Friday, May 29, 2009

Things you shouldn't IM your 16-year-old cousin

A says:
Yeah. . .and we know she sleeps around
A says:
ALOT
A says:
With whomever.
A says:

Whoops! Wrong person!!!

This is in response to her telling me she's dog sitting her sister's dog Bullet. I was meaning to respond to my friend Sarah who was having me look at a picture of a guy I maaaay have had drunken relations with a couple of years ago when he was new in town. (Sorry Mom!) He was hanging out with a waitress from one of our favorite bars who is more or less like the town bicycle. Every one has had a ride. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I'm pretty sure she may or may not have something involving STDs. She told me one day, when I randomly parked in front of her house to go to my friend's house, that she was on her way to go screw his neighbor, which she does sometimes two-three times a day, because it's some of the best sex she has ever had. And the guy she picked up from the bar had just left. And yes, people tell me random stuff like that all the time. Which wouldn't really be all that bad if she and I hung out outside of the bar setting. This was at 11am. On a Sunday. So yes, I totally judged her!!!

In case you were wondering, the proper response to my cousin should have been "Did you take him over to see Gramps?!?"



Wednesday, May 27, 2009

1,072

That would be the number of miles I drove this weekend. INSANE.



I also realized I prefer bullet points to discuss the random things I talk about. So. . .here you go!


  • On Friday night, I got to hang out with my Champaign crew. When I got up from the table I said "Excuse me" because I thought I had bumped into a waitress. It was a statue. Of the Chief. I was trying to find a pic because I swear one time I took a pic with it. It's a huge statue. At least 5'3". And Wyatt brought it up in an email about how hilarious it was again today. I said really loudly "Oh excuse me!!"

  • My friend Luke from high school got married this weekend. And when we were discussing when we might all see each other in a party setting again, David said "Steph's wedding and then Darren will probably get married soon." And I said "Yeah, then finally me." And David said "Yeah, that will never happen. You're never getting married." OUCH!
  • The yearly Spelling Bee Competition is underway. And I'm reminded of the debacle of last year when the kid said "Numnuts?!? ooooh Numna!!" It was replayed on ESPN approx 127 times. And Wyatt and Jeremy passed out to it so we heard it ALL night and part of the morning. Because seriously, they play Sportscenter at night like every hour.
  • The Cubs finally won a game this week. It's about effing time.
  • Speaking of Wyatt, on Sunday they were playing a drinking game and his wife came up with the rule that every time someone said "Drink" they had to then say a sexual innuendo. Kendra yelled out "Butt Sex!!"
  • My friend Ryan that I have known forever stayed with me when he was in town for work instead of a hotel. This way he thought it would be more fun and less "worky". He was right. He also asked if he could just stay with me every day because it was a lot more relaxing not having a 3 year-old and 15 month-old around and I kept waiting on him.
  • It was also funny when I introduced him to my neighbor/friend Mike and Mike asked him how we knew each other, Ryan said "Oh since high school." And I said "Umm. . . we've been friends since high school (he's 3 years older) but we've known each other since like I was in Kindergarten." His Mom was my Kindergarten teacher. She took my Mom's teaching job when my Mom moved up to 4th grade. We also went to the same college and hung out like every weekend and almost every night in the summer. Oh memories!!!
  • My nephew is effing adorable. I haven't uploaded the pic yet, but I will.
  • My friend Jayne's new daughter Aubrey looks almost identical to her son Brady. And I, of course, keep giving her husband a hard time by saying "Well, not everything about you can be dominant." Seeing as Brady and Aubrey look just like Jayne. I mean it's like they took her Dad and mixed Jayne in with it and tada! I should state, Jayne's husband is very striking. Like dark brown hair, big dark brown eyes, great smile. He's definitely someone you'd see in a crowded street and look twice at, and maybe grab his ass. ;) He's also one of those guys that doesn't realize he's good looking and is super nice. Jayne's also a looker. It's no wonder they keep producing these adorable, cute kids. Sometimes life isn't fair.

