know I’m feeling better and love everyone so much. Love,Josie, John and Barker

I know my life won't ever be the same without her in it, and I can't imagine where my life would have been had she not been it. She was a ray of sunshine. I will miss her deeply.

A

Why I won't be on Reality TV anytime soon. . .

2009-08-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

So I've been following this because true crime stuff fascinates me. I wrote a report in high school on serial killers and then couldn't sleep for weeks. But it interests me. I often wonder why people do the things they do. But this guy is CRAZY. I mean seriously. It really disturbs me. And the weird part is he was on a dating show. Don't they screen these people better??

If I was going to be on a Dating Reality show say like the Bachelorette or something, I would hope that producers would screen my dates pretty good. Like one of the questions on the application should say "Name and numbers of the last three people you went on dates with" so then they could call them and at least find out if the guy was verbally or physically abusive to them. Granted I'm pretty sure Megan Wants a Millionaire or whatever the name of the show is, probably didn't have a great quality of contestants because what self-respecting guy would want to date someone that was on the Rock of Love. I do watch that show in small increments because I have such a hard time believing there are actually people out there in society that function like that on a day to day basis.

In happier news, I got to see this really hot bartender that I have a HUGE crush on last night. Our softball team played his team and he was the pitcher, so yes, I saw/stared/gazed longingly into his blue eyes the whole night. He's so f'ing cute. I mean seriously. I also got to see hot player from my friend Tim's team, although Tim wasn't playing. There is just something about ball players. I swear!!!

If you think you're having a bad day. . .

2009-08-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

It could be worse. . . This could be you.

I actually wish I had words for this, but really it might be a lose/lose situation. Plus, they said the tests are really time consuming. Like they can't just check to see if the person has male/female parts. And the bad thing, I can't tell by the picture.

I bet that's what people say about me too. Except I did get a "You look a lot like your Mom!" this weekend. To which my Gramps says "Yeah, she looks a lot like her other Grandpa." Thanks Gramps. Thanks buddy. He also said it like 3 other times to other people when asked which one I was.

Your brief weird news for the day. . .

2009-08-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some good stories today:

This lady needs to be locked away forever. No joke.

I used to love you. Now, I just want to kick you. I mean seriously. Just quit it. I don't care anymore.

And for the good news. This made me hungry. Also, how do I get a job as a Guiness World Records Adjudicator.

I'm also a little sad that I never got to see this. It's now been taken down. Does it make me a perv that I wanted to see it??? I just really love McSteamy even though I quit watching Grey's after the whole Dead Denny thing last year.

Off the news subject. . . I notice that whenever Joel McHale makes fun of something on The Soup I tend to watch that show at least once or for as long as I can stand it if it's something I've never seen. I watched Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and I'm not sure that Kim Kardashian realized how b*tchy it makes her look. She definitely thinks she is a bigger star than she is. I mean, she's really just famous for a sex tape. And that's how she got famous. Like Paris Hilton. Darn it. I said I wouldn't mention her name again. Oh well. Sorry.

How to Realize God has a sense of humor. . .

2009-08-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

So I am getting ready to leave work and have to share this mainly because my normal IM buddies *cough H *cough are no longer at work. . . .

I went down to the restroom and changed into my workout clothes, so I could just stop on my way home from work. No biggie. Change into your workout clothes, leave the building. It's that easy.

My workout clothes consist of a sort of thin white t-shirt and shorts. Again, what's the big deal?? Well, it's a big deal when you take off your bra and mean to change into your sports bra and forget to. You just put on your thin white t-shirt. That's slightly see through. Especially when you have to walk out of the building through the entrance of the Brew Pub/Restaurant that you work above. And you walk outside on a really sunny day. So your shirt is see through and you're not wearing a bra?!? Yeah. I think I sprinted back into the building as fast as I could into the elevator and high tailed to my office to put my sports bra on.

Man, those 4 floors back up to my office were REALLY slow on the elevator!!!

And why are my sports bras so comfortable that I didn't even notice?!?

I guess this is your funny for your Friday! Happy Friday!!

Just the basics, Ma'am.

2009-08-12T09:53:00.001-07:00

I was going to write a witty sentence or 2 about how H needed update her damn blog but then I looked and she did. Maybe I should buy into that whole Google Reader thing I keep hearing about.

Also, has anyone noticed besides me that Twitter is a lot like Facebook Status update?!? Anyone?? I've thought this for a long time and now keep thinking it more and more lately.

Wait, I should put my thoughts into bullet form because it's nicer to read, isn't it?!?