That's all I got folks! Happy Thursday! (Well I started it on Wednesday. . .)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Dear Hot Guy that plays Softball on Thursday Nights,

Yes, I see you there. Looking all cute. And hot. You have great running form. Look at you catching the ball in Left Center. Man, you're pretty good. I like that you're 6'2". Or 6'1". It's hard to tell with cleats on. Wait, you look hotter in your baseball cap. But that's okay, you're still cute without it.

I should probably be paying attention to the batter and make sure I don't get jacked in the head. Whew, close one!! I wonder when we play your team. I'm going to be looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll be able to concentrate. And hit well. I'm sure my hitting will really impress you. I did hit well just a minute ago. It was a nice hit out to Left field. Hopefully you saw that. My running I'm pretty sure won't impress you seeing as when I have to sprint from 1st to 3rd base, I feel like I need an oxygen tank. And I may or may not have almost tripped over 2nd.

Wait, you're sitting with Tim?? Mac's friend?? Or it could be that guy Brett from the wedding. Tim and Brett look a lot a like and I've only met either of them once, so I could go up and say "Hey Tim!" and it won't be him, it would be Brett and I'll look like a jack ass. Or I could go up and say "Hey Brett!!" and it won't be him, and I'll be a jack ass again. Either way, I think my chances of looking like a jack ass are pretty strong, so I should stay away from just going up there all together.

Darn it, my game is over and now you have left. . . I guess I'll just look forward to next week. . . when hopefully we play each other. . . .

Sincerely,

A

Thursday, May 21, 2009

All I can say is. . . WOAH. . . .

I'm not sure if this is a testament to America or not. . . but seriously folks. SERIOUSLY.

I have no words. I just don't know what to say. And usually I ALWAYS have something to say.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things I have to share. . .

-By now we all know one of my very good friends is suffering from cancer. Well she's been super sick lately. She even had to go to the hospital while in Hawaii. Anyway, I just have to share her humor (and subsequent strength).

Due to the cancer growing in her liver and now spreading to her stomach lining, she has been severely swollen. She looks like she is 5-6 months pregnant. Anyway, the title for her email explaining what was happening and the new course of action was "The JD's are pregs. . . with angry skittle babies. . . ." The angry skittles is what she calls the cancer tumors. But coming from someone they wanted to put on Hospice over a year ago, it shows her optimism. I really do feel if anyone can beat this, it's her.

-I started training to run a 5K about 4 weeks ago. A 5K?? 3.1 miles?? Why on earth am I training?!? Well, if you'll recall I sprained my ankle badly last year, so the only running I did was "sprint" around the bases in softball (which I probably shouldn't have been running at all). But the problem I have isn't necessarily the running. . . it's my pace. I take off too fast and subsequently run out of oxygen and sound like I am dying. But Anna and I call it "wogging" or we're going to go for a "wog". It's a combo of walk/jog. Feel free to use it in a sentence.

-One of my good friends from home and college emailed me and asked if he could "Shack" up at my place next week when he is in town for work. He thought staying at my place would be more fun than staying at a hotel. I said this to one of my friends and she said "Oh, yeah! You'll have a cute guy at your place!!" and I said "Umm. . . don't get too excited, he's married with 2 kids. And there's a strong possibility we might be 5th cousins. It hasn't been proven yet." And why she automatically assumed he was cute is beyond me. . . but then again, I do have cute guy friends. And I think he dated at least 2 of my friends in college. . .

-I knew it wasn't ENTIRELY my fault that I am overweight. . . I mean it is and it isn't. See here. I still like to blame my parents. :)

-Congrats to Shawn Johnson for winning Dancing With the Stars! (I wish I watched it more, but really still only skimmed it when you were on.)

-I can't believe they cancelled Samantha Who?!! I'm upset. I love Christina Applegate, Barry Watson (I was REALLY upset when What About Brian got cancelled!), Jennifer Esposito (From Spin City), and Melissa McCarthy (from Gilmore Girls).

Thursday, May 14, 2009

If there was randomness, it would be this post. . .

I was informed that I hadn't written anything of value in a long time. And I was a little hurt considering I thought the post on my concert had valuable content. . . apparently I was wrong. So out of spite and such, I am purposely not writing anything of value.

If you have been living under a rock, you have heard the news about Miss California. Now I don't usually watch pageants. Wait, I don't ever watch them, but I feel she should totally be stripped of her title and not because she annoys the crap out of me. Miss Nevada got stripped of her title like one or 2 years ago because of photos that were just as racy as Miss California's, yet only one of them got to keep their crown?? I must also bring up her "controversial" comment about gay marriage*. First of all, you can't bring God into a superficial beauty pageant. Secondly, if you are using God as your standpoint and America then you should realize that although the Bible says marriage is between a man and a woman, it also says that everyone is equal in the eyes of God and no sin is greater than any other. And our nation was founded on the premise that ALL men (and women) are created equal. Also, since she was throwing God out as her premise to her answer because of her "values", she probably shouldn't have had a boob job 2 weeks before the Miss USA pageant. You should love yourself the way your are. Or at least that's what I've been taught. Maybe values are different in California.

Paris Hilton--Would you just go away already?!? Seriously. I can't take it anymore. You are trying to be a humanitarian now but decided to hang out with the wife of the 17th worst dictator in the world. And you're really smart but just act dumb?? Then why WHILE IN A DEPOSITION did you say you don't keep a schedule, you just google yourself. Wouldn't you have googled then the wife you were hanging out with?? You're an idiot.

Speidi--I used to watch The Hills. I'll admit it. But it was the first season, so I can't be judged for that. But Spencer Pratt is a complete douche bag. And seriously, news outlets, he'll get out of the media if you quit covering him. Take a stand! Take a stand!!! Wait. . . I just mentioned his ridiculousness. Darn it!!

Mother's Day--I'm sorry I didn't do a lovely post about you Mom! But I did call you every day this weekend. I love you very much and miss you very much.


Death--it sucks. One of the guys on my office building floor past away this week. He died Thursday night, but they didn't find him until Tuesday morning. I'll miss him very much. It's hard to walk by his office and know he won't ever be coming out of there again and sometimes accidentally running into me and/or scaring the crap out of me. I'll miss his smile. I'll miss him calling me "Sunshine." I'll miss him cheering me up when I'm having a bad day by telling me some story. He sponsored my softball team 3 years ago and my volleyball team the last 2 seasons. I'll miss you Mark! 45 is too young to die unexpectedly!

Cancer--this really blows the big one. Josie is in the hospital again. Let's find a cure already, huh?? She's retaining soo much fluid that her waist is at 39 inches around. She's maybe a 27 inch waist or less now. It's not fair. It's also not fair that I'm 5+ hours away from her. I have thought about going to see her, but she says "What good is it to come and spend time with me in the hospital?? Come when we can go do something!" This is why her eternal optimism is amazing and will hopefully beat this thing.

I'm always one to end on a happy note for the most part, soo. . . Congrats to both my friends for having babies last week. They don't read this blog, but I thought I'd give a shout out anyway! Kara (in her 5'0", size 0 frame) popped out Oscar at 9lbs 1oz and 20.5 inches long last Wednesday. Andrew's wife had Carlee Grace last Friday weighing in at "8lbs and I can't remember the length at the moment." This was a direct quote from Andrew on Saturday morning at 8am. I miss that guy!

Happy Thursday peeps! My friend Meghan is coming into town and I can't not tell you how happy I am for this!!!!!!!!!!

*I can guess you know where I stand on this issue but I will state it anyway: I believe the issue of gay marriage isn't about the definition of marriage, it's about people who are in homosexual relationships having the same rights as people in heterosexual relationships. I believe that they should have the same rights. I don't feel it's a Bible issue. I talked to my very staunch Republican friend about it, and he agreed with me on my belief about it. He actually said "That's a good point. I never thought of it that way. I think you have made me change my mind."