Dane Cook made a funny joke about how Vanessa Hudgen's shouldn't take nude photos in the digital age at the Teen Choice Awards. . .and he's right. But his joke got cut from the TV broadcast because it was deemed inappropriate. Say more inappropriate than a 16 or 17-year-old girl taking nude photos of herself and sending them to people?!? Really?!?
It also makes me happy that I didn't grow up in the digital age. I'd hate to quote someone on this, but on Chelsea Lately, one of the comics made the comment that back in the day if you wanted to take nude pictures, you'd have to take it to the store to get them developed and then you knew the people developing them would see them! Plus with the digital age and email, pictures get around within seconds. How do people not realize this?!? I mean, can I tell you about the number of texts I've actually sent to the wrong person?!?
I made birthday cupcakes for my friend's 30th Birthday party. I am nice.

I seemed to have slept really well last night. I'm not sure if my exhaustiveness caught up with me or the 2 glasses of wine my aunt and I drank right before bed did.
I got a little more excited than I should when I saw that 17 Again came out on DVD on Tuesday. Guess what movie I'll make Dean watch with me when he gets back from vacation?!?
My other cousin is pregnant! I'm super excited! And do you know what this means?? On my Mom's side 4 cousins are having kids within 10 months of each other. And the 3 guy cousins have the initials BJ. CRAZY!!!
This summer weather is lovely. I love the hot but not the humid. Yesterday, the heat, without the humidity. It was awesome and a great night for a baseball game.

Happy half way through the work week!!!

Why I have been in a mood. . .

2009-08-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

My friend is dying. I hate saying that. Maybe she isn't. Maybe there will be some miracle.

I still have this hope that it is “might be” dying but alas the last time I saw her I can’t shake the image of the person I saw. The same sweet smile, the same bubbly personality, the same optimistic attitude, but alas not the same strong body I was used to seeing.

I guess here is the long story quasi short:

Josie was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 25 in Feb '05 and then was in "remission" for almost a year or so. Then in October '07, she was going in for a check up. She was literally walking out of the office with a "alls good!" when she made the comment to the doctor that she had had a cough for 2 months. The Doc ordered a CT scan and that's when they discovered she had cancer in her right lung, rib cage lining, and liver. Her lung was filled with fluid and for about 2-3 months kept collapsing because the cancer had caused a hole in her lung.

In Feb '08 they thought the cancer in her liver was rotting from the inside only to discover it was metastasizing at an alarming rate, however, the cancer in her right lung and rib cage lining had disappeared. Her doctor that she was with through the breast cancer said she couldn't do anymore and that Josie should think about Hospice. Josie said "Hell no! It's gone 2 out of 3 places!" So she then switched drs since the other one wanted to put her on Hospice.

For 10 months the liver cancer tumor shrunk to 1/2 its size. Then they put her on a chemo "holiday" for a month in November. It was a month later though the tumor grew back to over double its size and ever since then no other chemo treatment has seemed to control it. They couldn't put her back on the old chemo treatment because it had seriously depleted her bone marrow. She's hoping to qualify for a trial that might help. But she's very weak and super sick now. I was with her in March, and if you didn't know she was sick, you wouldn't have guessed it. In April, when I saw her for her 30th bday, she had lost some weight, but nothing too major.

So it was very hard to see her now. But I'm glad I went. She is nothing but skin and bones now and a 6-month preggar belly. The preggar belly being caused by all the fluid she is retaining now. 2.5 Liters a day. And so she doesn’t have to go to the hospital everyday like she has the last month, they inserted a catheter so she can drain herself. Before we ate she had to drain so she could have room in her stomach. My friend is nothing but a trooper. She honestly said to me "So I guess you know it's not good." Like I couldn't tell by looking at her.

She had to go into the hospital on Friday. Her electrolytes were out of whack. She slept mostly. Today she'll find out more. More about the tumors. More about how her life will change.

I cried all weekend. I got home from my friend's birthday and I bawled. I can't stop. I can't sleep. And I know if she knew it was affecting me this badly, she'd hit me. Tell me to snap out of it. Tell me, she's still here, living life. So I shouldn't cry now. Cry later. But it's hard. It's hard to be so far away from her. It's hard not being able to talk to her. She was never much of a talker on the phone anyway, but now she's too weak to even text back. Her husband tried to answer her emails but she gets to many he said and it would be a full time job to answer them.

Did I mention, she's still working her job?? Yeah. That's her.

The whole time I was with her a week and a half ago, I pretended she didn't look different. Pretended she didn't look sick. I pretended everything was okay. Until I left her. That's when I cried.

I watched my grandparents slowly die. And it was painful. But for some reason, for me anyway, it's soo much harder to watch my friend.

**UPDATE-Josie now has a tumor in her brain. :( But the bone scans came back clear, so that is really good. She's a fighter, and is ready to fight the brain tumor head on too. No pun intended.